Memorial Day

Where I grew up Memorial Day was a big event. It would start off with our town's Memorial Day Parade; always a biggie. Then we'd head off to the church picnic. Then, AFTER the picnic, we'd usually talk our parents (well, my mom anyway) into letting us have friends over for movies or board games. But one thing we always had on Memorial Day was grilled meat. Sometimes, hotdogs, sometimes hamburgers, and once in a while my dad would do chicken. My dad traveled a lot back then and therefore the grill didn't get used so much. However, to me throwing a little sumin'-sumin' on the grill is a must for this holiday.

One year, my oldest (who was then about 6) asked me what Memorial Day was. I explained how it was to remember those who fought for our freedom, and more specifically those who died for it. Then when I started up the grill he exclaimed, "We get to eat like they did back then too? On a fire????" Yes dear. On a fire. Tee hee.

So whether you are out camping, having a picnic or backyard BBQ, or stopping by your favorite local diner for some fall-of-the-bone ribs, I hope you all enjoy a little "fire-cooked" dinner yourself!

Oh - and for your viewing pleasure... here's how some people do it --

This last one I giggled and giggled like a naughty Catholic School girl! Go {{HERE}} to see the latest in true "that's what she said" fashion Grilling tools! I can just hear my mother now -- "Aye-eye! For shame!" I know... I is thorry...

Love One Another

I remember when I was pregnant with my oldest, I made the conscientious decision that I was going to tell my children often that I loved them. I would hug and kiss them until they wouldn't want me to anymore, and then of course, I'd still try :) We tell each other often that we love each other. I like that. I was affectionate with my children, but yet not so much with other people back then.

When I was 23 years old, I was asked to become a Relief Society, Spiritual Living teacher on Sundays. This would entail teaching a women's group a lesson on improving spirituality one Sunday per month. I felt very inadequate; what could they possibly learn from me? Many of the sisters were what we lovingly and jokingly referred to as "newlyweds and nearly-deads", because there were a lot of young college students and a lot of senior citizens. I lived downtown and 100% of our congregation lived in apartments or condos. Our class was so large, that it had to be held in the church gymnasium. We had a lot of widows among us, and on average, we'd have about 80 women attend each class. I'll never forget after the first lesson I gave, these old ladies came up to hug me and tell me what a good job I did. Didn't they know that I wasn't used to hugs like that?

Didn't anyone tell them I wasn't raised to be a "hugger"??? I mean, I was affectionate with my babies, but not with people I barely knew!

Nevertheless, each time I taught, they'd rush me at the end to shower me with love. But that experience taught me something great. They were definitely the teachers here... They taught me about love. I learned that I loved loving. I learned that physical touch is important; that hearing and saying words of affection is imperative to spread the Love of the Lord to those whom we love and cherish.

I became a hugger after that. Since then, I've moved several times and have worked in the nursery, with the youth and again with the women. I have learned not only to accept hugs freely, but to embrace them -- in every sense of the word. A while back I read a book about opening our hearts to others. It was life changing for me. You can read about that {{HERE}} if you wish.

I remember a song from my childhood, wherein the last verse says, "It's love that makes the world go round." I think that being open to love, the giving and receiving of it, can help us to better understand our Savior. After all, God is Love and Charity is the Pure Love of Christ, right?

It is my goal and my hope to love more and to love more freely. After all, it IS love that makes the world go round. This song, "Love One Another", is one that is sung often in our congregations and it really is the only basic principle we need to remember about love.

Six Word Saturday

Doing Homework All Day Long. Bleh.

Parenting Time Out

I don't think anyone would argue with the sentiment that being a parent is hard work. Additionally, I don't think anyone would argue the fact that being a single parent is hard work too. Sometimes people tell me that I am doing a "good job". But really -- what does that even mean? Because quite frankly, many times I feel I pretty much suck as a parent.

I have one friend, a licensed therapist, who tries to remind me that if their basic needs are met, and I love them, and they are still alive at the end of the day than I am doing a "good job". Really? I have to ask myself. Cuz, I mean I could raise a kitten by those same guidelines. I guess that he is just trying to tell me not to worry so much or be too hard on myself.

However, sometimes I think it is good to take a long, hard look at what sort of mother I actually am. I mean, I already confessed to being a "slacker mom". But for reals... It's like some days I feel like I am just not cutting it. I had one such day just the other day.

Each of my kids have strong personalities, and seem to try me in different ways. When I get frustrated it is because one is being mouthy or another picking fights or yet another thinking they are above my "law". It doesn't happen all the time, just some days (or weeks or months). Lately, it seems more often than not.

I've had one issue recently with one of my kids, and it's not a new issue. And I feel like I don't know how many times we have to go through this before this child understands that this behavior is unacceptable. Apparently LOTS of times, because it is just not sinking in! And just when I thought things were better I get a call from the school that quite frankly infuriated me. Let's just say this child was lucky not to be within arm's reach. I was steamed. I talked to this child during lunch, and was so furious I knew that **I** needed to calm down before handing out punishments or inflicting bodily harm.

I went back to work. Fuming. Thinking. Reasoning. What could I do to help this child? We've talked about this issue several times in the past and this child accused me of not loving that child, not respecting that child, not trusting that child and not caring about that child's feelings. It even went as far as to be told I was hated. HATED.

I know that they are just words. I know that kids don't always have rational thinking. I also know that in the heat of the moment things are often said which are not meant. Nevertheless, it broke my heart to hear those words. I mean, I feel like I try so hard to do things for my kids, to teach them well, to "train them up in the way they should go". And yet - Hated.

While at work, I came up with all sorts of punishments. I came up with all sorts of restrictions, lectures, additional chores, and the like. But while I was out later that afternoon doing school pick-up I had a moment to breathe, to think, to ponder and pray. By the time I had dropped kids off and went back to work I felt much calmer, and I felt that **I** needed a "time-out".

This child already knew I was furious. Yelling or nagging any more about the topic was not going to do any good. I did explain during my earlier conversation that respect and trust has to be earned, and that one does that by making good choices. No need to rehash that. I felt prompted that if I went home after work and unveiled the earlier thought-out punishments and lectures that it would be like beating a dead horse and would only win me resentment. I could not go back and change what had happened. And this child knew what had to be done to make things right and I had already communicated with the teacher earlier, and we are all on the same page. I felt that I did not need to say anything more about it. And, I felt like with tensions that had been running high we could all use a break.
My daughter had a research project to do, so I took her to her dad's, and then I took the boys with me to Boondock's Fun Center. They did the go-karts, bowling and a few arcades. They had a lot of fun and thanked me several times throughout the evening.

Normally, I would not do something like this. Normally, I would say to something like, "Are you Crazy??? I do NOT reward bad behavior!" However, I really did feel like we all just needed a "break" and a chance to have fun and relax. Call it Mother's intuition or inspiration or whatever. But by the end of the evening I felt like things would be okay, and that we would be able to put this recent behavior behind us. Oh - and I promised my daughter I would use my Cinemark Gift Certificate to take her to Shrek this week, so don't worry about her being left out :)

Anyway, I know that this was probably a little unconventional, and I am sure that some people reading this would be shaking their heads or clucking their tongues or whatever. But it just felt like the "right" thing to do. I think we all just sort of needed a "time-out".

What about you? Have you ever done something totally random, or in complete opposition to "common sense" when it comes to your kids, because it felt "right"???

The Latest by "Get Popcorn Productions"

Here is the latest creation by my aspiring filmmaker son, Funnyman. It's a spoof on the creation of the book, "Lord of the Flies". Enjoy!

If Only It Weren't For The Money

I am really not looking forward to going back to work today. If only it weren't for the money. I have had last Wednesday through yesterday off and it has been nice to get some cleaning done, focus on homework, take midday naps, have time with my kids and of course visit with my family when they popped in for a visit.

But seriously, I could get used to the whole SAHM thing, if only it weren't for the money. My school grant goes towards tuition, books, and "living expenses". Too bad it isn't enough for ALL living expenses.

Also, with my current "condition", whatever that may be, I find myself feeling tired all the time. So it was really nice to sort of do things at my pace and not worry about deadlines and irritated or demanding clients. If only it weren't for the money.

I like being at home, I've decided. If only, it weren't for the money.

The Castle Park

My sister, Ruthykins came for a visit this past weekend, along with her 2 kids, Andy & Emmy. Emmy, like many almost-4-year-olds, LOVES princesses! Actually, she loves magical characters in general.

When they showed up at my house, she was dressed in a blue dress with white apron, white stockings and black shoes. I said, "You look just like Alice in Wonderland!" She said, I AM Alice!" Excuse me -- I stand corrected.

"I told her that on Saturday if it didn't rain we could go for a picnic at "the castle park". Well, this little girl has superb listening skills and like an elephant, she never forgets. I think she asked me a dozen times if we were really going to go to the castle park.

Saturday came and the winds picked up, and the sun only poked out a few minutes at a time just a few times. However, we decided to brave the cold and wind and get to the Castle Park before the rains came. We took fixings for a picnic, and off we went to slay dragons, find magical watch towers and eat our ham and turkey sandwiches.

(For those that live nearby and aren't aware, Castle Heights Playground is on Nicholls Road in Fruit Heights, just off of US-89 between Nicholls Field and the Davis Co. Golf Course.)

Anyway, as soon as we turned down the street and the castle park was visible there was major excitement! I couldn't park fast enough. Yes, it was windy. Yes, it was a bit chilly. And yes, we ate, we played, then we packed it up and went back home. We stayed for only about an hour, but it was long enough for this teeny, tiny three-year-old to get her princess on.

For your viewing pleasure, here are a few pics of Emmy, Andy, my other niece Chloe and PrettyPrettyPrincess at the Castle Park. Enjoy!

Six Word Saturday

Dear Rain,

Thanks - But, no thanks.

Family + Friends + Food + Firepit = Fun!

I hope the weather cooperates! Thunderstorms are afoot, so I hope they either hurry and come today and be gone by tomorrow, or hold off until Sunday altogether. I've got a cookout planned for tomorrow - and it's gonna be awesome!

By the way ~ who says grilling is just for men? Even when I was married I did the grilling. FunnyMan did express interest though, yesterday. He requested that I teach him how to grill as he is getting older and feels it is part of manhood to learn, LOL.

I am planning Italian Pesto Chicken Skewers, Steak Shish kabobs, Fruit Pizza (or brownies if I run out of time), and Homemade Rootbeer! The others are bringing the chips and other drinks and goodies. My mouth is watering already just thinking about it. I was only going to do the chicken skewers but the New York steak was on sale the other day. So, I got a pack of 3 steaks, and figured if I cut them up and used them for Kabobs, they'd go further. I will have to let you know how it all turns out.

In other news... my kids wanted a firepit for the backyard, to roast marshmallows. (Don't know where they get THAT from!) Last year I said no. But this year, I was sort of pricing them out. Still out of my price range. I paid for my books and tuition and had a smidge of grant money left over for misc. living expenses. I put that towards 2 months' rent and a few extra groceries, which freed up some of my funds from my regular working paycheck. I went back to one store where I saw the firepits. They had come down in price a little more. Hmmm...Tempting. I wondered if I waited if they'd be all gone. Just as I was contemplating my options, the store manager walked past and asked if he could help me. I asked him if they had any more of the firepits. I was thinking if they still had tons, I'd wait another week or two and see if they came down any more. Instead the manager says, "Actually, I think this one [pointing to the floor model] is our last." "Oh..." I sort of let out softly. He could tell I was slightly disappointed, although I think he misunderstood my reason. He quickly adds, "I'd be happy to take another $10 off if you want to go ahead and buy this one." This man had himself a deal!

The kids were excited when I brought the small firepit table home. And all I have heard for 3 days is, "Can we roast marshmallows tonight?" I advised them that we had yard work and housework first. Finally, last night they got their wish and we started a fire and they made S'mores. Our backyard neighbor kid even hopped the fence to join us, as did some of FunnyMan's friends. They all had so much fun - I foresee MANY S'more making nights this summer.

Oh, and on a side note to my side-yard neighbors... I will just go ahead and apologize right now for any and all smoke that blows your way... **sheepish grin** However, just know that anytime we are out there, you have a standing invitation to come on over and have some S'mores with us!!! No need to ask!

My back yard pretty much sucks and I have a nightmarish tree that poo-poos branches all over the place anytime there is the slightest breeze. Somehow the firepit makes the backyard suck just a little less :)

So, there you have it! I am all excited now! I will have to let you know how it goes.

Updates and School

Well, no news in the health arena. Saw a Dr. on Tuesday and she ordered a full lab work-up: lipids, blood cell count, glucose, anemia, etc. etc. She also referred me to a cardiologist for an ultrasound on my heart and the joyous stress test.

I am still having the tingling in my underarm/chest area on my right-side and tingling in my lips. I feel exhausted too. Not like my normal exhaustion... more like I just got the crap beat out of me and I need to go and lay down exhaustion. Speaking of beatings... when I got home from work yesterday and was changing clothes, I noticed about 10 bruises, in all different shapes and sizes in random spots all over my belly. Weird? Yup.

In other news... I am not liking school right now. On the one hand, I know I would have regretted not taking classes this summer. On the other hand, they are both SCIENCE classes. Bleh. I am not a fan. I feel like I have to read and reread the same passage of text at least 4 times in an effort to at least remember the general topic! I am only into this a few days and am having a hard time with the reading. What can I say? Some people love math, some people love science! Me? I am more of a creative writing/English/Music gal. :)

I think I need to not stress about straight A's this semester. My only goals are to do my best and pass!

Favorites classes since starting back to school this past fall? Definitely Criminal Justice, Political Science and Writing.

Least favorites? Computers (that instructor was a homework Nazi!), and now Conservation Biology and Meteorology! We'll see... maybe once we get going and I sink my teeth into it, it won't be so bad.

Attitude & Hope

If I'm a believer, and I am, then I have to believe that the Lord does not give me more than I can handle; even if I do feel slightly overwhelmed and broken-hearted at the moment.

If I have faith, and I do, then I must believe that the Lord knows not only what's best for me, but also my heart, and I need to be patient and trust.

If I trust in the Lord, and I do, then I must realize that He will help those who help themselves. In other words, those who act in faith. Being patient doesn't mean doing nothing. It means acting in faith, knowing that when the time is right, the answer will come.

If I am a doer, and I am, then I must have hope. I believe we are all blessed with a heritage of hope. That those who came before us didn't go through their struggles in vain, but to build a better future for their future generations; for us.

Am I stressed? Yes. Am I a little sad? A little. But do I have hope? Yes, I do. Otherwise, what's the point, right?

I know that if I continue to work for the good, no matter how hard things seem, or even if it seems pointless at the time, one day, perhaps when I least expect it, the tides will shift as the ebb and flow of life takes place, and I will find what I am looking, working and hoping for.

Symptoms

Tingling in right side, underarm and chest. Mild pain in same spots. Just not feeling "right".

They do not know why yet. It's been 6 days. I keep thinking it's shingles, but I haven't had a breakout yet.

A Lot On My Mind

Just a lot on my mind... all jumbled up in my head and I have written at least a half dozen posts. I just haven't posted them because it feels too chaotic. Be back soon... thanks for your kind words!

Emma

Happy Mother's Day from 2nd Grade

When I was in second grade, my teacher, Mrs. Brotherson decided that each student would write an essay. She then collected them, typed them up -- leaving the spelling and grammar exactly as we had written them, and bound them together in books. Each student was then given a copy of the book to give to his or her mother for Mother's Day. The book was entitled, "I Love My Mom Because... A Collection of Stories by Room 1". Underneath was the date, Mother's Day, May 9, 1982.

I still have this book, so I thought today I'd share some of these "stories" with you. Of course I included mine, plus some of my favorites -- Enjoy!

I love my mom because she loves me. Also because she had seven children. My mom is intelligent and admired. If I didn't have a mom, who would get mad at me? If I didn't have a mom I wouldn't be born. My mom helps me with homework, especially words.
- by Emma Miller

I love my mom because she is nice to me. And she takes me to swiming lessens. She takes time to play with me. When I get a good report card she takes me to any restraunt I want. And at night she says my prairs with me and kisses me goodnight. But most of all is that I love her and she loves me.
- by Keri Yoder

I love my mom because she loves me. She is going to have a baby pretty soon. She tucks me in bed and cooks for me. She takes me to the store and she takes me to my friends and she takes me to Bible school.
- by Lavern Patterson

I love my mom because she lets Jade and Jon come over to my house and play. On Christmas she gave me a necklace. Sometimes I get mad at her but I love my mom anyways. On last Easter she gave me a hamster and I liked that very much. My mom doesn't like kittens when Smokey had babys she had to give them to the Pet Palace and I was sad but I love her anyways.
- by Michelle Nielsen

I love my mom because she is nice to me. She buys me clothes and she bought me a bed to sleep in. She makes good food too. She lets me clean the house after she leaves. Every year we go on vacation to Florida. My mom takes us to McDonalds to eat dinner.
- by Tara Thalheimer

I love my mom because she takes me to the fair and I ride on lots of rides. I play games there sometimes I win. I won a dog once. We lesened to some rock n' roll. Man is that music jazzy. She lets me watch cartoons. I watch Tom and Jerry because that's my favrit cartoon.
- by Randy Fox

Most of the "stories" by Room 1 included "I love my mom because she gives me allowance..." and "...she takes me to McDonalds..."... and "...she lets me do whatever I want..." In fact, I don't think I had ever even HEARD of allowance until this book came out. Wonder what Tara thought about her mom LETTING her clean the house after hearing how so many other of her friends were getting PAID! hahaha!

My biggest wish for all of you women out there - whether you are a Mother, want to be a Mother, have a Mother that has already passed, or somewhere in between -- may you recognize the gifts God has given you; your divine roles, your divine destiny. May you recognize the impact important women have had on your lives, and may you be that woman to someone else. Happy Mother's Day!

Countdown to Mother's Day with Hunger Pains

Ok - so y'know how when you get really, really, REALLY hungry you get hunger pains? Well, it's sort of like that, but not with food. That's right... I am talking Baby Hunger Pains.

All right. I admit it. I am something I always said I'd never be, and that is "Baby Hungry".

Only, it's different than before. When I was growing up, as a teenager, and then a young adult, it was my dream to get married and have babies. I was sooooo Baby Hungry, I'd hold anyone's baby who'd let me. Not this time. I see other mother's with babies and I don't feel the "gimmes" as in, "Gimme your baby to hold." It's more of a longing that perhaps I'd like to have another baby.

I keep thinking, MAYBE if I ever get married again, and MAYBE if it is before I am 40, then MAYBE, just MAYBE I'd be able to have another baby. True, someone else would have to "carry" the baby for me, but according to the Doc, I've got premium, Grade A eggs! haha! In other words, surrogacy wouldn't be ruled out.

So, yes. I'd like to have another baby... Guess that makes me Baby Hungry.

And now for your viewing pleasure, some of MY baby pictures, circa 1973-74.

Approximately 3 weeks old.

About 2 months old -- look at ALL that hair!!!

About 9 months old, at my Amish Grandma's house.

1 year old, my first "piano"... again - check out that mop!

Countdown to Mother's Day with: A Friend in Jesus

When we lived in our single-wide trailer, it was out in Amish country about 20 miles from the next city. The piece of land my father bought from my grandfather was nestled between Amish farms belonging to my Grandparents and one of my father’s uncles. I lived there since the day I came home from the hospital until I was nearly four. Being in the country, and being too young to attend school it wasn’t like I had any friends, per se, other than the other toddlers I played with in the nursery at church.

As a three-year old, the concept of “friends” was a foreign one to me. I remember when my older sister, Naomi, started going to her Primary “Sunbeam” class at church. All of a sudden she started talking about this “friend” and that “friend”. This sounded like fun and I didn’t really know what friends did! I just knew I wanted some. That Fall, they were even planning a Primary Halloween party, and she would get to dress up with her new friends too!

I remember one afternoon crying on the sofa in the living room. I don’t even know what started the emotions, although, as an overly emotional child, I will admit it didn’t really ever take much to get me going. Well, soon enough, along came my mother, and she asked me why I was crying. I told her that I was sad because I did not have any friends. Then my mom said that she had a secret to tell me.

Well, I don’t know if I really understood what a secret was back then, however it sounded intriguing. I remember I stopped crying enough to give her my attention. My mother told me that she knew someone who would always be my friend. I was shocked. I quickly begged her to know the name of this person who would always be my friend. Then she said, “Jesus is your friend, and He will always be your friend, no matter what you are doing or where you are.”

Well now, I don’t know about you, but I liked the sound of that. It didn’t matter to me that I couldn’t see Jesus. I had an imagination, after all. I just needed to know that He was there and that He was my friend. Some people have imaginary friends. Not me. I was lucky. I was special. I had Jesus.

Jesus came to some of my tea parties. Jesus helped me play with my dollies. Jesus even talked to me while playing outside on the swing set. I remember once, while swinging, I was singing a song I had learned in church. Of course, Jesus had wanted me to sing louder. And of course I obliged. Soon, Great Aunt Wilma came over to the fence from hanging her wash. She complimented my singing. Then she made some comment about me and my “special friend”. I remember being shocked that she knew about Jesus playing with me!

“You can see JESUS?” I gasped.

Aunt Wilma whooped and hollered before replying, “I heard you two talking just a bit ago.”

I remember feeling a little embarrassed that she had just discovered I had been make-believe playing with Jesus. I liked Aunt Wilma; a lot. She had this smile that could warm a room, not to mention the fact that we had quite a few chats over that fence post, mostly resulting in her bringing me a cookie a time or two as well. Years later I had always wondered what she thought about the odd child who played and sang to Jesus on the swing set. I guess I sort of missed the point a little when my mother told me I had a friend in Jesus.

Nevertheless, I am grateful that at a young age this knowledge brought me as much comfort as it did. As much as I learned to love and respect my Savior, knowing that He is also my friend has helped me be able to feel that much closer to Him.

I am grateful my mother taught me that I have a friend in Jesus.

Countdown to Mother's Day with Discipline

Today is more Slacker Mom stuff... If you didn't see {yesterday's} post, check it out and get caught up.

Here is what Author Muffy Mead-Ferro has to say about discipline in her book, "Confessions of a Slacker Mom."

On Natural Consequences:

"As a slacker mom, I am very fond of "natural consequences" when it comes to punishments. If Joe decides to eat a family pack of Cheetos, I think vomiting is a fit penalty. My jumping up and getting mad, and doling out my own form of punishment would simply be redundant. So, I can just stay right where I am with my lovely cup of tea... aaah.

"My mother certainly didn't overwork herself in that regard. Right before my 5th grade pictures were taken, I decided to give myself a makeover and trimmed up the bangs and sides of my curly hair with my dad's shaving razor... I resembled a poodle. Do you think my mom got mad at me? No. She just sat there and looked at me for a moment, then turned back to her book in an effort not to laugh loudly. Not only did she not scold me, but she didn't run me over to the beauty salon in town to see if anything could be salvaged, the slacker. But I didn't need a lecture from her to wish...I hadn't done that two days before they took my class photo." (100-101)

I don't know that I'd rush right off to the salon either... but I would definitely see if there was a "retake" date! hahaha!

Muffy doesn't say that she never gets mad or that you should only rely on natural consequences (like if a child runs into traffic). She believes that sometimes getting mad IS effective! Check this out!!!

On Empty Threats and Getting Mad:

"Two hours into [the car ride] they start provoking each other with an efficiency that can only be achieved by blood relations. Grabbing the bag of pretzels, then wagging it out of reach. Then kicking, hitting, and hair pulling. Followed by screeching and screaming. ...nothing I had to say slowed the escalation of the conflict. Finally, I'd had it... I pulled the car off the road, which was a big surprise to them, and came to an abrupt stop. They were already silenced by the troubling turn of events. But they were even more alarmed when I turned and spanked both of them sharply on their thighs (I couldn't reach their behinds), and yelled that if they didn't stop fighting in the car, we would turn right around and go home!

"My kids were smart enough to know that I wouldn't make good on that threat. We were 120 miles up the road. I am aware that the parenting books number one no-no is making threats that you can't or won't follow through on. But the empty threat didn't diminish my words or actions one iota. The point was, I was spitting mad. I was mad enough to pull off the road and stop the car. Mad enough to haul off and whack them, and then yell at them with a wide-eyed look on my face. They didn't like that at all...and behaved like model citizens for the next 100 miles. ...Belle and Joe understood when I pulled the car off the road that one of the consequences of bad behavior is that it tends to make other people irate. (103-104)

Sorry - but I had to laugh at that last one. I think many of us who grew up with siblings and took road trips often can probably identify with the whole, "Do you want me to pull this car over?" or the "If you don't knock it off, I'm gonna turn this car around!"

It also made me Laugh Out Loud to read that, partly because I know there has been a time or two (or three) in which I have lost my temper and had the "wide-eyed" crazed look on my face. It is a great stress-reliever to know I wasn't alone.

Also - I know I have posted about this before, but in addition to "natural consequences" when "available", I also believe in "immediate" consequences for the most part. I don't do groundings, because, that means MORE responsibility for ME to remember who is grounded from what and for how long, and I am just too lazy for all of that, because, let's face it -- I'm a Slacker Mom! hahaha!

I did have a "corner-stander" child. It was the only thing that saved my sanity {and his life}, although, one time I forgot he was still there by the time it was bed time. I have another child who is a "you have every right to your feelings and anger and emotions; just go have them in your room" type of child. But as they get older, I find I am more the "I am disappointed in you..." speech-giver and the "now you get to do an extra chore" hander-outer. But, again, it has to be immediate, cuz I do NOT want to have to write it down or, for gosh sake's, remember it! Hahahaha!

What sort of Slacker Mom are YOU when it comes to discipline?

Works Cited:
Mead-Ferro, Muffy. Confessions of a Slacker Mom. Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Lifelong Books, 2004. Print.

Countdown to Mother's Day with Slacker Moms

Recently, I took my kids out for burgers, fries, and conversation. I had some things I wanted to talk about. Sometimes, family night is great for this. Sometimes, having a formal meeting at home is perfect... and sometimes, well, you just need a change of scenery. Plus, there might be less chance for bickering with their mouths full and in a public setting. It had been a long week of finals, and I needed all the "back-up" I could get at that point. Anyway... here is the gist of what I told them.

I am a Slacker Mom. I admit it. I am not Perfectly-Perfect like some of those other moms. I am sure that there are many perfectly-perfect moms that get up like an hour before her children to cook them a hot breakfast AND shower AND throw a load in the wash AND pack them each a healthy and nutritious lunch all before sending her children off to school. Not me. Why? Because I am a slacker mom. I am sure there are some perfectly-perfect moms that clean up their kids' rooms for them while they are at school, AND wash all of their kids' clothes, not to mention iron them and put them away neatly. Not me. Why? I am a slacker mom, that's why. I'm sure there are perfectly-perfect moms that cook a full-course-from-scratch dinner every night, making sure to hit all the 4 food groups. Not me... cuz I'm a slacker mom. And I am sure there are perfectly-perfect moms that give their kids allowance *if* they do pitch in and help. Not me. Cuz, once again, I am a slacker mom.

Then I said to them, "Why am I a slacker mom?"...[dramatic pause, while they looked a wee bit frightened of my just-gone-off-the-deep-end antics]... "Because I LOVE YOU!" I proclaimed. "I want you to grow up learning how to be responsible for your own belongings, how to at least prepare basic foods, like grilled cheese, toast, eggs, etc. I want you to appreciate earning your own money, and learning to earn your own privileges. I am a Slacker Mom for YOU!"

I couldn't tell if they were impressed or concerned or uninterested. I then went on with some key points of some talks I had heard recently, and explained to them what my expectations of them were. And then the onion rings came.

This whole being a "Slacker Mom" has sort of been a refreshing thing for me lately. With school, work, raising 3 kids, household duties and making a half-attempt at a social life, I can sometimes get discouraged about all the things I am NOT, and about all of the things I do NOT do and do NOT have. Then, I came across this book in the library:

Okay - Can I just say that I HIGHLY recommend this book? The Author, Muffy Mead-Ferro has taken on the world of perfectly-perfect moms and poked holes in many of their practices and theories, plus she's way cool. The book took me just under 2 hours to read, cuz it's only like 137 pages, cuz she's like too much of a slacker to write anything bigger! hahaha!

I loved the book so much, and wanted to share just a few tidbits with you today, if you'll indulge me for a few minutes more... Who knows? You just may find out that YOU'RE a Slacker Mom Too!

First of all Muffy states that she knows not all of us moms out here will agree with her parenting theologies or ideals. And to that she says, "GOOD!" She doesn't want people to follow her parenting style to a tee. That would go against everything she stands for. It is her hope that parents, moms especially will stop following the "herd" when it comes to all of the "perfect parenting" techniques out there and get back to what feels "right", your Mother's intuition, and back to simplicity. This is what I love about her.

On germs:

"We are designed not only to be exposed to germs, but to actually contract illnesses from them. It's one of the most important ways we manufacture antibodies so we can fight off more serious diseases later on. I'm not trying to sound like an authority myself, I'm actually quoting our pediatrician. That's one reason I've never gone overboard in keeping our house free of dirt. Not lazy, then. Just trying to follow our pediatrician's advice and expose Belle and Joe to their allotment of germs." (54-55)

On indulging your kids with "everything":

"If you do have the money, it's tempting to want to provide your kids with lots of their own space and lots of their own stuff...A place where they each have their own room, of course. They each have their own bathroom. They'll each need their own TV in their own room, too, so they don't have to watch anybody else's show. Keep up, now. They must have their own computer. Otherwise they can't do their homework because sharing makes it horribly inconvenient. And, if they're going to have any kind of social life, they've each got to have their own car, so they can come and go without the bother of coordinating schedules with anyone else. They can't talk to their friends, not really, if they don't each have their own phone and their own number to go along with it. And speaking of privacy, they'll each need their own credit card so they don't have to ask me to buy something for them and then have me wreck their plans by saying. 'No.'" (90-91)

On Meal Time:

"Have you ever found yourself making one thing for the adults for dinner, one thing for one kid, and another thing for another kid? Did that make you feel like you were the bestest mom in the world, or like me, did you stop and wonder if you accidentally handed out menus at the beginning of the meal?... That's not the outlook I want my kids to have, where everything is customized for them and things have to be done their way...I've finally ridded my cupboards of all those one-person items, and we've managed to create a more communal, family-oriented existence. One where my kids eat what's prepared for the family, or don't eat." (92)

Personal Note: I actually used to do this. The spouse had to have a certain staple at every meal, which I was not a fan of, and my oldest son was "picky". So, I made a meal for spouse, one for son, and then one for me. Finally, I realized that *I* was the one enabling the picky eater. So, I stopped. From then on, it was one meal. And soon, my oldest learned to eat other things, and he didn't go hungry (at least not too much - hehe) and he didn't starve and he wasn't malnourished and he lived.

So that was a little glimpse of THE Slacker Mom! Whaddya think? Are you a slacker mom too?

Stay tuned -- tomorrow we'll be discussing how to Discipline like a Slacker Mom. Totally cool!

Works Cited:

Mead-Ferro, Muffy. Confessions of a Slacker Mom. Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Lifelong Books, 2004. Print.

Countdown to Mother's Day with Humor

My Mother Taught Me About Prayer

If you hadn't noticed, I am sort of doing a "countdown to Mother's Day". Well, I don't know that it's an "official" countdown, as I actually haven't included any counting, per se. However, I am dedicating each post from May 1, 2010 through May 9, 2010 to all things "Mother". I promise it won't ALL be through rose-colored glasses or mushy or as sentimental as today... so stay tuned! :)
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As far back as I can remember, my mother taught me to pray. We prayed before meals and we prayed often as a family. We prayed in church and we prayed for special circumstances, like if someone was ill.

I remember once, I was calling out for my mom; looking everywhere around the house for her. It was the middle of the day. I barged into her room to find her on her knees, praying, right there in the middle of the day. I felt almost ashamed, as if I had intruded on her personal spiritual time. I quietly backed out of the room and went about whatever it was I was doing. I was about 8 years old at the time.

As a child, I thought it was odd that my mother would be praying in the middle of the day. After all, it wasn't meal time and it wasn't bed time, and we certainly weren't at church. I kept wondering why she would be praying when it wasn't "time to pray". It was then I began to realize that I could pray at any time.

My mother shared many of her own stories of prayer and personal revelation with us so that we could learn as well. As little children, we all knew about the time before she was married and was driving late at night and fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a tree and broke her nose, and how a stranger pulled over to assist her and took her to the hospital.

I learned many things about prayer from my mother. I learned that I could receive inspiration for myself, and for my family. I learned that God does hear and answer prayers, though not always the way I would prefer, and perhaps not as quickly as I would sometimes like. Prayer is the means by which we receive personal revelation; guidance for our lives.

About a year ago, I was struggling with something, which probably, most likely, seemed trivial to my friends, but which was important to me. The thought came to me that I needed to pray about it. So I did. I prayed about it, pondered it, studied it out even. I remember one night, when I went up to a session at the temple, I had been praying about this issue again. And all of a sudden the answer seemed so clear to me, and I can't really explain it other than to say the thought was so strong and clear in my mind and emotion filled my heart so full, it felt like I was going to explode. I knew that I had received an answer to my prayer. I knew the path the Lord would have me go - although, it was not in accordance with the advice of my friends, I might add. I felt satisfied. I started to formulate a plan of action around this answer, and started to live my life in preparation of things to come, based on this "answer".

Well, a year has passed, and this "answer" to my prayer has not fully come to pass yet. Recently, I had felt down about it. Like, did I misinterpret? Did I only hear what I wanted to hear? Did I misread the signs? Have I just wasted an entire year journeying down a path that doesn't have an end in sight for me?

My soul felt spiritually malnourished, my head felt dizzy, my common sense shattered, and my heart heavy. Once again, this past week as I was up at a Temple session, I brought this matter to the Lord. However this time, as I was praying, here was the distinct impression I received. "You've already prayed about this before and you've already received your answer. You do not need to keep praying about this." Whoa... right? I know. Consider myself rebuked by the Lord. Guess what I am saying is I don't recommend questioning His decisions, hehe.

Since that day, I have heard a few talks at a few conferences, in which a few snippets have solidified for me the answer I received and knew in my heart to be true all along. It also let me know that the Lord is very aware of my heart. Such tender mercies.

I left feeling a little better, knowing that I hadn't missed the signs a year ago. I was reminded that the Lord works on HIS time, not mine, and that HE knows what's best for me. And that if I'm going to bother asking for HIS answer, then I need to honor that answer and live in accordance to it.

Sure, I learned a lot about prayer from my Sunday School teachers and from the talks at church, and from the scriptures. But it was the daily application and the daily example set forth by my mother that I learned the true meaning and power of prayer. For this I am grateful.

I am grateful to know how to pray. I am grateful to know that I can offer up a prayer at any time, day or night, and even in the car. I am grateful to know that the Lord does hear and answer prayers, and that I can turn it over to Him. I am grateful for a Mother who not only believed but who lived, and still lives a prayerful life. I am grateful that my mother taught me about prayer.

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