Friday, September 4, 2009

Gag Me With a Cute Personality!

I hate-Hate-HATE when people say

you won't be single for long, cuz you've got such a "cute personality"!

Wanna know why I hate it? Fine! Let's "go there". Let's pick it apart.

1) you won't be single for long
First of all, you don't have a crystal ball, so you don't know this for sure, so it's irrelevant! Also, this is just what you say when you don't know what else to say, like if you're not sure if this was something she wanted or not. Like if the Dude just up and one day says, "Yo Wife. I'm leaving You's and da kidz!" or something like that... perhaps she didn't see it coming. Maybe she is even devastated. On the other hand, maybe the whole thing was her idea. Perhaps he was a dead-loser-butt-head that sat around all day eating cheetos, scratching his junk while watching TV, and getting crumbs all up in her sofa and she was like, "uh-uh, oh no he di-unt! he gots to go!" See, if you KNOW the sitchyation then you can say the appropriate, "Aww, I'm sorry to hear" or the "Way to go! kick him out!" But when people don't know... yeah... that's when you get the , "you won't be single long" routine.

2) you've got such a cute personality.
Seriously folks, this is just code for, "Wow! What happened to you? You got all fat, frumpy and dumpy!" I mean it's sort of like the consolation prize; you can almost hear the voice in their head as they absorb the news the first time about your divorce, "They got divorced? Well, he should fare out pretty good -- he does have the sports car. Her? Hmm... well, she has a cute maybe..." By the way, if you know Jim Gaffigan, totally imagine his "voice-in-head" voice on that last part. It totally helps.

Anyway, I guess for me, I have heard the line about having a "great personality" or a "cute personality" so many times the past few years I just get tired of it. I know what's going on...I'm not stupid. I mean, I have been married my ENTIRE adult life, up until my divorce. I had kids right away. I was one of those women... the kind who gained weight and lost whatever it was I had going on.

I remember being little and/or a teenager and being complimented on my looks. I admit, I enjoyed the attention. Then, after having kids and gaining weight, it was the "what a pretty face" comments. So, here we've narrowed it down from entire package to face. Then, eventually it was "You have nice eyes". Oops, not even the entire face anymore. And finally, not even eyes... just this intangible thing... this "personality".

Sure, personality is important. But so is feeling sexy, or pretty, or beautiful, or at least just presentable! lol! I mean, picture this...

It's Friday night - Date night. All the men are taking their ladies out for dinner to a nice restaurant. The couples are arriving, putting their names on "the list". Then the waiting begins... So do the games. You know what I'm talking about. The "silently checking each other's dates out". Ohhh yeah. It happens. The girls are checkin out the other girls to see how they stack up against their competition. The guys are also checkin out the other girls to see how they fared out. The guys with the hotties, yeah... they know they've got it going on. The guys with the gals with "pretty faces", well, still not so bad. And the guys with the dates with nice eyes. Well, they just keep their dates close by and try not to notice the others. But let me just say this. NO MAN is standing there thinking, "Oh yeah? Well, MY girl has a Cute Personality!"

Anyway, I was telling this to my Friend From Back Home (FFBH) who is also a counselor. Of course he is laughing at me, telling me I have put way too much thought into this. And says that perhaps some of the Hotties don't have anything else going on for them. Maybe their looks is all they have. Hmm... it *could* be possible.

And then I was at the office, telling my co-workers a funny story about some guy that didn't want to date me and instead thought he'd have better luck with this other girl. I made the comment that this other girl was WAAAAY out of his league, and as it turned out she was, cuz after one date she was not interested in him. My boss came out of the office, stopped me mid-sentence and said, "You know what? YOU are out of his league!" I stopped. I thought for a moment. I had never really considered myself out of anyone's league. Then, because I was Freakin tired, I cried. It was probably the sweetest thing I had heard in a long time.

I wondered the rest of that night, why do I tend to sell myself short? I mean, sure I know I am never gonna be the tall, slender babe with perky breasts. I will probably never be down to my college waistline. True, I've got some double dangs. And once upon a time, these gals coulda probably "stood" on their own... but you know you're old when you practically have to roll them up and tuck them into your bra each morning... *sigh*...

Anyway, I guess what I am saying is I know personality and all is important. But I want to be somebody's sexy somebody. I want to be wanted. I want someone to think I am a hottie. Someone who isn't like some old sixty-something perv, with four bellies and a goiter on his neck anyway.

I wanna know that if I never get any better than I am *right now* that it will be MORE than good enough for somebody. But at least in the meantime... please stop telling me that I won't be single for long because I have a cute personality! lol!


Big Sis said...

Oh Emma! I feel like I just walked in to the middle of a movie here and have NO CLUE what is going on. You have always been a special friend to me ever since you and I worked together and went through your first miserable pregnacy. You still come up in conversation with my Mom and I. We both remember that trying time for you! And here it seems your in the midst of another "frustrating" challenge (to say the leat) and I feel that you are too hard on yourself! Remember, all that truly matters is that you are loved by family and friends and have 3 beautiful children that LOVE YOU and NEED YOU! Continue to do what you know is right, STOP being so hard on yourself, FOCUS on what you are suppose to be doing right now, and THEN another LOVE will come your way!

Lilly said...

I get you, I really do. And its tough and our self confidence slips. But its not about anyone else its about how you feel. Be good to yourself and treat yourself well. Make that your focus. No-one has a crystal ball but hey we got to be ready for the opportunities, right?

Just reading your posts I know you would be a fantastic person to be around. And so funny. Funny is sexy, ask any guy. Think reinvention. And just smile when someone says that to you, they mean it as a compliment truly. Take Care and I feel your pain. I do. Keep smiling.

Puphigirl said...

I like your eyes, I like your nose. I like your hair, your mouth, your teeth, your toes.
I think you're grand, I really do...

Alice in Wonderland said...

Oh Emma! I sympathise with you so much! But don't let it get you down.
I once wrote on my blog that beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art!
Just keep on being yourself, as there is no one like you!
Big hugs.

purplehaze said...

We all come in different shapes and sizes, but that doesn't mean because we are bigger or our breast have sagged that we aren't sexy! You don't have to be this really tall bomb shell to be sexy and one day someone will come along and see that too! Keep your chin up!

Ruthykins said...

i've never been attractive, so i can't really relate to what you are going through. i love what you said about looking like you did in college. you look better than i looked when i was in college. basically, you're not as bad off as you think you are. at least, that's what i think. and remember, i'm totally jealous of your looks.

okeydokeyifine said...

I am Dang Cute! And since you are my daughter you are Double Dang Cute! hahaha (no reference to bra size)

I guess I am not comparing myself to anyone but rather sizing up the whole picture.

My ears stick out, I have the Bolin behind, My teeth are crooked and not bright white, I am overweight, my hair is mousy brown and grey, my feet are too big and yet you put it all together and I am just right. Funny.... maybe beauty IS in the eye of the beholder and I know that God is doing the beholding.

I get you that you want to be wanted. You want to be loved by a good man. I want that too for you. I will keep adding my prayers to yours.

erasundar said...

Go put on your little black dress and paint the town red. Celebrate you! Hot mama!

tadonn! said...

Just a couple of things..
I never knew how to spell "sitchyation" and "di-unt"before. I would have thought an apostrophe would be appropriate but I like the hyphen (gives it an edge). Did you get the spellings from the Chicagobonics Dictionary? I think I hear a distinct Chicagoland "DA" in your writing!
At least you don't have a "butter face," everything is good on that chick "but her face!"
Love the Jim Gaffigan voice...!

Susie said...

You are good enough! Now, we need to find you a man that is good enough for you!!

BlueCastle said...

Emma! You DO have a cute personality. But, you have more than that too, and I think any guy who would rather have a shallow Barbie than a woman like you - beautiful (yes, you are) AND a cute personality - well he's just not worth it. Your boss was right, and what a sweet thing for him to say!

I love your sense of humor, you have a gift.

Holli and Billy said...

I think most women usually sell themselves short. Everyone knows you have a great personality, and I think that is what draws people to you. Aside from your sparkling personality, I think you are BEAUTIFUL!

P.S. I LOVED your mama's comment.

greenolive said...

thanks for bringing that song back to my mind puphigirl. I grew up having a sweet spirit. I knew what that face. I guess it really doesn't matter what people say. I know I'll never be gorgeous but I like who I am. I also think you do have a cute personality. It's fun it's flirty but you also have the looks. You're the whole package. If a man wants a cutie with a brain who can make him laugh constantly then that's you.

lilianril said...

I'm positive that there is a guy out there just for you that will think you are smokin' hot no matter what. I'm currently working on gaining that marriage weight, but my hubby thinks I'm sexy no matter what. I think that's one of the best things about being with the person that's right for you.

RhondaLue said...


#2 But you DO have a great personality! I think for some people that are equally attractive the personality FARR outshines the attractiveness so it is more likely to be mentioned. I do understand what you're saying though. and just for the record:

who knows how long you'll be single but you gots you some LOOKS, girl!!

Megan said...

Hey Emma!

You won't be single for long. You've got a cute personality! heehee Sorry, had to do it. :0P

Since all I've ever SEEN is your face, I can't comment on your sexy body, but I'm sure it's rockin, and even more so because I see you've been losing pounds, even if you don't need to. You sexy thang, you!! =D

I love that you think so deeply and analyze every thing. It's awesome and gives me things to think about, too. But I do think that you're too hard on yourself. I can't wait to read that you've found "THE ONE" because he IS out there.

Marny said...

Emma, The hardest times I ever went thro in my life was where Your at right now, previously married, now divorced and single again. Maybe You had a taste of how good marrage can be and You know it is for You. Maybe You want it back again. I only know that's how it was for me.
It's amazing how some of us were made to have a partner, it's just hard to find that right partner.
There is a stigma that goes with divorce. I used to wakeup and the first thought that came to my mind was, "Your a divorced man, Bla-Bla."
I remember when You were a small girl, I thought You were by far the cutest I had ever seen. In the whole state of Indiana there could not have been a cuter girl. And when You went to school, I know You had to be the cutest girl in school.
And then we age and when we look in the mirror. When I look in the mirror I see a toothless ???
Just hang in there, things will change for You in time. I think I was single for about 10 years. And I thought it would never end. But no one really knows how hard it is during that time.That is what I think anyhow.
Keep doing those things that You do well, like blogging. I hope You keep on writting Your Blogs and stuff because I absolutely love reading them. Believe it or not, I don't read any other blogs, but Yours I love. You are to intresting and fabulous writter, it amazes me. When I started reading "The secret confessions of an Amish house wife," I thought it was a real Amish housewife blogging, LoL, You bambousled me. LoL And then when I finally realized it was You, I decided You have this unique ability to pretend You are someone else living in another life. I sure don't see this as a negative, I admire that ability. Someday You will write a book, Hmmmm? Like Harry Potter and it will become a bestseller. There are better days coming.
Last but not the least. I admire You for Your intellect, Your ability to say things others won't say. Your ability to imagine and dream. There's very few men and women in this world I admire, but You are one of them.