I hate-Hate-HATE when people say
you won't be single for long, cuz you've got such a "cute personality"!
Wanna know why I hate it? Fine! Let's "go there". Let's pick it apart.
1) you won't be single for long
First of all, you don't have a crystal ball, so you don't know this for sure, so it's irrelevant! Also, this is just what you say when you don't know what else to say, like if you're not sure if this was something she wanted or not. Like if the Dude just up and one day says, "Yo Wife. I'm leaving You's and da kidz!" or something like that... perhaps she didn't see it coming. Maybe she is even devastated. On the other hand, maybe the whole thing was her idea. Perhaps he was a dead-loser-butt-head that sat around all day eating cheetos, scratching his junk while watching TV, and getting crumbs all up in her sofa and she was like, "uh-uh, oh no he di-unt! he gots to go!" See, if you KNOW the sitchyation then you can say the appropriate, "Aww, I'm sorry to hear" or the "Way to go! kick him out!" But when people don't know... yeah... that's when you get the , "you won't be single long" routine.
2) you've got such a cute personality.
Seriously folks, this is just code for, "Wow! What happened to you? You got all fat, frumpy and dumpy!" I mean it's sort of like the consolation prize; you can almost hear the voice in their head as they absorb the news the first time about your divorce, "They got divorced? Well, he should fare out pretty good -- he does have the sports car. Her? Hmm... well, she has a cute personality...so maybe..." By the way, if you know Jim Gaffigan, totally imagine his "voice-in-head" voice on that last part. It totally helps.
Anyway, I guess for me, I have heard the line about having a "great personality" or a "cute personality" so many times the past few years I just get tired of it. I know what's going on...I'm not stupid. I mean, I have been married my ENTIRE adult life, up until my divorce. I had kids right away. I was one of those women... the kind who gained weight and lost whatever it was I had going on.
I remember being little and/or a teenager and being complimented on my looks. I admit, I enjoyed the attention. Then, after having kids and gaining weight, it was the "what a pretty face" comments. So, here we've narrowed it down from entire package to face. Then, eventually it was "You have nice eyes". Oops, not even the entire face anymore. And finally, not even eyes... just this intangible thing... this "personality".
Sure, personality is important. But so is feeling sexy, or pretty, or beautiful, or at least just presentable! lol! I mean, picture this...
It's Friday night - Date night. All the men are taking their ladies out for dinner to a nice restaurant. The couples are arriving, putting their names on "the list". Then the waiting begins... So do the games. You know what I'm talking about. The "silently checking each other's dates out". Ohhh yeah. It happens. The girls are checkin out the other girls to see how they stack up against their competition. The guys are also checkin out the other girls to see how they fared out. The guys with the hotties, yeah... they know they've got it going on. The guys with the gals with "pretty faces", well, still not so bad. And the guys with the dates with nice eyes. Well, they just keep their dates close by and try not to notice the others. But let me just say this. NO MAN is standing there thinking, "Oh yeah? Well, MY girl has a Cute Personality!"
Anyway, I was telling this to my Friend From Back Home (FFBH) who is also a counselor. Of course he is laughing at me, telling me I have put way too much thought into this. And says that perhaps some of the Hotties don't have anything else going on for them. Maybe their looks is all they have. Hmm... it *could* be possible.
And then I was at the office, telling my co-workers a funny story about some guy that didn't want to date me and instead thought he'd have better luck with this other girl. I made the comment that this other girl was WAAAAY out of his league, and as it turned out she was, cuz after one date she was not interested in him. My boss came out of the office, stopped me mid-sentence and said, "You know what? YOU are out of his league!" I stopped. I thought for a moment. I had never really considered myself out of anyone's league. Then, because I was Freakin tired, I cried. It was probably the sweetest thing I had heard in a long time.
I wondered the rest of that night, why do I tend to sell myself short? I mean, sure I know I am never gonna be the tall, slender babe with perky breasts. I will probably never be down to my college waistline. True, I've got some double dangs. And once upon a time, these gals coulda probably "stood" on their own... but you know you're old when you practically have to roll them up and tuck them into your bra each morning... *sigh*...
Anyway, I guess what I am saying is I know personality and all is important. But I want to be somebody's sexy somebody. I want to be wanted. I want someone to think I am a hottie. Someone who isn't like some old sixty-something perv, with four bellies and a goiter on his neck anyway.
I wanna know that if I never get any better than I am *right now* that it will be MORE than good enough for somebody. But at least in the meantime... please stop telling me that I won't be single for long because I have a cute personality! lol!