Monday, January 5, 2009

The Buzz on the Birds and the Bees

Na-Na was born in Dec of '72. I came 11 mos & 2 wks later in Dec '73. Ray-Ray came 12 mos & 2 wks after that in Dec '74. (breather) Samsky came 1 1/2 yrs later in Jun '76. Shygirl came another year or so in Oct '77. (Breather) Wreckless came in April '79 and finally BabyCakes came in Jun '80.

Yes. My parents had 7 kids in 8 years. Can you say "Crazy"??? Yes. If you ask them, they will admit they knew what caused it.

Anyway, now you know why I thought ALL married couples were "Moms & Dads". You can also imagine the curiosity of "how" babies were made always being on my mind. I am sure this was a difficult question for my parents to answer. And bless their hearts, they believed in being honest. And I am sure I was not an easy child to pacify and probably asked "why?" or "how?" to anything they proposed.

[Caution: if you choose to believe that babies come from storks or a cabbage patch, discontinue the reading of this post NOW!]

I remember having not 1 but 2 "birds & bees" discussions with my mother. The first one, I think I was pretty small either right before kindergarten or during. I actually think it was Na-Na who asked, and I was just there to listen and learn. Basically all my mom said was that when a husband and wife get married they share a special bond; a bond that helps them grow closer together. And it's through that bond in which a baby is made. I remember Na-Na asking "How a baby is made?" not being satisfied with the entire "bond" answer. So my mom simply said, "a tiny seed from the Dad is placed in a tiny egg in the mommy's belly, and that forms the baby." We were content; for the meantime. I can't tell you the images that went through my mind with that, though. I could not figure out how the dad's seed could get to the mom's egg. And of course I pictured a chicken egg. It was all weird.

Then one day in kindergarten, I was playing with my friend Liza at recess. She had her Barbie and Ken Doll. She announced they were going to "make a baby". I remember thinking, "All right! Now I get to see how the seed gets to the egg!" But all she did was make them kiss. "That's how babies are made?" I inquired. "That's how," she said matter-of-factly. "They kiss!" Well, I knew Liza was smart. But I figured her now to be a genius. I mean it was all starting to make sense! The seed could pass to the egg because the Mommy and the Daddy would kiss and she would swallow his seed and it would go down to her belly where the egg awaited! Imagine that! Simply Amazing!

Fast forward to another day while I was still quite young. Again, around 5 or 6. Somehow this discussion ensued with Na-Na & Ray-Ray and I had told them what Liza had said. Na-Na didn't believe me because of what her friend Anita had told her. (Anita came from an "open" family. The dad even used the "john" with the door open when my sister was there playing!) Anyway, my mom must have overheard us or something setting in motion the 2nd "Birds & Bees" discussion I ever had. My mom was the kind of parent that insisted kids be taught correctly and liked using medical and propert terms. I guess she figured it was time since we were asking about it.

She clarified that babies were not made by kissing. "Does Not Compute" my brain wanted to say. "So, if not by kissing, HOW???". I believe she used the words "intercourse" and "private parts" and maybe even a few simple hand gestures. I can't recall the exact verbiage as my brain is still working to destroy that memory.

"That is preposterous! Outrageous! Even Apocalyptic!" I raged to myself. All right, maybe I didn't use those words... but I was in a bit of a shock. "Does Not Compute" was the mode my brain was still in. The only conclusion I could draw at that moment was that she must have been making the whole thing up. Plus, when would they have time to do something like "that"! Where? How? No. Kissing is definitely how it happened. It made more sense. Besides, did we not see our parents kissing ALL.THE.TIME.?

That was the theory I convinced myself to believe. Too bad the boys in the back of the bus during 2nd grade had to go and ruin it for me. Believe me, I got a sex-education on that route. I think that is where I first heard words like "S-E-X" and "hump". Crude to say the least.

Not to say that the whole logistics of the "how" thing still didn't boggle my mind for years to come. Quite the quagmire it became, actually.

I am so glad that when my own 4 year old came to me and asked how babies were made and I said, "In Heaven" he replied with, "ok" and ran off to play. Whew! Then years later I found this awesome Usborne book on where babies come from. That is what I pull out in my house when the question arises! Only ever had to use it once... so far!

19 comments:

Cindy said...

I think my mother managed to squash all talk and said "keep both feet on the floor!"

jewelstreet said...

My mom got a book from the library and made me read it while she was vacuuming. Seriously. It was a little graphic as well.

RhondaLue said...

that's so funny!

I think I'm like your mom. I teach my kids the correct names for all body parts and am pretty open when they want to know things. 3 down, 3 to go!!

Oh and my mom gave me a book and told me to go read it. I was in my room acting like I wasn't totally enthralled with the book and then went to church the next week going, "NOWAY does Sister so and so do THAT!!!" It totally blew me away.

TravAndToni said...

As a person who exsists because my grandmother told my mother that holding hands made babies... My mother NEVER held hands, and yet, here I am!

I had to have the 'talk' early with my kids. We were having a bathtub extravaganza one afternoon with my son (aged 3 and 1/2), my brother (also aged 3 and 1/2) and my daughter (aged 2), when my brother said, "Toni, how come when I pull on these hangy oval thingies it hurts?" Well, well. Um. Huh. Already, huh? Well, let me explain those to you, and let me explain why you shouldn't pull on them, or hit them, or kick them, or be mean to them, because one day...

That was the last party bathtime though, because after my explaination about how those oval things were one day going to be instrumental in the production of offspring, my sweet little daughter looked up from the bathtub at me with her huge blue eyes and said, "Momma, if I had some of those hangy downy thingies, I would NEBER, EBER squeeze them, or pinch them, or let anyone hurty them." Oooookay. Um, that's good sweety. Alrighty, seperate baths from now on!

Mrs. S said...

hahahhaaha thats too funny! I love it! My mom NEVER had the talk with me. Neither did my Dad. It was simply just not up for discussion.

Ahhhh well.

andrea said...

I believe in a good dose of "age appropriate honesty". For instance, when my kids are being nasty and talk back at me...I just remind them that "I pushed your big fat head out of my va-j-j, so you are not allowed to talk to me like that." Usually any mention of vagina shuts them up pretty quick. Plus, we saw some cougars engaging in some kitty cat love @ the zoo some years back. That one took a load off me for sure.

Susie said...

My favorite answer for stuff is "Because God made it that way":-) My friend Therese is laughing her butt off right now:-)

Tamie said...

that was fabulous! my parents are proponents (as am i) of using the poper term for the proper item of anatomy and so on and so forth----i honestly am not sure when "the talk" happened with me. my parents had a medical book and my mom probably pulled that puppy out and showed me some pictures

Tulsi said...

My mom put pamphlets in our room a few years to late. I'm not sure how Steve told Brie and Kass, as I decided it was his job - girl or boy. But with the "huh" child he used the lamp plug and wall socket. She still turns red and tells us to "knock it off" if we ask if we need to find a lamp. And she is 15. We answered their questions correctly when they began asking. The asking phase didn't last long. The big kids still tease Mikele.

debilyn said...

thank goodness your 4yr old is so low maintenance!

as for the down & dirty details of my story? it was my sister's irish boyfriend (the one she left her husband for)...he just went nuts. now there's a warrant out for his arrest. her life is a living nightmare at the moment...

oy vey is actually an understatement!

dddiva said...

Hahaha that is so funny. I never had the talk I guess mom assumed I knew- I picked it up somehow.
My own girls- I don't even remember they still cover their ears and say lalalala when people bring it up. Or say eww is it over when the mushy parts come on tv. ;-)

There is an award for you on my blog @ http://myloonyverse.com
Enjoy.

Kaye Butler said...

I've had these talks MANY MANY talks with the girls. My mother never had the talk with any of us. I had read the book Are You There God It's Me Margaret...she thought that was good enough.

Taylor thought that she would lay eggs. The whole "Monthly Period" was fun with Mary Margaret. The few pregnancy scares were fun to deal with...no one was ever even close to being pregnant.

I think the one time that MM thought she was pregnant because she skipped A DAY during the period is my favorite.

I told her she had to have sex with a boy..she said what and I told her...she gagged and vomited up bile. LOVE THAT and wish that is the way she would feel about boys for a long long time.

Great post.

The Nice One said...

I may have to check out that book. Man, the older they get the harder the questions are getting. My 9 year old has asked some DOOZIEs lately. He caught an episode of that Duggar family on TV and whew...yea...that was a fun one.

okeydokeyifine said...

All you gotta do it get an extension cord. It has a male and a female end....A littl imagination and... well, you get it.

Vickie said...

Funny! When I was young, I told my Mom, babies came out of your belly button. She looked at me and said, "Really?!"

A few years later, we went to the library and checked out a couple of books.

Already had my experience with my 8 year old daughter. Her friend told her that mommys and daddys are naked and they kiss. My comment-"Really?"

kanaboke said...

ooooo, title of the Book please! I'd love to get my hands on one!

bernthis said...

I never got "the talk". I have no clue how I knew. I think I just blocked it all out until I had sex the first time.

Ruthykins said...

my friend janelle explained the whole thing to me after i was confused by sex ed in fourth grade. before that, i thought it was kissing a certain amount of times.

greenolive said...

I was first told about it in first grade in school during recess. I remember being glad I was a kid and I didn't have to worry about any of that stuff yet.