Things... and Stuff

I have been really up and down lately. And I'd like to tell you all about it. But it's just that it's a bit too personal, and I might just cry, and stuff. On the other hand... I feel like I need to share -- talk about it, y'know?

OMGosh -- Fine! I'll spill...

Basically it started out with this person and me, of course. And we got together and did some things and then some other stuff. Then after a while we decided not to do some things and stuff. But then it was like they said this and I said that. And then I was way irritated over this and that and more things and stuff, while at the same time loving all of the things and stuff.

So -- now I am just not sure what to do next. Y'know? And the whole reason I really don't wanna share is pretty much because most people think I just really don't know what I am doing or what I am getting myself into, or that I am a fool. And in some ways a lot of these things and stuff has proved them right. And I really don't want to have to accept that either, cuz that's sort of embarrassing, right? I mean who wants to accept that perhaps they are just a little crazy, or desperate or heaven forbid, WRONG and whatnot. Besides, I guess deep down I feel that while sometimes things and stuff can back us into a corner, or make us do other things and stuff we wouldn't normally do, I just don't wanna have any more regrets, y'know? But by the same token, sometimes there are just certain things that are so totally worth every risk. I mean - as with a lot of stuff, right?

And I know that I said I was gonna like fall off the grid for a while... but seriously? We all know that I am a bloggy-comment-whore and really, like can't stay away for like too long. Cuz mostly, you guys like totally rock and help me get through my crap and stuff while I deal with these things... and stuff... like, y'know? Totally...

Boy, I'm sure glad I'm getting all of this stuff and whatnot off my chest. I feel a little better already. I am sure whatever stuff I decide to do next about all of that other stuff will work out, and I'll be ok, eventually -- maybe even a little better, a little stronger for it. Even though the road may be a little bumpy, and things might seem a little hard to handle sometimes... I mean, I really don't know what I am going to do or what's gonna happen next. I guess most of the things and stuff are outta my hands at this point. I wish like I could see the end from the beginning sometimes, and know more about how all of this stuff is gonna play out.

Wow... you DO get me. Thanks for listening! I know I can always count on you! Mwah!

My Many Faces and My First Vlog!

And now, the Vlog...

Then and Now

When I was little...

• I loved creamy peanut butter. Now I prefer Chunky.
• I loved thick crust pizza. Now I like thin-crust.
• I said "supper". Now I say dinner.
• I used to lisp (interdental lisp, "th"). Now I don't, but some of my friend's say I have a "hissing" lisp (dentalised lisp)...weird. I don't hear it.
• I used to ride my bike everywhere. Now the bike seat hurts my big bum. :)
• I hated most vegetables. Now I enjoy most vegetables.
• I talked on the phone till my parents kicked me off. Now, I chat online till Facebook kicks me off.
• I wrote in several journals. Now, I blog.
• I thought McDonalds was a treat. Now, I'd almost rather starve.
• I ate ice cream every Sunday evening. Now, I *might* eat it twice a year; makes me cough hours on end.
• I could look and touch all sorts of gross stuff. Now, ever since my third pregnancy, I have an extremely high gag-reflex.
• I could hold a family of baby mice I found in the field. Now, the little buggars make me scream.
• I wanted 10 kids. Now, I am grateful I don't have 10 kids, as a single mom anyway... (sometimes I dream of having another baby).
• I wanted to live in a castle. Now, sharing a rustic cabin with a loved one WOULD be my castle.
• I hated fish. Now, I love all seafood, except muscles... still can't do the clams or oysters unless it's in chowder.
• I thought pegging my pants was so cool. Now I think it's looks stupid. (Dad, you were right.)
• I loved white bread. Now I prefer any sort of whole grain bread.
• I loved showing off in my new red swim suit. Now, I won't wear one in public, in front of people I know.
• I went to the library almost every day (it was across the street). Now, I haven't been in over ten years.
• I wanted to wear glasses soooo bad (cuz all of my friends had them). Now, I hate glasses and prefer contacts. Maybe Lasik one day...who knows.
• The littlest molehill seemed like a mountain. Now, I have learned to "live and let God", "relax" and "pick my battles.
• I was slender, but curvy. If I wanted to lose 5 lbs, I could without a problem. Now I swear, I gain 5 lbs just LOOKING at sugar!
• I wanted someone to love. Now I want to love and be loved, and I want to love someone for the way he loves me.

Also back then...

• I talked, A.LOT. I still do.
• I picked the marshmallows out of the box of Lucky Charms. I still do.
• I enjoyed road trips. I still do.
• I flirted a lot. I still do.
• I loved music. I still do.
• I had high anxiety. When lacking a certain amount of sleep, I can get hyper, and having mild anxiety is still a part of my "normal" life.
• I loved to write. I still do.
• I gave my heart over too easily. I probably still do...
• I had hopes and dreams. I still do...

What about you? What's changed or stayed the same throughout the years?

When It's Time to Change, You've Got to Rearrange...

Peter Brady said it best when he sang, "When it's time to change you've got to rearrange..."

I have been feeling like my blog needs a face lift. I was gonna do a bloggiversary celebration when I hit my 1 year mark. Then I forgot. That was back in May.

Anyway, just to explain the recent changes on my blog. When I first started blogging, I totally felt "mindless". I had been divorced only about 5 months and though I knew where I wanted to end up, I wasn't quite sure how to get there.

Not that I have any more insight now as I did then, but I guess I'm feeling a little less "lost" and a little less "crazy", if that makes any sense. I guess what I mean is that as I work through each "change", though hard and even confusing, I am more aware of it and how the changes affect me. I feel like I am constantly learning; evolving.

Hope you like the "rearranging" I've done, and feel free to still call me the Mindless Banterer if you'd like. After all, I'm still me.

I'm still the slightly quirky girl with an over-abundance of random thoughts constantly flowing through my brain and I am constantly questioning what to do next, where to go, how to feel, etc.

It's these "things" about me, the "quirks", that make me Not So Usual...