Monday, April 26, 2010

Hurt Feelings: What Would You Do?

I realize that ultimately, I am the one in charge of my emotions. I am the only one that can choose if I get offended or not get offended. This is definitely easier said than done, however.

There is someone I am close to. And there seems to be this one area of the relationship in which I continually get my feelings hurt over. Some would say to let it go, forget about it, or even walk away from the relationship.

I have tried this. But lately, this issue seems to bother me more and more. Not so much so that I feel like I am going to explode or blow up or anything. But it makes me feel bad, like perhaps this person is ashamed of me, or embarrassed by me. It hurts.

Sometimes, I feel like saying something. But, I don't. I guess I don't, because I don't want to create drama, or start a fight, or come across as whiny. Also, because I know that this person would never do anything intentionally to make me feel bad. By the same token, I am having a hard time letting it go.

I don't know... what would you would do? Would you say something?

10 comments:

Puphigirl said...

You could write a letter, that way you can get all of your thoughts and feeling organized.

Then the decision would be to deliver the letter. Letters are hard because the right tone of voice is not easily deciphered.

I think that this person may not realize that they are hurting you and so maybe something needs to be said.

RhondaLue said...

you need to gimme more details. lol! (and not just cuz im nosey!) It really depends on the situation.

I have been able to say something in a letter or email that I know I wouldn't be able to get out in person and then I can get ALLL my thoughts out w/o being interrupted. At the same time, liuke puphigirl said tone is difficult to decipher in some letters. You have to be EXTRA careful how you word it so it can't be taken the wrong way. So yah, dish girl. I'm on FB and I have private messaging. LOL

Deborah said...

I support the idea of a letter, even if it's just to organize your own thoughts and you never even deliver it. It takes me a long time sometimes to decide whether to bring things up when they're "little" things but they hurt me and I just can't let go--expressing the hurt and the "why" behind it in a letter sometimes helps me figure out whether or not I'm even being reasonable in my expectations of the other person. After writing the letter, if you see that it's a real issue, then you can decide whether to deliver that letter, write a "toned-down" version, or talk to the person face-to-face (if I choose that one, I often have the letter with me for reference so I don't forget any important points, and sometimes leave the letter with the other person afterward, after we've already talked it through so there's less chance of them misunderstanding anything that's in it). If you see that you're being oversensitive (often the case with me), then you know exactly what needs you should be praying about and asking God to help you work through. And even if you're being oversensitive, sometimes it helps to talk to the person and explicitly say "You're not doing anything wrong. I'm being oversensitive. But I'd like you to be aware of what I'm struggling with so that I can ask you for reassurance when it's needed rather than stewing in my own juices." But for me, at least, all of that starts with expressing what's going on inside, usually through writing it down in the form of a letter.

Dianne said...

Geez, i was gonna sau write a letter, but everybody else already did. Does this person read ur blog? That could do the trick

EmmaP said...

No Dianne, normally this person does not read my blog...or at least not that it is made known to me.

Susie said...

I would definitely say something. Life is too short to walk around with negative feelings.

The Blonde Duck said...

I would. If you keep it bottled up, it poisons you.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I'd get a voodoo doll and stick some needles in it. That should make you feel better ;o)

Tulsi said...

I have a couple of friends who are like that. I'm not sure of your situation. They aren't embarrassed by me, but they are envious and try to hide that by being somewhat mean. I don't think they mean it, well, yes they do - but I don't think it is totally intentional. Like Kass graduated HS, Did Basic, and is on a mission. His best friend in one town didn't graduate and is doing nothing with his life so she tries to cut what Kass is doing so she doesn't look like a bad mother. She can never be happy with anything my kids do because her kids are making wrong choices. Her daughter got baptized and married in the Temple and she was upset with me Like I had been around her the 7 years we have been gone and told her to date an RM. I was an easy mark. With my two ladies, we've moved so it has been easy not to be around them. I found myself separating my self from them when we lived in the same town. I knew they were using me to feel better for theirselves and not meaning it to totally hurt my feelings. I find myself staying to myself a lot and not making close friends so I don't have problems. That isn't really a good thing to do, but it's a way that I have found to not get caught up with hurt feelings. Writing a letter would be a good idea, and then you could be like President Lincoln. He wrote them, labeled them and then didn't send them. They found them after he had passed. It just made him feel better.

okeydokeyifine said...

men....