Triggers

Sometimes certain things will trigger other certain things, yanno?

For example, someone will say something and it will remind me of a movie line or lyric from a song, etc. I'm sure this happens all the time to you as well.

Sometimes, the "trigger" phrase, however, triggers a memory that I have sorta been keeping locked away. Perhaps a not-so-good memory about a painful experience. Sometimes these "triggers" will trigger that not-so-great-memory and THAT memory will sort of make me realize how glad I am not to have to go through that anymore. Sometimes, I do not even realize that there is that little bit of pain left inside of me until that trigger triggers it.

Last night I had a plethora of conversations with the same individual; sorta like a firing squad of Q & A mingled with topic-hopping, followed by getting off on a tangent more than once -- Ha Ha.

Anyway, during this conversational "event" there were several triggers of things once held locked away in my mind and heart. And they surfaced. And in addition to the memories, certain self-discoveries were made. And I realized that perhaps I am stronger than sometimes I am willing to give myself credit for. But in that same sense, a certain insecurity surfaced and it manifested itself through a little emotion.

I love having conversations with a great friend in which I laugh my guts out, cry my heart out and then agree to do it all over again someday soon. Those are the best. Although last night was a NEW great friend, that feeling of comfort-- of feeling like an "old" great friend-- was definitely there. I laughed my guts out, I had ample "that's what she said" opportunities (and took advantage of them), and without warning I even got choked up about certain things. Although I felt slightly insecure about a few things, overall I was comfortable in my own skin and was just being... me.

I was so comfortable I was even the clutz I normally am... Banged my knee on a table, almost fell out of my chair, spilled a little bit of a beverage, and at one point lost my balance and walked like a drunk for no apparent reason...hahaha...yanno... the "usual" not-so-usual me. I guess I tend to be a bit... animated.

Anyway, the triggers that come and go in my life -- the conversations, the music lyrics, the movie lines, the passages from books -- which trigger these somewhat repressed memories is actually a good thing; theraputic in a way.

It's like clearing out cobwebs from deep, dark corners-- an emotional cleansing. Clearing out bad, and making room for new, good, better, best things.