Conspiracy Theories, Butt Floss & Nitrous

So, any of you long-time or diligent followers know that about a month ago it was discovered that I had my VERY.FIRST.CAVITY!!! Ugh.

The problem ?
I have a very small mouth (do NOT say what you're thinking!). And the peeps at the Dentist office ALWAYS have a hard time getting the verrrrrrry back teeth, because there just isn't room to work. On top of that, my gums and teeth are uber sensitive. They are better since using the prescription toothpaste last year, but still. And FINALLY -- and don't laugh -- I have a {{wee bit}} of Anxiety. I know, big shocker, eh?

The old solution? To clean my teeth using the Numitz gel AND Nitrous to help me relax.

The new problem? Well, last month when I went in for my cleaning, even with the gel and Nitrous, I was still ultra jumpy. I could not STAND the Cancer Screening and the FLOSSING! Oh.My.Gosh!

The new solution?
They suggested that when I came back yesterday for my FIRST-EVER-FILLING, they would deep-clean the teeth on the numbed half. Then, I would come back next week, for them to numb me up with Novocaine so they could "Deep-Clean" the other side. Since my cavity was in the very back, hiding in between 2 molars, this would prove to be a very difficult task. What.A.Process. But, I didn't want ANY MORE cavities, so I said okay.

The process:
So, they give me the gas, and I start to relax, and they come in the with Novocaine and get the cavity all taken care of. Then they move me to another area for the cleaning. Now, I am SURE it is in my notes - they are only supposed to do half of a cleaning today, on the numbed side. However, this hygienist is not my usual one. She's much younger. So, young that I wasn't sure she was really out of high school yet. I was just hoping she'd be gentle.

She puts the gas mask back on me and tells me to relax and she is going to start "with the numb side first." I was like, "hey wait -- you mean that's the ONLY side you're doing today, right?" But I couldn't talk. I was still too numb, AND "sleepy". So, instead, I curl my toes and arched my back a little, getting all tensed up thinking about the not-so-numb-part. Well as soon as she approaches enemy territory she puts the numbing gel on. Then she waits another minute and puts MORE numbing gel on.

At this point, I am thinking to myself, "What is she thinking? Two doses of the gel is gonna work?" I feel a few pokes as she's doing the Cancer Screening, and I am all, "Weird... it sort of hurts, and yet I am too relaxed to care." And then, my head started spinning a little more slowly than it had been and I was ready for a long winter's nap. Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhhh **slow-mo voice** I was high on the Nitrous.

Then the following thoughts came to my mind:

She is going to try to do it all today. She doesn't want to give this up. She must be getting a commission. She doesn't want to lose the commission. It's all a conspiracy. Plus, she wants to prove to the older hygienist that she can do it. That's it -- she must have turned up the Nitrous. She figured the more I am out-of-it, the less I care. Should I be mad? Hmmm. Can't think. Oh, I see, now she is doing this code thing with her finger. The other hygienist would always say "Open" when she wanted me to open my mouth. But this one just touches my chin with her finger and that is the code for me to open. It's all part of the conspiracy. She's probably even feeling sorry for me, thinking I deserve to get high while at the Dentist office. Aww... she's doing me a favor! **fighting tears**... what a sweetheart. Well, good for her! I hope she CAN get it all done today. It really would save me money and time. I just can't believe that I am so not caring one bit about whatever it is she is doing. Dr. Corry looks like he lost weight. He just seems skinny. And he always wears full scrubs. Never a dental lab coat. Full scrubs with his expensive running shoes. I like it. What's that -- Floss? Wow... it doesn't even really hurt. I can feel the floss going up and down between each tooth... like giving my teeth "floss wedgies"... Oh! Floss is like the G-String for teeth! OOH! Maybe that's why they call G-Strings "Butt-Floss!" Oh.My.Gosh... I think I am really high.

The Result?
She was able to get it all done yesterday and canceled my time slot for next week. I guess that was the problem. The previous ladies never had me out far enough. I definitely do **not** like the migraine I usually get after coming down off the Nitrous though.

Oh - and by the way - when I showed up at the Dentist office, I realized I had TWO DIFFERENT SHOES ON!!! Not exactly easy to hide when you're propping your legs up on the chair! Oh well, I gave them all a good laugh!

All Hopped Up, Baby!!!

Yes - I am a wimp!

So - today was our semi-annual family trip to the Dentist. Yowza!

Let me start off by saying that I LOVE MY DENTIST...however...I HATE GOING TO THE DENTIST!!!

Dr. Corry has a sweet set-up for the kids. There is a kid's waiting room that is complete with TV, video games, toys, books and VERY comfy leather furniture. If the kids are getting work done, they can put their headphones on and watch the ceiling-mounted TV. My kids usually channel surf until they find "Spongebob Square Pants".

So what do they have for the adults??? Well - if you're me - Everything!!! I also watch TV if I need to have work done - but I usually settle for something more age appropriate. Still not the best part.

I have high anxiety (i know, surprising, right?). In addition to that my gums are sensitive. Therefore when I go in for my semi-annual cleaning, not only do I have to have the topical numbing gel applied to my gums - but i need the Nitrous!!! That's right - hook me up baby!!!

If I didn't have the Nitrous, I wouldn't be able to handle the Cancer Screening, the ice-cold water they squirt in my mouth, or the barbaric way they floss my teeth. It's just better when I am numb and high!

Incidentally - none of my kids need the Nitrous unless they are having actual cavities filled. I know - I am a wimp!!!

So today, I went first and then waited in the kids' waiting room while each of my children had their teeth cleaned. Kienna was able to snatch this oh-so-lovely picture of me coming down off my high.


Oh - and by the way --- the best part???? NO CAVITIES!!!!