Hum-dinger of a Problem

My 8 year old hums.  And by "hums", what I really mean to say is he is CONSTANTLY humming.  In the tub, at the dinner table, in the middle of conversations, and during those "quiet moments"- like in church, the movies, or independent study time in school.

There are many reasons children hum and we already know why he does it.  Our problem is -- what to DO about it?  I know what some of you are thinking.  Humming can't be that bad.  It's a sign of a happy child, right?  Just let him hum and be happy.  Trust me.  I'm glad he's happy and likes to hum. The problem is that it's constant and it's a distraction in class to both his teachers and the other students.  It's obviously not appropriate during certain parts of the church service, or when others sitting close by are attempting a conversation.  I don't want to make him feel "naughty" or "bad" about humming.  I get that for him it's a soothing mechanism.  But I also want him to able to adjust "normally" without irritating everyone around him or getting in trouble at school due to his humming.

We've done the gentle reminder approach, quietly tapping him on the shoulder at church, placing a finger up to our lips.  When that doesn't work it becomes a soft whispered reminder, "No humming."  The third time is usually a combination tap-him-on-the-knee with a whispered, "you need to stop humming."  After that, both the hubs and I are ready to lose it.  "Seriously? Stop the humming!" doesn't usually come out quite as "gentle" or as "quiet" as we'd like, as in the case of yesterday, while the sacrament at church was being passed.  This is a time for quiet contemplation, for reverence and reflection, for meaningful soul searching.  This is a time we dedicate our thoughts to our Lord and Savior.  But when your 8 year old is constantly humming video game tunes and starts up again IMMEDIATELY after being shushed (at least 4 different times IN.A.ROW.) - well, that's a bit maddening for a parent.  I thought the hubs was going to lose it yesterday.

I've googled the situation and have found many opinions which run the gamut from "It's a phase you just need to ignore" to "he's stuck in Freud's oral stage.  Give him gum to chew."  But no one really ever talks about if they've been successful in getting their child to refrain from inappropriate humming.  (Yes.  We've had that discussion with him as well.)

We've got to figure something out.

I Ride the Shuttle, and I Say Thanks

Fall semester at WSU started this past Monday.  The first few days were a bit rocky, but I survived my first week back!  Woo Hoot!

One of the things I quickly learned (thanks to a kind man at the Parking Office), is that if you don't get to campus before about 8:45am, there is barely ANY parking until about 2pm.  I was told - in near hushed tones - that instead of wasting my money ($71) on an annual pass I'll rarely be able to use, I should buy the pass to park at the event center (a mile away) because it's cheaper ($28) and there is a FREE shuttle service between that lot and the center of campus and it runs - get this - EVERY.FIVE.MINUTES.  

One thing I HATED about SLCC was parking.  I'd try to get to campus about an hour early, and even then a spot could be hard to come by; my quest often resembling a scene from a scary movie.  Me, on a stakeout, keeping my eyes peeled for that one student emerging from class.  I would follow him or her slowly in my car, hoping to get the spot they'd be vacating.  A few panicked looks over the shoulder and it never failed; they'd soon quicken their stride, eventually sprinting across the parking lot in an attempt to escape the "crazy lady in the Altima".  And, just like that, the trail would go cold.  

I cannot tell you the number of times I was tempted to roll my window down and offer someone a ride to their car, just so I could take their spot.  But, how exactly does one begin such a request.  "Excuse me, I know you don't know me, but are you going to your car right now?  Can I give you a ride?  ..... I've got candy."   "Hello?  Campus Security?"

Needless to say, a free shuttle sounded great!  All in all, from the time I park my car and take the shuttle to the drop point, it's about 10 minutes, which is way better than arriving an hour early and becoming the poster child for Campus Creepers.  

I am grateful for the shuttle, truly, and each day as I make my way toward the front of the bus to get off, I ALWAYS say "thank you" to the driver.  Sometimes a few other students in front of me will say thanks, but not always. 

When I am near the last to exit, I notice a trend, which supports evidence that we (humans) have a Psychosocial need to fit in.  If someone near the front of the bus says, "Thanks/Thank you" to the driver, then most others follow suit.  However, if those in the front of the bus remain silent, it often proves to be a very quiet exodus.  Perhaps one or two say "thanks", but because it's not the "norm", others are less likely to join in.  

Another thing I noticed, from the looks of it, is that those who offer up their words of gratitude freely, are mostly over the age of 25.  I thought about this in relation to Erikson's theory of  Psychosocial Conflict (Identity vs. Confusion, Stage 5).  When we are in our adolescent years, we might begin to "feel confused or insecure about ourselves and how we fit into society."  I wondered three things.  One -  were these students not taught these skills (manners & the confidence to use them) during that critical period?  Two - if this is now the norm, what does our future society look like?  and Three - is this something they will become more comfortable with and more free to express as they grow and mature?

I am sure glad I spent a lot of time and energy teaching my kids manners! 

I don't say "thanks" just to be nice.  I AM grateful for the shuttle.  I am grateful for the time and money it saves me, I am grateful to not have to walk in bad weather, and I am grateful to the driver for getting me to my destination safely!

My name is Emma. I ride the shuttle, and I say Thanks.

Blogspot Confessions: I Cheated

Ok -- so here's a confession. I cheated! Yep it's true.

It all started back when I lived in the Bridgeside Landing apartments as a young mom with little bebes. There were lots of other young moms with lots of little bebes too. We decided to do a weekly play group and rotate hosts. Whomever hosted provided the snacks. Well, all of these moms and their fancy schmancy million dollar delectable treats intimidated me. I thought about trying some of the things they had done. But let's face it, I'm lazy.

Instead, I began several processes of trial & error using simple recipes (or even worse - a MIX) and just embellishing slightly. The result? They thought I was a rock star and the next thing I know the neighborhood chicas were calling ME a "regular Betty Crocker".

I have since actually made things from scratch and many good things too, if I do say so myself. And much of it comes from experimenting or substituting this or that for something the recipe calls for which I don't have on hand. I actually enjoy cooking and baking now.

I have also since realized that my enthusiasm for cooking possibly/probably stems from my need for positive attention. "Back in the day" I needed to feel accepted by these seemingly oh-so-perfect housewives and moms. I also enjoyed the praise my many coworkers would give me when I brought something to the monthly potluck. It was their words of encouragement that motivated me to continue. My oldest at the time was only 4 years old and was a picky eater, as was the other parental unit. I remember trying new recipes for dinner and then getting offended or hurt that no one would even want to try them. But having a new audience, a new panel of judges per se, was exciting. It filled my need for praise and affection in a way I can't describe. I've heard that a lot of times people eat as a way to fulfill something they are lacking. I think I cook and bake for that same reason, or at least that's why I started to years ago.

I finally feel like cooking is something I am really good at. True, I will never be a gourmet chef. (My ADHD prevents me from even READING a recipe with all of those ingredients, haha.) But I love to cook and bake and please my family, (selfishly) knowing I'm gonna get some sort of praise in return -- even if it's just them eating a second (or third) helping.

I am actually grateful for my friends and family who were bold enough to let the accolades and "atta girls" roll off the tongue. If it weren't for them I might still be serving pasta-roni for dinner every night. :)

I guess the bottom line is we all need encouragement when trying new things. We all want to feel appreciated. We all want to hear we've done a good job. I admit, I "cheat" a little here or there with cooking. I am all for short cuts. But does it really matter how I got here? No. My kids love the stuff I make so that's all that really counts. I admit, it sort of pleases me to think that one day one of my kids will tell their spouse, "You should ask my mom how she makes it." :)

I think this is one area where cheating is acceptable. :)

If interested you can check out my recipes and cheats here: {{Simply Simmer}}

When Bad Things Happen...

Sometimes when bad things happen, I let it roll off my back. Or, I might cry~~ but just a bit. But then, if it's something out of my control, I try to ignore it... push it to the back of my mind.

Sometimes that works.

But sometimes... Sometimes, that bad thing gets compounded by busyness, stress, lack of sleep or other bad things.

And then... it all comes to a head. I can tell when I am on the "verge", as I call it. I can feel it brewing and I know that I am headed for more than a little cry; a monumental cry.

And the flood gates open and the tears flow and it seems like nothing is going to go my way. That "storm" usually lasts about an hour...or two...or maybe even three.

And as with everything else, there is that one person who can make it all better. Not that they can take away the bad thing or fix what's broken. But for some reason, just talking to them or hearing their voice makes everything FEEL like it will be better.

Maybe for you that one person is the same person each time. Or maybe it's that one person that is just the right person for that particular time. Either way, it works. That voice is the voice we can find comfort in. And that is the voice that sometimes helps us see clearly, or maybe just lends a listening ear. It can be a therapist, a coworker, a family member, a friend, a lover... Whomever it is, it is the one voice we need to hear in that moment to help soothe us. And they don't even have to say anything in particular; just being with them or talking to them is enough.

I am grateful and blessed that when bad things happen I have that voice...the voice that makes everything okay.

Is It Just Me, or What?

Sometimes the best thing you can do is laugh at yourself. I wish I would have learned that in my younger days. Over the last few years especially, I have learned not to take myself so seriously all the time, not to worry about what others think about me (or at least not like I used to), and that laughter really can be the best medicine. What's that movie quote?? "If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna be a whole lot longer than you like." Besides, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

I've taken the color personality test before. But recently I took it again for kicks and giggles. Most everyone has a primary and secondary "color code". My primary is yellow, and here is the gist of what that means....

"Yellows are motivated by FUN. You are instinctively happy and gravitate to people and situations that provide carefree adventure and playful interactions. Even under the most serious of circumstances or daunting tasks, you and your YELLOW (buddies/girlfriends), will seek an element of personal fulfillment and spontaneous enjoyment in the experience. Spontaneous play and genuine "in the moment" FUN are not merely important to you - they are as essential to your very being as eating....

you are inviting and embrace life as a party that you're hosting. You love playful interaction and can be extremely sociable. YELLOWS need to be adored and praised, especially by their partners. While you are carefree, you are quite sensitive and highly alert to others' agendas to control you. You carry within yourself the gift of a good heart, and are happy to share it with your significant other...

You are happy, articulate, engaging of others and crave adventure. Easily distracted, you can never sit still for long. You embrace each day in the "present tense" and choose people to be around who, like you, enjoy a curious nature.

You are not a boring person. In fact, you are often the life of the party wherever you go and whatever you do. You always have something to talk about, and you are constantly getting yourself into unbelievably funny situations. Potential partners love this about you because they know that there will never be a dull moment and that they will never have to worry about a lack of entertainment.

One of the greatest gifts that you have to offer is that you have an amazing heart. You tend to reserve it for those by whom you feel adored, but you give it so freely when you find that special someone. Not only do you have a great heart, but you are able to create romantic moments and memories. You are easy to fall in love with just as you love easily and openly. Your partner will know that you would do anything for them, which is very endearing."

So, yes... I'd have to say that about sums me up! lol... well there's more. But like I said, that is the gist of it. Anyway, as I find myself in "unbelievably funny situations", I wonder, "Is it just me?" or "Why do things like this always happen to me?" or "Do my yellow spidey senses make me more prone to stuff like this???

Case(s) in Point (just this past week-week and a half):

#1) Recently, I was sitting in the library doing homework. The guy at the table directly to my left bent over to get something from his bag. Total plumber's crack. So, then I sort of shift my chair to the right a little and that guy didn't even NEED to be bending over for me to glimpse his coin slot! So, in an effort to regain any ability to focus, I just faced my chair straight ahead. And I am 100% dead serious when I say that right before my eyes, Comb-Over-Man BENT OVER and was totally wreaking Crack-Havoc! So, then what did I do? I logged on to Facebook of course, to post that "Crack" was the free feature in the library that night and a warning to kids everywhere to say "no" to "crack"... **sigh** I totally crack myself up over how clever I am :p

#2) A few weeks ago, I headed to the library to take a test for school. When I got to the parking lot, I realized that my shirt was on INSIDE OUT! And it was waaaaay obvious. After much debate on whether or not to jaunt across the parking lot and dodge in the ladies room before being apprehended by the fashion police, I pulled my van into a far corner of the lot and quickly fixed my shirt.

#3) Recently, I was getting ready to go somewhere, but needed to put a new coat of polish on my nails. I figured I'd drive real carefully so as not to mess them up. Problem was, as soon as I got outside, I realized my keys were in the front pocket of my jeans. I had to ask my neighbor to fish them out for me.

#4) While at the library a second time this week, I realized - once I got there of course - my PANTS were INSIDE OUT! Doh! Who DOES that? (tee hee... me, i guess)

#5) Friday, I was shopping for school clothes for the kids. And when I shop, I don't mess around. So, there I was, walking briskly through Tar-Jay, when somehow, all of a sudden, my purse grabs hold of a clothing rack and, well -- "Nothin' to see here folks...move along... just a semi- crazy lady picking up the rack of clothes she just knocked over."

and Finally...

#6) Saturday night, I get in the van to go down to meet a friend in American Fork. I notice a total string of bird poo all down my window. Bleh. I know it's harmless since it's on the outside. However I also know myself well enough to know that it will distract me! So, I make a quick play for the car wash. I put my window down, pay the guys, and then ...uh, oh. Power window will not come back up. Uh-oh... line is forming behind me. Usually, if it "sticks", I just wait about 10 seconds and then it just fine. But, not this time. The guys had to have the ENTIRE LINE of cars BACK.UP. so I could get out of the car-wash "track". Then, I drove around to the back of the line! Luckily by the time I got up to the front again, the window had gone up. The guys were just sort of shaking their heads, laughing.

And that is just a SAMPLING of my life over the course of about 10 days! lol! In the words of Kaye Kaye... I know y'all are jealous and want to be me :)

So again, I wonder.... is it just me? Is my personality somehow a catalyst for these types of situations? Or is it like my one friend says, that while "things like this may happen to others, they are not able to laugh at themselves and put a humorous spin on it."

Who knows? But I will say this about me and my big, bad yellowness...

I AM happy (even in all my dorky-glory). I DO enjoy my "adventures". I CAN laugh at myself and I WILL always invite others to laugh along too!


For more about the color code personality test, go {here}.

Lists

Many of you know my old Blackberry poopered out on me and I got a new Droid to replace it. Well, Big-D just happens to have the same phone.

One day last week...

Me: "So do you know if there is a Droid App for like memos and stuff?"

Him: "Probably. Why?"

Me: "I need one. To make a list."

Him: "You mean a list of lists?"

Me (blushing slightly): "Yes. As a matter of fact, it is for my list of lists. Remember?? Someone accidentally wiped everything off my old phone?"

Him: "Oh... yeah...Sorry."

Does he know me or what? My list of lists... hahaha!

The Book that Messed Me Up

I went to Barnes & Noble a few weeks ago. Big-D had to grab a book he had on hold. I was perusing the "Bargain Priced" Section and this book caught my eye...

The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook.

Hmmm, I thought. Interesting. Wonder what sort of stuff is in there? I mean is it like a workbook with problems you have to work through -- like possible scenarios? Or is it more like learning coping mechanisms? I mean, if it is like a workbook that teaches like relaxation or meditation techniques, I'm sure I've already heard it all before; from my counselor(s). Of course, there could be some new stuff in there too, I suppose. I guess I could just pick it up and open it up and look. But if I do that I will then probably see some of the stuff my counselor already taught me, and then I would realize that I was being foolish over having anxiety that the book might have some sort of new secrets that would be revealed unto me. Wait... I think I might be having anxiety over this book right.now. as.we.speak. I mean, I think I am having anxiety over the fact that I might have anxiety over this book. That is so weird, to have anxiety about the awareness of having anxiety... **head spinning. heart palpitating. palms sweating.** I need to sit down. **looks around for closest chair. Sees man in chair looking at me, wondering what the Fudge I am doing???**

I start to laugh, realizing how foolish I probably looked, scrutinizing this book from four feet above and no doubt, my breathing took on a little deeper sighs. I laugh some more, shake it off, and leave to find Big-D. He asks what is funny. I ask to use his camera phone... since my (Blackberry) was dead. I regale him with the story as we walk back over to snap the pic. By now, the guy in the chair is extremely perplexed. As Big-D and I leave and walk over to the other side, I see this guy get up from his chair, and go stand where we were standing. No doubt, he is perusing book titles to see what was so funny. And no doubt, he didn't get it.

Just a Little Bruised

This is sooo dumb. I mean, what am I -- like in Jr High or something? Why do I care if the people at the "cool table" don't want me to sit with them anymore? It's not like it really matters, right? I mean, they don't DEFINE me! So... why does it matter? Why?

Not that I am emotionally scarred or "disfigured" for life or anything. It's not gonna keep me from getting out of bed, or stop me from going to church, or work or what have you. I am still going to be nice and cordial and polite and say hi and offer up the token head-nod. But I guess what I am admitting here is that my feelings are a little... "bruised" right now.

It wasn't supposed to matter; but it did. I told myself it was no big deal; but it was. I acted like I didn't care; and I don't, not really. And yet... I do (a little).

Perhaps, it matters (a little) because I used to be part of the group. Perhaps it hurts (a little) because I don't understand what I did to now be out of the group. Perhaps it's just another affirmation that I don't really fit in anymore. I don't have money like some in the group do. Everyone else in the group is married. Is that it? Was I cast out because I am not married?

I don't really fit in with the "singles" either. I mean, I have children. Where I live single moms just aren't a dime a dozen like perhaps some other places. I guess that is it. I don't like eating at the lunch table by myself. I don't want the pity-stares-while-you-walk-on-by look either. Just thinking "out loud" here, I suppose.

I get that not everyone I ever meet will like me (why? I have no idea - tee hee), but I used to be invited to the "cool table" all the time. So it isn't like I never knew what it was like. And now - all of a sudden - no more. Maybe that is why it hurts (a little). Maybe it bothers me (a little) because I enjoy socializing, and partying, and getting together to hang out. I am a gregarious person. I flock towards groups and I prefer to be where the action is. And having to "sit by myself" is hard because it isn't me. I just really hate feeling like I do not "fit" anywhere. I am not good at being a "loner".

So, perhaps, between kids and work and school and church and the gym perhaps I might have about 30 seconds left I can devote to finding a new group to fit into... lol!

Don't Be A Debbie Downer!

So, I realize I've been sort of a Debbie Downer lately... Gonna try to be my "glass is half-full" self again. Speaking of Debbie Downer... This is my FAVORITE clip of Debbie Downer from SNL... Ben Affleck pretty much loses it. Check it out!



Do YOU know any Debbie Downers in your life???

Things... and Stuff

I have been really up and down lately. And I'd like to tell you all about it. But it's just that it's a bit too personal, and I might just cry, and stuff. On the other hand... I feel like I need to share -- talk about it, y'know?

OMGosh -- Fine! I'll spill...

Basically it started out with this person and me, of course. And we got together and did some things and then some other stuff. Then after a while we decided not to do some things and stuff. But then it was like they said this and I said that. And then I was way irritated over this and that and more things and stuff, while at the same time loving all of the things and stuff.

So -- now I am just not sure what to do next. Y'know? And the whole reason I really don't wanna share is pretty much because most people think I just really don't know what I am doing or what I am getting myself into, or that I am a fool. And in some ways a lot of these things and stuff has proved them right. And I really don't want to have to accept that either, cuz that's sort of embarrassing, right? I mean who wants to accept that perhaps they are just a little crazy, or desperate or heaven forbid, WRONG and whatnot. Besides, I guess deep down I feel that while sometimes things and stuff can back us into a corner, or make us do other things and stuff we wouldn't normally do, I just don't wanna have any more regrets, y'know? But by the same token, sometimes there are just certain things that are so totally worth every risk. I mean - as with a lot of stuff, right?

And I know that I said I was gonna like fall off the grid for a while... but seriously? We all know that I am a bloggy-comment-whore and really, like can't stay away for like too long. Cuz mostly, you guys like totally rock and help me get through my crap and stuff while I deal with these things... and stuff... like, y'know? Totally...

Boy, I'm sure glad I'm getting all of this stuff and whatnot off my chest. I feel a little better already. I am sure whatever stuff I decide to do next about all of that other stuff will work out, and I'll be ok, eventually -- maybe even a little better, a little stronger for it. Even though the road may be a little bumpy, and things might seem a little hard to handle sometimes... I mean, I really don't know what I am going to do or what's gonna happen next. I guess most of the things and stuff are outta my hands at this point. I wish like I could see the end from the beginning sometimes, and know more about how all of this stuff is gonna play out.

Wow... you DO get me. Thanks for listening! I know I can always count on you! Mwah!

Dancing with CATS??? Are you Kidding Me?

I don't really have anything against cats, per say. Well, at least not enough for me to wish any harm on them. That being said, I'm not a cat lover either. I mean, I can take 'em or leave 'em; either way. Perhaps that is why I just do NOT get this.

This little ditty showed up at our girls night white elephant gift exchange. I about peed my pants. And it wasn't just the pictures, but the writing is a little, what I would consider over the top. I just really don't know how else to explain it. And yet, it was/is a best seller? Maybe in New Zealand where it was written... but I still don't get it. Anyway, for your viewing pleasure I have incorporated the "book preview" from google books. You'll have to click on the black arrows to move to the next page.

See for yourself... am I crazy or is this book just BIZARRE???

I Was A Cry Baby

Normally, I don't let things get to me - with regards to what other people say or do. When I am stressed, depressed or anxious about something, it is usually over something *I* have to get done, or something that I can't get done. Deadlines, school, pressure, work, money, kids... those are the things I usually fret over. If someone looks at me the wrong way, or says stuff behind my back, I usually am like, "whatever". And then, I sort of "weed" that person out of my life. If they want to be like that, then I just don't need to be around them, right? Right.

However, when I am uber-stressed, uber-tired, and feeling overwhelmed I get emotional fairly easy. But again, this usually occurs over matters such as deadlines, school, pressure, work, money, kids, etc. I guess because I am sarcastic much of the time, only those who know me well, see this emotional side to me.

Fact: Sarcastic People Have Feelings Too.

That being said, last week, someone said something to me, in front of a group of people, which I found very hurtful and I cried; like a big fat baby. I mean, seriously -- this was no little tear. I cried and couldn't stop. And then I cried at least three more times. My appetite was ruined. I even left the event early, and called Big-D and cried again while re-telling it.

Let me just say that I HATE that I cried. This usually isn't me.

Case in point. About a year and a half ago, some people, who were supposed to be my friends, were caught up in some gossipping -- about ME! I was oblivious to the entire ordeal. Well, guilt had got the best of two of them, and they came forward and confessed to me what they had done. I didn't cry. Honestly, I hardly felt hurt at all. I thanked them for having the courage to come forward. The one even asked me a few days later if I was ok. I said, "yep". She replied, "but you don't seem upset or angry. I mean you haven't cried or anything." I said, "Nope. For some reason, I am not upset or angry. I think that it is easy to get caught up in something like that, and I respect you more for having the courage to tell me." And honestly, with all truthfulness, I can say that this instance didn't bother me at all. I am still friends with the women as well.

NORMALLY, I am like - if they wanna talk about me, whatever. If they don't like me, who cares? If they don't want to be my friend, so be it. If they think my parenting skills are a little out there, I already know. If they think I'm a little too sarcastic and slightly "dirty-minded", oh well. I just really don't let it bother me.

So, back to this incident. Why did I cry??? Why did it bother me SOOOO much? True, I was tired. True, it was during the week of finals and I was already stressed. True, it was a personal attack. True, it was about something I had worked hard on and felt like was a success. True, it was in front of other people, and True, it caught me off guard. Others whom overheard agreed that it wasn't very nice.

But what bothered me more than her being mean was the fact that it bothered me at all. I really HATE that I cried over it, that I allowed myself to give away my "power" or "control", so to speak.

Now that I have had some time to think a little about it, I guess the "trigger for tears" was that it was something mean said to my face, and it has been a while since that has happened. I mean, I get that not everyone will like me or things that I do or say. But if you wanna say mean things, I'd rather you do it behind my back, hehehe. What's that saying? Ignorance is bliss?

What about you? Do you get offended easily? or do you let things roll off your shoulders pretty easily?

My Many Faces and My First Vlog!

And now, the Vlog...

Little Mis-Behavin? Me?

Saw this sign posted behind the counter at the Sunshine Cafe last week.

I laughed when I read it - and of course had to take a pic for the blog. Perhaps it's because I don't consider myself a "well-behaved woman". Don't get me wrong; I'm not like some "evil" woman or trouble-maker or anything. But definitely not some bun-sporting, wool-wearing prude either.

I showed it to three friends of mine. Here were their reactions:

"That's Awesome! Totally an Emma-Blog-Thing!"

"Hmmm [complete with furrowed brow]. What does that mean?"

Then this from a man...

"Perhaps making history isn't always a good thing."

What the Freak?

What do you think? Funny sign? Poor Taste? Women should be proper? WHAT??? TELL ME NOW!!! I'm dying to know!!!