Friday, August 27, 2010

Triggers

Sometimes certain things will trigger other certain things, yanno?

For example, someone will say something and it will remind me of a movie line or lyric from a song, etc. I'm sure this happens all the time to you as well.

Sometimes, the "trigger" phrase, however, triggers a memory that I have sorta been keeping locked away. Perhaps a not-so-good memory about a painful experience. Sometimes these "triggers" will trigger that not-so-great-memory and THAT memory will sort of make me realize how glad I am not to have to go through that anymore. Sometimes, I do not even realize that there is that little bit of pain left inside of me until that trigger triggers it.

Last night I had a plethora of conversations with the same individual; sorta like a firing squad of Q & A mingled with topic-hopping, followed by getting off on a tangent more than once -- Ha Ha.

Anyway, during this conversational "event" there were several triggers of things once held locked away in my mind and heart. And they surfaced. And in addition to the memories, certain self-discoveries were made. And I realized that perhaps I am stronger than sometimes I am willing to give myself credit for. But in that same sense, a certain insecurity surfaced and it manifested itself through a little emotion.

I love having conversations with a great friend in which I laugh my guts out, cry my heart out and then agree to do it all over again someday soon. Those are the best. Although last night was a NEW great friend, that feeling of comfort-- of feeling like an "old" great friend-- was definitely there. I laughed my guts out, I had ample "that's what she said" opportunities (and took advantage of them), and without warning I even got choked up about certain things. Although I felt slightly insecure about a few things, overall I was comfortable in my own skin and was just being... me.

I was so comfortable I was even the clutz I normally am... Banged my knee on a table, almost fell out of my chair, spilled a little bit of a beverage, and at one point lost my balance and walked like a drunk for no apparent reason...hahaha...yanno... the "usual" not-so-usual me. I guess I tend to be a bit... animated.

Anyway, the triggers that come and go in my life -- the conversations, the music lyrics, the movie lines, the passages from books -- which trigger these somewhat repressed memories is actually a good thing; theraputic in a way.

It's like clearing out cobwebs from deep, dark corners-- an emotional cleansing. Clearing out bad, and making room for new, good, better, best things.

7 comments:

Susie said...

I see the world much more clearly after an emotional cleansing:-)

Ruthykins said...

while you're in school are you taking any kind of psychology classes? or sociology? i think you would like them.

Alice in Wonderland said...

I agree with Susie. There is nothing like an emotional cleaning to get things back into perspective again.
All they say..."Laughter is the best medicine".

Puphigirl said...

So you met a new friend that felt like an old friend? Cool.

Tulsi said...

I have those triggers all of the time.

RhondaLue said...

Do i know of this new friend? ;)

The Days of JoDee's life said...

I still have triggers of old friends, old boyfriends, memories of grandparents, etc. Sometimes they make me laugh, sometimes they make me cry, and sometimes they make me shudder...thinking things like, "Did I really do/say that?" I'm a clutz too... I fall down stairs at big work conferences...then have to text everyone I know to let them know. (Cause I'm also an attention junkie!)