The Red-Eye

One of my favorite things is Breakfast for Dinner. It doesn't even matter what type of breakfast. I love any breakfast for dinner; french toast, pancakes, omelets and even just cereal. It's all good. So, when In-Flight Dude suggests we have breakfast for dinner, I immediately agree. The only place still open is the ever-classy Denny's; always a treat. Hanging out with In-Flight Dude is like going on an exciting trip. Though that could also have something to do with the fact that I am fond of his In-Flight announcements and he is always a good sport about performing on demand. "Give me your 'Welcome Aboard' announcement," I tell him. "Where would you like to go?" he asks. "Umm, Anchorage." In-Flight Dude clears his throat and accommodates the request. "Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to welcome you aboard Delta's flight 1101 with non-stop service to Anchorage..." or something to that effect. He is quite good, and we laugh and have some great conversation throughout our breakfast for dinner.

At one point, Hat Dude calls and asks for ideas for great first dates with chicks. I realize after our escapades a few weeks earlier, none of his other outings have quite measured up. I don't blame him; I understand, Grasshopper. I explain to Hat Dude that I am prepared for take-off with In-Flight Dude, and will have to call him back after returning to my final destination.

In-Flight Dude & I continue our conversation over breakfast for dinner and then decide to take a drive through Bountiful. Of course, I absolutely cannot put on my seat belt until In-Flight Dude has given me the proper safety instructions. "I would like to take a moment to briefly explain the safety features of your Boeing 757 aircraft...to fasten your seat belt, place the flat end into the metal buckle. To tighten your seatbelt, pull on the strap. Your safety belt should be worn low and tight across your lap. To unfasten your seatbelt, simply lift up on the the metal tab..." Whew! I can't tell you how much safer I felt just hearing that.

In-Flight Dude and I end up talking for several hours. Soon we realize how late it is and we both need to head home. "On behalf of your Salt Lake City based flight crew, I'd like to welcome you to beautiful Salt Lake City. The approximate time is......4 a.m. ???" Holy Crapola! Where did the time go?

I get home safely and remember that not only do I still have pies to make for our Enrichment Activity the next night (well, technically the same day now), but that I also promised to call Hat Dude back. I send Hat Dude a text, knowing he is probably just getting home from his late-night shift. He is still up, so I call. He tells me about Canada Girl, and I bestow upon him my wit, wisdom and advice, for which I am sure he is eternally grateful. We end up talking for almost two hours, and I realize at this point there is no point to going to bed.

I get the pies going in the oven, and run to pick up the kids from their dad's. Then by 8:15 am, pies are done, we are all showered and out the door. Work was hard to stay awake for. Luckily it was a quiet day, and I was able take a 20 minute power nap during lunch.

According to my sleep deprivation cycle, this was the longest I had ever remained in Stage 1 (see "Hamster Head"). I was slurring my words so badly, that Boss Man was ready to send me in for a drug screening. Even if I hadn't been slurring my words, everyone knew I was sleep deprived because it was Ugly Glasses Day. My eyes were way too tired for contacts. When Secret Agent Guy was questioning the sanity of my emails, I knew that I was going downhill fast. Everyone and their brother seemed concerned for my well-being. I was told phrases like, "Go home & go to bed", "turn off your cell phone tonight" (Blasphemy!) "You're going to make yourself sick". It was nice to know that people cared.

By the time 5pm came around I could hardly keep my eyes open. I was so worried that I would fall asleep on the way home, I called In-Flight Dude and told him he had to talk to me to keep me awake. He asked me for my ETA. I informed him that since I only live 1.91 miles from work, my ETA was about 6 minutes. But hey - a lot can happen in only 6 minutes. It only takes 6 minutes (or less) for a girl to get pregnant. It can certainly take only 6 minutes for a sleep deprived Mindless Banterer to go off road and crash.

So, I got home, put my jammies on and told the kids they could fend for themselves. They asked what was for dinner. I replied, "If it's edible, eat it." They figured since I wouldn't be going to Enrichment, perhaps they could have pie for dinner. "Go for it," I answer. (I am bound to be nominated Mother-of-the-Year for that one.) I slept for 3 hrs and was up again by 9 pm. I remembered that I still needed to get some milk before the morning. By 11pm, I dragged myself out of bed and ran down to the 24 hr Wal-Mart. With my beautiful glasses and bed-head hair, I fit right in with the other shoppers. Hey! At least I put on a bra and brushed my teeth first.

Was back home in bed by 12:30 and then didn't want to get up this morning. I was able to get my contacts in, but let's just call today Ugly Pony-Tail Hair day.

I guess the lessons learned in all of this are that I am not as young as I used to be, and I won't be taking anymore Red-Eye "Flights" when I have to report to work the next day.