My Cat Hates Me

Remember last week when I told you about one of my cats hating my bra? (Check it out {{HERE}} if you need a refresher.)

Well, I came upon something else recently. Let me back up and offer a little, teensy-weensy, admission here. I prefer to sleep with socks on. I have my reasons and to go into them now would take up this entire post, and we're here to talk about a feline felony.

So, the other night I wore my socks to bed as usual. At some point it must have gotten a little too warm for my liking, because I apparently - In.My.Sleep - discarded the hoodie I was wearing, and one of my socks. Also, I apparently - In.My.Sleep - tossed both the hoodie and the one sock across the room, landing just in front of the full-length mirror.

The next morning, it was one of THOSE mornings. You know the sort. The alarm either didn't go off or I somehow managed to turn it off without realizing it - In.My.Sleep - thereby creating a domino effect of everyone being late for school, and me late for work. Time for breakfast? Surely, you gest. Nope. The morning was more like me, running around like a chicken with it's head cut off (which incidentally, I've always been curious about. It actually might be a comical sight to see.), calling out names for this child and that child to get their backpacks, brush their teeth, put on deodorant, yadda, yadda, yadda, and meet me in the car.

Obviously, I did not find the additional 30 seconds it probably would have taken for me to pick up the hoodie and sock from the floor and take care of them properly. It just wasn't a priority.

So, that night when I was getting ready for bed, I figured - eh, I'll just wear the same socks and hoodie. Not like it matters, right? They're just jammies and it's not like I'm having any company. (Don't look down on me. I know you wear your jammies more than once before washing too!) Okay, so back to the sock. I reached for the sock and guess what!?!?!? Yup. It was cold and clammy and W-E-T!

I figured the cat just hated my bra! But, now it seems that this is becoming a little more personal. Especially because both kitties are litter-box trained. And especially since they haven't had accidents in the five months we've had them. Looking back, the only change that had occurred has been their little "fix-it" and de-clawing surgeries.

It's a conspiracy. The cats are trying to get back at me for taking away their scratching powers, for stripping them of knowing what is was going to be like to be a mama-cat in heat. If only they would realize it's all for their own good. But that is the only thing I can think of.

Maybe some cat nip is in order... like a peace-offering or something. I've heard it's like weed, for cats. That should be good, right?

The Cat Hates My Bra

Now before you start thinking something ridiculous, like I tried to put a bra on my cat, let me explain.

Recently in the same week, the underwire broke in 2 of my bras and began precariously stabbing and poking me in places I'd rather not be stabbed and poked. So, as any other normal woman would do in a time like this, I had to pull the wire out.

Well, this was a bit of a pain since the onset of the second case began while driving to class. Once on campus, I made a mad dash to the ladies room, took off the thing, momentarily surrendering the girls to freedom, and proceeded to pull the wire out of the hole from whence it poked. The problem was that the break only occurred in one cup. I would have loved to pull the wire from the other cup, but there was no way to do it without a pocket knife or some other MacGuyverish method. Nope. That underwire was airtight and sealed for life. So, back the girls went into subjugation, albeit in lopsided form, and off I went to class.

And then, as if the angels were smiling down on me from heaven, the note on the classroom door indicated that class had been canceled for the evening. Now, normally, I would have been a bit irritated that I had left work a little early to make the twenty minute drive to campus and fuss over parking just to find out it had been canceled. However, on this particular day, I had my girly appointment beforehand, which was actually a little further south than the school. So, in essence, class that night was actually on my way home.

Anyway, so now that the night had left me free, I decided to head on over to Kohl's as they are one of the only places with a high probability of having my bra size in stock. I go in, I search for the bras and come up a bit short. I can find two bras one size too small. Well, actually, the size I normally buy seems to be one size too big. I wish they sold a size in between, as that would be perfect. Anyway -- like I said before, this was the second underwire breaking in a week, so I was a bit desperate, and tired. I snatched the 2 nearly-too-small ones from the rack and make the purchase.

Once home I changed into my jammies and settled in for some homework. Where were the bras you ask? Okay, here is where I admit to being a little negligent. They were still in the Kohl's bag, which hung on my bed post. I suppose I was in a hurry to relax and get something to eat when I got home, that removing the tags and tucking the bras away in their proper lingerie drawer seemed a task a bit more arduous than I wanted to take on at the time. Hence, there they hung.

Fast forward to the morning after. No, not THAT morning after. The morning after I had hung the bag with the bras on the bedpost! Okay, so I am up and getting ready for work, etc. and I go to retrieve one of the bras and I notice the bag had been tossed from the bedpost and both bras shamelessly strewn across the floor.

"What in the world?" I wondered. I went to retrieve the first one and upon grabbing it noticed it was wet! I flipped on the overhead light to get a better view, and right there in the middle of the inside of the cup was a bright yellow pee stain! I'm not gonna lie. I was a bit taken aback at the obvious assault one of the kittens had inflicted upon my cup! Looking at the evidence, this was obviously a hate crime; an act of violence brought upon my bra. But the question is WHY?

As I quickly checked the second bra and to my relief found no urination, I began to piece together the logic formed in the 5 centimeters of my kitty's brain. I am pretty sure I even know which cat did it. This cat, the suspect, as I now refer to her, has demonstrated slightly quirky behavior since coming to our home.

For instance, she doesn't like to be picked up or held and is afraid of everything. On the other hand, she clamours for attention too. She will walk up to me just to be near me and start purring. I haven't even offered her a scratch behind the ears and she's purring! One move to reach for her and she dashes out of sight. I suppose that might be enough evidence right there to prove I have magical powers. Yes, the power to comfort my kitty from a distance.

The only thing I am left to assume is that she became extremely jealous of the bra, sensing that it too held magical powers. I mean, it's true that the bra is there to offer me support. And it's something I keep close to my heart. It's like a good friend that way. And the magical part? Well, I don't know many other vessels wherein I can roll the girls up and tuck them in and yet somehow make them look "normal", do you? Yep. Purely magical.

All I can say is this behavior better not keep up. I mean, she can't go around peeing on every new object I bring into the house.

Love, not hate, kitty. Love.

Dancing with CATS??? Are you Kidding Me?

I don't really have anything against cats, per say. Well, at least not enough for me to wish any harm on them. That being said, I'm not a cat lover either. I mean, I can take 'em or leave 'em; either way. Perhaps that is why I just do NOT get this.

This little ditty showed up at our girls night white elephant gift exchange. I about peed my pants. And it wasn't just the pictures, but the writing is a little, what I would consider over the top. I just really don't know how else to explain it. And yet, it was/is a best seller? Maybe in New Zealand where it was written... but I still don't get it. Anyway, for your viewing pleasure I have incorporated the "book preview" from google books. You'll have to click on the black arrows to move to the next page.

See for yourself... am I crazy or is this book just BIZARRE???