Sunday, June 8, 2008

"Princess & the Pee" & "Will Work for Date"

Normally, when you have plans to hang out with someone, you sort of have in your mind how you think the evening will play out. However, sometimes life throws you a curve ball. I have learned that as much as I enjoy well thought-out plans and structure, I have also become pretty good at embracing unpredictability. There are two parts to this post, because they both broach the topic of embracing unpredictability, or catching the curve ball, if you will.

Princess and the Pee

So, Science Guy and I go to eat Chinese on Friday. I inform the waiter that I am really a Camel, and if he wants to keep me happy, he should keep my water glass filled. He agrees. As a result, I think I drank like 6 or 7 glasses of water. Afterwards, while Science Guy is paying the bill, I use the Ladies Room. Then in his car, while driving, all of a sudden I have to go again! I might drink like a camel, but I have a bird's bladder! I am not close to home, but there is a grocery store at the bottom of the hill. I tell him to drive me there. Science Guy is trying not to laugh at me. I threaten him that if he laughs, he will make me laugh, and then he will have to get his car detailed. As he is driving down the hill, his car begins to pick up speed. I tell him to slow down, that if he gets us pulled over, there is no guarantee that I won't pee in his car! Science Guy slows it down, just as we pass a police car. He thanks me for advising him so wisely. However, as he is talking to me, he lets up on the break, and the car begins to pick up speed again. We are still well within the speed trap zone, and sure enough within seconds, there are flashing lights on our tail. I punch Science Guy in the arm, and tell him to cooperate and make this exchange go as smoothly as possible so we can get out of there and I can pee!!! The officer approaches the car and asks Science Guy for his license, registration and proof of insurance. He then asks where we were off to in such a hurry. You guessed it, Science Guy tells him! But it's worse than that --he just doesn't tell the officer that I have to pee, he tells him that I have a bladder problem!!! Great, why don't you just sign me up as the new spokes model for Poise Pads while you're at it too? For the record - I do not have a bladder condition! It's simple...You drink lots of water, you're gonna have to pee - a lot! So, I punched Science Guy in the arm at least two more times, while my foot is ready to go through the floor board as I am trying to contain myself. Finally the officer comes back and hands Science Guy a ticket!!! He tells Science Guy that he is "letting him off easy" and instead of citing him for going 50 in a 30, he will only mark him as going 9 over. Wow...generous. Finally, we are allowed to go, and I am pleased to say that I made it to the grocery store at the bottom of the hill with dry pants. But see, I still get the last laugh (at Science Guy) cuz that was one expensive first date! Dinner at Chinese Restaurant: $30. Speeding Ticket from Bountiful Police: $86. Date having to pee so bad she almost loses it in car? Priceless!

Will Work For Date

So, Construction Dude lives close by, and we've been chatting back and forth for a few days. We discuss hanging out, but his work schedule takes him out of town most of the week, and he works a lot of side jobs on the weekend. He finally invites me over, but warns me that he only has about an hour before he has to take care of a few projects. I agree and go over to visit him. When I get there, he tells me he has to work on the wiring in the house. So, we hang out in his garage (awesome, right?) while he is up on the ladder. Soon, he asks me to hand him some sort of tool. He might as well have been a surgeon asking me for a speculum or a scalpel. I advised him that he would have to describe the tool for me in "girl language". He sweetly asked for the cute little yellow-handled wire strippers. Precious! His next door neighbor is outside finishing a call on his cell. He turns and sees Construction Dude and I in the garage. Construction Dude informs me that the neighbor guy has been his bishop for years. The two banter for a minute before Bishop Neighbor makes his way over. Bishop Neighbor & I are introduced. He asks how we met. Construction Dude tells him that we met in a bar, and he was in a bar fight and I saved his life. Bishop Neighbor looks at me. I laugh and respond, "Something like that." Bishop Neighbor asks me where I'm from. I tell him Northern Indiana, east of South Bend. Construction Dude looks down from the ladder and says, "I'm from Kalamazoo! I used to love our Tri-Stake Youth Conferences with you guys!" Then he says, "We probably also played against you guys in High School Sports." I respond by saying, "and we probably kicked your butts." Construction Dude laughs and says, "Probably. In fact I was probably the kid on the bottom of the wrestling pile, crying for my mom." I retort, "And I was probably the chick checking out all of the guys that weren't crying." With that, Bishop Neighbor says, "I guess you two having some getting-to-know you stuff still." Construction Dude confirms this is our first official meeting. Bishop Neighbor looks at me, and says, "You do know about his tattoos, right?" I nod and laugh; I knew. Bishop Neighbor looks at us both a little skeptically, not really sure what to make of the whole thing. He finally smiles at me, with a twinkle in his eye and says, "Well I don't know many girls that would come and work for a first date!" Bishop Neighbor then turns to Construction Dude and admonishes, "For Pete's Sake...will you at least take her for some Nielson's Custard or something?"

So there you have it. Who says life has to be predictable? Predictable is overrated. Oh - and no worries, the tattoos are nothing to get alarmed over.


Mel and Byde said...

What are his tat's hideous, the bishop has to warn you about them:) Are they that noteworthy? Sounds like two typical dates for you...nothing normal in your life:)

EmmaP said...

the tattoos are actually lyrics from a Simon & Garfunkel song...I know "dangerous", huh? it was very symbolic for him at the the time he got them for what he had been going through.

ciciray said...

Emma, You sererously should consider being a writer, your way with words is addicting and I love it! Amy From Indiana (Ann & Emily's sister...remember me??)

Ruthykins said...

simon and garfunkel, huh? i thought maybe they were a return with honor tattoo and a CTR tattoo. one on each shoulder.

kanaboke said...

OMG, I thought you were gonna say that he had a teardrop and prison number tatooed on various parts of his body...dangit..S&G lyrics???? not so exciting...bwahahahahaha!

pinkelephant said...

So, the science guy is still holding onto the tiny thread even after he told the police officer that you had a bladder problem??
The guy is insane.