'Twas the 24 Nights Before Christmas

I don't know about you -- but I'm tired!

Between finals, rehearsals, kids' school programs, holiday shows, church visits, Christmas parties and my birthday, I've had something going every single night since December 1st.  I've been so exhausted lately, I even had a dream last night that I was so exhausted I needed a nap.  In my dream I was driving but couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, so pulled off to the side of the road and napped in my car.  A dream about napping - haha!

After this weekend, I am hoping things will slow down just a tad, or at least enough to feel rested before Christmas.

Oh wait, I forgot.  I still have to shop and wrap and clean and bake and............

It's About That Time

One of my dear friends posted on her blog just the other day about how she is going through some stuff but in choosing to be happy, she bites her tongue to keep from crying. She then asked if any of her followers/friends did the same thing. I replied,

"I don't do anything to keep from crying. I just cry...until I am done crying. Sometimes it takes a LONG time to be done crying. At one point in my life I went for a very long period wherein I felt like crying and DID nearly every day. I think it lasted for about four years."

It's true. I spent a lot of time secretly (and sometimes not-so-secretly) crying. It's how I relieve stress.

Usually (at LEAST) once per semester I have a major-minor meltdown. Usually it stems from feeling overwhelmed, lots going on at home and work, lots of projects and homework for school... and very, very, VERY little sleep. Did I mention no sleep makes me cry?

It's when I get to THAT point that just about ANYTHING will trigger the tears. Someone might look at me funny, or say something that rubs me the wrong way. Or perhaps I get frustrated over a mistake I've made. Heck -- it could be some sappy commercial or a sad story on the news. It could even be (and most often is) the simple inquisition, "What's wrong?" or "Are you okay?" If someone even so much as ASKS me that while I am feeling this way -- Game Over. Let the cry-fest commence!

So yes, dear readers. It's about that time. I can feel it. The headaches are daily. The sleep is practically non-existent. The feelings of loneliness seem to be magnified. The homework is overwhelming. The work, busy. I can tell it's about that time because I've had that "lump" in my throat for a few days now.

I almost lost it at the dentist earlier, but I think it's because they had to crank the Nitrous up a little bit more than normal. I had to take a nap during lunch just to sleep off the effects.

So, just know that if I'm crying over "nothing", it's all good. I really am okay. No need to feel sorry for me... it's just how I "cope". Another 2 weeks and the semester will be over and I will get a few weeks off before the Summer semester starts.

I suppose, worse case scenario, if I don't get the tears out by the weekend I'll put a sappy movie on before finals next week! haha!

Socks, Sheets & Shenanigans

So, I was over at Tulsi's checking things out, when she confesses hating wrinkles in her sheets, and the need to wear socks to bed. I laughed because, I saw a bit of myself in that. So, in the spirit of confessionals, I too will share a few of my mindless bedtime habits and/or obsessions.

Many of you know how much I HATE feet - Bare feet, that is. If you're gonna wear flip-flops or sandals, or ANY open-toed shoes, may I suggest polishing those piggies? Oh - and if you insist on walking around barefoot, may I kindly request that you NOT show me the (black) bottoms of your feet? Thanks.

Ok - with that being said, the other thing I HATE is when my bare feet touch the SHEETS!!! I know, weird! But I HATE the way basic sheets feel on my skin - ewww - like nails on a chalkboard! ugh! I think it started when we moved back to Indiana from Hawaii. I had to re-adjust to the dry winter weather, and my feet always seemed dry. Aside of lathering them up with lotion each night, I started the habit of wearing socks to bed! And if I do not have socks handy, then I must tuck my blankie around my feet. Now, this is not just at night either. If I lay down to take a nap, on come the socks. It's just a lot easier than having to deal with those yucky sheets!

I know what you're thinking..."how did she - um...y'know..." The answer would fall somewhere in the "yes I wore socks, but not always" category! Anyhow - it doesn't matter at the moment, as I am a "Born-Again-Virgin" , thanks to the divorce. (Sorry, I digress.) Anyway, currently I just have to worry about sleeping in socks.

About 3 years ago however, I did discover the PURE JOY of HIGH THREAD-COUNT SHEETS!!! I came across a package of 950 thread count Egytpian Cotton Sheets for about $50 at TJMaxx. I figured, "What the hay!" and bought them. I FELL IN LOVE!!! Since then, I cannot go back to basic 250 thread count or ANY type of percale (gross). In fact the minimum thread-count I will buy is around 800, and TJMaxx is sooo much cheaper than other dept stores, which for the same quality would be about 4 times as much. The ones on my bed at the moment, may I say, are 1000 Thread-Count, brushed cotton sheets. Oh, the luxury. Oh the love.

The other thing I tend to do at night is wake up to "Turn the Pillow". Yes, you heard me. I MUST have a COLD PILLOW!!! It has to feel clean and crisp. Not hot and drooled on. Therefore, several times through-out the night, I awake to turn the pillow in search of a "cool" spot. And, of course, my hair has to be completely off of my face.

Speaking of Pillows...I need one pillow for my head (that's a given), one for under or in-between my knees (I have a rotated pelvis - fun!), and then I need two more for my hand!!! Yes, my hand must be sandwiched between two pillows. I sleep on the right side of my bed, and when I sleep on MY right side, my arm goes up under my pillow, which then leaves my hand to "fend for herself". So, I prefer to sandwich it between 2 pillows. So that is FOUR pillows!!! If I am on my left side, then my left arm can be sandwiched between the mattress and only one pillow.

Last but not least, I like to have the air circulating in the room, so that I do not get too hot & sweaty! This is because I HAVE to have the quilt snuggled ALL THE WAY UP TO MY NECK!!! Needless to say. doing so makes me quite hot, thus, the ceiling fan and/or air has got to be on.

Well - that about sums it up with the socks, sheets and shenanigans. Hmmm, it's a lot more complicated than I initially thought it would be. And I wonder why I have a hard time falling asleep...[yawn]...

Hamster Head

So, you know what a hamster looks like when he is running in the little cage wheel, right? He runs faster and faster, and yet ends up no where but right back where he started. Sometimes, I feel like there are hamsters in my head running in those wheels. I have a hard time sleeping some nights.

I can't sleep. I can't work. I'm so tired, I feel like crying. Sounds like a pathetic country song, I know. I am a little crazy when I am tired. I'm pretty sure I would be the same way if I ever got drunk. The three stages of Emma as a Direct Result of Sleep Deprivation Stage 1: I get so tired that I can't think straight. I can't complete sentences and tend to slur my words. Stage 2: I get giddy. No, not giddy - super giddy, like super-stupid-giddy. I tend to say things I normally wouldn't say like, "I love big trucks" or "I'm gonna kill you with my kisses!" I giggle like a girl at a slumber party who is stuffing wet bras in the freezer! I find that anything and everything makes me laugh. In this stage I usually begin speaking at 100 wpm. This is the stage my friends find exciting. It's a party waiting to happen. Stage 3: This is the sad stage. I start to think about all the crap that has happened in my life and I begin to feel sorry for myself (very unattractive, I'm told). The tears begin to flow, and I start to feel really alone. I just want someone to put their arms around me, hug me and tell me it's going to be ok. Unfortunately, in the middle of the night the only one around is the dog, so that's not happening. Following stage 3, just like the hamster, I am back where I started. I begin to repeat stage 1, continuing through each stage over and over again, until sleep is achieved.

When people find out that my "bedtime" lies somewhere between 2 am - 4:30 am most nights, they always ask, "Why?" as if I do it on purpose. They want to know if I am stressed or worried or excited about anything. How about Yes, Yes, and Yes! It goes back to the hamster wheel. I tend to over analyze everything!!! I have a thought, and like the hamster, just keep tossing it around in my mind. Sometimes it's stressful things like money or work. Sometimes it's stuff I worry about, like my children or siblings. And sometimes I am looking forward to things and can't stop thinking about them, like Girls' Camp, or the upcoming weekend.

"Just relax and don't think of anything - just clear your mind," someone told me recently. Wow! Now why didn't I think of that? Genius. Pure genius. Well, see that's like practically impossible for someone who has anxiety. That's why it's called anxiety. "Drink some chamomile before bedtime," someone else offered. Thanks. Now, in addition to not sleeping, I can get up and pee 10 times in the middle of the night, being sure to stub my big toe on the foot of my bed every single time! I am also told there are little purple pills that help. My neighbor tells me, "I take one of those and I have a drool patch the rest of the night." I still can't figure out if she was trying to convince me to take them or warn me not to. I am not really into the whole idea of habitually taking sleeping aids. Plus I have this whole pill-swallowing phobia. Once, when I was 16, I had some surgery done and was prescribed Tylenol 3 w/ Codeine. It was a big chalky tablet. I attempted to swallow the ant-acid looking pill, when it suddenly became lodged in my airway. It would neither go up or down. I was choking until my mother came over and slapped me on the back. Every time I try to take a pill, I can feel my throat physically begin to swell. I would rather give myself an injection every day (which I already do) then swallow a horse pill.

Anyway...so back to the Sleepless in the Suburbs problem. My friend suggested a non-habit forming OTC drug that is in the form of a teeny, tiny, little gelcap. Nice. Finally some sound advice. I may just give it a try.

Just beware, that if I seem a little out of the ordinary, slurring my words, ranting non-sensible phrases like, "I like my Peeps hard", or crying without cause...I am not drunk! I am just tired!