Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Cat Hates My Bra

Now before you start thinking something ridiculous, like I tried to put a bra on my cat, let me explain.

Recently in the same week, the underwire broke in 2 of my bras and began precariously stabbing and poking me in places I'd rather not be stabbed and poked. So, as any other normal woman would do in a time like this, I had to pull the wire out.

Well, this was a bit of a pain since the onset of the second case began while driving to class. Once on campus, I made a mad dash to the ladies room, took off the thing, momentarily surrendering the girls to freedom, and proceeded to pull the wire out of the hole from whence it poked. The problem was that the break only occurred in one cup. I would have loved to pull the wire from the other cup, but there was no way to do it without a pocket knife or some other MacGuyverish method. Nope. That underwire was airtight and sealed for life. So, back the girls went into subjugation, albeit in lopsided form, and off I went to class.

And then, as if the angels were smiling down on me from heaven, the note on the classroom door indicated that class had been canceled for the evening. Now, normally, I would have been a bit irritated that I had left work a little early to make the twenty minute drive to campus and fuss over parking just to find out it had been canceled. However, on this particular day, I had my girly appointment beforehand, which was actually a little further south than the school. So, in essence, class that night was actually on my way home.

Anyway, so now that the night had left me free, I decided to head on over to Kohl's as they are one of the only places with a high probability of having my bra size in stock. I go in, I search for the bras and come up a bit short. I can find two bras one size too small. Well, actually, the size I normally buy seems to be one size too big. I wish they sold a size in between, as that would be perfect. Anyway -- like I said before, this was the second underwire breaking in a week, so I was a bit desperate, and tired. I snatched the 2 nearly-too-small ones from the rack and make the purchase.

Once home I changed into my jammies and settled in for some homework. Where were the bras you ask? Okay, here is where I admit to being a little negligent. They were still in the Kohl's bag, which hung on my bed post. I suppose I was in a hurry to relax and get something to eat when I got home, that removing the tags and tucking the bras away in their proper lingerie drawer seemed a task a bit more arduous than I wanted to take on at the time. Hence, there they hung.

Fast forward to the morning after. No, not THAT morning after. The morning after I had hung the bag with the bras on the bedpost! Okay, so I am up and getting ready for work, etc. and I go to retrieve one of the bras and I notice the bag had been tossed from the bedpost and both bras shamelessly strewn across the floor.

"What in the world?" I wondered. I went to retrieve the first one and upon grabbing it noticed it was wet! I flipped on the overhead light to get a better view, and right there in the middle of the inside of the cup was a bright yellow pee stain! I'm not gonna lie. I was a bit taken aback at the obvious assault one of the kittens had inflicted upon my cup! Looking at the evidence, this was obviously a hate crime; an act of violence brought upon my bra. But the question is WHY?

As I quickly checked the second bra and to my relief found no urination, I began to piece together the logic formed in the 5 centimeters of my kitty's brain. I am pretty sure I even know which cat did it. This cat, the suspect, as I now refer to her, has demonstrated slightly quirky behavior since coming to our home.

For instance, she doesn't like to be picked up or held and is afraid of everything. On the other hand, she clamours for attention too. She will walk up to me just to be near me and start purring. I haven't even offered her a scratch behind the ears and she's purring! One move to reach for her and she dashes out of sight. I suppose that might be enough evidence right there to prove I have magical powers. Yes, the power to comfort my kitty from a distance.

The only thing I am left to assume is that she became extremely jealous of the bra, sensing that it too held magical powers. I mean, it's true that the bra is there to offer me support. And it's something I keep close to my heart. It's like a good friend that way. And the magical part? Well, I don't know many other vessels wherein I can roll the girls up and tuck them in and yet somehow make them look "normal", do you? Yep. Purely magical.

All I can say is this behavior better not keep up. I mean, she can't go around peeing on every new object I bring into the house.

Love, not hate, kitty. Love.


Ruthykins said...

that is a terrible story. i can't stop laughing at it, but i feel bad for you.

Susie said...

I just got a weird picture in my head of you peeing into shopping bags:-) Hee, hee, hee!

Holli and Billy said...

hahaha!! how funny! sorry...

I really liked that cookie said...

Haha :) thank you for the laugh!