Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Page 56 and the Yellow Light

What is "page 56" you ask?

Well, according to one movie critic, "page 56" is the place in the script in which the story takes a turn. This is the point in which the main character faces his toughest decision. And whether or not he succeeds triumphantly in the end is all hinged on this one big choice; especially if it's a tale of redemption.

So, I haven't been around the blog much. I know... that's not like me. I guess you can say this semester has really been kicking my butt. I know I said that LAST semester. But, truly. This semester is way harder. I have 5 classes in addition to my regular work schedule and my kids, who I have jokingly been saying that they've been busy raising themselves since I've been so busy. But it's true. I have been busy and school has been kicking my butt. I am sleeping less and when I am home I am so physically exhausted I have little or no motivation to do the things I have been needing to do. I have also been having tummy issues that appear to be stress-related.

This week is midterms. I had a panic attack during one of my Midterms on Monday. I had to stop and start over three times. Afterwards, the professor said I had no reason to have anxiety as I always do well in his class. I think it was triggered by lack of sleep, because I was up till 3am the night before just trying to get homework done.

I thought about that the entire way home and came to the realization that I am at "page 56" with regards to school. On the one hand I feel the urge to hurry and get done with everything because I am tired of being in school and I am not good with patience. On the other hand I can barely keep up with my homework and I worry that I will have to repeat a class or two if I keep this pace up.

I have approached the proverbial yellow light and I have a choice to make. Slow down, use caution and pause for a bit or speed up and hope I don't run a red light in the process. Well, if you know me well, you know that while I love adventure, the element of risk often causes me anxiety. I am not one to "speed through" yellow lights. Too much risk.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to slow down. I cannot take this type of course load again. After making that conscious decision, I happened to look online yesterday at the proposed class schedule for the summer. Ironically enough as it turns out, of all the classes I still need to take to graduate, only one of those is being offered over the summer. Coincidence? Perhaps, some may say.

I, on the other hand, feel it is a tender mercy. It is an affirmation to me that I need only take one class this summer and that all will be well, or Que sera sera, as my mother often sang to me growing up.

After midterms this week, I get a week off from classes and then the following weekend is my li'l road trip down to Moab. Gonna play on some red slick rock! Oh -- and did I tell you? Yeah, The Professor is coming too. Should be a fun weekend.

Then I will be more than halfway done with this semester and hopefully start to get my body back to normal. Of course that means back to our regularly scheduled programming on the blogosphere too. :)


The Willeyes said...

A tender mercy is exactly what it is. You DO need to slow down. I'm glad you and the prof are having a road trip! That will ease some stress too : ). You're amazing. I don't know how you do it all! You do need to take care of yourself though, or pretty soon the decisions will be out of your hands. Slow down...even if its just a little : )

Paige said...

sounds like divine intervention for sure. Take your time--the world will wait for you and it won't do anyone any good if burn out getting there. (says a person who got three undergrad degrees at once, so what the heck do I know?

Susie said...

Keep your chin up! The semester is half over:-)

Puphigirl said...

I know what you mean about busy, busy, busy. I have procrastinated 2 online classes and now it is crunch time to get them done so I can graduate next month.