Shake Off Childish Resentments

Do you now, or have you ever had that one person in your life, with whom you are "supposed" to be close, yet who drives you absolutely crazy?  Like, so crazy you can't stand to be around him or her and you find yourself feeling angry or resentful towards them and their every blasted move?  As if their sole purpose is to irritate you to no end?

I am quite ashamed to say that YES-  I have experienced these feelings in my life.  And typically, the closer the relation, the deeper the resentment.  A sibling who has driven you crazy from day one. A parent who just doesn't seem to get it.  Your cousin whom you wish you could smack upside the head for being a constant embarrassment to the family name.  Your difficult child who seems to do the exact opposite of everything you ask.  Whomever this person is and for whatever reason, your disdain for them has grown so thick you begin to feel ashamed for the resentment building inside, you aren't even sure why you feel this way, and worse-- you don't know how to stop.  I know of a woman who felt this way about her son, to the point she admits to bullying him (but not her daughter). She said she became the monster instead of their mother.

Years ago someone in my family [person A] began complaining constantly to me about another person in my family [person B], so much so  I began to notice all of the flaws and "wrong doings" of this individual more and more and lo and behold, it didn't take long before I couldn't stand to be around them either.

It wasn't until person A was out of my life I realized what had happened.  I regret allowing my relationship with person B to become strained because I was ignorantly influenced by someone else.  Had I forgotten *I* was the one in control of my thoughts and actions?  Apparently, I had.

It took me nearly 4 years to "get over" person B's "imperfections".  Whenever I was around this individual and saw something that would have made me cringe before, I'd tell myself, "it doesn't matter" and "who cares?"  Over time I learned not to care about petty stuff and began to tell myself, "that is just who they are."  Finally, I was able to notice more positive traits about this person and the more I noticed, the more good there was to notice.  Amazing how that happens.

Jared Akers, in {{4 Powerful Tips to Reduce Resentment and Feel Happier}}, explains "Resentment is like a cancer that eats away at time - time which could have been filled with love and joy." 

Akers is right.  I wasted time being angry instead of feeling love and joy with and for that person.  Akers 4 tips for overcoming resentment towards someone:

#1 - Think loving thoughts for the person you resent
#2 - Check your motives and expectations
#3 - Be grateful
#4 - Stay open to different outcomes


I really enjoyed reading his article on this and it has given me a great deal to ponder as I  - once again - find myself in a position of always feeling anger and resentment towards someone.  It isn't something I enjoy admitting and the guilt over feeling this way is eating me up and in some ways festering the growing resentment. It's like I resent this person for the resentment I feel towards them.  While my love and concern for this person is strong and does certainly exist, so does my irritability and resentment towards them.

This is not something I am proud of.  I want to do better and be better and I am ashamed of who I sometimes become around this child of God. (that's a zinger, right there)

THINK LOVING THOUGHTS FOR THE PERSON YOU RESENT
For me, this includes praying for that person.  It definitely helps increase the number of good days I have.  I also think it helps to acknowledge the fact that some of us are a better personality "fit" than others.  I can easily relate to some of my siblings, cousins and even children more so than others.  This doesn't mean those who aren't a natural fit are "bad".  It just means I have to work harder to acknowledge, accept and embrace our differences.

CHECK YOUR MOTIVES AND EXPECTATIONS
Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "...people can usually find whatever they are looking for. Those who look for the good will find a kind and compassionate people...  those who look for the bad will certainly find things that are not so ideal."  

If we expect our son/grandson/brother/husband to continually and constantly screw up and make a mistake, that is all we will begin to see.  Overtime, we will begin to resent him, and get angry over the stupidest things.  If he eats the last banana, for example, our thoughts will immediately be, "Great.  There he goes, eating all of the bananas - AGAIN." As if his every action is to spite us or to push our buttons. We find ourselves getting angry towards him over things we'd let others get away with.

I have to stop myself (physically think to myself, "STOP!") and ask myself what his/her intentions truly are.  And then I have to take it one step further and ask myself what MY intentions are.  To get them into trouble?  To "catch" them being "bad" just like I already set them up to be???  What is the point of "catching" him or her and then "tattling" to others?  To get more people on my side?  What good will it do, other than further the feelings of frustration, perpetuating more resentment and anger?

BE GRATEFUL
Learning to show gratitude for the very person we resent might be hard, especially if they do things to seemingly press our buttons.  I find sometimes it's easier to focus on gratitude in general.  Start with things not as intimate.  I'm grateful for these beautiful mountains that bring me a sense of quietude.  I'm grateful for my health.  I'm grateful for my family...   Even if I can't bring myself to think thoughts of gratitude towards this individual on a certain day, this does help my negative feelings to dissipate for the moment.

STAY OPEN TO DIFFERENT OUTCOMES
As a mother, sometimes I struggle with this one.  Things may not always go as planned and being more open to various outcomes helps keep an open mind and broaden expectations as well.  Just because it isn't done my way, doesn't mean it still can't be right, right?  Reminding myself to be TOLERANT and to give the benefit of the doubt are things that help me work through my resentment issues.

I ask over and over WHY do I feel resentment towards this person?  I never feel like I get a clear answer. Whatever the reason, I am beginning to realize it isn't nearly as important as how I react to, behave around, and treat this individual.  Twenty years from now, how do I want this person to remember the way he/she was treated by me?

I need a new mantra as I find myself in this daily struggle.  Although "Stop, in the name of love" and "Let it go" are both fitting, I don't really want those songs running through my head day in and day out. "It doesn't matter" is one phrase I find myself repeating.  It does help some.

I love these words from a comment/response to someone else's post once:

Grab yourself by the bootstraps, shake off the childish resentments and jealousy... and be the adult.

No Fighting: A Marriage Vow

When I was a teenager, my Bishop told me he and his wife didn't fight. I was close to their family and knew them well.  I knew this wasn't a case of one spouse being submissive to the other.  I understood this was a choice.  I wanted a relationship like that; where I could be free to express my feelings without the other person blowing up at me.

I was 19 when my mother gave me this advice.  The only good fight in a marriage is the fight to keep it together.  Back then I understood "fight" as in "work hard" to keep your marriage together.  But now I find deeper meaning.  "The fight to keep it together" as in resisting the urge to blow up or get defensive - "fighting" to keep my emotions in check, to "keep it together."

I posted this on Facebook this morning: A little over 2 years ago I found a man who could make me laugh without trying, calmed me without shushing me, made my heart leap and my eyes sparkle, understood my jokes without me having to explain, who didn't ask me to be anything but my authentic truest self, and who loved me enough to do anything to keep me.  We built our relationship on a solid foundation of friendship, love, and trust, with a belief in open communication and an agreement to always give each other the benefit of the doubt.  One year ago today, I married that man.  I told him I would love him "forever & always" and I still do.  Happy Anniversary Eric!  I love you!!!

When I met Eric in January 2012, we flirted and had fun together.  We approached our affiliation as something for fun, nothing either of us wanted to get serious about.  In a matter of weeks I knew I wanted more.  5 months in, I knew I loved him, and 6 months in, he told me he loved me. And while all of the aforementioned affirmations are true, we didn't rush to an engagement.  There were issues in his past relationships that led him to be cautious.  I knew if I wanted to have a chance at marrying him, I had to be patient and go at his pace.  Looking back, this was a good thing for us.  It gave us the opportunity to continue the friendship aspect and build a solid foundation.  I didn't want to give him any reason to call it all off, so I became more aware of myself and filtered A.LOT.

I don't mean to say that I suppressed myself or my feelings.  I simply chose my words with more clarity.  I would actually think things through before saying them. If something was bugging me (which didn't happen too often), I could usually work it out in my mind without having to say anything at all, mostly by giving him the benefit of the doubt.  When I examined the evidence of his intent, it was hard to find fault.  Most of the time, if something was amiss, it was either he was tired or I was, or perhaps one of us was having a bad day and forgot to check it at the door.

If there was something I could not let go of, instead of allowing myself to feel hurt or trampled, I would ask him about it.  He did the same for me.  He gave me the benefit of the doubt and examined the evidence of my intent.  Once he made the comment, "I love how we never fight."  Only then did I learn that he too had known someone who never fought with his wife, and wanted that sort of relationship for himself.

Giving the benefit of the doubt, no doubt gives benefits in any relationship.   Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is different than making excuses for them.  It is not the same thing as being submissive or enabling the other person to treat you with disrespect.  Giving the benefit of the doubt doesn't mean ignoring issues which are toxic to the relationship either.  It simply means not jumping to conclusions. Step back, take the drama out of your initial "fight or flight" response and ask yourself what is really going on here?  And then trust your gut.  When I found time and time again, he had no motives or hidden agenda, that he wasn't trying to pick a fight, etc., I knew we could have the kind of relationship we've always wanted.

A few weeks shy of his proposal to me, Eric asked, "What happens if we decide to get married and then we disagree on something, or something happens you don't like - then what?"  He wanted to know I was in it to the end, I wouldn't just throw in the towel and run off.  I told him I don't think it would even be an issue.  Look at how we already communicate, how we already deal with conflict.  We have laid a healthy foundation for our future. We will deal with things like we do now.  We will talk and listen without judgment and we will be quick to apologize when one of us acts stupid, and we will always love each other, because that is what we already do. This has become our pattern.

And it's true.  This is how things have continued.  We do not fight.  Sure, there are times when one of us might get our knickers in a twist.  But the other one knows to stand down.  And because there isn't a knee-jerk reaction leading to a fight, stupidity is rapidly owned and apologized for.  We talk through a lot of things and I for one haven't regretted that.  I've heard some people say couples should argue to strengthen their relationship.  I don't buy that.  I think it's okay for couples to disagree, but they can do so without having to hurt or offend.  I've been in a relationship with fighting before.  It did nothing to strengthen it.  Toxicity bred more toxicity, until the whole thing was poisoned and irreconcilable.

I love my marriage.  I love my husband.  I love that we do not fight and I love that we never plan to.

Perfect Proposal

After recently "publishing" my engagement on Facebook for the entire world to see, I received tons of inquiries asking, "How did he do it? How did he ask?"  To which I replied, "With his mouth."

Yeah, I crack myself up.

I don't know what it is, but people love hearing a good love story, and I suppose "with his mouth" does nothing to quench the insatiable thirst of hopeless romantics.  (I should know; I am one.)  Of course, as a writer, I love a good love story too, and this is one story I couldn't leave alone, especially because it's MY love story.  :)


Two Weeks Ago...

We had plans to go into the canyon Friday night, up to Sundance Resort for dinner. Our Saturday plans included meeting up with 3 other couples for a date night.  We had a fun, busy weekend ahead.

The Man was thinking it just might be the weekend to propose.  The Man also knew I'd been waiting, like For.Ever. for this little 4-word question to be popped (indicative with several not-so-subtle hints in the preceding weeks).  Of course, he wanted the "bling" to sweeten the deal (like I'd say no), cuz we all know that if some chick says she's engaged and she doesn't have a ring to show for it, all of the other chicks are all, "MmmHmm.  She ain't gettin' may-reed. He ain't give her no ring yet.  Srsly."   And, well, he didn't want that for me.

However, Mother Nature had other plans. Thanks to an awful snow storm that Thursday, the opportunity to purchase and surprise me with a ring before that weekend were fast fleeting.

Friday night the snow let up just enough for us to make it into the canyon.  The atmosphere was beautiful in spite of the chill and I admit, I couldn't help thinking this was the perfect night for him to pop the question.  And though we had many sweet exchanges that evening, a proposal wasn't one of them.

After getting back so late Friday night, I don't think either one of us woke before noon on Saturday.  We hung out a little bit in the afternoon working on some of my family's genealogy 'cuz we're romantice like that , and before we knew, it was time to get ready and head out for our date night with the group.

Following dinner, the couples all came back to The Man's house for games.  We had fun laughing, playing and eating dessert, though I'm not gonna lie - I was Tired, with a capital T.  I don't know about you, but there is something about freezing, snowy weather that seems to suck the life right outta me.

Around midnight, the last of the couples left.  I was exhausted. My back hurt. My eyelids began to droop and I knew it was only a matter of time before my words would become incoherent and spittle would begin forming at the corners of my mouth.

The Man agreed to rub my back which eventually led to us sitting on the floor in his living room, basking in the long-awaited still of night. Me, enveloped in his warm embrace, my head on his shoulder, enjoying the peaceful, restful moment; that moment just before the diabolical drool-patch began its slow-drip and my RLS triggered the Jimmy-Legs.  I was completely oblivious to his state of mind.  Perhaps he had a surge of courage and decided to ask before his fears stepped in again. Perhaps he decided, ring or no ring, he didn't want to wait anymore.  Perhaps he was overcome with emotion and couldn't stop the words from rolling off his tongue. Perhaps he just felt the moment was right.

His lips gently brushed the apple of my cheek as he whispered, "I love you."  Then, just before my eyes rolled into the back of my head, his lips grazed my ear ever-so softly, quietly forming the words, "Will you marry me?"

Spell? Broken. Exhaustion? Over. Sitting-Up Straight and Snapping To!

"Yes!" I exclaimed, physically restraining myself to avoid blurting out, "When?"

Much merriment in the forms of foolish grins and giddy school-girl laughter ensued.  My death-choke of a hug around his body didn't seem enough to convey my emotions that very moment.  I felt almost foolish for trying to quantify something which has no bounds. How can one possibly express the inexpressible?

True, he did not have a ring. True, he did not bend down on one knee. True, it wasn't in a fancy setting with a romantic ambiance. Nevertheless, it came from the man I love, delivered with most genuine of heart in the most tender of ways, allowing me to glimpse the depths of his love for me.

It was MY proposal,

and

it

was

PERFECT.

I've Found the Perfect Wedding Dress!

Ahh... love is in the air. Birds are chirping sweet love songs and soon wedding bells will be going off in the distance.

But not for me. Nope. Not this time anyway.

It is summer however - the season of weddings, or so it seems. Between work, church, old friends and new, it seems like everywhere I turn I am hearing about someone's wedding. The biggest hubub is usually about the dress.

Some people -- the uber practical people, or men -- will say, "Meh. Don't worry too much about the dress. You'll never wear it again, so who cares?" While the rest of us understand that a Bride wants to feel special on her big day. She will have pictures in this dress. She will be looking at these pictures [possibly] the rest of her life. She wants to feel like she looks good.

I've never seen the show "Say Yes to the Dress" (TLC), but my friend Tina said it's awesome. She said it's all about finding that perfect dress that "fits"; and not only a physical "fit", but one that fits your personality and style. Something you feel looks good with your shape and size. Something that makes you feel somehow magical.

This made me think. Did I like my wedding dress that much when I got married? Yes, I have to say I did. I knew I did not want an A-line Princess cut dress. Y'know -- the fitted bodice which then flares out really big and poufy starting at the waist. Even when I was 115 lbs at age 19, I was a little "wide" in the hip area. I felt that poufing out right at the hip would only accentuate that. So, I wanted something slim and flared only slightly, starting at the knee. I also wanted long sleeves because I did not have time to work on my "farmer" tan. So, I found a pattern for a long-sleeved slimming dress that flared past the waist. Really -- I did like my first dress. The veil is a little "Dynasty" though- haha, which now makes me completely laugh. But hey - it was early 90's. So, now to embarrass myself, I will share a quick snapshot of me in my first wedding dress, circa 1993.

A close-up of the material would reveal the satin embossed flowers, which I also loved.

Anyway -- with this entire talk of weddings, one of my friends said to me, "Well, you've been married before. If you ever get married again - you don't need a fancy wedding or a fancy dress. 2nd marriages should be casual." Oh REALLY? That must be some sort of surreptitious 2nd marriage code I've never heard of. But it did make me think... what sort of wedding dress would I want? What says "me"?

I am still not a fan of the A-line Princess Cut. And I hate my arms -- I have "lunch lady arms" (not cute!). In looking at a few dresses online, here are some I've liked.

I gotta admit -- I am sorta liking the shorter length. To me it sort of says "sassy".

I really like the "flare" of this one which is also short. I think it is feminine and flattering. Of course, I'd have sleeves - or maybe a jacket of some sort. Which brings me to...

Who says the Mother of the Bride is the only one that gets to wear a Wedding "Suit" Formal? I sort of like the "buttoned" up look. Definitely more "me" than the princess ball gown.
I like this one a lot too. I think it's the sleeves. I know that most people don't think "sleeves" when they think Wedding Dress. But I like it. It's playful yet sophisticated. If I ever go for a slightly casual wedding, or a fall or winter wedding, I think this is the dress I'd want.

This next one, well I think it's sort of got a retro feel to it. I love the elegant beading too. There's a lot of it, but to me it feels more timeless instead of gaudy.

I think if I were going to do a long dress, an empire waist might be pretty.

Aside from the sleeves, this one has a similar shape of the one I wore before. I still like this a lot...

But -- then I saw THIS (below) -- the MOTHER of all wedding dresses. (Well, for me at least.) I love the fact that it is "buttoned up" and sophisticated. True, it is more of an A-line. But it isn't your typical princess bodice AND, the flare doesn't start AT the hips; it starts just below. I love how it has a full skirt, and yet it isn't "poufy" at the hips. I won't ever be paying the $6000 price tag for this EXACT dress. But -- if I ever do get married again, and if I do decide to get a formal wedding dress, I think I would like something much like this. I don't know why, but I just feel it says "me".

What about you? What sort of Wedding Dress would you say "yes" to?

Would You Still Love Me If...?

I tend to think about love quite a bit on occasion. While giving this a spin or two in the ol' hamster wheel inside my head, the following thoughts occurred to me... Ok, sure, I might be able to fall in love with someone who worships the ground I walk on loves me back... but then what?

Seriously, Mr. Future-hubby-of-mine... I realize you'd fall in love with me... but then what? I mean...

Would you still love me if -

*you found out I might hog the blankets like a little extra blanket to snuggle with?

*I snore? (Not that I do, mind you... but what if I like all of a sudden, coincidentally started?)

*during the extra-dry months (like in the winter) have to coat the inside of my nose with a little Vaseline to keep nose-bleeds from happening?

*I hate folding laundry?

*I enjoy cooking but hate doing dishes?

*I correct your grammar every now and again?

*I took long hot soaks in the tub, probably using all of the hot water at night?

*when I hear a song I like, I *must* listen to it over and over until I know every word, every note and every breath--even if it means I'd listen to it like 200 times in a row?

*I like to jam to my tunes in the car, and I don't care who sees me?

*I use almost all the gas in the tank before filling it up, probably [secretly hoping] that you'll just be a gem and fill it up for me?

*sometimes, when you're not around, I'd eat popcorn in bed while watching DVDs... thereby leaving perhaps a wee little crumb or two?

*I failed to clean the hair from the tub drain every single time on occasion?

*I tend to get a little excited about some random topic and I wanna tell you like all about it, which may mean I'd might possibly talk a mile a minute and into the wee hours of the morning slightly past your bedtime?

*I wear socks to bed because I cannot stand the feeling of sheets against my bare feet?

*I *might* just request like 850+ thread count on our bed so I don't have to wear aforementioned socks during certain bedroom activities... like... er... um...enjoying chocolate in bed?

* I have a hard time winding down at night, and I talk in my sleep sometimes and I might tell you things that make no sense?

*I just may let it slip to the bishop how much I secretly enjoy speaking in church, and when he finally asks for us to be speakers I am so excited that I hurry and say yes before perhaps running it past you first?

*I insist kindly request that we wear costumes on Halloween and give you my puppy-dog eye look until you give in?

*I like to have dinner parties and invite people over every so often?

*I ask to go fishing with you at least once, making you risk your masculinity? Hey--at least it isn't hunting!

*I ask to go hunting with you sometime? (tee hee)

*I don't shave my legs every day in the winter and perhaps sometimes may have ever-so-slightly peach fuzz in my pits?

*I might like the idea of getting coordinating hoodies on our trip to Alaska?

*I'd practically insist beg you to take me to Alaska?

*I am not always as discreet with our PDA's as perhaps you're used to?

*I ask you not to shave for a while cuz I am way attracted to a little scruffy facial hair?

*I never get any thinner or better-looking than I am *right now* at this very moment?

*I *might* on accident, and on very rare occasion have a burp that goes astray and turns into a tiny little squeakoid and if you might even ever know about this thing which is very unlikely and highly improbable, you would be willing to go on record stating that such an incident never occurred?

-- and finally --

*I choose to blog about my/our experiences and feelings and quirks and just any old thing that might spark an interest out there in the blogosphere?

Huh??? Hmmm??? Would ya... could ya...? Could ya still love me even after all of that?

...just wonderin'...

What's a Honeymoon Anyway?

Did you ever wonder? Well I have. Sometimes, I will just see a word, and it is almost like I am seeing it for the first time. Then, this sort of obsession takes over in my mind, and I **MUST** know more about THIS.PARTICULAR.WORD. I google it, I wikipedia it, I even dictionary.com it. I gather as much information as I can until I am satisfied that I now UNDERSTAND the word completely. I know... crazy.

Anyhooters, the word I most recently went the rounds with was "Honeymoon". I wondered, what exactly IS a honeymoon? I mean... hehehe... I KNOW what a Honeymoon is... but... Well, it's just that there are Blue Moons, Full Moons, Crescent Moons, Gibbous Moons, New Moons, Half Moons, Harvest Moons, Hunters Moons, and even Paschal Moons. But I had never heard of "Honey Moons". Then again, I did pretty much suck at Science, so... hence the research. Many websites had slightly varied information, but here is the gist of it all...

Vikings were like the Pirates of Scandanavia/Norse. True, some Vikings were more explorers, but mostly these European Pirates were known for raiding colonies in the 10th-ish century. This is where the story of the Honeymoon begins... sometime PRE-16th century. A Viking (or Norceman) would kidnap a woman, to take as his wife, and runaway and hide her so the chances of her family finding her would be slim. They typically would hide from about 28-30 days, during which time they would hope to impregnate the woman. Therefore,upon returning home, the family would be ok with the marriage of their daughter to the Viking, because after all, you wouldn't want a husband to abandon his pregnant wife. That's just wrong.

During this time the viking and his newly abducted bride-t0-be would consume large quantities of Mead, which is an alcoholic beverage, made from honey and water via fermentation with yeast, and can be as mild as ale to as strong as wine. It was often referred to as "Honeywine." The drinking of this Honeywine was known to help the woman relax and perhaps even become submissive, while also helping the Viking (as they were not accustomed to being around a lady) to feel less awkward and to "loosen" him up as well.

The 28 days of keeping her in hiding was usually enough to get her pregnant, which they figured had something to do with some sort of "cycle". Hence, this 28-30 day period with their new bride came to be known as "hjunottsmanathr" or Honeymonth. Back then, the only thing they could equivocate that to was the cycle of the moon, and because a "month" was known as a "moon", the word Honeymoon finally came to be.

So, how did this thing derived from horny, kidnapper-savages & pirates turn into the beautiful post-wedding event we think of today? Well, approaching the 16th century (The Victorian Era), Vikings were more Romanticized... sort of heroes, if you will. And since history "proved" that hiding away with the bride while consuming large quantities of the wine resulted in pregnancy, it was common belief that the "Honey Wine" somehow aided in the fertility process! (I guess it didn't occur to anyone that purely getting drunk with someone for 28 days might also lead to pregnancy. Lol!)

Anyway, during this Victorian Era (When things were done "properly") parents of the bride and groom would keep them apart from each other during the entire engagement, so chances for indiscretions would be almost impossible. Then once the couple was married, the father of the bride would send the couple off for their 28 days with their Honey Wine so they could "get to know each other", and hopefully return home with announcements of grandchildren on the way!

Imagine being forbidden to see your fiance from the time of the engagement to the day of the wedding. The angst. The anticipation. And the association of the Honeymoon with Fertility (or the act thereof)? Those things are somewhat still associated with the Honeymoon as we know it today. The bride & groom "escape", often "wining & dining" with each other... Too bad Honeymoons in today's time rarely last 28 days though.

Men in the Victorian Era had it made. Your marriage is arranged. Your Future Father-in-law supplies the wedding, the vacation getaway, enough wine for a month, and the bride. What more could a guy ask for, right??? lol!

So, there you have it... a mini lesson on the Honeymoon... You're Welcome :)

The Proposal

I have a friend named Brent who lives in New Zealand. We keep in contact via email. He is madly in love with Abigail. He asked me my opinion on how he should propose. Here was my reply...

As far as the ring goes, I am afraid I am not much help. My ex never proposed to me. We had talked about getting married and then a few days later while at the mall, after looking at several rings, he told me to wait at the food court. Then he came out of the jewelers, handed me a bag and said, "Here you go; your ring's in the bag. I'm going to get some Korean BBQ." So, I would say ANYTHING you do would have to be better than that.

Anyway, that got me wondering... So, let's hear it... Tell us how YOU proposed or got proposed to. Or share a cool proposal ditty you heard about someone else. After all, it HAS to be better than MY story, right???

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad

Just a quick little post in honor of my "old man" and his "woman"...

Happy Anniversay!!!

My parents have been married now for 37 years. I would love to post wedding pictures, but...they eloped. No pictures to speak of. My mom was 19 and my father 20. They eloped because my dad, who had been raised in the Amish faith knew his father would never consent to him marrying a Mormon girl. It didn't take long however, for his father to accept my mom and come to love her and treat her as his own.

My parents have always had a strong relationship, even in the weakest times. Things may have tested them but they knew that they loved each other and were meant to be together.

As far back as I can remember, my parents have always held hands. I remember them holding hands while driving to church on Sunday mornings.

My dad always worked long hours and even had jobs in which he had to travel, just so my mom could stay home with us kids. But, when he was home on the weekends, he not only did his "honey-do" list, he helped out in the kitchen too. He enjoyed cooking Sunday dinners and was often the clean-up crew too.

The worst/best memory I have of Sunday after-dinners is that often times Mom would wash while Dad would dry. I say "worst" because many times they would have music playing and a few times I remember walking in on them while they were "dancing" or kissing or whatever - between sink-loads. Eww... gross. Well, that's what I thought as a kid, anyway.

I remember them taking lots of "naps" too. Boy, am I glad I never "disturbed" them... whew!

Even now, they are still in love. Last fall I took my kids on a road trip to go and see my parents. Shortly after arriving, I was in the spare room unpacking. The kids were sort of meandering around the house. Soon PrettyPrettyPrincess comes in the room and asks, "What are Gram & Grandad doing?" I replied, "I don't know... why?" She answered, "Because their bedroom door is shut and there is lots of giggling going on." I sort of smile to myself and say, "Hmmm. Better ask Gram that one." Soon my mom emerges and PrettyPrettyPrincess hits her up and asks what they were doing. My mom chuckles and answers, "Oh, just Grandad, being funny."

Now, I am not saying that they were or were not doing something. But I did notice how she never really answered the question. See, PrettyPrettyPrincess asked what they were doing - not how Granddad was acting.

Then, the next day we were in the kitchen. LittleDuckling & I were at the table helping prepare lunch. My mom was at the sink. Soon, my dad enters the room. I don't think he realized we were there too, cuz he goosed my mom on the bum. She sort of jumped. LittleDuckling looks at me like, "Did you see that?" I in turn ask aloud, "Would you two like some privacy?" To which they both laugh.

Then on the way home from our trip, LittleDuckling asked why granddad would want to pinch gram. I explained to my kids it was because they still loved each other. Of course, they all thought that was the weirdest logic ever. I just laughed.

I thought the whole thing was cute, and I am glad that my parents have weathered the many storms between the calm; that they fought the mighty tempests together. For I know that in the end, when the tide comes up, their love for each other will not be washed away and will still be standing on the shore.

Here's to another 37 years. Granted, you'll be in your nineties then... but I know your love is a love that's meant to be. Happy Anniversary!

Dear Future Husband,

Recently Rhondalue said she'd like to know what I look for in a man/mate. Funny she should ask. I just happen to have a wish list. Honest. I do. I made my list (something my counselor had me do) before re-entering the dating world. I have even pulled it out a few times to see if the man I was dating fit the criteria. Without further adieu...
__________________________________________

Dear Future Husband,

If you want to spend the rest of eternity with me, you must:

• Love my children (I understand this may take some time)
• share the same religious beliefs as I do
• be honest
• be considerate of others
• enjoy music
• enjoy socializing (just enough to go out with friends sometimes)
• be willing to play board games on occasion (like when visiting w/ my family)
• be compassionate
• attend church regularly
• honor your religious covenants
• enjoy learning about the scriptures
• enjoy spending time with family
• be good with your money
• be slow to anger
• be romantic/affectionate
• have a good sense of humor
• have a positive outlook
• treat me with respect
• have a decent/steady job
• enjoy road trips/traveling
• enjoy camping
• like to sing (it doesn't matter how good you are, even if it's only to the radio)
• lift me up/motivate me
• make me feel good about myself
• be masculine (not wimpy, i.e., if there is a leaky pipe, don't ask me to fix it [true story!])
• get along with my friends (or at least tolerate them enough to hang out sometimes :) )
• show appreciation towards me when I deserve it
• help around the house - men can do dishes too!
• find me attractive and vice versa
• know how to cook a little
• be able to work well with me on projects
• enjoy a good conversation
• not get irritated that I am a bit "chatty"
• have Patience when I make mistakes
• laugh when it's time to laugh
• hold me when it's time to cry
• know that I don't want to love someone just because he loves me; I want to love him for the way he loves me.

If you think you can handle all of that, please submit your application and resume for further consideration. Income restrictions may apply. Subject to employment verification. ;)

With Love,
Your Future Wife

Relationship Advice

For Today's Festive Fridays with Fun on the Blog, I'd thought I'd pass along this little tidbit of "Relationship Advice" I received. Hope you all have a great weekend!

HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN:
Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO TREAT A MAN:

Show up naked. Bring chicken wings. Don't block the TV.