Just a Little Bruised

This is sooo dumb. I mean, what am I -- like in Jr High or something? Why do I care if the people at the "cool table" don't want me to sit with them anymore? It's not like it really matters, right? I mean, they don't DEFINE me! So... why does it matter? Why?

Not that I am emotionally scarred or "disfigured" for life or anything. It's not gonna keep me from getting out of bed, or stop me from going to church, or work or what have you. I am still going to be nice and cordial and polite and say hi and offer up the token head-nod. But I guess what I am admitting here is that my feelings are a little... "bruised" right now.

It wasn't supposed to matter; but it did. I told myself it was no big deal; but it was. I acted like I didn't care; and I don't, not really. And yet... I do (a little).

Perhaps, it matters (a little) because I used to be part of the group. Perhaps it hurts (a little) because I don't understand what I did to now be out of the group. Perhaps it's just another affirmation that I don't really fit in anymore. I don't have money like some in the group do. Everyone else in the group is married. Is that it? Was I cast out because I am not married?

I don't really fit in with the "singles" either. I mean, I have children. Where I live single moms just aren't a dime a dozen like perhaps some other places. I guess that is it. I don't like eating at the lunch table by myself. I don't want the pity-stares-while-you-walk-on-by look either. Just thinking "out loud" here, I suppose.

I get that not everyone I ever meet will like me (why? I have no idea - tee hee), but I used to be invited to the "cool table" all the time. So it isn't like I never knew what it was like. And now - all of a sudden - no more. Maybe that is why it hurts (a little). Maybe it bothers me (a little) because I enjoy socializing, and partying, and getting together to hang out. I am a gregarious person. I flock towards groups and I prefer to be where the action is. And having to "sit by myself" is hard because it isn't me. I just really hate feeling like I do not "fit" anywhere. I am not good at being a "loner".

So, perhaps, between kids and work and school and church and the gym perhaps I might have about 30 seconds left I can devote to finding a new group to fit into... lol!

The Barstool Chronicles

This all started a few Fridays ago. Big-D & I decide to go and watch the Jazz game at Iggy's. Well, it's Friday and it is like 7pm... C-R-O-W-D-E-D. We are told we can sit at the bar if there is room.

We find two seats, next to Normal Couple. We sit, and start to look at the menus. I notice across the bar in the corner is Landing Strip. Landing Strip, because he had facial hair that wasn't so much as a goatee as it was a skinny "landing strip". Landing Strip finishes his meal and orders a LARGE ice cream sundae and watches the game between intermittent texts.

Seated next to Landing Strip are Sports Talk & Stripey. They arrive about the same time we do. There are two empty seats next to them, followed by Fancy, a third empty seat, the Normal Couple & then us. Soon, the Homie Trio walks in. The Boys in baseball caps (1 wearing his backwards) and the girl with multiple piercings. Fancy freaks out and says, "I'm saving this seat!" almost in a shrill, panicked voice. The bartender tells White Homie (wearing a white sweatshirt) to come around to the end of the bar and grab an empty stool. He brings the stool back around and squeezes between Fancy and Fly Girl. Fancy does not look happy. She orders herself a glass of wine and turns her body away from the homies. I laugh and tell Big-D that she is in the wrong place. He isn't sure what the heck I am talking about.

Finally Mr. Fancy joins Fancy, in a sports jacket and orders himself an imported beer. Oooh... fancy. They also get some wings to split as an appetizer before their "main entree" which is a large salad each. Whoa.. go big! I continue to laugh as Fancy now has her body completely turned away from Homies at this point and I am sure she is clutching her hand bag tightly underneath the table.

Down the way, White Homie and Fly Girl are totally hitting it off. Pretty sure they are an item. They are sharing anecdotes of what has happened during her day while working at the Sally's Beauty Supply store and him at the loading depot. Red Homie is feelin a little bit like a third wheel, and thus begins a conversation with Sports Talk, about what else but the game.

They discuss how all of the players are on the chopping block and they just need to get their motivation and hustle back. As the two talk over Stripey he seems completely oblivious. He is intently focused on unfolding his napkin into his lap, and later as the food comes, he focuses intently on the entree at hand. He glances at the game perhaps, once **maybe** twice. Big-D says he believes he is the former weatherman's son (current weatherman's brother) and that he went to school with him. Apparently, he graduated the same year as we did.

Moving on to Landing Strip. He texts his honey-baby as she makes her way from LaGuardia airport to her hotel via taxi. She texts backs, he smiles sweetly, and then chuckles. She tells him she'll call once she gets checked in and up to her room. Within minutes his phone rings. "Hey Baby..." his deep-like-Barry White voice starts. She tells him about her flight and her layover time before working the next flight back tomorrow, for her job as an airline flight attendant. He tells her to be safe. They exchange the I Love You's and Good Night Sweeties and Landing Strip hangs up. He is left to his sundae and the rest of the game.

Sports Talk has gotten quiet and finishes the rest of her dinner with Stripey, mostly in silence, but bringing up the weather forecast once in a while.

By this time Red Homie is muttering under his breath, cursing his friends for "dragging him out of the house" only to make him feel like a third wheel. He pretends to be uber-focused on the game, periodically eyeing them with daggers during time-outs and commercial breaks.

Fly Girl cannot believe how funny White Homie has gotten, and **giggle, giggle** he is just so funny! That story about his boss slipping on the banana peel outside the loading dock is hilarious; or at least she'll lead him to believe so. They talk more about their upcoming Spring Break plans to visit his mom up in Idaho. Of course she'll go, **giggle, giggle**... Did he really even need to ask? Really?

By this time, Fancy is getting a headache, and going for straight water. Her teensy weensy little tummy can't possibly choke down that super-super huge salad, and she tells Mr Fancy, that she can't eat another bite. He tells her not to worry... What's a $15 salad anyway??? Pocket change... she excuses herself to go and throw up in the restroom.

Drunk Couple arrives and sits next to me, and they try to carry on a conversation about planning a birthday party for Mr. Drunk. (Sorry, no pics as they were sitting too close.) Apparently she had this brilliant idea to have a Me-hee-can Festa (said slurred). He said, thatsounsgreat (also slurred). Then, they ordered another round of drinks before the bartender told them she was cutting them off.

The Normals leave and things start to settle down. Big-D with his burger and fries and I with my Napoleono Pizza. I try to keep him abreast of the goings on around us, however he is lost. He can't keep the characters straight. He eats a slice of my pizza, I take a bite of some of his fries. We get refills on our soft-drinks and watch with baited breath as the Jazz come so close... and yet so far against the Grizzlies. Losing that last shot at the buzzer would have meant a victory for our boys. Nevertheless, the Grizzlies hit it just.in.time. Game over.

Dancing with CATS??? Are you Kidding Me?

I don't really have anything against cats, per say. Well, at least not enough for me to wish any harm on them. That being said, I'm not a cat lover either. I mean, I can take 'em or leave 'em; either way. Perhaps that is why I just do NOT get this.

This little ditty showed up at our girls night white elephant gift exchange. I about peed my pants. And it wasn't just the pictures, but the writing is a little, what I would consider over the top. I just really don't know how else to explain it. And yet, it was/is a best seller? Maybe in New Zealand where it was written... but I still don't get it. Anyway, for your viewing pleasure I have incorporated the "book preview" from google books. You'll have to click on the black arrows to move to the next page.

See for yourself... am I crazy or is this book just BIZARRE???

I Was A Cry Baby

Normally, I don't let things get to me - with regards to what other people say or do. When I am stressed, depressed or anxious about something, it is usually over something *I* have to get done, or something that I can't get done. Deadlines, school, pressure, work, money, kids... those are the things I usually fret over. If someone looks at me the wrong way, or says stuff behind my back, I usually am like, "whatever". And then, I sort of "weed" that person out of my life. If they want to be like that, then I just don't need to be around them, right? Right.

However, when I am uber-stressed, uber-tired, and feeling overwhelmed I get emotional fairly easy. But again, this usually occurs over matters such as deadlines, school, pressure, work, money, kids, etc. I guess because I am sarcastic much of the time, only those who know me well, see this emotional side to me.

Fact: Sarcastic People Have Feelings Too.

That being said, last week, someone said something to me, in front of a group of people, which I found very hurtful and I cried; like a big fat baby. I mean, seriously -- this was no little tear. I cried and couldn't stop. And then I cried at least three more times. My appetite was ruined. I even left the event early, and called Big-D and cried again while re-telling it.

Let me just say that I HATE that I cried. This usually isn't me.

Case in point. About a year and a half ago, some people, who were supposed to be my friends, were caught up in some gossipping -- about ME! I was oblivious to the entire ordeal. Well, guilt had got the best of two of them, and they came forward and confessed to me what they had done. I didn't cry. Honestly, I hardly felt hurt at all. I thanked them for having the courage to come forward. The one even asked me a few days later if I was ok. I said, "yep". She replied, "but you don't seem upset or angry. I mean you haven't cried or anything." I said, "Nope. For some reason, I am not upset or angry. I think that it is easy to get caught up in something like that, and I respect you more for having the courage to tell me." And honestly, with all truthfulness, I can say that this instance didn't bother me at all. I am still friends with the women as well.

NORMALLY, I am like - if they wanna talk about me, whatever. If they don't like me, who cares? If they don't want to be my friend, so be it. If they think my parenting skills are a little out there, I already know. If they think I'm a little too sarcastic and slightly "dirty-minded", oh well. I just really don't let it bother me.

So, back to this incident. Why did I cry??? Why did it bother me SOOOO much? True, I was tired. True, it was during the week of finals and I was already stressed. True, it was a personal attack. True, it was about something I had worked hard on and felt like was a success. True, it was in front of other people, and True, it caught me off guard. Others whom overheard agreed that it wasn't very nice.

But what bothered me more than her being mean was the fact that it bothered me at all. I really HATE that I cried over it, that I allowed myself to give away my "power" or "control", so to speak.

Now that I have had some time to think a little about it, I guess the "trigger for tears" was that it was something mean said to my face, and it has been a while since that has happened. I mean, I get that not everyone will like me or things that I do or say. But if you wanna say mean things, I'd rather you do it behind my back, hehehe. What's that saying? Ignorance is bliss?

What about you? Do you get offended easily? or do you let things roll off your shoulders pretty easily?

How to Save Church

I love going to church, really I do. The funny thing I've noticed about church, no matter if it was when I lived in Indiana, Hawaii or Utah, is the characters rarely change. Correct me if I'm wrong, but these "types" seem to be in every church...

Sister Gossip - If you wanna know what's going on with ANYONE at church, Sister Gossip is sure to know. She thrives on getting up in everyone's "bidness". She is the Harriet Oleson of the congregation and she usually starts sentences with, "I don't usually gossip, but..." and "You didn't hear this from me, but..."
Mister Scriptorian - In my experience, this person is usually a man. He knows the scriptures inside and out and it doesn't stop there, either. He knows the exact spot in the exact village where Jesus turned the water into wine. He knows what year the Tower of Babel was erected off the top of his head. He is very pleased with his plethora of knowledge, and will gladly share it even when you DIDN'T ask.

Granny Goody-Goody - This is the old lady that sits and watches and keeps tabs on who is or isn't there. She is quick to cast judgment pointing out other people's sins, and "breathing" hellfire and damnation. Basically like SNL's Church Lady. "Could it be...SATAN???"
Then there are other characters like the couple with 20 kids, the lady with the HUGE bouffant hairstyle to match her big bootie, the do-gooder family that is always feeding the homeless or babysitting for free. There's the woman that loves to sing in church, though her voice may be a bit overbearing. There is the old man with the plaid suit who's hearing aid is turned up so loud you can hear the squealing throughout the chapel. There is the weird guy that seems just a little "off" due to years of drug abuse before finding Jesus, and of course don't forget the Perfects!

Brother and Sister Perfect have a Perfect Marriage, a Perfect House and Perfect Children. Brother Perfect has the Perfect job while Sister Perfect gets to stay at home and bake her Perfectly-Perfect Peach Pie Perfection. And they are just so happy, always smiling, and seriously, so blessed and everything in their lives is so....perfect!

Ok, so now that we have the characters down (you recognized some, right?) let's talk about how to "save church". I'm talking about those Sundays that it's just hard to be there (even tho, like I said, I LOVE church). Perhaps you're too tired to listen or the speaker is a little dry (this never happens, right?). In any case, you're there and you don't want to get up and leave cuz you don't want to offend anyone or let on that you're bored, plus it's just not the right thing to do, right? So, here are some things (Heaven knows I've done) in an effort to "save church".

Thumb through the hymnal - pretty soon you find yourself thinking, "hey - that's a good one. We haven't sang that one in a long time". Or maybe you're reading the words and realize that you never really knew what that song was even about until just that second. You may not be listening to the talk, but at least looking at the lyrics to a hymn is good for the soul.

Make lists - I am a good list maker during church. I have made lists of menu items for an upcoming party as well as who to invite. What things to pack if I'm going out of town. Names I always wished I could have given my children. Or anything else I can come up with. Now, the key to making lists, is to look up at the speaker every few seconds. This will make it appear to everyone around you that you are taking copius notes. If anything, you will notice THEM straighten up a little in their seats. See, now you've got them thinking, "Wow - if she's taking notes, this must be important. I'd better pay attention."

Help with Small Children - Start a little finger play with the kid in front of you that continues to turn around and stare. Let the crying child come and sit by you so you can "help" them color. If you have a lot of little kids at your church, start carrying snackies in your bag, for emergencies; there are sure to be a lot of emergencies when speakers are boring young mothers need your help.

People-Watch - ok, so though this alternative won't save your social graces or your soul, it is the most fun. This is probably the number one thing I do at church. In part, I can't help it cuz I am a fidgeter and my mind just wanders. It is very hard for me to sit still. Anywho, here are just some of things I have noticed in my church-people-watching experience:

• Family A is irritated cuz Family B sat in their pew! How dare they! Don't they know that Family A ALWAYS sits there???
• The organist and chorister struggling for musical "power". The organist will either play too fast or too slow while the chorister tries to maintain the beat. Sorry sister, even if the organ SHOULD follow you - half the congregation doesn't even know what your waving arm means. They are gonna follow the organ. You lose.
• Spanking Parents. You can always pick out the spanking parents in church. Their kids start to act up and they do not want others to know about their little discipline style, so they are acting all sweet. Give it a few minutes, and soon you'll see gritted teeth through their fake smiles. Finally, it's a dead giveaway when the dad "reaches" for Tommy's arm and Tommy yells, "OUCH! You're HURTING me!" Or when he takes Temper-Tantrum Susie out and on the way she is screaming, "No! I don't wanna go out! I don't want you to spank me!!!"

Trust me, the list goes on and on. There are so many things to see and so many stories to figure out or make up while people-watching at church. Of course, let it be said the ideal thing would be to pay attention and be so enthralled with the talk that you are rivoted and just cant peel your eyes from the pulpit. But we all know that isn't gonna happen all of the time. So, if you ever find yourself having a hard time on Sunday, try one of the above techniques and you too can "save church".