Parenting Plea #427: BAN THE BABY-TALK!

Disclaimer:  I'm not a professional.  I'm just a somewhat-normal, sometimes sarcastic, individual who mostly doesn't understand what goes through some parents' heads when they say or do certain things -- and then I blog about it.

My rant for today:

PLEASE BAN THE BABY-TALK!!!!!

The sequence of how kids learn to speak looks like this:

vowel sounds ---> babbling--->1-2 words--->2-3 word phrases--->sentences--->bigger sentences.

This being said, baby-talk does NOT contribute to the normal, healthy development of baby's language.

Now, before you go and get all offended because perhaps you spoke (or speak) "baby-talk" with your own children, let's define it first.

What is baby talk?  For the purpose of this blog post, I am going to define baby talk as  the made-up, or purposefully mispronounced words (sometimes sounds like a speech impediment when it isn't), often used in high-pitched tones when directed towards babies and children. 

EXAMPLE:
Caregiver, in high-pitched voice:  "Mmmm.  Cookie.  You wike cookie?  Num-nums in tum-tums."

Okay, we all know about onomatopoeias and are probably familiar with "nom-nom-nom" as the noise someone makes while they are eating something pleasurable.  Am I totally against the word "nom" or "num"?  No...not per se.  It's just that "num-nums in tum-tums" is a bit much.

Babies start their venture by mouthing vowel sounds and then repeating certain sounds and syllables (ah-ah-ah to ma-ma-ma-ma, etc.).  This is healthy for babies.  The more we talk to babies, the better they will be able to string certain syllables together and give meaning to them.  For example, if mother repeats, every time daddy comes home, "Daddy's home!  Daddy's home!", then Baby will try to mimic her sounds, often resulting in "Da-da".  The same might be true for "bottle" turning to "bah-bah".  You get the idea.

Baby-talk is detrimental is because babies need to hear REAL words and REAL sentences, using CORRECT PRONUNCIATIONS and CORRECT GRAMMAR because they'll continue to mimic what they hear, and will further develop good language skills if we provide them an environment with positive linguistic opportunities.

How should we talk to babies?  Oh, I'm so glad you asked.  We should talk to infants and toddlers in what scientists and researchers call "Child-Directed Speech".  Like baby-talk, child-directed speech also involves the use of higher-pitched (or soothing) tones.  Unlike true baby-talk, the adult uses simple, but REAL words. (Here's where you can relax if you thought THIS was the "baby-talk" I meant.  This, however, is not true "baby-talk".  The easy way to remember is "baby-talk" is the way BABIES talk!)

Now, imagine the earlier scenario of the caretaker asking if the baby likes the cookie.  In child-directed speech, the sentence would sound something like this:

Caregiver: "Do you like that cookie?  Mmmm.  It's good, isn't it?"

Much better!  Now, for the do's and do not's.

DO - talk to them often, especially right from birth.  Babies' eyes are not yet fully developed and the closer the face-to-face time when talking, the better.

DO - read/tell lots of stories, even before they are old enough to sit up and look at pictures.  Babies LOVE to watch your facial expressions.  They also learn how to perceive various intonations by hearing you tell stories.  It's intonations that give meaning to various words and phrases.

DO - sing to them.  This has the same advantages as talking to them and telling them stories, but also has another benefit.  Sounds in the womb are very rhythmic; likewise, songs are also full of beats and patterns.  This can provide a soothing environment for babies and if the songs are sung or played often, babies will begin to identity certain repeated words or phrases, and will be more likely to mimic them.  (Why I love children's songs!)

DO NOT - rely on the TV/DVDs to teach them language.  In fact, the American Pediatric Association recommends babies not watch TV until they are at least 1 year in age (and then no more than 1 hour a day for ages 2-5 and no more than 2 hours for elementary age children).  TVs don't provide real, live, 3-dimensional experiences.  (I wasn't the greatest at enforcing this one.)

DO - use REAL words and CORRECT grammar when speaking to an infant. This is how they learn words and meanings of words -- words they will need to use in REAL society.

Case in point:  Have you ever had a 2-year-old ask you for something and you had no idea what she was saying because it sounded like a made-up language?  Once, a child in the nursery asked for her babu-bah.  I had no idea what she wanted. I tried everything to console her.  I offered her snacks, a drink, stories, puzzles, toys, etc., but she just kept calling for her babu-bah, finally getting frustrated and resorting to tears.  (The 2-year-old cried too).  When her mom came to pick her up she said, "Oh!  That's what we call her sippy cup."  I remember thinking to myself, "The child is 2.  Why not teach her to say sippy cup?"

DO NOT - use fake words/pronunciation/grammar. (I think we've covered all the reasons why already.  If you still don't get it, you should probably stop reading -- or ask someone in close proximity to slap you upside the head.)

DO NOT - CRITICIZE or DIRECTLY CORRECT if your child uses the wrong word. Instead, repeat the child's statement back to them, modeling the correct words and pronunciations.  For example --

Caregiver: "Do you like that cookie?  Mmmm.  It's good, isn't it?"
Child: (nods) "Me wike tookie. Ez good."
Caregiver:  "Yes.  I like the cookie too.  It IS good!"

Children will hear you modeling correct language and begin to self-correct (unless they have a speech or developmental issue.  But that's for another post.)  

DO NOT - be afraid to use slightly bigger words as the child grows (after they can effectively speak in sentences).  This also adds to their linguistic growth and development.  However, make sure they understand what the new word means, otherwise it's a moot point. For example, "You have to show me you're responsible before we can have pet.  Do you know what the word responsible means?"  And then go on to explain.

If you find yourself offended by this or facing the fact that you, as a caregiver, are a baby-talker, don't worry.  They have professional help for that.

Case in point: There is a little boy in my family who had a regular caregiver constantly talk baby-talk to him (for nearly 6 years).  It's taken almost 2 years (since he started school) to break him of speaking that way, thanks to professional help (teachers & therapists), persistence on the parents' part, and an "intervention" with that specific caregiver in his life. 

I don't understand why some people think kids aren't mature enough to have real conversations with real words. Contrary to their belief, it's not endearing when the child is in school and says that their lunch "taysez goo" and can they "pweeze pway with they fwenz?"  Instead it makes them appear as if they have a speech impediment or are developmentally behind (including social development).

So, do your kids a favor and  STOP THE BABY-TALK!

Baby Name List

Nope. Not prego over here. Not even close. But I came across this list in an old drawer recently, and thought it was interesting. "Baby Names I Like".

Some of these names are names I had on my list from like when I was 16 years old and doodled Eric's name all over my notebook, just *knowing* that we would end up together one day. Some of the names are names I had toyed with during each of my three pregnancies. Some were names I really, really liked because they were family names. I just couldn't cross them off, because I felt like they were never even given a fair shot. Others are names I considered using in stories.

(baby pic of FunnyMan)

Nevertheless, I find it interesting to see what I thought were "cool" names once upon a time. I still do like some of these names. And some of them I would NEVER even consider now. Too funny...

Boys Names:

Aiden

Braden

Coleman/Kohlman

Coleson

Collier

Colton

Craven

Dawson Garrett

Grayden

Hayden

Huxley

Ian

Jace

Jackson/Jacksen

Jaden

Jag

Jasper

Jed

Kade

Kaden

Kale

Keaton

Keegan

Keenan

Kelton

Mason

Parker

Paxton

Payton/Peyton

Sawyer

Spencer

Tate

Girls Names:

Anne

Anneka

Anneli Ari

Bailey

Brinley Corinne

Delaney

Elizabeth

Ellie

Harley

Isabella

Ives

Janae

Jillian

Kately

Keilani Kienna

Kinnley

Lainey

Lanae

Lexie

Lexine

Lily

Macey

Madeline

Magdelena Makennah

Maren

McKinnley

Meg

Melina

Milan Payton/Peyton

Sarah

Sawyer

Scarlet

Sheridan

Tatum

When I was a wee little girl, for some reason I loved the name Bianca. I think that was a mouse's name from The Rescuers? Anyway, I thought I would name my first daughter Bianca and my first son Spencer.

Ooh - I also remember when I was about 15, Eric & I had even discussed our "future" children's names! LOL! Our first son was going to be "Mason Kale" and our first daughter's name would be "Corinne Lexine". Hahaha! Not even close. Though I found out years later Eric *DID* name his first son Mason. Coincidence? lol!

What names did you always like? or do you like now? What did you think you would always name your baby and now you laugh at the thought of it? What names are on your "future" list?

Taygan Tells Me Stories

I realized I had another video that I need to upload... Here is my niece when she was just a little over a month old.

Troll Baby

Last month FunnyMan was in California, at Disneyland & Six Flags with the jazz band, during his birthday. So, I thought it'd be cute to post some baby pics to his FB album so his friends could see how adorable he was as a baby. He had big brown eyes and a head full of hair that stood straight up. Here he is about 4 weeks old... hmmm..... does he remind you of someone?

Pregnancy, Secrets and Orange Smarties

I know I have shared some strange dreams in the past. This one nears the top especially because the dream felt so realistic in spite of it's unrealistic nature.
________

I am traveling by train. It is night time and dark outside. I get off the train and it's raining. I am wearing sort of this gypsy skirt. I walk through the streets of an outdoor mall that never seems to end. Finally, I make it to a campus. I am looking for something, though I am not sure what. I enter a dorm. The halls are dimly lit. I walk up a few flight of stairs. An old woman greets me and says I look tired and hungry. I nod. Am I some sort of vagabond, I wonder. She seats me at a table and fixes me a plate of leftovers. She then brings out a few history books about the college. I thumb through the books, knowing that a clue to whatever I am looking for must be in there somewhere. Her adult son joins us. There isn't any conversation. But I eat and eat and can't seem to get enough. The old woman brings more food to the table and remarks that I must be starving. I think about that, and rub my tummy.

I think about the unborn baby I am carrying. Has anyone noticed? I don't appear to be showing and yet I am about five months along. I leave the dorm and travel back through the mall. I am tired. I think about the fact that I only have $25 in my pocket and I will need to provide clothes for my unborn child. I worry about what people will think when they find out I am pregnant. I wonder if they will believe me when I tell them that I have not had sex with anyone. How will I explain that I am pregnant when I don't even know myself how it happened?

Soon, I happen upon an old historic apartment building. I look up. The light is on in the apartment upstairs. I enter and make my way up the stairs. I knock at the door and Big-D answers. We sit on the couch and I pour my heart out, telling him all of the stress I have been going through. I tell him about the baby. He said he knows and has known all along. I stress about it. He tells me to relax and that everything will work out. I offer him some Smarties. He says he has never heard of them and asks what they are. I tell him they are candy. I pull a roll out of my pocket. I eat a few, but feed him the ones I do not like. He makes a sour-face. I laugh and tell him that they are the orange ones. He then gets a call from his friend asking if he sold his place yet. Big-D says that yes he sold his place, but doesn't let on that he sold it to me. It seemed as if it was all supposed to be kept confidential, which for some reason I am grateful. After talking to him I feel less stressed. I feel like I can breathe again.

It is day time now and the rain has let up. I talk to my mom and she mentions that she has a whole bunch of gift cards for Kohl's that people have given her. She tells me that there is no way she is ever going to use them all. She asks if I want them. I get excited, since Kohl's is my favorite store. I tell her I would love them as long as she goes shopping with me. I tell her I need to buy baby clothes for my unborn baby, which is most likely a girl. She says that she already knows; that a mother always knows. I was relieved. She brought my sister from back home out to come shopping with us too. No one seemed mad or upset or disappointed that I was pregnant. And even weirder, no one seemed to challenge me on my statement that I had not had sex since prior to my divorce, well over a year earlier. They just all seemed accepting of me and my situation.

The dream comes to an end as we start discussing possible baby names... McKinnley, Kade, Kale, Sawyer, Collier, ... and that's all I remember.

The Buzz on the Birds and the Bees

Na-Na was born in Dec of '72. I came 11 mos & 2 wks later in Dec '73. Ray-Ray came 12 mos & 2 wks after that in Dec '74. (breather) Samsky came 1 1/2 yrs later in Jun '76. Shygirl came another year or so in Oct '77. (Breather) Wreckless came in April '79 and finally BabyCakes came in Jun '80.

Yes. My parents had 7 kids in 8 years. Can you say "Crazy"??? Yes. If you ask them, they will admit they knew what caused it.

Anyway, now you know why I thought ALL married couples were "Moms & Dads". You can also imagine the curiosity of "how" babies were made always being on my mind. I am sure this was a difficult question for my parents to answer. And bless their hearts, they believed in being honest. And I am sure I was not an easy child to pacify and probably asked "why?" or "how?" to anything they proposed.

[Caution: if you choose to believe that babies come from storks or a cabbage patch, discontinue the reading of this post NOW!]

I remember having not 1 but 2 "birds & bees" discussions with my mother. The first one, I think I was pretty small either right before kindergarten or during. I actually think it was Na-Na who asked, and I was just there to listen and learn. Basically all my mom said was that when a husband and wife get married they share a special bond; a bond that helps them grow closer together. And it's through that bond in which a baby is made. I remember Na-Na asking "How a baby is made?" not being satisfied with the entire "bond" answer. So my mom simply said, "a tiny seed from the Dad is placed in a tiny egg in the mommy's belly, and that forms the baby." We were content; for the meantime. I can't tell you the images that went through my mind with that, though. I could not figure out how the dad's seed could get to the mom's egg. And of course I pictured a chicken egg. It was all weird.

Then one day in kindergarten, I was playing with my friend Liza at recess. She had her Barbie and Ken Doll. She announced they were going to "make a baby". I remember thinking, "All right! Now I get to see how the seed gets to the egg!" But all she did was make them kiss. "That's how babies are made?" I inquired. "That's how," she said matter-of-factly. "They kiss!" Well, I knew Liza was smart. But I figured her now to be a genius. I mean it was all starting to make sense! The seed could pass to the egg because the Mommy and the Daddy would kiss and she would swallow his seed and it would go down to her belly where the egg awaited! Imagine that! Simply Amazing!

Fast forward to another day while I was still quite young. Again, around 5 or 6. Somehow this discussion ensued with Na-Na & Ray-Ray and I had told them what Liza had said. Na-Na didn't believe me because of what her friend Anita had told her. (Anita came from an "open" family. The dad even used the "john" with the door open when my sister was there playing!) Anyway, my mom must have overheard us or something setting in motion the 2nd "Birds & Bees" discussion I ever had. My mom was the kind of parent that insisted kids be taught correctly and liked using medical and propert terms. I guess she figured it was time since we were asking about it.

She clarified that babies were not made by kissing. "Does Not Compute" my brain wanted to say. "So, if not by kissing, HOW???". I believe she used the words "intercourse" and "private parts" and maybe even a few simple hand gestures. I can't recall the exact verbiage as my brain is still working to destroy that memory.

"That is preposterous! Outrageous! Even Apocalyptic!" I raged to myself. All right, maybe I didn't use those words... but I was in a bit of a shock. "Does Not Compute" was the mode my brain was still in. The only conclusion I could draw at that moment was that she must have been making the whole thing up. Plus, when would they have time to do something like "that"! Where? How? No. Kissing is definitely how it happened. It made more sense. Besides, did we not see our parents kissing ALL.THE.TIME.?

That was the theory I convinced myself to believe. Too bad the boys in the back of the bus during 2nd grade had to go and ruin it for me. Believe me, I got a sex-education on that route. I think that is where I first heard words like "S-E-X" and "hump". Crude to say the least.

Not to say that the whole logistics of the "how" thing still didn't boggle my mind for years to come. Quite the quagmire it became, actually.

I am so glad that when my own 4 year old came to me and asked how babies were made and I said, "In Heaven" he replied with, "ok" and ran off to play. Whew! Then years later I found this awesome Usborne book on where babies come from. That is what I pull out in my house when the question arises! Only ever had to use it once... so far!