30 Days of Gratitude: Day Twenty-Seven

Today I am grateful for church.

I know there are many who don't believe in organized religion.  But for me -- I am grateful to have a place of worship to attend on Sundays.  I enjoy going and fellowshipping with like-minded friends and neighbors.

But more importantly, there are times when I feel a bit "empty" or "drained" from the week, or perhaps I am struggling with a certain trial.  Getting out of the house and entering a place of peace and a place of worship and basking in the glow of others around me seems to buoy me up. It's like their sunshine will flow over into me, embracing me and letting me know I am in a place wherein I am loved.

Often times, a message will be shared-- either from the pulpit, in Sunday School or in passing conversation and it is precisely the message I needed to hear at that very moment.  Today was no exception.

In this 30 days of Gratitude project, part of my quest, per se, was to determine the importance of gratitude to begin with.  Initially, I felt that developing an attitude of gratitude would help me be able to see the bright side of things, to look at the glass as half-empty and not half full.  Which it does.  But, somehow, it does something more -- affects me deeper somehow.  It's a bit enigmatic, and yet I can feel the change from within.

Today a speaker in church made the comment that having real gratitude in our hearts makes everything else "enough".  I thought about that and it really resonated with me.  This is the time of year I start to stress and feel anxious.  I feel this pressure (put on myself, by myself) to try to give my kids a good and memorable Christmas.  Sometimes the anxiety is so bad I want to stay in bed, with the covers up over my head and not come out until after New Year's.  But having gratitude and really striving to see the good in everything, really does make what little I give seem like "enough".

Today, I am grateful for church.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day Twenty

I am grateful for prayer.

From as early as I can remember we had regular prayer in my home.  My parents taught us the importance of giving thanks for our blessings as well as asking for things that we were in need of and in some cases our deepest desires.  I am a believer that the Lord answers our prayers in one form or another, even if it is not the answer we are hoping for.  I also believe that when the answer is "no" it is because He knows us best and knows what is expedient for us. Knowing this basic gospel principle brought me great comfort as a child.

As an adult, I have not gone without trial, and there were times in which the Lord has brought me great peace and comfort through prayer.  Some of my most intimate moments of self-discovery and of learning just how much the Lord does love and care about me were in times of desperate, almost agonizing supplication.  In all times, prayer has brought a spirit of peace, even when I did not know what the outcome would be.  One thing that prayer has always made me feel is that everything will be all right-- and it usually is.

Today, I am grateful for prayer.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day Thirteen

I am grateful for Repentance.

True, I was a pretty straight-laced kid-- no drinking, no smoking, no sex, etc.  I tried to be a good daughter-- no arguing, no talking back, cleaning my room, helping around the house, etc.  I had this strong desire as a kid and as a teenager to "be good". And for the most part, I think I fared out pretty well, though I certainly had my flaws.  As an adult I've still tried and am still trying to be good and to do good, although there are times I still fall short. I think it's say to assume we all have at one time or another; and sometimes the fall isn't so short.  Sometimes when we fall it may be a long, dark path.

Heaven knows I've made mistakes.  Some mistakes I will unfortunately remember the rest of my life.  Although, I believe with acknowledgment, remorse, restitution, behavior change, and repentance, God will take the things we lost from the things we learned and replace them with something better.  I am grateful that no matter how many mistakes I've made, and no matter how serious they may have been, there is repentance.

I believe in the atonement of of my Savior and I believe that repentance is available to all persons.  I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has sent His son for us so that I have the opportunity to repent and to do better and hopefully become the person He already knows me to be.

I am grateful for repentance.

Sunday Sentiments: Daughters of a King

I had this idea for a video project when I served for the Young Women at church about 5 years ago.  We had a talented filmmaker in the neighborhood and after telling him my vision for the project, he came up with this awesome video.  We then showed the video at a dinner for the girls and their parents.

Many of these girls have graduated and married already.  The youngest of the group are now in High School and many of those are about to graduate.  I found my copy of the video recently and decided to upload it to YouTube as a way to share the insight of these beautiful young women, who truly are Daughters of a King.

It's about 15 minutes long, but it's worth the view.  Wishing you a blessed Sunday!

Chalk the Walk Testimonies

I've had this picture in my phone since early June. Often when I go on my walk/run, I go up near the Bountiful LDS Temple. It's hilly, so I like the added workout I get. But it's also "safe" because it's not hiking in the mountains by myself. It's an extra wide paved sidewalk that hugs the wide and well-lit Bountiful Boulevard. That road also overlooks much of South Davis County, including where I live; spectacular views.

Well, one evening as I was on my walk, there was a youth group up there. I could see them from a distance, they were mostly hunched over. I knew right away what they were doing, because many people do it up there. They were chalking the walk. The town has a city Chalk Art Festival down on Main Street every May, and this was just a few weeks afterwards. I thought it was a cool idea to let the kids sort try their hand at it, literally.

Because the sidewalk squares are so large up there, many locals head up there to run, walk their dogs, set up their camp chairs and watch the sunset, have a picnic, or let the kids loose with sidewalk chalk. There is rarely an evening that goes by that someone isn't doing one of those things. As I got closer, the activity was winding to a close and the leaders and kids were piling back into cars and vans heading home. I was sort of glad, as it allowed me to take my time looking at their finished sidewalk "art".

My guess is that they were supposed to each "color" a square with something that was important to them. Many had drawn pictures of their interests and hobbies and others had drawn stick figures of their families. A few had depicted religious scenes such as the nativity, temples, scripture stories, etc. But this is the one which stood out to me the most, and unfortunately my cell phone camera does not do it justice.

These youth were between the ages of 12-18 and I think it's great that they were able to express their beliefs through "art", even if it was in the medium of sidewalk chalk. It definitely makes an impact, doesn't it? It's big and bold and there is no doubt in my mind what this David Johnson believes.

No matter who we are or what we believe, we shouldn't be afraid to be our true selves; we shouldn't be afraid to let others know who that true self is, and what it is we believe.

It was a good reminder to me to be more "big and bold" about what I believe in. It was a good reminder that I can share my Christian beliefs with those around me, both through my words and my actions. I once read something to the effect that said is there enough evidence in your life that you could be convicted of being a Christian? Thank you, David Johnson, for being a good example to me and sharing your testimony of the Savior, Jesus Christ.

Sunday Sentiments: Our Missions

Last Sunday we had a Stake Conference in lieu of "regularly scheduled programming" at Church. We had some great speakers from the area and the choir that sang was phenomenal! Well, one of the guest speakers was a young man who had recently returned from serving a Church Mission in Mexico. I am sorry, his name has escaped me at present time... so we'll call him "John" for now.

For those who are not aware, young men of our faith are asked to serve missions for our church when they turn 19 years old. Young women also have the option of going when they are 21. Many times the missionaries are asked to serve in other countries, and suffice it to say, that almost every young man I know that has served one of these missions has left a boy, but come back a man. It's an experience that cannot compare to anything else in their life, and while many young men do opt to go, there are of course many that do not.

John stated that he had a friend and when they were both almost 19 they contemplated going on missions. The friend asked their Bishop "What would happen if I didn't go? I can still be a good member of the Church even if I do not go... so what would I miss?" And the bishop looked at him and replied, "Your Mission. You'd miss your mission."

John was impacted greatly by what the bishop told his friend, although said he did not quite understand it until he himself went to serve his mission in Mexico. He told of an experience he had while he was there.

During his senior year of high school and the year before leaving on his mission, John had taken EMT training here in Utah and was loving the things he had learned. Well, one day in Mexico, John and his missionary companion were walking the streets and they felt prompted to turn down a certain street. As they began, they were stopped by several of the townsfolk. "Do not go down there!" they cried. "There is a crazy man with a gun who has entered a local shop!" Then all of a sudden there were gunshots. Just then, John saw a police car and was able to flag them down and send them to the shop where the gun shots were heard. The missionaries figured they were supposed to be on that corner just at that specific time as the police car drove past so they could flag them down. They figured THAT's why they felt prompted to be there at that very moment. Feeling somewhat satisfied, they began to leave. However, John kept feeling the urge to turn back. All of a sudden he couldn't help but feel that maybe there was something more. Just then someone yelled to get a doctor and call an ambulance. John & his companion ran back and John offered his skills and knowledge that he had learned as a medic here in the states. John asked the victim, Carlos, if he believed in Jesus Christ. Carlos said yes. John asked Carlos if he believed that Jesus Christ could heal him. Carlos answered in the affirmative. So, not only did this missionary administer the medical skills and knowledge that he had been trained for back in the states, but he and his companion were able to pronounce a blessing of healing upon Carlos as well. Because of the length of time it took for an ambulance to get to this secluded area, John was able to save his life. As the missionaries left, John knew now that THIS was the reason they had felt prompted to be at that spot at that very moment on that very day.

Then he said something in his talk I felt was profound. He said, "I knew at that very moment, that everything in my life leading up to my mission was preparing me for my mission. And now I know that everything in my mission has prepared me for the rest of my life."

I thought about that quite a bit over the past week and while I have not done missionary work in a far away land in a third world country, I feel that I can acknowledge and apply this to my own life. It is obvious to me that while the choices I make are mine and mine alone, that there have been times I too have acted in faith or followed a prompting or inspiration from the Holy Spirit. And when I have, these are the things that have usually prepared me for something else; something bigger. And many times I have not even realized it until much later.

Looking back, I realize the events that have unfolded in my life thus far have brought me to this state, to this town, to this neighborhood, to certain jobs wherein I have made certain friends and have endured certain trials and have become stronger because of them. I feel like everything in my life up to this point has prepared me for my "mission" here on this earth. I haven't quite figured it all out yet, though I can't help but feel that things are about to take a turn, and that this "mission" is now preparing me for the rest of my life.

It's an affirmation to me that when I listen to the promptings I can follow the path that the Lord has in mind for me. And what would I miss if I do not ask in faith and if I do not follow His promptings? Well, I'd miss my "mission".

Sunday Sentiments: Trust in the Lord

I have many favorite scriptures, especially which I feel apply to various aspects of my life. However, the one scripture that has been my all-time favorite since I was a teenager is Proverbs 3: 5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths."

I have recited this scripture to myself many times since first memorizing it as a 16 year-old. And it is a good reminder that the Lord has a plan for me, and that if I pursue in Faith I can realize that plan.

However, in case you didn't know, I have mild Anxiety Disorder. I used to stress and worry over things as a child and sometimes even to a point of hyperventilating. I didn't know until I was an adult that it was called Anxiety. I've learned certain triggers and can practice certain relaxation techniques when I feel an anxiety attack coming on. But in general, I still tend to have an anxious mind. I am constantly thinking what-if's and what-could-be's and suppose-this or suppose-that. Many times this anxiety keeps me up at night. Did you ever read those "Choose-Your-Own-Adventure" books as a kid? There were several possible scenarios and it would say things like, "To see what happens if Jane goes into the house, turn to page 25. Otherwise, keep reading." I loved those books, except I would have to read and reread it several times to see how ALL of the scenarios played out. It could get pretty crazy trying to keep track of them all. Well, let's just say I sort of play the same game in my mind with my real-life "adventures", and yes... it can get a little crazy up there too. ;)

In church last Sunday, we had a youth speaker and he shared a personal experience. There was a task he was asked to volunteer for, and over which he was experiencing some anxiety. He discussed it with his father who gave him some words of advice. "Take it to the Lord and He will make you equal to the task."

I love that. I wrote it down. I have thought about that time and time again through out this past week. How many times am I presented with an opportunity in which I feel inadequate? Or nervous? Or uncertain? It was a great reminder that I need to do as the Scripture says and Trust in the Lord with all my heart. In order to fully trust, of course I need to first "take it to the Lord", in prayer.

I've had some events unfold in my life very recently. On the one hand I am feeling truly happy and excited. But in the back of my mind lie the voices and fear and doubt. I am taking it to the Lord, daily, and I am learning to Trust. I am hopeful and prayerful that He will make me equal to the task.

I don't know the end from the beginning. And I am not sure how all of this will play out. But I am confident that by doing my part (prayer, act in faith, etc.) that all things will work together for my good, and whatever is supposed to happen, will.

Sunday Sentiments: Day of Rest

I know I have mentioned this a time or two, but I am a fan of the Sunday nap. And when I say nap, I should clarify it's more like a napathon. Seriously, my Sunday naps last anywhere from about 3-4 hours. Anything less doesn't seem to make much of an impact and anything more takes me into the evening. 4 hours is definitely preferred over 3 hours, but I will take what I can get.

I grew up in a church-going family in a church-going town in the Midwest. Most everything was closed on Sundays and if a store was open, it had very limited hours. We also all knew the town pharmacist and if needed he could be reached at home on a Sunday afternoon and he would be all-too-happy to go in and fill an emergency prescription. This is what we in Mormon culture would refer to as "the ox in the mire" situation. (Luke 14:1-6)

In essence, I was raised that Sunday is a Holy Day and we are to set that day aside to rest from our labors and participate in activities that are uplifting. To many of us this might mean we visit with family or visit and serve the sick, the elderly or the needy. I remember many Sunday evenings my dad would take a drive out to his parents' house. Being Amish, they had no phone and he liked to check in on them from time to time. Sometimes some of us kids would go with him. Sometimes the visit was a formally planned one and other times just a "drop in" to say hi. Either way, we were always welcomed and it was always nice to spend a Sunday evening at Grandma's and Grandpa's farm.

Sometimes on Sundays we'd invite a family from church over for dinner and we'd get to know them a little better. As far back as I can remember my parents usually did this when we had new members move in. As kids we enjoyed it too, especially if that family had kids near to our ages.

More often than not, we spent our Sunday evenings quietly at home. We'd come home from church and everyone would pitch in to make a big meal and then we'd eat the big meal. After that, we sort of all did our own thing. Some would take naps, others might read, a few "slackers" might have some homework to finish, etc. As the evening time would roll around my dad would often turn on his Celtic radio program and pop popcorn. Usually someone would volunteer to make a batch of brownies or cookies and sometimes there would be ice cream too. Sometimes we'd gather around and watch a movie on tv or something. But something I always remember is falling asleep on the couch and taking a Sunday nap.

When I got to college the campus cafeteria was open for a big lunch and then for Sunday dinner it was an "express" meal. Which basically meant brown-baggin' it. I remember taking a nap in my dorm room between meals.

When I got married and started having children, pregnancy definitely kicked my butt. Some people would get that pregnancy glow. I always had the pregnancy blahs. Sunday naps became more important to me back then.

Then, after moving to Utah I started to work for the airlines. I worked a late night shift until the middle of the night and often got home between 2:30am and 3:30am. I had to have my Sunday naps then just to recover from my shifts. I don't think I have had a good night sleep in years because of that job.

Anyway, I just got in the habit of having my Sunday naps. It is such a habit that my children always expect it. In fact, it's probably the only time I can nap uninterrupted. If I ever try to sneak a nap somewhere in the middle of the week, it is inevitable that one of them needs something, and they will not hesitate to disturb me.

But Sunday is different. I need my Sunday naps, more now than ever before. It helps me recover from my busy week, and gets me off on the right start for the week ahead. I can tell a difference if I do not get my nap and my mind and body ends up paying for it all week long.

Someone recently asked me how I can "afford" to take that long of a nap every Sunday. My answer was that I have to PLAN to take my nap. I plan things around my nap time. I plan the type of meal around the fact that I will have an afternoon ciesta.

I think that is in part the key... In order to enjoy a restful Sunday, one must prepare to have a day of rest.

I think that when the Lord commanded us to rest from our labors for a day and to have a day of rest, it is because He knew I'd need it! And I am all too happy to oblige. :)

In addition to resting, I have recently done a bit if a self-assessment and pondered what I am doing to make my Sundays more meaningful, to set that day apart from the others. I definitely have the "rest" part down, but I am sure there is more that I can do. Definitely something to consider.

That being said, I am off to take my nap... I hope you get a little rest today too!

Happy Sunday!

Sunday Sentiments: Finding Gratitude

'Tis the month in which we begin to turn our thoughts to Thanksgiving for many things. I am sure that I don't have anything profound to share with you readers, as far as Gratitude goes. Or, at least nothing that you haven't already heard before. Nonetheless, if you know me by know you know the best way for me to process my thoughts is to get them down "on paper" or to talk them out, per se. So, here are some of my thoughts today on Gratitude.

I've heard it said before that if our hearts are full of gratitude, that leaves little room for wallowing. I think there is some great truth to that. If you're like me, then perhaps there are times, as you reflect on your current life the missing pieces tend to sting your heart a little more than at perhaps other times. I know when I am busy I don't often have the time to reflect on the things I do not have. But sometimes, in the quiet moments when left with my own thoughts, it's easy to feel a little dejected or sad about the things I feel are missing. Sometimes, it's the yearning for these "missing pieces" that keeps me up at night.

I admit that sometimes I wonder about certain trials I have in my life. I realize that while there are some trials or challenges we bring upon ourselves, it is often the bigger challenges -- the ones we don't have control over -- that give me reason to ponder. Do you think that we were predestined to have certain trials as early as the preexistence? I mean, God, being all-knowing... do you think He created us knowing then what we'd be facing now? Do you think perhaps we knew it too, before we came to earth? Sometimes I envision a meeting in Heaven and God asking, "Who is willing to have cancer?" "Who would be willing to forgo children on earth?" "Who will be the one to suffer through a tragic loss or horrible divorce?" "Which of you will agree to no arms or Downs Syndrome?" I wonder how much of our lives here we understood before even being conceived. And if this were the case, that would then imply that we willingly accepted our trials knowing that in the end the blessings we would receive or the lessons we would learn would benefit us in some way.

I realize it sounds strange to think, "what lesson can I learn from suffering through this disease? or the death of a loved one? or not being able to bear children?" But I also believe in the teaching that after the tribulations come the reward. Furthermore, I believe that any trial we suffer here will be made up for once we return to Him after this life. In other words, our endurance to the end will be merit the most glorious reward; one that we cannot even imagine. The trick is to stay the course, to keep fighting the fight, and to find joy in the journey.

I do have a few friends that have told me that they feel fortunate because they really haven't had any monumental trials. To those who fall into that category, I warn, "Don't worry. Your day will come." :)

As I sat in church today my heart was full. For some reason, today it seemed I could glimpse the heart of others more so than perhaps other days. I could see joy in the faces of parents with newborn babies, or soon-to-be-married children. I could see joy in the newcomers for feeling at home here. But I could also see the pain and heartache in others. I could see the hurt that some have perhaps gone through. What can I say? I am a sap. All it takes is to see someone hurting for whatever reason -- ANY reason -- and I feel for them. My heart becomes heavy and my tears start to flow. And one in particular. I saw her pain, and even though I am not in her circumstance, I knew that she was feeling loss and loneliness. I knew that she had feelings of frustration and of self-doubt, and even possibly questioned her self-worth. I could recognize it because I have been there, and at many times still am. I knew that there is that ONE thing that she so desperately wants in her life, but yet she has not yet been granted.

I then thought about my ONE thing. The one thing that is MY missing piece, that often stings my heart. I thought about the ache I have felt and still feel over not having that one thing. I could empathize with her. I don't know that we have ever even had a conversation. But, I knew her heart in that moment.

I then thought about my Savior. If I was given an opportunity to glimpse this girl's heart and to feel her pain and to know her aches, how much more the Savior has felt and how much more He knows. Truly, He has is the one who has already felt everything we are feeling.

That thought brought me back to gratitude. I am grateful that I have a Savior who knows me and loves me. I am grateful that through my trials I have been able to see and receive the love of others. I am grateful that my trials have softened my heart and that through them I have been blessed with the ability to empathize with others.

I have a sister who taught me about gratitude a few years ago. She reminded me that being grateful for the little things is just as important as being grateful for the big things. Because of the example she set for me, I feel I have learned more gratitude. For example, now when I experience those "near-misses" like while driving, I don't just breathe a sigh of relief. I utter a quick word of gratitude to God. It is being grateful for the little things that have helped me have a heart full of grace and to be better able to handle the big things.

I admit, many a times I wonder, "Why AFTER?" Why is it AFTER the tribulation THEN come the blessings? Why can't I just have the blessings first? Of course I know the answer would be because then they would not be recognized as blessings, and I would not have learned whatever it is I needed to learn, nor would I have been strengthened in the way that only enduring a trial can strengthen me. And of course, having trials allows others to realize their potential to offer service, for which I am extremely grateful.

We have natural eyes, which lack the ability to see the end from the beginning. Although I struggle with patience at times, I am truly grateful for many, many things; my trials included. I am also grateful that God allows me to continue to learn and grow in my trials. Do you ever look back at some of your past trials and think, "wow! I got through that!" I think that is part of the blessing or reward. The empowering feeling that we receive by learning that we can do hard things.

I guess today I would challenge you to look at your own trials, past or present, and ask yourself if there has been anything gained by them for which you can be grateful.

Of course, in all of my gratitude, I should mention I am grateful to you! Many of you have offered encouraging words of love and support over the past three years. I am so grateful for that. I am also grateful you made it to the end of this [somewhat] long post! Haha! Now go... go and be grateful!

Sunday Sentiments: Personal Revelation

Sometimes, I am just not very good at being patient. I don't mean being impatient with other people, but impatient with things in my life. For example, I wish I was already done with school, remarried, in a nice house, with a nice job... yadda, yadda, yadda. Probably the biggest thing I stress about is $$$. I wish I was in a better financial position to NOT stress over my living expenses. But, as of recent I am not receiving child support and my hours at work have been cut back, the "ends" are so far apart right now they are basically impossible to meet, how can I not be a bit concerned? I can't even rob Peter to pay Paul because Peter's got nothing! =D

Anyway, there was a potential resolution to the whole job thing. But in order to make it work I would have to shuffle around my school schedule, find someone else to take my kids to school in the mornings and pick them up afterwards too. I would have to drive a lot farther every day five days a week and I would have to make sure that dentist appointments and the like were all scheduled as far in advance as possible as this new opportunity just wouldn't be as flexible. So the question was better pay and more hassle? Or stick where I am now, but struggle financially. I cannot tell you how sick this decision made me. I mean, doing "what was best" for me & my kids just didn't seem so clear cut, y'know? Isn't providing for them in their best interest? Does it really matter if someone else takes them to and from school every day? hmmm...

Well, on my way back from class about a week ago, I was sort of having a major-minor meltdown. It happens, right? As I drove past the church I saw the cars of some of our clergymen there. I decided to go in and talk to them. Y'know, it's really hard some days not to have that special someone to come home and pour my heart out to and unwind a little. So, I stopped in to see if I could talk to someone. There was someone available, so I did just that; I poured my heart out and explained my concerns and worries.

I have to say that I do believe in personal revelation. I believe that we are each entitled to receive our own answers or inspiration to prayers. I also believe with faith that God can make a way where there is no way sometimes. But like I said... sometimes I get a little impatient.

Anyway, after I poured my heart out, I was offered a blessing in my behalf from the members of my bishopric. I gladly accepted the offer as I could sure use all of the blessings I could get. So, one of the counselors of our bishopric gave me a blessing and it was so enlightening and powerful that it has stuck with me since. I keep thinking about it, and while very personal, there are some things I do want to share.

I was reminded in this prayer that the Lord knows my heart and my situation and my needs. I was reminded that I need to exercise my trust in Him and to be PATIENT. I was blessed that my work situation would "turn to my favor" and that I just needed to wait and be PATIENT. I was reminded that there is One who already suffered for me and has already felt everything that I am going through. I was reminded to seek the Lord often in prayer and to ask for guidance. But while waiting for that guidance to be PATIENT and ACT in faith, living my life in a way so I can be ready to receive His grace and the answers that will come in time.

There was quite a bit more, though this is what I am willing and/or feel inspired to share with you. In my "sharing" with the bishopric about my circumstance, the one who blessed me was not aware that I was contemplating another job. So, to me it was poignant that he blessed me that my work situation would "turn to my favor". I knew then my answer was not to pursue this other avenue. And of course, above all, I was reminded that if I was patient and faithful everything would turn out okay.

And logically, I already knew that. I already know that eventually, things will work out. Because I am the type of person that works to make things work out. I don't sit back and wait for life to happen. I am an active part of my own success. I believe in the proverb that God helps those who help themselves.

But this experience was good for me, as it reminded me that I can and **should** ask for blessings when I so badly need them. It is part of being humble to do so. I was able to go up to the temple the next night and meditate and ponder much, and left with a feeling of peace; solidifying the answers I received the night before.

God did not put me or you on this earth to fail. He wants us to succeed. He wants us to WANT to succeed. He wants us to live a life of happiness. He wants us to know that we are loved. We know this because as Christians, we believe that He already sent someone to suffer for us.

I don't know what answers will come next. I don't know what doors will be opened, since these "windows" have slammed shut. But I do rest assured that my trials are not in vain and that I can take much from them, even if it is simply learning that I am a strong person and that I can do hard things.

I think the following nuggets from James 1 are apropos here...

3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

Personal Revelation. If you don't have some, get some. All you have to do is ask :)

Sunday Sentiments: Brotherly Love

I hate it when my kids argue. It's like -- why can't you all just get along? This video is a reminder that even though they may not realize it now, the gospel of Jesus Christ can and will help strengthen their relationships with each other. Surely gives a mother hope, as well as an affirmation that she is doing right by them...Even on days like today, when it seems I am dragging to get them off to church :)

Who knows... maybe one day my kids will say they are each other's best friends. Now THAT would be something..

Sunday Sentiments: Family Dinner

It seems ever since I have gone back to school we just don't eat dinner as a family anymore. Kids are whisked off to their dad's a lot so I can have some quiet time, or they have other activities that we are in a hurry for. Additionally, I hate my dining room. In the winter it is too cold and in the summer it is too hot. So, when we do eat dinner together, it is often around the kitchen snack bar. Anyway, it's something I definitely need to do better on and want to do again.

Mostly, I just think it is a great bonding time for the family; good tradition, etc. But check out one or all of these videos and learn what studies show about dinner with the family.

Sunday Sentiments: The Condition of Your Heart

According to Discovery Health, the average size a woman's heart is about 9 oz and a man's is 10.5 oz. Considering the weight, that isn't very big... not really. And yet from such a small organ we can experience such a great magnitude of emotion. It's a phenomenon, really.

However, what fascinates me about the heart is more than its physical condition. Something I've discussed before {{HERE}}, {{HERE}}, and finally {{HERE}} is that the heart can produce a physiological response as well.

When we act in Love, we can physically feel our heart swell and move to the front of our chest cavity. When we are surrounded by hurt or pain or deep, dark sadness or sorrow, we can feel our heart retract, become small and move to the back of our chest wall. Many may say it's a psychosomatic response. Which is to say it's the reaction of the mind that creates a physical condition change of the heart. Possibly. But I still say it's phenomenal.

If you have been following my blog for any extended amount of time, you will know that I have been through some experiences that, as John Mayer sings, "have offended my faith [in love] and my trust, Until all is lost..." A BIG part of my journey has been to realize the beauty of love in its completeness and in its fullness.

Often times we may hear or have even said the phrases, "You have a good heart" or "You have a big heart" and even, "You have a kind heart". This is something I truly strive for.

Although loving completely takes effort, I believe it is worth it.

On this journey to love, and to love completely and to be loved completely, it is imperative that we become aware of the condition of our heart.

Because of the conscientious effort to change the condition of my heart, I am actually learning that I am able to forgive more easily, heal from heartache more quickly, and give of my love more freely. It's empowering, actually.

Y'know the sentiment "Misery loves company"? Well, I believe, the same is true with love. Love loves company. Love attracts more love.

A friend commented just a few nights ago, "Boy, people sure do seem to love you." That sort of struck me funny. Especially, because there have been moments in my life, including earlier this year, I started to wonder if my personality made me unlovable.

Needless to say, his comment has been on my mind the last two nights since he said it. Today I thought, perhaps maybe they do love me. Maybe I am more lovable than I thought. Then again, perhaps it has more to do with the fact that I give love more freely now than I used to too.

You gotta give love to get love.

In improving the condition of my heart, I have learned this about love in general:

"I'm grateful that God allows trials and tragedies to occur in our lives. Not because they're easy or because they're desired, but because they help us love." - Chris Williams

If any of you from here remember the story of Chris Williams, who lives down at the south end of the Valley, you'll remember the tragedy he suffered a couple of years ago. It was all over the news for what seemed like months. I am continually amazed how, in spite of all sorts of tragedies occurring in our nation every day, there are still people like Chris.

If you have about 8 1/2 minutes, I highly recommend you watch this video about Chris's situation and how he was able to find love in the face of tragedy and how it has helped the condition of his heart to heal from that same tragedy.

Happy Sunday!

Sunday Sentiments: "On My Way to Seminary"

My son wrote, directed, acted in, edited and produced this short film for his Seminary class. Aside of the message he wants to give to other kids his age, the cool thing is he is the only one playing both parts... and used split screen techniques. How cool is he?
(double click for larger view in separate screen.)




He created "Get Popcorn Productions" back when he was still in elementary school. Yes... I am a proud mama.

Sunday Sentiments: A Child's Prayer

There is nothing more precious than when a child learns to pray. Everytime the children at church sing this song, I get choked up...



Heavenly Father, are you really there?
And do you hear and answer every child's prayer?
Some say that Heaven is far away,
but I feel it close around me as I pray.

Heavenly Father, I remember now
something Jesus told disciples long ago,
"Suffer the children to come to me."
Father in prayer I'm coming now to Thee.

Pray, He is there.
Speak, He is listening.
You are His child;
His love now surrounds you.

He hears your prayer.
He loves the children.
Of such is the Kingdom,
The Kingdom of Heaven.

by Janice Kapp Perry

If anyone is interested,you can download the free sheet music {HERE}.

Sunday Sentiments: Satan

In honor of Superbowl today, I wanna first give a little shout-out to my boyz, Peyton & Collie! Go Colts!
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There are really two teams; The Lord's Side and Satan's. I believe that even those who don't believe in God are playing for one of two teams, they just don't realize it :) In general, all that is good is of God.

Some of us are ready for the challenge, while others of us are still seated in the stands, spectating. Nonetheless, we are rooting for someone; either God or Satan.

When I think about the choices in my life or the temptations I may face, it helps for me to think of it in this perspective. Some choices are choices between two goods. Neither one will cost the team, and both may have a positive outcome. Other choices are choices whether or not to give in to temptation. The temptation may be blatant, and yet the temptation may simply be a temptation not to do something I should be doing. Either way, if we give in to the worldly man, we have just enabled Satan's team a little more.

When I look at our youth today, it is evident that Satan has his grasp on so many of them. Not all, but many. Just because we are adults, does not mean we can escape from the plays that Satan is running against us. This is where the Lord needs every one of us on His side. He needs us to run interference against Satan. And, unlike Football, the Lord would rather have zero spectators if that meant every one of us were on the field, fighting in the battle for good vs. evil.

One example of this I can think of recently, is our early morning Scripture study. Do I think it is important for our family to read the scriptures together? Yes. Do I think it is beneficial for us to start off each day with them? Yes. In fact, I think it is imperative. However, last summer, kids stayed up late and slept in. When school started back up for them, it also started for me. My first semester back was a big adjustment. I had stressful days and stressful nights. It was all I could do to get up and get ready for my full time job on time, let alone scripture study. Therefore, our family scriptures fell to the way side. A few times I thought about trying to do it at night. But many times, I was still in the thick of a homework assignment, or the oldest would be at play practice till late. So, it never worked out. But then, I sort of had this epiphany... more like a daydream, if you will.

I was thinking one day, what if down the road, one, or two, or heaven forbid, all of my kids fall away from the gospel? What if I had to answer to the Lord. And what if the questioning went something like this:

God: Aren't your children important to you?
Me: Of course!
God: Didn't you want them to succeed?
Me: Absolutely!
God: Did you love them enough to want them to live the gospel?
Me: Without a shadow of a doubt!
God: Are you willing to do whatever it takes, to help save them?
Me: Yes!
God: Then why didn't you act like it when you had the chance -- when they were in your stewardship?
Me: ~dumbfounded pause~

I had that big "what if" moment and truly had to ask myself, am I doing all that *I* can to help my children run interference against Satan? Am I helping them put on the whole armor of God before they leave my house each morning? I couldn't answer that with the resounding "yes" that I so desperately wanted to. I knew that no matter what this semester, as much as I did not want to fail my classes, I did not want to fail my children.

We have been getting up each morning to read our scriptures. We each take turn reading 3 verses (so LittleDuckling doesn't fall asleep) and it actually takes a lot less time than I always think it's going to.

True, many nights I am still writing essays or reading for my own homework until well past midnight. Getting to bed between 1:30 and 3 seems to be normal for me. And true, when the alarm clock sounds a extra 30 minutes early, I want to shut it off and stay in the warmth of my covers in the comfort of my bed. However, there is one sentence I tell myself every morning that makes my decision that much easier.

Satan wants you to stay in bed.

When that alarm goes off, I say to myself, "I don't wanna get up right now." And usually, my next thought is, "and neither does Satan." It is at that moment, I know that I have to get up and get my children up. They are groggy. They are cold. They are sleepy. But we read and they do not complain.

And I know that as a mom, I still have so much more to improve on. I still have so much more to learn. But I want to be able to look my maker in the eye one day and say, "Lord, I tried." I want Him to know that I just didn't sit back and spectate, but that I took the risk of fumbling a few times. And though I didn't win every game, in the grand scheme of things, and in the big SuperBowl of Saints, I fought for the right side; the Lord's side.

Sunday Sentiments: Perfection

Perfection. Today this passage was brought up during church:

Matthew 5:48 "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."

Such a passage can certainly make someone feel overwhelmed. Besides, don't we always hear, "nobody's perfect"? What is perfection anyway?

According to Dictionary.com...

per⋅fec⋅tion –noun
1. the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.
2.the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as in some art.
3.a perfect embodiment or example of something.
4.a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence.
5.the highest or most nearly perfect degree of a quality or trait.
6.the act or fact of perfecting.

I also like this particular passage of scripture with regards to perfection:

1 Kings 8:61 "Let your heart therefore be perfect with the Lord our God, to walk in his statutes, and to keep his commandments, as at this day."

So, it got me thinking. If "No one is perfect", but yet God has commanded us to "be ye therefore perfect" there must be something we can do, right?

First off -- I want to address the scripture I referenced above in 1 Kings. It talks about perfecting our hearts with God. God wants what is best for us. And when we do His will, our hearts are perfected in His. To me, it means wanting the same thing for myself that He does, or becoming the person He already knows me to be; or striving to become that person. That is what having a perfect heart with the Lord means to me.

Secondly -- this whole "Be ye therefore perfect" business. That is a lot to consider. Especially the "even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." The sentiment today was that even though we might never achieve that level of "perfection" in this life, we shouldn't give up. It is something we must continually strive for.

But also, we are not commanded to "be ye therefore perfect all at once". I mean, I didn't read that... did you? Nope. Didn't think so. Isn't that why we're here anyway? To learn and to grow?

I think back to the definition of "perfection". "the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence"..."a perfect embodiment or example of something"... "a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence"...etc.

The thought came to me that there are so many commandments, and some I am already perfect in. Romans 13:9 "...Thou Shalt Not Kill..." I have not killed. Currently speaking, I have perfected this commandment. Luke 21:36 "...Pray Always..." As much praying as I do, I admit - there are times I have rushed out the door forgetting to say my prayers, or fallen asleep before my knees hit the floor. This is something that I am still working to perfect. And there are so many more commandments that I could list.

I guess the point is, just like some people are perfect in a certain skill or talent, like sewing or playing the violin, so are our areas of perfection varied. We can (and possibly should) focus on one area we are really struggling with and strive to become perfect in that and then move on to the next. Don't eat the elephant all in one bite, right? After all, Ecclesiastes 3:1 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven"

So, now, I must learn what "season" I am in, and that now is the "time" to learn what and to strive for perfection in what? I can study it out in my heart and I can pray to know the answer if it is unclear. For some of us, it could be our season to teach, to be missionaries. For others of us, it could be our season to learn and to grow. For some of us, it is our season to give, and for others our season to receive. It may be the season for some of us to be reading our scriptures daily, while for others, simply opening them up for the first time is a start. Praying always -- keeping a prayer in our hearts throughout the day, every day might be our season; and for someone else, it may be the season in which they are just learning to pray.

As I strive to implement His teachings into my life daily, I know that I will grow and that I can become more Christlike. Turning my heart towards my Father in Heaven will more easily pave the way to perfect my heart in his. This is the only way I will ever be able to even scratch the proverbial surface of perfection.

Sunday Sentiments: Prayer & Charity

First of all, I had an early morning meeting before church this morning, to discuss the welfare of those that live within our church boundaries. However, my daughter had a rough night. Her eczema was flaring and she couldn't sleep. Then she was sleep-walking and sleep-talking, and soon sleep-crying, and ended up in my bed. The rough night turned into a rough morning, and I was now going to be late for my 7 am meeting. I made it to the last ten minutes. :( Nonetheless, what little I did hear, I thought was awesome.

During President Cleverly's closing remarks of the meeting he said, "When we are invested in taking care of the poor and needy, we will better come to recognize the Savior." He also said something to the effect of when we are aware of those around us who need our help, and when we strive to reach out and to serve and help those with needs, we WILL change; our hearts will change. If the pure love of Christ is charity, then it makes sense that we can be most like Christ when we are doing as He did and serving others. Serving others is one sure way we can get to know our Savior, because we will be better positioned to see things through his eyes and to love as He loves.

Moving on to our Sunday School lesson today about Family and Personal Prayers. Because it was our Ward Conference today, our Stake President (presiding clergy over area Wards/congregations), President Cleverly came to visit and he also led our Sunday School discussion. He said that he would hope for three things in all of us with regards to prayer.

1. That we will be committed to personal & family prayer
2. That we will have faith in our personal ability to have meaningful prayer
3. That we will have faith in Father in Heaven's desire & willingness to answers all of our prayers

He challenged us using the words from another talk, saying "All of us can improve the sincerity and efficacy of prayer." He went on to say that our prayers should be meaningful. They should be a time in which we counsel with the Lord. We should express our gratitude, pray for others and also plead for understanding and direction in our own lives.

Then a few quick points that some others shared during the discussion that I liked so much I jotted down:

One lady said, (and this is paraphrasing) "I talk to my mom on a regular basis, and I don't tell her the same checklist of items each time. I always have something new to tell her or to discuss or to ask her opinion. If I remember that the Lord is my Heavenly Father, or Heavenly Parent, then it helps me to be mindful to make my prayers more meaningful and not just run through the checklist of usual items."

A man brought up that it is hard to be able to have focus during prayers if we have contention in the home. He suggested to find peace or make peace or pray for peace, and that once we obtain that peace in our homes and in our hearts we will be able to better focus on the things that we are grateful for, the things we need guidance with and those whom we are praying for and in behalf of.

Other things mentioned were that we can contemplate our circumstances before actually praying, so that we know ahead of time the condition of our hearts. Knowing the condition of our hearts before prayer will often times serve as a guide for the things which we need to pray for.

Pray always. If it is right and good and in accordance with God's will, and if we pray with sincerity and with real intent, we will be blessed.

Man's greatest power lies in the power of prayer.

Meaningful prayer requires holy communication and consecrated work.

During prayer, we are most concerned about our circumstance, whereas the Lord is most concerned with our soul.

Ask in faith, then act.

There are some days in which it seems like all I ever do is pray. I've fallen asleep during really long prayers before... of course feeling a little guilty afterwards. Sometimes I am pretty sure the Lord thinks I am a basket case, cuz all I seem to do is pour my heart out. But I take comfort in the fact that as the Savior bled from every pore, He felt everything that we feel and I know that He knows my pain.

I like the reminder that we can't just pray for something, but that we should act on it too! Prayer is to ask for things beyond our control. When we act we are showing that we are doing everything in our control, which helps our hearts become ready to receive His grace.

Like my mama always said, "Pray as if everything depends on the Lord, but work it as if everything depends on you."

What about you? Have you had any life changing or "heart"-changing events because of prayer or charity?

Sunday Sentiments: God's Love & Forgiveness

I know it is a little late for a new post. But, this thought was such a good one, I wanted to share before I forget. Aside from the fellowship, support and overall good feelings of the spirit I obtain by renewing my covenants at church, I like going to church because I always learn something "new". Granted, the principle may not be new, but it's like reading a book or watching a movie for the second time. I get to certain parts and I am like, "I don't remember that from the first time I read/saw that." Or, maybe it is more enlightening. Or even better, perhaps I will understand it with greater depth. Like when I read a passage of scripture that I may have read a hundred times before, maybe this time it has new meaning for me.

Anyway, today in church in our women's Relief Society class, the lesson was back to basics; about how there is a God and that we are part of a heavenly family and God is our Father in Heaven. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, etc. The teacher asked the class to make a list of all of His qualities and attributes. There were lots of attributes mentioned. He is a Loving God, kind, merciful, patient, everywhere all the time, answers our prayers, etc. Here is the one that made my ears perk up just a little -- He is a forgiving God, and He is QUICK to forgive, and will forgive over and over, so long as we have a repentant heart and ASK.

Then, someone brought up THIS. Not only is He quick to forgive us of our trespasses, but He remembers them no more. As a Christian, I strive to live a Christ-centered life. Christ's whole mission testified of God. If God is quick to forgive AND forget, then we should strive to "forget" as well.

One lady said, and this is paraphrasing, "In order to truly forgive, we just need to FORGET about it; let it go. We need to FORGET the wrong choices our children have made. We need to FORGET about the things our parents did that perhaps we didn't agree with. We need to FORGET about the little quarrels or contention we've had with our friends and neighbors and brothers and sisters. If God can FORGET about our sins, we owe each other that same luxury."

As a parent, this doesn't mean I should turn a blind eye to the wrong things my children do. But it does mean that after I do my best to teach and correct them, I need to, as the quote says, "let bygones be bygones."

In my own group of siblings, we all have varying opinions on child-rearing or homemaking skills, etc., but simply put, we don't fight. I can't tell you how many people I know -- adults, mind you -- that tell me they aren't speaking to one of their siblings, or worse one of their parents. It's sad, really.

This is a very foreign concept to me. I don't think any of my siblings or my parents are perfect, and I am positive they will tell you the same about me. I am sure I do things that make them cringe, just like I can truthfully say I have cringed over some things they have done. But this whole concept of forgiving and forgetting, I love.

I hate carrying the burden of being upset with someone. It feels awful. Recently, when someone said some very unkind things to me, I carried that burden. I allowed myself to be hurt. Finally, I had to bury it and move on. So, I did. I packed it up, buried it away and forgave. Now - I hope to just forget about it. It doesn't really matter anyway.

I am sure that as my kids grow older and make choices for themselves, I will not always be proud of all of their choices, just as my parents have probably been disappointed by some of ours. However, I hope I can reflect upon and remember that as children of our Heavenly Father - and we all are - we owe it to each other to give each other the luxury of "Forgiving & Forgetting".

Just one more thing that hit me while I was sitting in the class today, and then I'll get off my soap box...

I think most of us are familiar with the saying that "God is Love". And He is. I remember when I had my first baby. I remember how much I loved him. I loved that baby with every fiber of my being. I would do and give anything for his safety and well-being. He brought so much joy into my life. He was an only child for almost four years before I had my second one. I remember during my second pregnancy, being a little worried and concerned. I wondered, how could I possibly divide my love? Would I have enough love to give to both children? But then the second one came and I didn't have to divide my love at all. I remember rocking my new little newborn in the hospital, and thinking, "Loving this baby doesn't mean I love my other child any less. I don't have to divide my love; there is simply just more to give." It is a phenomenon really. I mean, to give all you have to the first, and then to still have more when the second one is born? It truly amazed me.

And I thought to myself at that time, "I feel like I have just glimpsed into the heart of God. He doesn't divide His love; there is just more to give. He loves ALL of His children."

There is no end to love, after all, is there...