Well, you know how eye infections go. They can be highly contagious if they're caused by a virus, considering the amount of times we subconsciously touch our eyes. We rub our eyes, type on our keyboard, rub our eyes, exchange money from our hands, rub our eyes, hand someone paperwork. Yep... gotta be careful with eye infections and "sharing" them. And of course, the ultimate would be Pink Eye. I didn't think it was pink eye. But, just to be sure, I went to the Insta-Care first thing that morning.
I sign in and wait. I people watch. I notice that everyone in the waiting room at the moment is an adult. I also notice that practically everyone is watching the Big Screen TV mounted on the wall, even though it's Playhouse Disney. I start wondering if they are watching just because it was on, or if they are really interested in what Handy Manny was doing. I chuckle to myself.
Then my name was called and I disappeared behind the door, following the nurse. She took my blood pressure, but the little band thingy hurt and then it stopped halfway and she had to do it again. I was fairly certain that she gave me the child-sized one, cuz it was squeezing the daylights outta my arm. I wanted to scream -- OWWWW! But, I held it together. I just kept telling myself, "It'll be over in a sec. It'll be over in a sec. It'll be over in a s--- WHAT? SHE'S STARTING IT OVER? WHAT THE ---?" Yeah, I'm pretty calm like that.
She then takes me around the corner, down the hall, around another corner, through a set of doors, and I am beginning to wonder if we are going to need some sort of security clearance to get where I need to go. She has me stand at one end of the hall and she walks down to the eye chart. She says to me, "Cup your hand over your right eye, and read this [points] row."
I read, "DECFGA."
She then says, "Now your left."
I read it again, "DECFGA."
Then she says, "Now both."
At this point, I start to laugh. She had been telling me which eye to COVER. Not which eye to read with. So, when she said "Now Both," I, being the Smart Alec that I am, cover both of my eyes (yes -- I did) and say, "This Chart was made in China." I uncover them, she sorta gives a half-laugh, like she is not really sure what just happened. Above all, she didn't seem impressed.
I think I muttered something like, "Oh Sorry... moving on. DECFGA."
She takes me into the room. I start to sit in one chair and she says pointing to the other, "Sit over here so I can see you while I type." I figure she must be typing my symptoms into the computer and she wants to look at my eye so she can describe it. I mean, I really don't know why else she would have said, "...so I can see you while I type," unless she has paranoia about people staring at her behind her back, or stealing tongue depressors or something. So, I move to the other chair and say, "I suppose I oughta remove my glasses."
She looks at me like, "why?"
I explain, "So you can look into my eyes." I don't know why I said it like that. It just sort of came out. Again, she sort of let's out a half-chuckle like she is just beside herself with what to do with me.
"Well, maybe I should remove MY glasses so you can look into MY eyes," she says while pretending she is gonna take her glasses off. She laughs to herself and then proceeds to type. I shrug my shoulders, and put my glasses back on. She tells me the Dr. will be in soon as she leaves me alone with my thoughts in the little cold room.
Not all good. My thoughts were basically along the lines of -- did she think I was hitting on her? Was she hitting on me? Did she just think I was weird? or a basket case?
Soon the Dr. emerges, looks at my eye and tells me he wants to put some yellow dye in my eye and look at it under a blue light. He puts the dye in and hands me a Kleenex to wipe any drips. I wipe the drips and upon pulling the Kleenex away, notice the yellow is BRIGHT yellow. He turns the light off and tells me to rest my chin on the chin rest in front of me. I do. He begins his exam and is talking about something, maybe what he is looking for or looking at. But all I can think about is the yellow dye.
Will it stain my eye yellow? Like the white parts? Will the white of my eye be stained YELLOW?
"...no damage to the corneas..."
And if the dye does stain, how long before it wears off?
"...corneal ulcers..."
Am I going to look like the stray cat found in the alley with one pink eye and one yellow one? You know the kind that lives off of the Chinese food found in the dumpster? Am I going to look like a freak? Am I ---
"I'll give you a prescription for some antibiotic drops. Don't wear your contacts for a week and call me if it gets worse or if your vision becomes blurred."
I nod my head and take the script from him. I felt almost dazed as I walked out. It all happened so fast. That's the thing about Dr. visits... you wait and wait and wait and when they finally join you in the little room it takes all of five minutes.
I take the prescription to the pharmacy. I see my cute little neighbor lady from around the corner. "Do you still have that nasty cough?" she asks.
I nod and say, "But I'm actually here for my eye."
Cute little neighbor lady extends her arms and says, "Poor thing -- I think you need a hug. I can tell you have just been overwhelmed lately."
I sort of chuckle. "Why is that?" I ask.
"Well, you've been sick and now this... It's no wonder your Christmas Tree is still up."
It's true. It was merely 3 days until Valentine's when this conversation took place and my tree was still up. "Oh yeah..." I sort of replied. Guess I had forgotten about it, sort of.
My prescription is filled and I head back to the office. Then the questioning began... "Well? What did the Dr. say?"
Ohhhh.... crap. I didn't really have an answer. "Um..." I stammered. "Something about ulcers and prescription drops," I say, holding up the bag to prove I actually had them.
They give me a puzzled look to which I reply, "Ok, I admit. I sort of forgot too listen. I was too distracted by the yellow drops staining my eye."
Yep. They laughed at me. Two of the ladies are older than me, about my Grandma's age. They just thought that was the funniest thing ever. So, of course I had to tell them the whole story, and they told me to google what I did remember of the conversation.
It turns out that I had corneal ulcers caused by a bacterial infection, most likely from rubbing my eyes. Apparently, according to all of the websites I read, it is quite common for contact wearers. I did remember the Dr. saying that there was no damage to the corneas, so I was glad to find out we caught it in time. The one lady suggested that from now on I ask the Dr. to write down the diagnosis, y'know... in case I forget to listen again.
They were still laughing about it a few minutes later, and I admit I laughed with them too. I said, "I think it's because I am back on my migraine meds. It makes me feel like I have ADHD."
To which the one asked, "Well, is your Christmas Tree still up?"
Ohhhhhh..... shut up. Haha.
