The Oyster Bar and Two Old Duffers

I had just completed a busy weekend as a committee member of a huge LDS Mid-Singles Conference here in South Davis County - and had turned the corner into Finals week at school.  It felt like I was on my feet for four straight days and I had barely started on my big final projects - all due in under 72 hours.  I wasn't getting very far with them and yet had already felt like a much-needed break.  My head was spinning with other personal-life situations and I needed to do that one thing that I usually need to do when the chaos in my head is so loud it begins to overwhelm me; talk-therapy.

Luckily for me, my neighbor and good friend, Desperate Housewife, just so happen to have her birthday gift certificate for Market Street, and it just so happens her hubby is not a fan of seafood, and she just so happened to call and tell me she was kidnapping me for the night and we were going to dinner.  It was after 7 in the evening.  I warned her I was wearing my yoga pants, a hoodie and sporting a not-so-very-cute pony-tail.  Her response?  "Perfect.  I won't bother getting dressed up then."  She's good to me like that! Haha.  She may have even made mention how she was making a fashion statement with baby spit-up stains on her shirt... I can't remember.

Anywho, by the time we got the kidlets and the babies situated and got down to the Market Street location of preference (she likes the one in South Jordan best), it was nearly 8:30pm.  I should mention that it was also a Monday night.  I don't think either of us expected there to be a dinner wait at Market Street on a Monday night at 8:30pm.  Wrong.  There was about a 40 minute wait, however the hostess told us that we were welcome to dine in the adjacent dining room ("The Oyster Bar").  The Oyster Bar is a Restaurant of the same chain and has the same exact menu as the regular Market Street.  It's just that all of the tables are centered around a bar.  We agreed.

So, we sit, order our food, etc. and soon I notice 2 old duffer's seated at the bar, looking in our direction.  "Oh no," I tell Desperate Housewife, "I think these men are going to approach us -- and look, we get our pick.  One's white and one's black."  Desperate Housewife reminded me of the warning "once you go black you never go back".  And then we laughed because regardless of color, both of these men were out of our age range, not to mention the fact she is happily married.  Well, it was only a few moments later when one of them did approach, whom we'll call Frank, and I'm fairly certain he was older than my father who will be 61 this year.  (I'm not even in my 40's yet!)

Frank walks over to our table, trying to be all suave and stuff, and says while pointing to his other friend (We'll call him George) at the bar, "George and I were wondering if you ladies would like to join us?"  I laughed and said, "Thanks, but we're busy solving the problems of the world."  Then Desperate Housewife chimes in about how she's got a husband at home.  Frank, however, would not let up.  He says, "Solving the problems of the world?  Spousal issues?  You girls are too serious! What you girls need are a few good laughs."  I replied, "Trust me -- as soon as you leave, we'll be having plenty of laughs."  Then he was all, "Now c'mon.  Don't be like that.  Really, we just want you to come and talk to us for a little bit."  Then I said, "Why don't you go back over to your seat and we'll see."  To which his face lit up and he asked, "Really?  You'll come join us?"  To which I replied, "Look George, I'm not gonna lie.  It's probably not gonna happen.  But we really do want you to go back to your seat -- or else we'll have to start talking to you about Jesus."  His eyes got really big and he asked, "Talk about Jesus? What for?"  I responded, "Studies show that the number one way to make someone feel uncomfortable is to say, "I'd like to talk to you about Jesus,""  Frank looked puzzled and stated it wouldn't work because he was an Atheist.  I told him we would pray for him, but to our God.  He chuckled again, backed away saying, "All right, all right.  I can take a hint."

Obviously, he couldn't take a hint.  About 20 minutes later, I could see they were looking in our direction again. Both Desperate Housewife and I scooted to the edge of our seats in the booth, so THEY couldn't come and join US.  But that didn't stop Frank.  He tried to rub up right next to us.  She happened to be on the phone with her hubby at the time, and when Frank figured that out, he came over to me.  He started rubbing my arm, which was, er, um CREEPY.  So, I calmly held my arm straight out and said, "Do you see my fingertips?  Anything between my body and the tips of my fingers is my sphere of personal space; right now, you're in my personal space."  He took a step back.  He had obviously got a few more drinks into him than when he had come over the first time.  He persisted in trying to get us to come and join them.  I basically told him that he wouldn't want us to anyway, because we don't offer the types of "services" he and George are probably used to.  Then he was all, "Aww, c'mon...  we're not like that."  I said, "Uh-huh.  Well, let's just say that we're not old enough to ride that ride anyway.  But I can see if my dad has any single friends in the area..."  Then our waitress came over to bring our check.  From the short exchange she and Frank had I gathered Frank and George were regulars.  Frank finally left us alone and he and George paid their bill and left.

Desperate Housewife and I decided to stay a few minutes longer as we did NOT want to be anywhere near them as they got into their cars to drive home slightly inebriated.  Of course we had to laugh about it on the way home and call our men and give them a replay of what had just happened.  Oy.

Some of my friends say that the craziest things always seem to happen to me; I don't know why, but it does seem that way sometimes.  Seriously, I couldn't make this stuff up!

30 Days of Gratitude: Day Two

I am grateful for my friends.

I know that I would not have been able to endure the trials I have endured as "easily" as I have if I didn't have the wonderful and fabulous friends that I do.  Great listeners, great shoulders to cry on, great company to laugh with and great conversation.

True friends don't care that I am too busy with school to call or text every day.  We can go days, weeks, months, or even years in between seeing each other; but when we do, we pick up right where we left off.  True friends love us no matter what mistakes we've made, and true friends help us bear our burdens so we do not feel alone.

I am grateful to have many friends that I consider my true and close friends.

To Be or Not To Be... Offended.

I offended someone. Big surprise. Probably not the first time, and I am almost certain it won't be the last.

I don't say that to be mean. I say it because it was bound to happen. Sooner or later we [probably] all say things that may offend someone else, even if it wasn't our intention.

That's the case here. It was not my intent to offend. I didn't even know the other person was having a bad day. He was laughing and joking with the rest of us in the group.

FAAACTUH: I poke fun at myself, I kid around with others and sometimes I am a bit sarcastic. But my sarcasm isn't to be mean. And normally, I do it in an obvious way (or what I perceive as obvious) so that they know I am only kidding. Like I said, though. I can also take it. I figure if I dish it out, I HAVE to be willing to take it.

For example, typically when someone teases me, I usually reply with, "As if that's my only problem." I wasn't always so laid back. But I suppose I finally came to a realization that it is not worth it to get upset or easily offended over the little stuff. Besides, I learned life is a lot more funnier if I can laugh at myself. Not to say I never allow my feelings to get hurt. Because on occasion I have and on occasion I do; mostly when I am tired.

As far as joking around goes, I am a big proponent of knowing your audience. For example, I probably wouldn't be sarcastic during a job interview or a funeral or someplace where it would be inappropriate. And typically I only venture into that side of humor when I really know the person well. However, my [often mis-interpreted] humor can sometimes manifest itself if I am feeling anxious around certain people, especially if I feel like I do not fit in. It can also kick in as my way of dealing with someone who completely irritates me.

Anyway -- back to the incident. He was laughing and joking in the group and he made some funny comments, one after the other actually, that really set up some nice comebacks for the rest of us. I thought we were all engaging in banter. There wasn't anything in his demeanor that led me to believe he was feeling anything but enjoyment.

Then -- 2 nights later -- in a text he tells me that *I* made him "sad". That he was feeling like the group was "kicking him while he was down." Immediately I said sorry. I told him that I was sorry we offended him and that if we would have known how he felt, we would have left him out of the joking around bits. I thought that would be the end of it. But no.

He proceeded to go on and on about it. It got to the point wherein I felt like he was trying to make me feel guilty about the entire ordeal.

I finally explained that sometimes I use humor and sarcasm in a new setting when I am anxious or when I am with really good friends because we know each other well enough to take it. I wasn't trying to make an excuse, only explaining the situation. I couldn't figure out why he couldn't let it go after I had already apologized. I think by this point I had texted "I'm sorry" at least 2 more times, so a total of 3!

His response to my explanation was more or less a line of questioning regarding my relationship with God. He basically said I should be praying a minimum of 2 times per day and reading my scriptures daily and that God could help me overcome such unhealthy habits.

Ex-SQUOOOOZE me?

Yep. You read that right. Am I wrong to think he was trying to manipulate me into feeling like a bad person because I UNINTENTIONALLY offended him?!?!?! Good grief! Oh and FYI -- personality traits are not the same as bad habits.

Like, how in the world would he even know how often I prayed or studied?!?!?! I wanted to bob my head and retort, "You don't know me!"

Instead, I politely but firmly replied that while my level of faithfulness is not his business I value my relationship with God and feel that I am in a good place, doing the best I can in this moment of my life, especially with everything I've got going on. I further explained that I will not allow the power of my happiness to be given over to anyone, and that I have finally come to a point in my life wherein I love me!

Yep. Ain't no shame. I love the person I have become!

Not to say I never make a mistake and I have things I am always trying to improve upon. I believe we can always be learning something. But using humor as a way to cope with life is how I do. It is a part of me. I come from a long line of story-tellers and funny people. It's in my genes. Not.Even.Kidding. Not that I am always funny either. Just saying... it's who I am and I LIKE it.

So, NEWS FLASH: I will NOT apologize for being me.

I did offer this as a solution: "I think it would be best in the future if you speak up and tell us if something is bothering you and I will know from now on that you are sensitive to sarcasm and I will refrain from using it. I think this is the only way we can successfully be friends."

His response was that he was "ditching" me as a friend but that he just wanted to give me feedback on my friendship abilities first, "just like a teacher would critique you on your writing," he wrote.

WHAT.EVER. Dude... seriously? Let me fill you in on a little secret. I WANT feedback from my teacher. In fact I PAY for it -- with Tuition. It's my way of ASKING for it. I don't recall ASKING you for Friendship feedback. Plus -- have you seen my FB friend list? Not exactly a shortage in the friend department. Not bragging. Just sayin'...

Oh - and one more thing... He was so bent on trying to "punish me" and make me feel guilty, that he couldn't even see how his accusations about me and my religious faithfulness might be offensive.

I think about all of the times I have been offended in my life. Most of the time I never even bring it up to the other person, because after I take some time to cool down I ask myself what their intentions were. And more often than not, I come away believing that people do not intend to offend.

People are just people. We all have different personalities. Some appreciate sarcasm while others do not. Some want to coddle and be coddled while others (ME) find it smothering. Some like to be blunt and to the point while others find that too harsh and mean. We have different personalities, ergo the likelihood of any one of us offending someone else exists.

Only once did I feel like someone was just lashing out to be mean and she continued to do it over and over. I finally called her on it. She ended up apologizing, for which I thanked her, and then - here is the key - I let it go!

Bottom line. I believe that if we get offended, it's our choice to take offense. Often times the knee-jerk reaction is not the best path. My knee-jerk reaction would have been to tell this guy that he had some nerve acting all self-righteous and how dare he question something so personal to me and who does he think he is and isn't he just the pot calling the kettle black, after all he just offended me!!! But I didn't say those things. I am no longer irritated and I do not hold grudges.

Truth be told, I think he was feeling like crap cuz things in his life aren't going his way at the moment. I suppose he needed someone to take it out on, someone to blame. Might as well be me, right? I will say this though... I do not like drama. And Man-Drama is even worse. Bleh.

So where does that leave us? To be or not to be offended? The choice is yours.

Blog Stalking

Blog Stalking: To read and/or follow someone's blog without leaving a comment or making it known you're following.

If you're here, chances are, you've done it. You've stalked a blog or two in your day. No worries, I've stalked a few blogs myself. Ain't no shame. And lemme be the first to say, that if you've ever stalked my blog, why thanks. I simply love attention knowing that perhaps something I have written has been beneficial or at the very least, mildly entertaining for someone.

I know a lot of people blog to keep family members informed of the "goings on" in their lives. Not me. I mean, it's great that my family can read this and know what's happening in my world. However, this blog is not the "Emma's Family Blog" nor a digital scrapbook of sorts. It's just whatever I feel like writing.

I originally started blogging after I was divorced. Blogging gave me an avenue by which to channel my anxiety, even if I didn't necessarily blog about the divorce. I was entering a new chapter of my life and while realizing that I am writing my story now, it was only natural for me to blog. Additionally, I am an insomniac. I would sleep a few hours at a time each night and anything more than 4 hours total was "good". So -- I had lots of time to blog.

That being said, I had tons of time to read blogs too. And read them I did. I would read blogs for inspiration, for entertainment and for validation -- to know that I wasn't the only one kinda like me out there. I met some of whom I now consider my closest friends via blogging. A few I would even go as far to say we're "kindreds". For realsies.

I probably followed close to 150 blogs on a daily basis. And I quickly gained a following of approximately that many in return. But then - something happened. Yep, the F word happened. Facebook.

With the rise of Facebook, many bloggers abandoned their posts on the blogosphere and as a result they also stopped following. And not only did they stop blogging and stop following, but they stopped following ME! I know, right? Who would ever want to forsake this li'l gem I've created here?

Then I started back at school and as my schedule changed, my family needs changed and so did my world of blogging. I have not been able to post as often as I'd like, nor have I been able to follow as many blogs as I'd like.

I've finally went through my blogroll and deleted the blogs that haven't posted in over a year (unless they are super-duper friends) as well as the blogs that no longer serve a purpose for me anymore. So, if I have stopped following, please do not take it personally or think that I have not enjoyed reading your blog. It's just that my needs have changed and my reasons for blogging are a bit different now. And of course, by slimming down the blogs I follow, I will have more time to leave bloggy comment love on the ones I do read.

I am not naive enough to believe that everyone who started off following me still does and I realize I may lose followers over this. I mean, this isn't my first rodeo. I know how it works: You gotta give love to get love. I have a bloggy friend I met a few years ago and we both started blogging about the same time. She has over 1,100 daily followers and she probably spends every hour of every waking day reading and commenting on blogs, for the pure purpose that those bloggers will read and comment on her blog in return. What a comment whore! haha. Just kidding! But she did tell me recently, "If you had been following more blogs, then you'd have more followers by now." I was all, "No. En. No." I don't have time to read even HALF that many! Sheesh!

That being said, thank you to those who are still reading and following. I totally heart attention the friendships I've made! Even though I am also a Facebook addict user, I will always blog so long as their is a forum by which to do so. I am a writer. It's what I do.

Nuff said.

Dream Date

The Music Man & I are great friends. He has a beautiful wife and adorable kids, not to mention new baby. He is a fabulous example of a great husband and father.

One of the things that makes us great friends is our mutual love of music. We can talk music ALL.THE.TIME. And... we do. New artists, old artists, lyrics, genres, the whole thing.

I am sure he gets tired of hearing my whiny-cry-baby vents. But, I partly blame him since he is the one who asks, "So, how's your love life going?" hahaha! Yep. Blaming him. He asked, so I guess he should be prepared to receive my mindless blubbering.

As my High School Choir Director used to say, Music is like Life; full of Peaks and Valleys. Yep. Peaks & Valleys. Such is life. So, a recent convo with the Music Man took place during one of my "valleys". I was whiny-cry-babying about how it sucks not to have someone to come home to. I said something like, "I would just love to come home, curl up on the couch, and unwind with that someone special, listening to tunes and feel peace in the rhythm of his breathing.

The Music Man, being in touch with his sensitive side said something like, "I wish that for you. I don't know what's wrong with men. I think you would be easy to love. In fact, if I were one of those men, that would be my dream date with you."

Dream date, huh? As sweet as it was, I wondered later if men are really like that? Do they enjoy the cuddle time too? Would that really be some guy's dream date with me?

The more I thought about it, the more I decided that - Yes! I want to be with a man who would want to have that kind of moment with me too. I want a man who would think that spending that kind of time with me IS a dream date.

Thanks, Music Man. You've just help me raise the bar another notch. Music, Cuddling, and breathing have just been added to my wish list. :)

When Bad Things Happen...

Sometimes when bad things happen, I let it roll off my back. Or, I might cry~~ but just a bit. But then, if it's something out of my control, I try to ignore it... push it to the back of my mind.

Sometimes that works.

But sometimes... Sometimes, that bad thing gets compounded by busyness, stress, lack of sleep or other bad things.

And then... it all comes to a head. I can tell when I am on the "verge", as I call it. I can feel it brewing and I know that I am headed for more than a little cry; a monumental cry.

And the flood gates open and the tears flow and it seems like nothing is going to go my way. That "storm" usually lasts about an hour...or two...or maybe even three.

And as with everything else, there is that one person who can make it all better. Not that they can take away the bad thing or fix what's broken. But for some reason, just talking to them or hearing their voice makes everything FEEL like it will be better.

Maybe for you that one person is the same person each time. Or maybe it's that one person that is just the right person for that particular time. Either way, it works. That voice is the voice we can find comfort in. And that is the voice that sometimes helps us see clearly, or maybe just lends a listening ear. It can be a therapist, a coworker, a family member, a friend, a lover... Whomever it is, it is the one voice we need to hear in that moment to help soothe us. And they don't even have to say anything in particular; just being with them or talking to them is enough.

I am grateful and blessed that when bad things happen I have that voice...the voice that makes everything okay.

True Friends

The thing about true friends is that they are friends for life. They have your back. You don't have to call them every day, or even every week or every month to stay true friends. There's none of this, "What's the matter? Did I do something wrong" worrying stuff if you haven't talked for a while with true friends. You just know that you each have busy lives and that if they haven't written or emailed or called or stopped by it's only because they are so super busy, and not because they don't care or that they were offended over something trivial. True friends don't need high maintenance like that. The beauty with true friends is you might go for days, weeks, months, or years -- yes, even years before even seeing each other again. But, when you do, it isn't awkward at all. It's like you picked up right were you left off. You talk and laugh and share and maybe even cry and talk and share and laugh some more. And then, before parting, you hug, and you promise that you are going to try harder to get together more often. But, you know that if life gets busy and it doesn't happen, it's okay too. Because that's how true friends are. No judgments. No strings attached. Just true friendship. Just love. I love all of my true friends.