Thursday, June 17, 2010

Facebook Fueling Divorce?

There is an article that claims FB is Fueling Divorces. You can read it {{HERE}} if interested.

My first impression? That is sooooo stupid. Then I thought about how *I* use FB and compare that to how others might use it.

I usually use it on my phone throughout the day. Like if I am waiting for my screen to load on my S-L-O-W work computer. Or on hold with someone on the phone. I admit, I glance through the updates via my Droid and make comments as appropriate. That being said, there are many days I never even glance at FB until after dinner, when I am at home. Normally, that is when I am settling in to do homework, or listen to my boring online Biology lectures. I will have FB up in one tab and my schoolwork in another. Then between lectures, I will take a quick break and gander over to FB. And of course I use FB whenever I have the opportunity to snag a crazy pic with my camera phone. I mean I've GOT to upload to FB and share the little gem with my pals, right? Tee Hee.

As an experiment (after someone "accused" me of ALWAYS being on FB) I tracked my usage of actually spending time on the site a few months ago. Unless I was downloading several new pics for a new photo album, I would spend anywhere from 13-33 minutes a day on FB. Not bad, I think. Like I said... it's more like perusing 30 seconds here, 30 seconds there throughout the day.

That being said, I do know several people that like to play the games or take the quizzes on the plethora of FB apps. I don't think there is anything wrong with that; just like watching TV or reading a magazine. It's a form of entertainment; one I just don't have time for. I think it is when people spend soooooooo much time on it that it becomes addicting, and they begin to neglect their responsibilities. For example, I have heard of a lady who spent so much time on FB, from the moment she got home from work, until the wee hours of the morning, that her husband began to resent her.

The other huge issue I could see is when while connecting with many friends from the past temptations arise. Perhaps not all of a sudden. But you're rekindling a relationship and maybe begin to IM this person and eventually, you start caring more about that person than the person you're married to. You think about that person all the time; sending each other messages, etc. Maybe you even agree to meet. Well, I can see how something like finding an old flame on FB could fuel a divorce. However, I will say that I also think that if this is the case, you probably already had issues in the marriage.

The internet is a very powerful tool. It, like almost anything else, can be used for good or evil. There are many things I have heard of and know that can break up families and marriages. The obvious is of course, pornography. There are things like MySpace and Facebook and other networking sites wherein provides an opportunity to meet or reacquaint ourselves with others.

For me, I choose to avoid the things that make the internet "evil". As a single woman, I am also very careful about whom I talk to on FB. Once, an old high school friend saw I was online and started an IM Chat. Then, about halfway through he said something that could have been perceived as a subtle flirt. It was sort of hard to tell, since I could not hear voice tone inflection. But, since it made me uncomfortable, I figured it was intended as a flirt. My response was, "Does your wife know you flirt like that?" And then I said that I had to go and I haven't talked to him since. Another time, I found an old friend from church, all the way back to our nursery days, if you can imagine. Turns out this guy lives within 30 miles and works downtown; only minutes from where I live and work. He sent me a message per the usual, "Oh my gosh! It's good to see you! Where is everyone now... parents, siblings, etc." I responded in the like. Then he responded with we should grab lunch sometime and catch up.

Now, I know he is harmless. I would never think of him in a romantic way; ever. And I have gone to lunch with male clients and work associates before. BUT, this would be different. It ISN'T work. It's personal. I would never even want to give the appearance that I was meeting a married man for a lunch date. I mean, I am single... but I don't know his wife. I do not know if they are solid or having issues, etc. And I am determined not to be a catalyst for the worst; I am not a home-wrecker. I replied, "Catching up sounds fun! We should get the families together instead. Let me know."

So, yes... in general, I think that FB can be fueling divorces. I think in many cases, there are probably already problems there. In other cases, I think it's like the "flaxen chord" that Satan uses to break up families. Little by little and so sly you don't even know it until it's got a firm grasp on you... choking the life right out of your marriage.

I don't know anyone personally whom fall victim to the "Facebook Fueling Divorce" claims. But I do think it is sad. I hope you don't know anyone either... or even worse, I hope you haven't been a victim of it yourself.


RhondaLue said...

Oh yah. I could totally see how FB or any other internet addiction could stir up trouble. Sometimes even when a relationship is totally solid. Becuase that is how satan works, a minor no big deal thing here, subtle flirt, less subtle temptation-BAM. Married people need to be EXTRAAA careful with who they are friending and how they are spending their time on FB.

And honestly, even when married people aren't doing ANYTHING wrong, people have some wonky stuff or pics on their FB pages that can make it look bad to the spouse or others when they stumble upon it.

Some friends of ours started a HERS AND HIS FB page so that they have one page and no surprises or old flames befriended. I thought it was a good idea...but...for me, I don't want hubbies friends as mine. Bad, I know..but he works with and grew up with some funky people-so that's just me. lol Also, I mostly only friend people I actually know or are related to me (and even then sometimes not!) so I feel it's safer. Of course I have a couple o' blog buddies too..but only the ones I really trust.

Wow, have you noticed that when I comment at night I totally write a friggin' BOOK!? lol sorry.

Deborah said...

I agree--FB per se isn't bad, but it can become a problem depending on how it's used. One thing that gives me reassurance (even though our marriage is good and reassurance isn't needed, it's nice to have!) is that my husband and I know each other's passwords to FB, email, everything. We like to have separate accounts because, frankly, I don't care what his 5th grade friend who I never met is doing, and I don't want to wade through all the newsletters he gets in emails, but it's nice to know that at any time, with or without the other's knowledge, either of us can see and read anything in any of our "private" accounts. (We have agreed not to do that too close to birthdays or Christmas, though!) Accountability is a good thing that helps keep a strong marriage strong!

Puphigirl said...

Facebook, just like anything in this world should be used in moderation. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. And like anything else, if it can be used for good, Satan will find a way to use it for evil.

Ruthykins said...

i live by the rule "don't do anything online that you wouldn't do in real life". i play games on facebook, but they are the benign ones, like, i have a farm that i take care of. i don't flirt when i chat, unless i'm talking to my husband. i usually don't chat with men anyway, but sometimes brother in laws will chat with me, or old friends. i'm always careful with what i put out there. i don't post any "bad" pictures. i don't get on and vent about my husband, and does the same as me. plus, i know that i can trust him online. however, if we were having problems, facebook would probably add fuel to the fire.

Susie said...

What a strange phenomeon. It's sad but I think people who search outside the marriage for fullfillment just got another place to search.