Saturday, March 14, 2009

Pregnancy, Secrets and Orange Smarties

I know I have shared some strange dreams in the past. This one nears the top especially because the dream felt so realistic in spite of it's unrealistic nature.
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I am traveling by train. It is night time and dark outside. I get off the train and it's raining. I am wearing sort of this gypsy skirt. I walk through the streets of an outdoor mall that never seems to end. Finally, I make it to a campus. I am looking for something, though I am not sure what. I enter a dorm. The halls are dimly lit. I walk up a few flight of stairs. An old woman greets me and says I look tired and hungry. I nod. Am I some sort of vagabond, I wonder. She seats me at a table and fixes me a plate of leftovers. She then brings out a few history books about the college. I thumb through the books, knowing that a clue to whatever I am looking for must be in there somewhere. Her adult son joins us. There isn't any conversation. But I eat and eat and can't seem to get enough. The old woman brings more food to the table and remarks that I must be starving. I think about that, and rub my tummy.

I think about the unborn baby I am carrying. Has anyone noticed? I don't appear to be showing and yet I am about five months along. I leave the dorm and travel back through the mall. I am tired. I think about the fact that I only have $25 in my pocket and I will need to provide clothes for my unborn child. I worry about what people will think when they find out I am pregnant. I wonder if they will believe me when I tell them that I have not had sex with anyone. How will I explain that I am pregnant when I don't even know myself how it happened?

Soon, I happen upon an old historic apartment building. I look up. The light is on in the apartment upstairs. I enter and make my way up the stairs. I knock at the door and Big-D answers. We sit on the couch and I pour my heart out, telling him all of the stress I have been going through. I tell him about the baby. He said he knows and has known all along. I stress about it. He tells me to relax and that everything will work out. I offer him some Smarties. He says he has never heard of them and asks what they are. I tell him they are candy. I pull a roll out of my pocket. I eat a few, but feed him the ones I do not like. He makes a sour-face. I laugh and tell him that they are the orange ones. He then gets a call from his friend asking if he sold his place yet. Big-D says that yes he sold his place, but doesn't let on that he sold it to me. It seemed as if it was all supposed to be kept confidential, which for some reason I am grateful. After talking to him I feel less stressed. I feel like I can breathe again.

It is day time now and the rain has let up. I talk to my mom and she mentions that she has a whole bunch of gift cards for Kohl's that people have given her. She tells me that there is no way she is ever going to use them all. She asks if I want them. I get excited, since Kohl's is my favorite store. I tell her I would love them as long as she goes shopping with me. I tell her I need to buy baby clothes for my unborn baby, which is most likely a girl. She says that she already knows; that a mother always knows. I was relieved. She brought my sister from back home out to come shopping with us too. No one seemed mad or upset or disappointed that I was pregnant. And even weirder, no one seemed to challenge me on my statement that I had not had sex since prior to my divorce, well over a year earlier. They just all seemed accepting of me and my situation.

The dream comes to an end as we start discussing possible baby names... McKinnley, Kade, Kale, Sawyer, Collier, ... and that's all I remember.

9 comments:

Megan said...

It's a bit unsettling when dream are SO REAL and then you wake up. I've had some like that and I have to ask myself if it really happened or not.

Yaya said...

Okay, so either you have a miraculous virgin baby in you...or...you are stressed about providing for your family?

Ruthykins said...

i find it odd that big d has never heard of smarties.

RhondaLue said...

Hmm maybe the dream was just a way for you to feel what Mary felt. Interesting dreams you have Emma.

You on any medications? I don't say it jokingly though. I have some meds that WHOA I know that if I take them the dreams are coming on...nightmares even. blech

greenolive said...

Do you really not like orange smarties?

okeydokeyifine said...

You are so weird.hahahah.

Dreams are funny aren't they? Atleast we got to go shopping.

Big D and smarties....next years's Christmas gift....

no, that would be lame.

Anyway, I hope you have a much happier dream tonight. Love,

Debbi said...

Are these American Smarties, or Canadian? (yes, there's a HUGE difference. We call American Smarties "Rockets", while our smarties are candy-covered chocolate, kinda like (but better than) M&Ms.

Not the point.
Weird dream, but oddly entertaining.

kanaboke said...

very Interesting Mary..I mean Emma! ;)

Puphigirl said...

Why you have to pick on the orange smarties? They were my favorite. Was it you that I would trade my yellows for the oranges?