Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Reasons I Probably Would Not Go Out With You

  • You're too young.
  • You're too old.
  • You're too short.
  • You're too scrawny.
  • You're too bulky.
  • You have a comb-over, which means you are either A)Insecure B) In Denial C) You Rationalize D) You believe the myth that bald=old looking. (Hello! Have you SEEN Mr. Clean?) E) All of the above.
  • You have bad breath.
  • You use that "natural stone" deodorant and you think you don't need real deodorant (which is a mistake, by the way).
  • You think regular showers are frivolous.
  • You bathe in your cologne.
  • You're in denial about the "spare tire" forming around your midriff and therefore where shirts 2 sizes too small and those poor buttons are hanging on for dear life!
  • You talk too much.
  • You don't talk enough.
  • You don't find me funny -- or worse -- you don't "get" my jokes.
  • You think we should stay in Church Clothes all day on Sunday.
  • You won't go to church on Sunday.
  • You Drink.
  • You Smoke
  • You lie.
  • You're into yourself more than me.
  • You drive a Volkswagon Bug.
  • You are a high-talker.
  • You are a mumbler.
  • You have bad grammar.
  • Any of your visible teeth are gold.
  • You have a foot fetish.
  • You correct me too often.
  • I have to correct you too often
  • You are picky eater.
  • You never go anywhere without your satchel on your shoulder.
  • You are afraid of spiders, snakes, mice, or anything of the kind.
  • You chew with your mouth open.
  • You are a mouth breather.
  • You are of the opinion that only kids wear braces.
  • You don't have a job.
  • You think there is a possibility that you *might* have kids out there somewhere.

.... I am sure there are more - but that's a good start!

1 comment:

Average Joe said...

Damn! Just when I thought I had a chance.