Off-Track Homework Keeps {Some} Kids On Track

My youngest is in year-round school and is currently off-track. (They go roughly 8-9 weeks on and then 3 weeks off).  Even though I am not a huge fan of year-round school, it works out okay for us, mostly because last year my college-age son was home nearly every morning and this year I have a high schooler doing online school. It's nice that he isn't home alone and that he is old enough to make his own pb&j and can play by himself. However, he still lacks the self-directed motivation to be productive each day, especially while the others at home have to work on their own school work. 

The hardest part (and a huge reason I don't care for year-round) is with his ADHD anytime he goes off his routine (when they go off-track) it is a HUGE deal to try to get him settled when he goes back on. It's a rough 2-week adjustment period after every 3 week break. He finally gets settled only to go back off track nearly 6 weeks later. Yo-yo effect. 

Last year just before he went off-track for Christmas break the teacher sent home a pretty thick math booklet that the kids could work through during the break if they wanted. There was also a reading response booklet for books they would read before returning to school. 

We had our son read and work through a few pages everyday before he was allowed to have his electronic play time. I know this probably sounds strict or mean or harsh to some parents out there. After all, it is a BREAK, let him enjoy it, right? But, he actually thrives on stuff like this. He enjoys the challenge (as long as there is still play time) and he takes pride in completing each page. Never once did I have to remind him to get it done. Whenever I'd get home, he was eager to show me what he completed. You might wonder how that happened? Well...

I made him a daily checklist with things like "eat breakfast", "brush teeth", "comb hair", "2 pages math", "read 30 minutes", "1 page reading response", "eat lunch", "30 minutes electronics", "30 minutes exercise",... as well as lots of other optional activities such as writing in his journal, working on certain scout badges, working on a puzzle, "free time" with just good old fashioned non-electronic toys. I even included a rotation of simple chores, usually 1 a day in addition to make your bed. (He's 8 years old now and has been in charge of his own laundry for nearly 2 years now.) 

He liked the checklist because he got to be in charge of how fast or slow he worked on each item. He would check the box when each task was completed. Seeing that he was accomplishing things gave him the motivation and pride to do more. He started setting personal goals to get through the list faster. One day, when I got home, he asked if we could ad a second snack time to his checklist. When I asked why he said because he gets really hungry before I get home. After a few more questions, I learned he ate lunch at 9:30 in the morning, "because that was next on the list!" Ha! He did all of his morning work lickety-split, the checklist said "Eat lunch", so he did! 

With the checklists, he did the work on his own, without whining. Honestly, I was quite skeptical at first but after the first few days, I was extremely impressed that he was not only succeeding, but sticking with it and loving it. We discovered that he does really well with checklists! This was a small victory for us. 

Yesterday was day 2 of off-track. He doesn't go back until after the Thanksgiving break. There wasn't a packet sent home from his teacher this year and we've already had two days of  meltdowns. So, I am in the process of putting together my own booklet for him to work on for the next 3 weeks. I want him to definitely enjoy his break, but if the checklists work for him, then why not?

I am grateful for pinterest for making my search easy and I am so happy to find lots of FREE printables. I can pick and choose and customize his packet for him. Later tonight we will introduce his packet and new daily checklist. I am keeping my fingers crossed for no more meltdowns and no more "I'm bored" days during the rest of this break. 

No, this post isn't to guilt parents into giving their kids extra homework or anything. I am an advocate that each child is different and that the only way "no child is left behind" is when we do our best in determining what works for them, and then make it happen! I don't like labels, per se. However, I do like understanding how my children operate, what their struggles are and how best to help them. To me, this is what the "label" ADHD does; it gives me answers and steers me in the right direction of how to help.

It never ceases to amaze me how we are all so different and how each of our children are wired in their own way as well. I love that about each of us! 

Parents, if you are struggling to help one of your children with behavior, academics, or social skills, don't give up! Utilize what resources you have, and push for what you don't. Do your best and then celebrate each little victory that comes your way!

Motherhood: Breaking the Cycle

My psych professor lectured, "You will parent like you were parented, unless you make an everyday, conscientious effort not to."

I think most people can truthfully say they love their parents and in many ways would like to be like them.  I know I certainly feel like that about my parents.  I also believe that there are things about our parents of which we have each said, "I'll never do that!"   Then, as we get older, we find we sometimes become our parents or we strive to do better/be better than our parents.  Consciously making those choices can often times improve family relations.

My mother comes from a long line of  verbally (and many times physically) abusive women.  I can see this philosophy of "parenting like our parents parented us" firsthand.  My maternal great-grandmother was abusive to my grandmother and my grandmother to my mother.  My mother wanted to break that cycle, but breaking something like that isn't easy.  (Think "Divine Secrets of a Ya-Ya Sisterhood")

It was a hard adjustment for my mother at first.  Especially considering back "then" parents didn't have resources at their fingertips like they do today.  It took several years in fact, before my mother was able to consistently not parent as her mother did.

I think on the whole, my mom did pretty dang good.  I'm not going to lie and pretend that everyday was full of rainbow kisses and sibling sing-a-longs of Kumbaya.  After all, there were seven of us, all born within a seven and a half year time span.  There were times we were naughty and there were times she lost it.  But I think for the most part, we all understood she was doing her best, and that no matter what, she still loved us.

When I first became a parent, I think I did a pretty good job.  I felt pretty good about my parenting skills, actually.  (Perhaps I was just young and naive?)  I rarely lost my temper and made a point of expressing to my children each day that I loved them.  Hugs and kisses were plentiful.   We played together, read together, and had lots of fun.  Not to say it was all rainbow kisses back then either.  My children were sometimes naughty, and I too, like my mother, had my moments.

Then, I went through a period of darkness.  A depressing time in my life, where I was barely hanging on - mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  In order to keep from hurting, I shut everything and everyone out and decided not feeling anything at all was better than crying all of the time.  Soon, I began spending more time in bed and less time being a mother.  When it was time to get up and go to work, I simply went through the motions.  Numb.  That's what I became.

There were little moments when bits of the real me would surface, and it was during those times I'd put on a happy face.  Times like my children's birthday parties, at holiday or other family gatherings, or when I facilitated work training.  "Fake it till I make it" became my credo.

I am a survivor of sorts.  I survived a divorce and in the five-year period between that marriage and this one, I began to re-invent myself. I no longer felt suppressed or inhibited.  I was free to choose my path and to write my story.  Unrestricted breathing.  In many ways I felt like the old me again, only better.

I totally love all of the new adventures and I love having a partner who is my best friend.  Along with our marriage last Spring, I became a step-mom to a little boy.

He is a very smart child and I am the only mother this little boy has now.  I don't think I anticipated as much struggle as there  has been with him, considering I'm an "experienced" parent.  There have been many occasions (especially in the beginning) wherein he tried me - to see how far he could push things, to see where I'd draw the line, and perhaps maybe to see if I was gonna stick around.

In the beginning there was a lot of  baby-talk and back-talk and whining and terrible-two-like tantrums.  I didn't know what to do or how to handle it.  There were times I wanted the counselor's number on speed-dial!   (I seriously wished I could have my own personal Super Nanny to tell me what to do in those situations.) Not to say we didn't have good days, because we did!  We had many good days.  It just seemed like for every "good" day there were at least two challenging days.

It was during these challenging moments I found myself all too often turning into the type of mom I didn't want to be.  And it's not because I don't love this little boy; I do - with all my heart.  But, I began to be easily frustrated when I didn't see immediate results.  This was especially true on days which I thought were going well, only to later catch him in a lie or find out there was trouble at school that day.  It seemed like no matter what I tried, things weren't getting better.  It was discouraging. I think there came a point in which I just started feeling like, "Well, I guess this is just who he is."  In my heart, however, I knew that wasn't true.  I couldn't merely accept that this was going to be our mother-son dynamics the rest of our lives.  Perhaps had he not experienced the things he did in his young life, he wouldn't have the struggles he does.  But, there's nothing I can do to change his past.  No, I had to delve a little deeper and ask myself what about me?  "What's MY problem?" instead of "What's his?"

I think that part of my issue is I haven't been a mom to child that young in years.  I forget the energy and patience (and trial and error) that's required sometimes.  With children you raise from birth, you start laying the foundation from day one.  Coming into the picture later is much more difficult, so I had that against me too.

In my psych class last semester we studied human cognitive development through the life-span.  Things about my new son's behavior began to make sense. I suddenly understood why he was "stuck".  Then someone in the class asked if most people parent the same or opposite of their own parents.  That's when she said it - the phrase that changed me.  "You will parent like you were parented, unless you make an everyday, conscientious effort not to." 

That phrase triggered more clear the memory of the type of loving mother I once was.  Granted, when my kids were little they didn't challenge me as much, but I was also making more of that conscientious effort back then.  I realized many of my hard days with my new son were not only a result of his trauma, but a result of my trauma too; a part of me never fully-recovered from that state of numbness I was in.  I had forgotten, to some degree, how to be the loving and gentle mom I was when my kids were very small.  I felt awful at that realization.  I didn't want to be the mean, cold-hearted mom.   I wanted to keep moving forward from the cycle my mother helped to break.  Pro-active, not reactive.

Overall, I feel that I have been good at setting boundaries and clear expectations, and in helping my son realize his own abilities.  A year ago he'd throw a fit if I even suggested he pick up his toys or help put away his own clean laundry, let alone clear his plate from the table.  I'm sure he thought he was like Cinderella and I was like the ugly, wicked step-mother.

Today, he walks himself to school (a block away), has a daily chore of feeding the cats, puts his own clothes in the wash, then moves them to the dryer, and even folds them and puts them away! (He's 7.)  Instead of jumping on the furniture, throwing toys all over every room of the house, and playing video games for hours on end, he understands toys stay in the playroom, furniture is for sitting and he even sets his own 30-minute timer for his video game time and marks it on his chart when he's done.  He has grown up so much and progressed so much this past year and he knows it too.  He'll often say things like, "I never realized I was big enough to do [this or that] before."  He also takes pride in his accomplishments, often begging me to come and see his room after he's cleaned it, etc.  For all of those things and more, I feel greatly rewarded!  I feel like perhaps I am making a positive difference.  But in addition to being productive and self-reliant, I also want him, and my other kids, to feel loved, all the time, everyday; not just when we're having a good day.

I find that since beginning my quest of making a conscientious effort everyday to be a better parent, my mental self-talk often includes words like "breathe", "it's okay", "it's not worth the battle", "that [bad thing] doesn't matter", "they're not minions", and "he/she is a child of God, and He is counting on me".   Because let's face it - the kid is still trying to see if I'll re-draw that line anytime soon.  There are still times he's naughty and there are still times when I have a not-so-graceful mother moment.

The good news is I have moved past the daily struggle of "losing it".  I am now focusing forward on how to implement more love into my parenting style, not only for my little boy's sake, but for all of my children.  I fear that my older kids have become too used to the numb mom and can't see past that.  I've added "being a more outwardly loving mother" to my list of goals for the year.   More than just saying "I love you",  I want to do something purposeful every day to let my kids know that I love them.  I'm not sure what that will all entail just yet, but I do plan to keep track and blog back throughout the year.

My biggest hope is that, in spite of all my shortcomings as a mom, they will feel about me the way I do about my mom; that I'm trying my best and that no matter what, I always have and always will love them very much.

Cleaning Between Pews: Cheerios & the Snow Pony

Recently, we signed up to help clean the church one Saturday morning.  (In our church, the members rotate the cleaning responsibility.)  There were about 4 or 5 families/couples who showed up at 8am and the lead family handed out assignments.  We were actually a few minutes late (oops) and luckily for us, the vacuuming had not yet been claimed.  Here's something about me -- of all household chores, I love vacuuming!  I love to run the vacuum because I find it relaxing.  The hum of the vacuum helps me tune everything else out and believe it or not, I can solve a ton of the world's problems while vacuuming.  Not to mention, I get the instant gratification of creating those perfect vacuum lines in the carpet!  //squeals in delight//

I digress.  My husband took the large commercial vacuum and was charged with the hallways and classrooms.  I grabbed the regular vacuum and headed for the chapel - looking forward to it actually. Something about being in the Lord's house and serving Him in this way was very spiritually gratifying.  Plus, I knew there was no way the huge monster vac could fit between the pews. I also knew, given the fact that we have approximately 480 parishioners and that half of those are under age 18, the chapel probably held a few misguided cheerios from the previous Sunday.

As I began, most of the aisles between the pews were in good shape - the anticipated lost cheerio or occasional forgotten crayon here or there.  But then, I came upon a row and found myself utterly disgusted.  Fruit snacks and cheese crackers mashed into the carpet - a pile so large that no one could miss it if they would have just looked!  I'm going to give the family who sat there the benefit of the doubt and assume they did NOT check their surroundings before exiting their pew.  I just can't accept that if a mother or father saw the mess their kids made in THE LORD'S HOUSE they would simply leave it there.  (Right?  Please tell me I'm right!)

As I went on my dust-sucking journey of creating clean lines in the beautiful chapel, about every 4th or 5th row, I'd come upon something similar to the earlier scene.  Again, appalled.  I know some churches don't allow food/treats even for small children in their chapels or sanctuaries.  I also understand that it might not be completely realistic in a congregation of our size to implement that type of rule.  But I was a little disappointed of just how often I came upon a rather large pile of forgotten treat crumbs.  In one pew, I found a pencil that someone had manually ripped into shreds and then stuffed into the hymnbook rack.  In the row behind that I located a few small hairbands and a little plastic snow pony, just laying there in plain sight.  My morning of anticipated respite in serving was quickly beginning to shrink as defeat set in.  Had I been giving my fellow worshippers too much credit?  Are we just so used to living our fast-paced lives we don't stop and take two minutes to clean up after ourselves?

I remember while growing up my parents taught us church was not only a place of fellowship and faith, but also a place to show our gratitude and reverence to God for all that He has given and that reverence also includes respect.  We weren't even allowed to lean our feet up against the hymn rack or pew in front of us.  We weren't permitted to stand on the benches or run in church either.  My parents taught us to treat the Lord's house better than our own.  We understood this was a special place.  And when it was time to leave, I can still hear my mother's voice admonishing us to "gather up our things" and check around us for any garbage.  We not only cleared our own small toys or crayons, but often others' too.

Let's compare this to Disneyland - y'know, the "happiest place on earth"?  Yeah.  One of the corporate Disney philosophies is that EVERY team member is responsible to keep their parks clean.  If they see trash, they stop and pick it up.  It doesn't matter if they are the custodian, a groundskeeper, a ride operator, or an executive.    And yet did you know that there are only 4 workers per shift that are responsible to drive around and empty the trash bins?  FOUR!  In a park as huge as Disney World or Disney Land, that's incredible considering the immaculate state we usually see.

Well, in my opinion, shouldn't our churches be one of the happiest places on earth too?  Shouldn't we all take on the responsibility of keeping our sanctuaries just that - A Sanctuary?  Should we not be teaching our children this?  I can't tell you how many times in church I've instructed my kids to pick up a gum wrapper or other trash from the floor, whether it be in the chapel or the hallway. When they were little, they used to say, "but I didn't put it there."  Now they understand. I hope they do this even if I'm not around to ask them.

By no means am I trying to call anyone out for their child making a mess in church.  I just think if we all took an extra minute before leaving to check and clean our surroundings, and if we all picked up trash when we notice it (even if we didn't put it there), we would grow spiritually and deepen our connection with our Lord, both within the walls of our churches and out.

Something to think about, anyway.

Parenting Plea #427: BAN THE BABY-TALK!

Disclaimer:  I'm not a professional.  I'm just a somewhat-normal, sometimes sarcastic, individual who mostly doesn't understand what goes through some parents' heads when they say or do certain things -- and then I blog about it.

My rant for today:

PLEASE BAN THE BABY-TALK!!!!!

The sequence of how kids learn to speak looks like this:

vowel sounds ---> babbling--->1-2 words--->2-3 word phrases--->sentences--->bigger sentences.

This being said, baby-talk does NOT contribute to the normal, healthy development of baby's language.

Now, before you go and get all offended because perhaps you spoke (or speak) "baby-talk" with your own children, let's define it first.

What is baby talk?  For the purpose of this blog post, I am going to define baby talk as  the made-up, or purposefully mispronounced words (sometimes sounds like a speech impediment when it isn't), often used in high-pitched tones when directed towards babies and children. 

EXAMPLE:
Caregiver, in high-pitched voice:  "Mmmm.  Cookie.  You wike cookie?  Num-nums in tum-tums."

Okay, we all know about onomatopoeias and are probably familiar with "nom-nom-nom" as the noise someone makes while they are eating something pleasurable.  Am I totally against the word "nom" or "num"?  No...not per se.  It's just that "num-nums in tum-tums" is a bit much.

Babies start their venture by mouthing vowel sounds and then repeating certain sounds and syllables (ah-ah-ah to ma-ma-ma-ma, etc.).  This is healthy for babies.  The more we talk to babies, the better they will be able to string certain syllables together and give meaning to them.  For example, if mother repeats, every time daddy comes home, "Daddy's home!  Daddy's home!", then Baby will try to mimic her sounds, often resulting in "Da-da".  The same might be true for "bottle" turning to "bah-bah".  You get the idea.

Baby-talk is detrimental is because babies need to hear REAL words and REAL sentences, using CORRECT PRONUNCIATIONS and CORRECT GRAMMAR because they'll continue to mimic what they hear, and will further develop good language skills if we provide them an environment with positive linguistic opportunities.

How should we talk to babies?  Oh, I'm so glad you asked.  We should talk to infants and toddlers in what scientists and researchers call "Child-Directed Speech".  Like baby-talk, child-directed speech also involves the use of higher-pitched (or soothing) tones.  Unlike true baby-talk, the adult uses simple, but REAL words. (Here's where you can relax if you thought THIS was the "baby-talk" I meant.  This, however, is not true "baby-talk".  The easy way to remember is "baby-talk" is the way BABIES talk!)

Now, imagine the earlier scenario of the caretaker asking if the baby likes the cookie.  In child-directed speech, the sentence would sound something like this:

Caregiver: "Do you like that cookie?  Mmmm.  It's good, isn't it?"

Much better!  Now, for the do's and do not's.

DO - talk to them often, especially right from birth.  Babies' eyes are not yet fully developed and the closer the face-to-face time when talking, the better.

DO - read/tell lots of stories, even before they are old enough to sit up and look at pictures.  Babies LOVE to watch your facial expressions.  They also learn how to perceive various intonations by hearing you tell stories.  It's intonations that give meaning to various words and phrases.

DO - sing to them.  This has the same advantages as talking to them and telling them stories, but also has another benefit.  Sounds in the womb are very rhythmic; likewise, songs are also full of beats and patterns.  This can provide a soothing environment for babies and if the songs are sung or played often, babies will begin to identity certain repeated words or phrases, and will be more likely to mimic them.  (Why I love children's songs!)

DO NOT - rely on the TV/DVDs to teach them language.  In fact, the American Pediatric Association recommends babies not watch TV until they are at least 1 year in age (and then no more than 1 hour a day for ages 2-5 and no more than 2 hours for elementary age children).  TVs don't provide real, live, 3-dimensional experiences.  (I wasn't the greatest at enforcing this one.)

DO - use REAL words and CORRECT grammar when speaking to an infant. This is how they learn words and meanings of words -- words they will need to use in REAL society.

Case in point:  Have you ever had a 2-year-old ask you for something and you had no idea what she was saying because it sounded like a made-up language?  Once, a child in the nursery asked for her babu-bah.  I had no idea what she wanted. I tried everything to console her.  I offered her snacks, a drink, stories, puzzles, toys, etc., but she just kept calling for her babu-bah, finally getting frustrated and resorting to tears.  (The 2-year-old cried too).  When her mom came to pick her up she said, "Oh!  That's what we call her sippy cup."  I remember thinking to myself, "The child is 2.  Why not teach her to say sippy cup?"

DO NOT - use fake words/pronunciation/grammar. (I think we've covered all the reasons why already.  If you still don't get it, you should probably stop reading -- or ask someone in close proximity to slap you upside the head.)

DO NOT - CRITICIZE or DIRECTLY CORRECT if your child uses the wrong word. Instead, repeat the child's statement back to them, modeling the correct words and pronunciations.  For example --

Caregiver: "Do you like that cookie?  Mmmm.  It's good, isn't it?"
Child: (nods) "Me wike tookie. Ez good."
Caregiver:  "Yes.  I like the cookie too.  It IS good!"

Children will hear you modeling correct language and begin to self-correct (unless they have a speech or developmental issue.  But that's for another post.)  

DO NOT - be afraid to use slightly bigger words as the child grows (after they can effectively speak in sentences).  This also adds to their linguistic growth and development.  However, make sure they understand what the new word means, otherwise it's a moot point. For example, "You have to show me you're responsible before we can have pet.  Do you know what the word responsible means?"  And then go on to explain.

If you find yourself offended by this or facing the fact that you, as a caregiver, are a baby-talker, don't worry.  They have professional help for that.

Case in point: There is a little boy in my family who had a regular caregiver constantly talk baby-talk to him (for nearly 6 years).  It's taken almost 2 years (since he started school) to break him of speaking that way, thanks to professional help (teachers & therapists), persistence on the parents' part, and an "intervention" with that specific caregiver in his life. 

I don't understand why some people think kids aren't mature enough to have real conversations with real words. Contrary to their belief, it's not endearing when the child is in school and says that their lunch "taysez goo" and can they "pweeze pway with they fwenz?"  Instead it makes them appear as if they have a speech impediment or are developmentally behind (including social development).

So, do your kids a favor and  STOP THE BABY-TALK!

Competitions

Although my kids have done sports when they were younger (soccer, basketball, swimming, gymnastics, etc.), as they get older they tend to gravitate towards other fields such as academics and the arts, and they usually do pretty well too.  I'm not gonna lie -- sometimes I feel a little proud of my kids.

LittleDuckling usually attends a district chess competition each year and always has fun.  His Jr. High team often places and moves on to the regionals up at the U of U (I think he mostly enjoys getting out of school for the day to attend! haha.).  He's a little concerned about what will happen to the chess team now, since the teacher/coach passed away last month...  :(   I hope the new faculty sponsor will have just as much fun with the kids as Mr. Gadd did! (We miss you, Mr. Gadd!)

This has also been a great year for my Senior, Keenan as well.  If we're friends on Facebook, no doubt you saw my plethora of posts about his work in the high school musical, Grease.  His solos were great and the audience totally loved him; he ate it up.  This past Wednesday night he took first place for his monologue at the Regional Drama Competition.  He was way excited, as am I. 

PrettyPrettyPrincess has had some successes of her own this year as well.  It started off with the yearbook cover design competition.  Her art submission won and was selected to be the cover of the yearbook this year.  So, of course we HAD to order a yearbook.  I haven't seen it yet, but I am way excited for her.  Her History Fair project placed at the school level and yesterday morning we got up bright and early so I could drive her up to the district for the District Level Competition.  Parents weren't allowed to stay, since the judges were roaming around, interviewing the kids on their projects, etc.  So, I hope we find out how she did soon.  And finally, she won her school's "Keyoff", typing at 70 wpm with ~0~ mistakes.  She goes to the District "Keyoff" next week.  They are little achievements and even if she doesn't come in first place, I am proud of her.

Yes, I think I do have amazing kids.  Many times they enter these competitions without me even knowing until they've placed!  Crazy how motivated they become.  But even if they don't win, I am happy they are learning the value of hard work and that it does pay off.  These are great life skills!

Keenan's Senior Photos, Part Two

Warning -- Tons of photos here...  

And for the announcement...

To see the rest of his photo shots check out: Keenan's Senior Photos on Facebook

Little-B

Yes, I DID happen to drop a little breadcrumb in the previous post about me dating someone.  Yes, this is someone I like...like, "LIKE"-like.  (Not just your ordinary "like".)

I'm sure you all have tons of questions (especially, if you're family).  Well, I haven't quite decided how much I am willing to say just yet, but I will tell you this...  he has a little boy, a kindergartner.  This little boy is hilari-oso.  For reals.  I'm just going to give you three little morsels to chew on for now, and save the rest for later.

Things Little-B said:

1) His dad was reading scriptures to him the other morning.  Little-B interrupts and asks, "Dad, why do you keep saying Yay! ???"  (Yea, verily verily...)  Haha.  "Yay!" vs. "Yea".  So cute, right?  I laughed hard over that.

2) We went to go watch Star Wars in 3-D.  During the scene where Anakin is at the junk shop working, Little-B leans over and in an extremely loud whisper asks, "Dad -- how come the kids in Star Wars don't go to school?"  It was so unexpected all three of us (LittleDuckling was there too) busted up laughing for a few good minutes.

3) It was this guy's birthday a few weeks ago.  I offered to go help him clean his house and take down the Christmas tree before the party.  We spent the afternoon getting everything ready.  Instead of driving all the way home and back, I had planned to just stay and shower and get ready there.  Little-B and his dad were laying on his dad's bed watching TV while I was in the bathroom doing my hair.  Then, really loudly I hear Little-B ask, "Dad, who was that little girl at Aunt so-and-so's house?"  His dad told him.  Then Little-B asked, "What's her mom's name again?"  He tells him the woman's name.  Then Little-B says, "Yeah, her.  How come you two wanted to go for a drive?"  I busted up laughing.  Little kids sure do have bad timing sometimes.  The uncomfortable pause was so thick I could almost hear it.  Finally, he clears his throat and explains, "Uhh, your Aunt wanted us to get to know each other."  Then Little-B declares, "Well, I don't like her."  I laughed again, and then his dad says, "Yeah, neither do I."

Good answer!  haha!

Senior Pictures & Scene Stealing

I can't believe that my oldest will be graduating from High School soon!  Boy, that makes a mom feel old.  Well, because of that, he gets to graduate here on my blog too -- from FunnyMan to Keenan.

Wanted to share with you some pics from Round One of Keenan's Senior Photo Shoot...

Haha...  this one cracked me up.  Mostly because when I first flipped to it, it caught me off guard.  It's my middle son dressed in his Halloween costume from last year (Steve, from Minecraft).  Too funny.  I didn't know he was going to do that.  But since the kids' dad & uncle have the photography business, I guess they thought it would be funny.  I love how Keenan is still posing like he has no clue.  I crack up every time I see it.

Anyway, there you have it... Round One.  More photos to come!

To My Daughter on Her 12th Birthday

Dear Daughter,

I unexpectedly felt a little emotional this morning while getting things ready to celebrate your day.  I thought about the day that you were born and the emotions I had about having a daughter.  I looked forward to the times when I would get to dress you in pretty dresses and do your hair all cute with little bows.  I anticipated the times that I'd snuggle with you to read bedtime stories and the Mother-Daughter talks we'd share as you grew older.  I was so excited that Heavenly Father trusted me enough to bring you to me.

As far as labor and delivery goes, it was a little tricky and there was a brief moment of touch-and-go for you. Luckily it went by fast (thanks for that) and we were able to bring you into this world as a healthy, happy baby. You were such a beautiful baby, with the cutest dimples and the biggest brownest eyes.  Strangers would approach me all the time to tell me what a gorgeous baby I had.  In fact, I could never take you out in public without hearing that at least 3 or 4 times each and every time.

From very early on you were mild-mannered and extremely shy in public, while at home letting everyone know your opinion on things.  As you learned to talk, you were a good big-little-sister to your older brothers, always trying to keep them in line.  You have many talents and I am so glad you've grown out of your shyness so that others around you may benefit from those talents you share. 

Today you are twelve years old.  You are still very beautiful.  You are also smart, generous, kind, honest, loyal and loving.  You set such high standards for yourself that I don't even need to worry about so many things other parents might with their own daughters at this age.  You are diligent in staying on task and getting things done without needing reminders from me, and you often remind me of the things I need to remember.  You offer up little words of encouragement to me from time to time which have been both unexpected and appreciated. You are a great example to those around you, including me.

The days of snuggling with you to read a bedtime story are long gone, and I know you are a bit old for me to adorn your hair with barrettes and bows.   But I still look forward to more fun times and great mother-daughter conversations like I used to have (and still do) with my own mother. 

Know that you are greatly loved (even by your brothers) and always remember that you are a beloved daughter of God.  He wants what is best for you and you should never settle for anything less.

Enjoy your day!

Love, 

Mom

Meetings

Last Wednesday night...

Me: I'll be home a little late; I've got a meeting after my class.

Oldest Son: Meeting? //raises eyebrows, evil grin// What's that code for?

HA!

I Was a Handful (Who Knew, Right?)

I don't know why I thought of this today, but the memory brought a smile to my face, so I figured I'd blog about it.

I am the second of seven children.  One might think when I came along things were still pretty easy for my mom.  Wrong.  I was a colicky baby, only happy if I was held or given a bottle, or better yet -- both!  Although I eventually grew out of the colic, apparently I was a bit of a handful as a toddler.

*Allegedly* I liked to have certain things a certain way (my way) and would cry if they didn't occur in that way.  The phrases, "Go to your room, Emma" and "If you're going to cry, go to bed, Emma" were phrases I heard on a daily, if not hourly basis.  In addition to the whiny-cry-baby terrible two's, I was fidgety.  I couldn't sit still, or be content for very long and from the time I started talking I was an incessant chatter-box.

However, the "difficult" child in me did not stop my mom from having more children right away, nor from having them one after the other. 3 children under age 3 and pregnant.  That is where this memory begins.

I can only imagine the chaos of getting 3 under 3 ready for church in the morning, then once there sitting quietly in our pew.  When I was older and there were 7 kids under 8, people would tell my mother, "Your children are so well-behaved in church."  I used to think, "yeah -- because she's threatened us with our lives." Haha.  But as a 2 year old, I don't really know what people thought or how we acted.  I know I must have been a handful though, because I was allowed to sit with other people.

The Bournes.  The Bournes were a young, married couple that went to our church.  They did not have any children for quite a few years, and for some reason took a liking to me.  I remember turning around in the pew, my eyes searching the congregation for them each Sunday.  As soon as I spotted them, they'd wave for me to come and sit with them.  I would nudge my mother, point in their direction and wait for her approved dismissal, which was always a nod and the whispered admonishment, "fold your arms".  Dutifully, I'd fold my arms and walk as quietly as I could to their bench and sit with them the rest of the service.

Then, there was "Chid".  Sharon Chiddister was a single woman, close to my mom's age whom didn't have children of her own.  Many Sundays she'd sit near my parents and I remember quite often sitting on her lap and her rocking me to sleep.

I don't recall how often those "helpers" in church came to my mother's rescue, but it happened enough for me to remember.  The Bournes eventually had their own children and moved away.  Chid remained in the area, and over the years has always found a family to sit near in church and help with their children.  I remember one family moved in, with 2 small active boys.  Then, the mother was expecting twins.  Chid was there to help out every Sunday.  This was a huge blessing for the wife, because the husband had Sunday duties that required him to sit up on the stand next to the Bishop.  A few years after the twins were born, the wife became pregnant again - with another set of twins.  When I went back home to visit this past summer, I noticed that even though those kids are all teenagers now, Chid still sits with them and she is still like a part of their family, and their dad IS the Bishop now so I am sure she is a great help!

As a teenager, there was a family in our church with 8 kids, whom I babysat quite often. I started babysitting when # 6 was born, and instantly fell in love with that baby.  We sat behind them every Sunday at church, and I always held him or let him sit by me until I went off to college when he was about 4.  Truth be told, I didn't even realize he was a handful, until his mother said something to me a few years later, about how she was always grateful for me helping her out on Sundays because he was such a handful.

In church now I lead the music on Sundays.  I sit up near the organ and I can look out into the congregation and see who's sleeping (haha), which babies are crying, which children are acting up and which mothers are struggling. I do notice a few childless couples or families with teenagers sitting near families with smaller children and offering their help whenever possible.  I can always tell that the mothers are grateful too.  But, I've also seen a few others in the congregation shoot disapproving looks towards some mothers - as if to say, "Get your kids under control!"  I was thinking this past Sunday when I saw one woman give such a glare, wondering if anyone ever thought that about my mom while I was being "out of control"?  Made me grateful to those "Angels among us" who offered to sit near us and help out where they noticed a need.  That is true Christianity right there, and of all places we should be living and carrying out our religious beliefs, you'd think one place would be church, right?

We don't know what always goes on behind closed doors, and although *WE* may think we know how this mother or that mother should discipline her children during church, and while we wish she could keep her kids "under control", don't you think that idea hasn't already crossed her mind too? I mean no mother in her right mind WANTS her child to act up and make a scene, right?

My kids are older now and aside of the occasional elbow-to-the-ribs or whispering or giggling with each other, they can pretty much manage themselves at church.  Because I lead the music and sit up near the organ, and because I am a single parent, they sit up there next to me each Sunday.  At first they were not thrilled with the idea, though I think they are okay with it now.  I have decided through this experience, that when the time comes that I am not sitting up there leading the music, perhaps I can find a young mom with her hands full to sit near and be a "Bourne" or a "Chid"-- pay it forward or something like that.  

Oh -- and for being such a "difficult" child, I think I turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself!  :)

Christmas, Christmas Eve and Christmas Eve-Eve

This year my kids will be at their dad's for Christmas.  So I decided a few weeks ago that we would have our Christmas on Christmas Eve.  Of course, this meant we'd have to do our Christmas Eve stuff on Christmas Eve-Eve.  :)

Last night we did our annual reading of the Christmas Nativity Story, then the kids opened their new PJs.  Well, truth be told the didn't really "open" their PJs.  In fact -- I've been so busy, I never got around to wrapping them.  But I forgot about that little tidbit until it was time to open them.  Doh!  SO, instead we played a game.  I told them they each had 1 top, 1 pair of pajama pants and 1 pair of new socks and they were all in the same sack.  One by one, they had to close their eyes, reach into the sack and pull out the ones they THOUGHT might be theirs.  It was fun, and no one got their PJs right.  We also got some Secret Santa gifts by our door a few days ago, so I let them open those too.  The kids and I each received a holiday fleece throw and a gift card. They loved them and I felt truly blessed that someone would think of us that way.

After swapping until they all got the right PJs, they each took their showers while I got the snacks ready for our annual Christmas Movie night.    Every year we always watch " A Christmas Story " and " Mixed Nuts " on Christmas Eve.   I started the wood stove and everyone gathered around for the movies in their new pjs and snuggled up with their new throws, and we munched on cheese and crackers, cocktail shrimp and soda.

This morning, they all slept in (which was really nice, considering I did my usual tossing and turning all night).  Finally, around noon they came dragging in the front room where they retrieved their stockings and took turns opening their gifts.

We finally ate "breakfast" around 2pm, which consisted of an egg & sausage skillet (complete with country gravy) and Monkey Bread.  Then we just hung out and relaxed and "played" with our new "toys" for the remainder of the day.

And, oh yeah...  guess who forgot to thaw the turkey?  Christmas Spaghetti anyone???

I am getting ready to make up some spiced nuts and then figure out what's for dinner before we embark on a late-night family game night.  It should be fun!

I plan to post pictures later this week.

Tomorrow the kidlets will attend our Christmas Music Program at church before heading off to their dad's.  It's been a wonderful day!

Wishing all of you the best Christmas ever!  :)

30 Days of Gratitude: Day Twenty-Four

I am grateful to be a mom.

I spent the last three days expressing gratitude for each of my children, so while this may seem a bit redundant, I still feel the need to express that I am grateful to be a mom.

As far back as I can remember, I loved playing "house" when I was a little girl.  What little girl doesn't?  I think as most little girls play with their dolls (their "babies") they dream of being a mom one day.  Normally, the thought process is "One day, when I'm a mom..."  not "... if I'm a mom".

I don't think the "if" factor even crosses our minds until some of us get older and want a baby and then learn it's not going to happen.  I've seen that happen to several of my closest friends and even some of my family members; it's heartbreaking.

I don't pretend to know the mysteries of God, or why some of us women can bear children easily while others can't.  But I will say that standing by - helpless - watching some of the women closest to my heart go through this, has definitely made me more appreciative to be a mom.

I remember struggling some days, feeling like the worst mom in the world and wondering if I was screwing up my kids and hoping that they would still turn out okay in spite of me.  I still have days like that.  Kids do that.  They try us and our patience.  It's what we did to our parents, and it's what they do to us.  Sometimes I am told I am the meanest mom in the world, and at times I've even been "hated".  During those times, I try to take it with a grain of salt, and I usually reply, "Good.  That means I am doing my job."  I think part of being a parent is setting boundaries for our kids (which is sometimes hard for me), and even though they may say they hate us for it, or that we've ruined their lives, in the end and deep down what they really mean is "thanks, because now I know you love me."  The payoff is when they say things like, "Thanks for dinner mom - that was the best!"  or "I love you."

Luckily, those hard times are far and few between the good ones.  (Even if it feels overwhelming at the time.)  I look back at how exasperated I felt during a few of their terrible-two phases.  (One of my kids had the terrible twos until they were four!) I laugh, because I see how far they've come and realize the terrible two's weren't such a big deal after all -- and we got through it!  I survived the night terrors, the whining, the screaming, the all-night crying for seemingly no reason at all.  I survived the breaking things, the getting into things, the mess-making.  Thus far I've managed to get through the back-talk, the sibling tiffs, and the disappointment of coming home to find they haven't done their chores when asked.  Things that seem sooo exhausting and soooo monumental in the moment, but when compared to all of the joys, the laughter and the fun times I've experienced with them, seem so small - so insignificant.

I am grateful I have been blessed with the opportunity and the capability to be a mom. I love being a mom and I'd definitely do it all again if I could.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day Twenty-Three

I am grateful for my daughter.

Like the boys, labor and delivery with her was a bit scary and she also had cord issues.  So, no doubt I was relieved once it was all said and done and she was safe and sound in my arms.

Ever since she could scream and mumble, we pretty much always knew what this little girl was thinking and what she wanted.  She is one of those people that knows what she wants and then goes for it.  She was the cutest baby ever and everyone said so - so it isn't just me, haha.  She has always been a fast learner in school and in first grade her teacher would even give her "extra work" because she would get done with hers so fast. The teacher asked her what she would like to learn and she replied, "French."  Luckily, the teacher knew French and would make up little assignments for her.  

She used to have some social phobias as an infant and didn't like when anyone even so much as looked at her.  As a baby, anytime anyone would pay any attention to her, she'd cry and try to hide her face. Slowly, but surely, she was able to overcome that for the most part.  Her second and third grade teachers discovered she has a knack for creative writing and really encouraged her to read her work in front of the class on a regular basis.  Now, in 6th grade, she is much more at ease with her friends.  She is still a great writer and this year one of her poems won a school contest and she moved on to the district level.

She does her homework without being reminded, she cleans her room without being asked.  She offers to help cook or clean wherever else needed too.  She has always set high standards for herself and chooses to keep her language especially clean and is a big component of dressing modestly.    She loves music and over the years has learned to play the recorder, two types of ukuleles and the piano.  She is also taking voice lessons, and I am amazed by the vocal chords this little girl has.  She is super smart and just overall a good girl.  She is nice to everyone, even if she doesn't like them.  There has been some "girl drama" at school the past few years and her teacher told me this past parent-teacher conference that I was the only mom of the group of affected girls that didn't call her to get involved and that as she watched each of the girls of this group more closely she noticed that my daughter was the only one of the group that didn't take sides (publicly, anyway - haha).

I could go on and on and obviously I am proud of the young woman she is becoming.  I love her so much and I am grateful to have her as my daughter.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day Twenty-Two

I am grateful for my middle child -- "LittleDuckling".

When I was ready to have another baby, I was excited at how easily I became pregnant.  My second pregnancy wasn't nearly as bad as the first, although toward the end I was sick all the time and I had gall bladder disease that went undiagnosed until about 5 weeks after he was born.  Labor and delivery however, was just as hard as with the first.  I often remind LittleDuckling that he will never be able to repay me for the 28 hours of labor I endured, haha.  All kidding aside though, I remember when the monitor beeps indicated distress and that this baby's entry into the world was a struggle.  With the chord wrapped twice around his neck, every contraction I had was cutting off his oxygen supply.  I was truly grateful once he finally made his debut.

Although his older brother was a small baby at 6 lbs 15 oz, LittleDuckling was definitely the runt at 5 lbs 8 oz.  He was a tiny baby and opposite of his older brother was the quiet one.  He was content to cuddle with me for hours all day...  in fact, that's all he ever wanted to do.  He didn't like to be put down.  I used to strap him into my "snuggli", freeing my hands to do housework.  Like baby Roo, he spent the majority of his first six months attached to Mommy.

I remember being worried that he would never talk because as an infant he was so much quieter than his older brother and as he neared his first birthday he hadn't even tried to speak.  Finally, just weeks before turning one, he uttered his first word, "pease" (please).  He loved to eat, and learned the quickest way to get more was to hold out his hand, flash his dark brown eyes and wide grin while saying, "pease?"  It was seriously the cutest thing ever.  Incidentally, "more" was his second word.

Once he started walking and talking he was content to be alone and NOT in the spotlight like his brother.  He isn't as outspoken although I have learned over the years that doesn't mean he isn't opinionated.  When asked, I have learned that he has some pretty strong opinions about quite a few things.  He enjoy writing as well, and has a vocabulary that blows me away for a kid of thirteen.  Sometimes he will say the funniest things, and just cracks me up - mostly because I don't expect it from him, he's so quiet.  When he does break into giggles, it is contagious... he has the best laugh ever.  One thing I noticed about him as he is growing up is that he will often try to include everyone in the group.  Last year he volunteered for peer tutoring in the special needs class at school.  I was surprised as I didn't even know he would want to do something like that.

He has always been my more sensitive one.  Because of that, it makes him sensitive to others.  As a little boy there wasn't an hour in the day that went by without him telling me he loved me.  He would also apologize when he acted out and he was the first to say "thanks for dinner" when we were finished eating.  He does have quite an appetite (unlike his much pickier brother) and I enjoy cooking for him knowing he will like it.  Ironically, my "LittleDuckling" is now bigger than his big brother.  I am amazed at how fast he is growing...  I can't seem to keep his wardrobe up with his growth spurts and because his brother is smaller than him, the days of hand-me-downs are long gone.

I am pleased with the choices he has been making lately as he is entering his teenage years and hope that he will continue to progress.  When he wants something, he doesn't wait for it to happen -- he makes it happen.  I love him so much and glad I am the lucky one that gets to be his mom.

I am grateful for my middle child.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day Twenty-One

I am grateful for my oldest son--  "FunnyMan".

I remember when he was born...  it was not an easy pregnancy and the labor was no different.  Being an inexperienced 19 year-old mom was probably a good thing; I had no other pregnancies to compare it to so I really didn't grasp the danger he was in.  I was hospitalized three different times in the first trimester and on partial bed-rest during the last.  He was in major distress during labor and delivery that they didn't take the time to suction his airway before literally ripping him from me and rushing him off.  I had no idea that wasn't normal.  And the teensy-weensy island hospital I was in didn't even HAVE epidurals, so I was completely exhausted after the ordeal.  It wasn't until later it all sort of impacted me and I realized that I was truly blessed to have a healthy baby.

For the nearly the first four years of his life he was an only child and I found pure joy in being his mommy.  The one thing I noticed right away, is that he liked to be where the action was.  There was no putting him down in a crib or a playpen.  He wanted to be able to see everyone and be a part of whatever was going on. He used to crane his neck from his baby swing just to see what the rest of us were doing.  From his early baby stages he was fascinated by the TV and more so by movies.  He didn't care for cartoons either -- he liked regular movies. By the time he was a toddler he had every word to nearly every movie we owned memorized verbatim.  If we rented a movie, I had to watch it before he did.  Otherwise, he'd sit an quote movie lines throughout the entire thing...  He was 2 1/2.

This kid has quite a bit of personality and always makes me laugh.  He was a ham as a little boy and can still pull in a crowd.  He was always good at making faces, doing voices and accents and getting the timing of a joke or story just right.  In kindergarten he was given an award for always being kind to others and "rooting for the underdog".  He is still like that and he still likes to be a part of the action.  He doesn't notice the color of a person's skin nor does he care about their social status, religion, or cultural background;  he genuinely likes people and loves to be around them.

As a teenager he does things without being asked, like his laundry.  He's been doing his own laundry since he was 14 and I love that.   He's had odd jobs here and there since he was little -- and mostly involving acting.  He's been an extra in several movies and commercials, and as of late he has acted in Haunted Houses and in his high school theater department.  He is a talented amateur filmmaker and writer as well.  He has ambition to succeed at the things he loves and I know that if and when the right opportunity comes along as an adult, he will go far.

I love this kid with all my heart and I am grateful for him.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day Fourteen

I am grateful when my children get along with each other.  'Nuff said.  :)

If This Gets Out...

A few nights ago I was chatting online with a friend.  He indicated that I should probably go look outside on my front porch.  I was already in my PJs so I sent PrettyPrettyPrincess to check it out.

She comes back with a video game and asks, "Is this for [one of the boys]?"

I laughed and said, "Nope.  It's for me."  And then I really started to laugh because A) I wasn't expecting him to bring down the game right then so it was a surprise and  B) because the look on her face was priceless-- that deer-in-the-headlights-please-tell-me-this-can't-really-be-happening look.

"No, Mom," she said.  "Please do NOT tell me you will be playing this game.  You will get ADDICTED!"  All I can do is laugh.  "Mom, seriously," she warned.  "I can't believe you are going to play this.  You're too old to play games like this.  You're a MOM."  I laughed some more.  "Mom," she says in all seriousness, "if this gets out..."  I continued laughing.  "This is going to ruin my social life." (She's eleven.) I am laughing so hard by this point I'm practically crying.  I guess mostly I thought it was funny how she just kept carrying on about it; so against the idea.  The more she protested, the harder I laughed.  "Oh my gosh Mom," she started again.  "I can't believe you're actually going to play that."

Just then her cat walked past her, meowing.  She looked at the cat, exclaiming, "I know, Cat.  I know.  I am embarrassed for her just as much as you are."

Hahaha.  That girl is too funny for her own good, I swear.

P.S. Let's just keep this between us, ok?  I'd hate for it to get out....  hehehehehehehe.