Summertime Solutions???

Problem: 3 kids out of school for the summer. Ages 15, 11, and 9. AND 1 Working Mom (Full-Time, outta the house). They are either laughing hysterically (on occassion) or killing each other (mosre likely). Oh and we Don't have TV/Cable/Dish. And though my kids are excellent readers, telling them to 'go read a book' is a chore. I also have NO money, so I won't be purchasing "things to do" this summer.

Potential Hazards: I do not want to come home each day to a trashed house or children that have been fighting and crying all day. I also don't want to enslave them every day by giving them a list of chores because A) they probably won't get completely done, and B) it's summer break. I do believe in having some "recuperation" time.

Solution: ____(BIG BLANK)___

This is where YOU come in. Let me tell you the rules and then PLEASE, feel free to give me advice, suggestions and ideas.

#1. They cannot leave the house or have friends over when I am not home.
#2. They each have to complete at least 1 chore + make their bed every day, regardless of what time they get up.
#3. NO EATING other than in the kitchen. And ALL dirty dishes and trash must make it to it's proper place.
#4. Do NOT call me at work to tattle. Instead write it down in the "tattle log" and I will read it If/When I choose to. (This little "invention" of mine has worked wonders, by the way.)
#5. Do NOT call me at work to tell me you're hungry. All meal suggestions will be listed on the fridge. You won't starve before dinner, I promise.
#6. Do NOT call to tell me you are bored. Find something to do. If you cannot find something to do, I will give you an additional chore.
#7. No hitting, no kicking, no screaming (unless in danger), no biting, no fighting, no name-calling, no physical roughness, not even in playing. No bad language, no bad shows, no bad websites.

Ok - I think that is everything. So.....Please give me ideas of things they can do at home each day that won't cause a mess, that utilizes their energy/creativity and is somewhat fun! I thank you in advance for your wisdom! ;)

Where Have All The Men Gone?

I was dropping my oldest off at Jr. High the other morning as the snow pounded down around me in massive clumps. At the edge of the school parking lot there is this little dip in the pavement. Just as I am ready to exit, a car pulls away from the curb, right out in front of me. Pleb-Driver! I had to quickly apply the brakes and hope the now-empty van didn't slide. The good news? I didn't slide. The bad news? I was stuck.

Crap! If there was any time I missed having 4-wheel drive, it was now. I put my van in reverse and waited patiently for the brand new Durango behind me to back up a little. I was hoping to get more of a "head start" allowing me to "gun it" from the parking lot. I backed up in the teensy weensy little room the driver behind me allowed. Another Pleb! If she hadn't pulled up so close behind me to begin with, the car behind her wouldn't have pulled up so close, and so on and so forth.

I put my plan in motion and was at least able to make it out to the street. Well...sort of. I was half-way out of the parking lot and half-way into the street. Again. Stuck. I try to move forward. Nothing. I try to move backward. Nothing. What does the lady in the brand-spanking new Durango do? Surely, she'll get out and offer to push, right? Nope! She drives *AROUND* me. Well, she is a lady, I rationalized.

Surely, some MAN will stop and push. Otherwise, I will just continue to sit here, spinning my wheels, blocking both the parking lot AND the street. Nope. Three different men drive by and look at me like, "Hey lady! Do you know you're in the street!" I give a look back, like "No Shoot, Sherlock. How long did it take you to figure that one out?"

So where was my Knight in Shining Armor? Who was going to come to my aid and rescue a Damsel in Distress? Was I gonna have to actually exit the vehicle and flag someone down myself? For Pete's Sake, I hoped not. Afterall, I was in my PJs with no Bra on and hadn't brushed my hair or my teeth. Hey, in my defense, my brilliant plan was just to "quickly drop him off at school" and then head home to get ready for work.

Then an even bigger van pulled over. Guess who jumps out? You got it. A Woman! There you have it - my Knight in Shining Armor was a Woman! Well, certainly not to be outdone, a man in another van pulled over and he jumped out to help push as well. Still, the two of them could not set me free. Then a bus driver pulled his big yellow cheese wagon right in the middle of the street and he jumped out to help. Finally, they were able to rock me free. I yelled a quick "thank you!" from my open window and fled the embarrassing scene just as fast as one would expect a bra-less, bad-breathed psycho dressed in PJs to.

What's happened to men these days? Have we completely lost chivalry in all forms? Have we as women fought for equality for so many years, that men have become numb to their natural "roles"? Yes. I said it. Roles. I do believe that some things should be men's roles; helping Damsels in Distress being one of them. You bring me a man who wants to argue with that and I'll tell him, "I'm happy to trade you. You squeeze out the off-spring and I'll start holding doors open and fixing flats and pushing the bra-less psychos out of the snow."

So, did the men who stopped to help only do so because they couldn't bare to let their species be shown-up by a woman? Or perhaps the three of them came to help because they knew the burden of driving big empty vans or busses. No. Not this time. I think -wait, no -I know by the countenance in their faces that these three stopped because they are genuinely good, decent people. They certainly put those other men who passed me by to shame.

I do believe that there are angels out there among us. Some of the flesh, and some not. And some even to rescue bra-less, bad-breathed psychos in their PJ's driving big vans in the snow.