You took away my once innate ability to have confidence in myself. Now I question, I fear.
You took away my instinct to speak up. I hesitate. I keep it to myself.
You took away my desire to touch and be touched. For years, I thought I was the broken one.
You took away my capability to trust first and doubt second. I'm always looking for the lie, and often the lines are blurred.
You took away my appreciation for certain types of music, because now upon hearing it, triggers memories of you.
You took away my capacity to feel intelligent or sexy or good enough around certain types of men.
You took away my inclination to love your people. Granted, out-sourced call-centers don't help... but still...
You took away my feelings of hope. Though I realize now perhaps it was a false hope all along, it was some sort of hope nonetheless.
I had hoped to be loved, to be wanted, to be good enough. To be... happy.
But you took, and you took, and you took, and you took!
And then you had the audacity to Blame.Me. [Sometimes, you are a Freaking Jerk-Face.]
...[deep cleansing breath]...
But YOU WON'T WIN!!!
I may have been physically exhausted. I may have been emotionally beat down. I may have even been spiritually suffering. But I survived; I am still here. I am still my own person, and you cannot take that away from me...Ever. *I* am the one writing MY story now.
I am learning that I can do things I never thought possible. I am learning that I have potential, and that I CAN do hard things, and that people DO love me... and that one day, when I find *THE ONE* he will be so much better for me than you could ever have even hoped to be.
And yes, there are still times when the things you TOOK still have an effect on my actions, but (luckily) those times are dissipating.
As I recently wrote on the Blogstalker's blog while guest-blogging...
I love the notion that, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but rather we are Spiritual Beings having a human experience.” This adds significance to my plight in determining who I am, as now I desire to figure out who He already knows me to be. It fills me with hope and gives my journey purpose.