Conspiracy Theories, Butt Floss & Nitrous

So, any of you long-time or diligent followers know that about a month ago it was discovered that I had my VERY.FIRST.CAVITY!!! Ugh.

The problem ?
I have a very small mouth (do NOT say what you're thinking!). And the peeps at the Dentist office ALWAYS have a hard time getting the verrrrrrry back teeth, because there just isn't room to work. On top of that, my gums and teeth are uber sensitive. They are better since using the prescription toothpaste last year, but still. And FINALLY -- and don't laugh -- I have a {{wee bit}} of Anxiety. I know, big shocker, eh?

The old solution? To clean my teeth using the Numitz gel AND Nitrous to help me relax.

The new problem? Well, last month when I went in for my cleaning, even with the gel and Nitrous, I was still ultra jumpy. I could not STAND the Cancer Screening and the FLOSSING! Oh.My.Gosh!

The new solution?
They suggested that when I came back yesterday for my FIRST-EVER-FILLING, they would deep-clean the teeth on the numbed half. Then, I would come back next week, for them to numb me up with Novocaine so they could "Deep-Clean" the other side. Since my cavity was in the very back, hiding in between 2 molars, this would prove to be a very difficult task. What.A.Process. But, I didn't want ANY MORE cavities, so I said okay.

The process:
So, they give me the gas, and I start to relax, and they come in the with Novocaine and get the cavity all taken care of. Then they move me to another area for the cleaning. Now, I am SURE it is in my notes - they are only supposed to do half of a cleaning today, on the numbed side. However, this hygienist is not my usual one. She's much younger. So, young that I wasn't sure she was really out of high school yet. I was just hoping she'd be gentle.

She puts the gas mask back on me and tells me to relax and she is going to start "with the numb side first." I was like, "hey wait -- you mean that's the ONLY side you're doing today, right?" But I couldn't talk. I was still too numb, AND "sleepy". So, instead, I curl my toes and arched my back a little, getting all tensed up thinking about the not-so-numb-part. Well as soon as she approaches enemy territory she puts the numbing gel on. Then she waits another minute and puts MORE numbing gel on.

At this point, I am thinking to myself, "What is she thinking? Two doses of the gel is gonna work?" I feel a few pokes as she's doing the Cancer Screening, and I am all, "Weird... it sort of hurts, and yet I am too relaxed to care." And then, my head started spinning a little more slowly than it had been and I was ready for a long winter's nap. Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhhh **slow-mo voice** I was high on the Nitrous.

Then the following thoughts came to my mind:

She is going to try to do it all today. She doesn't want to give this up. She must be getting a commission. She doesn't want to lose the commission. It's all a conspiracy. Plus, she wants to prove to the older hygienist that she can do it. That's it -- she must have turned up the Nitrous. She figured the more I am out-of-it, the less I care. Should I be mad? Hmmm. Can't think. Oh, I see, now she is doing this code thing with her finger. The other hygienist would always say "Open" when she wanted me to open my mouth. But this one just touches my chin with her finger and that is the code for me to open. It's all part of the conspiracy. She's probably even feeling sorry for me, thinking I deserve to get high while at the Dentist office. Aww... she's doing me a favor! **fighting tears**... what a sweetheart. Well, good for her! I hope she CAN get it all done today. It really would save me money and time. I just can't believe that I am so not caring one bit about whatever it is she is doing. Dr. Corry looks like he lost weight. He just seems skinny. And he always wears full scrubs. Never a dental lab coat. Full scrubs with his expensive running shoes. I like it. What's that -- Floss? Wow... it doesn't even really hurt. I can feel the floss going up and down between each tooth... like giving my teeth "floss wedgies"... Oh! Floss is like the G-String for teeth! OOH! Maybe that's why they call G-Strings "Butt-Floss!" Oh.My.Gosh... I think I am really high.

The Result?
She was able to get it all done yesterday and canceled my time slot for next week. I guess that was the problem. The previous ladies never had me out far enough. I definitely do **not** like the migraine I usually get after coming down off the Nitrous though.

Oh - and by the way - when I showed up at the Dentist office, I realized I had TWO DIFFERENT SHOES ON!!! Not exactly easy to hide when you're propping your legs up on the chair! Oh well, I gave them all a good laugh!

Thursday Live: "Haven't Met You Yet"

Okay... I admit. Sometimes when the rest of the world goes nuts over something, I tend to drag my feet a little. I guess I'd rather be a shepherd than a sheep. I mean, I still have yet to pick up a Twilight book. I heard all the rage about Michael Bublé about a year ago and brushed it off. Then I heard this song. Finally, I listened to the lyrics one day in the car, and tho a "happy, hope-filled song", I cried. I decided I needed it for the ol' iPod. The thing I love about Canadian-born Bublé, is that he is "self-made". He wanted to sing like Bing Crosby since he was little and as he grew, working as a salmon fisherman with his father, he saved his own money and financed his own first jazz album. He was discovered while singing for a private birthday party, and then hired for little singing roles here and there in movies. Okay, enough of the bio. Let's not forget that in spite of his quirky "white-boy" dance moves, he is rather dreamy to look at. Yeah... I could kiss those lips... hmmm.... melty.

The official music video if off limits for (legal) blog posting, but here is his live performance of the song I love most on Oprah. Lyrics are posted below...enjoy!



I'm not surprised.
Not everything lasts.
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
I talk myself in.
I talk myself out.
I get all worked up, then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it.
I came up with a million excuses.
I thought I thought of every possibility.

And I know someday that it'll all turn out.
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

Mmmm...

I might have to wait.
I'll never give up.
I guess it's half timing,
And the other half's luck.
Wherever you are.
Whenever it's right.
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And baby your love is gonna change me.
And now I can see every possibility.

Mmmm...

But someday I know that it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

They say all's fair -
In love and war.
But I won't need to fight it.
We'll get it right and,
We'll be united.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And being in your life is gonna change me.
And now I can see every single possibility, mmmm.

And someday I know it'll all turn out.
And I'll work to work it out.
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get,
Than I get, than I get, than I get.

Ohhh!

You know it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

I just haven't met you yet.

So Stupid.

I am so irritated. I know, I can't manage other people. I know, I can't live their life. I know, I know, blah, blah, blah.

It's just that Menaissance was only six months ago, and he only met her like four months ago, and now they're engaged! And the really stupid, dumb, asinine thing is that it's not like I was "saving" him or "waiting" for him. I mean our little flingy-thingy during Menaissance was just for fun. It's just that he knows better. He knows that she shouldn't be the one.

How should I put this without sounding mean? Like, he has told me what he wants in a future spouse, and what he is NOT willing to settle for, and he told me he won't compromise anymore. Sort of that "been there, done that" with his first marriage and he vowed to not do that again. And guess what folks?!?!?! Yup. He is settling. He is lowering his standards, and he is compromising the very thing he swore he wouldn't. And WHY pray tell you ask, is he settling?

Well, I think he is settling for Two, count them, Two reasons! 1 - he wants Chocolate. Y'know the kind I am talking about. The rich creamy kind that he thinks is in that package. and 2 - because his ex moved on immediately after their divorce and got herself a live-in boyfriend. I think that he thinks if she can move on so quickly, than he should be able to too.

I want to smack him upside the head. I mean, seriously! He needs a spiritual spanking in the worst way right now. **sigh**

I know. I can't manage other people. I can't make him do anything. Only he can make his choices and work out his own salvation. And who knows... maybe, hopefully, I am dead wrong. Maybe things will end up perfectly-perfect for him and she will be the woman he is hoping for.

Heck, maybe, in a way, I am a teensy jealous, even if he is "settling". Who knows? And maybe, just maybe, he broke a teensy piece of my heart all over again. I mean, again, not that I was waiting on him or anything. I guess you just always want to see your first love get it right and be happy too.

**sigh**

I have to admit, "spiritual spankings"... that was a good one, eh?

Hurt Feelings: What Would You Do?

I realize that ultimately, I am the one in charge of my emotions. I am the only one that can choose if I get offended or not get offended. This is definitely easier said than done, however.

There is someone I am close to. And there seems to be this one area of the relationship in which I continually get my feelings hurt over. Some would say to let it go, forget about it, or even walk away from the relationship.

I have tried this. But lately, this issue seems to bother me more and more. Not so much so that I feel like I am going to explode or blow up or anything. But it makes me feel bad, like perhaps this person is ashamed of me, or embarrassed by me. It hurts.

Sometimes, I feel like saying something. But, I don't. I guess I don't, because I don't want to create drama, or start a fight, or come across as whiny. Also, because I know that this person would never do anything intentionally to make me feel bad. By the same token, I am having a hard time letting it go.

I don't know... what would you would do? Would you say something?

After-School Special

The other night I picked my kids up from their dad's. I knew I still had a late night of homework ahead. I told my kids to go in the house, and I would be right back. FunnyMan, my 15 year old says, "You going to get a drink?"

I say, "Yep."

He says, "Lemme guess. A Diet Coke."

I reply, "Uh-huh."

Then he says, "You're addicted."

I argue, "I'm not addicted."

He challenges with, "Then don't go."

I smile. "Just go in the house," I scold.

"...don't go..." Hehehe. Like I'm some sort of alcoholic or something. Part of me wanted to say, "I can quit whenever I want to." Hahahahaha!

For the record, we have an unlimited supply of fountain soda at work. But I mostly drink water. Besides, my Topamax makes soda taste not-so-great. So, when I do drink it, it's more like a craving or to stay awake. Not really an addiction...really. Tee hee.

Waiting for Normal

I haven't been feeling well lately. Sometimes I feel like I need to vent. I've always been one to write it down in my journal or a notebook. Now, I blog. But I worry that it comes across that all I ever do is complain or whine. I hope not. Truthfully, I try to be a happy person. I try to be upbeat and positive. However, to be quite frank, it's been hard lately.

I am constantly feeling like something's gotta give. And usually something does. And while I try to stay afloat and keep my head above water, I feel like I am barely breathing some days.

There are days in which my heart feels so heavy that it just sort of weighs me down. My mind is filled with worry over many, many things. Honestly, most of the time I don't really know how I even manage. Do you ever feel like you're on auto pilot? Yeah, I feel like that a lot -- though it's like I am flying through thick fog or a storm, not really sure what's waiting on the other side, but yet anxious to get there nevertheless.

For the longest time, I think I kept telling myself in the back of my mind, that one day things will get back to "normal" and then I can worry about fixing my "problems". One day, when I get married again, then I will have my own home, and I can become more organized and have a more "normal" schedule, and run a more "normal" household, and get more "normal" sleep, and things will feel more "normal" and settled for my kids.

I think I kept trying to convince myself that it was okay that things felt a little chaotic for the time being, because someday they would be "normal" and then I could start working on all of that other stuff.

But, then it hit me. What if I spend my time waiting for "normal" to happen and it just never does? What will become of my family? What will become of me? I cannot waste my time waiting for "normal" to happen. I either have to make "normal" happen or learn to manage without it.

Perhaps "normal" just isn't in the cards for me right now. Sometimes I think, maybe I am not supposed to worry about my own happiness until my kids are grown and out of the house. Maybe I am just supposed to focus on them right now, and work and school. Y'know... forget about me. Perhaps I have been too selfish with my own feelings, and letting my hopes and dreams for "normal" get in the way. Maybe I just needn't worry about that right now.

I worry a lot about my children, about how the choices I make affect them. I worry about screwing them up. Every choice I make or don't make could have a huge impact on their lives. Sometimes the choices we make are more about the choices we leave behind. Perhaps it is time I leave behind this notion of "normal" for now, and create a new sense of "normal" for my family. I don't really know what that will mean. Who knows... maybe I will feel differently tomorrow.

Stool Samples (& Other Suitcase Redo's)

tee hee... thought that might get yer attention.

Okay, I think we have all seen how people use vintage suitcases as shelves and extra storage and stuff. But check out these other cool ideas...

When I was little, I remember having a small vintage hard suitcase for my Barbie and her clothes. I also think the smaller overnight hard shell vintage suitcases would be great for kids' puzzles or other activities that can be stored away while they are not playing with them.

What about you? Have you turned your old suitcases into anything creative?