Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I Guess I Should Explain...

So last week I had some posts that were sort of "self-reflection", "self-realization" posts. These posts were pivotal for me. They were supposed to illustrate my recent shift in paradigm thinking... the "ah-hah!" moment, if you will, that *I* am in charge and *I* have choices to make.


They were empowering for me to write. They were cleansing. They made me feel strong. I think some people could sense that. But when I read some of the comments, I had to do a double-take cuz many almost seemed like condolences, etc. I even had few people ask me if I was "OK". They said I seemed "down" or "hostile" or "bitter". I went back and reread what I had written. I *guess* I could see how it might sound as if I were whining or complaining.


Huh... I thought, Well, call me Captain Backfire. I guess my attempts at self-reflection, sarcasm and wit didn't come off quite as planned. I guess that most people perceived my posts as a "Struggle" and didn't get my humor. I know... I can be a bit unusual...


Please know that I.AM.OKAY. I feel great! True. I am a little stressed with school. True. I do tend to allow doubt and fear creep in at times; but who doesn't right? True. I HAVE had a few meltdowns lately, but those are mostly due to lack of sleep. True. There are recent events that didn't turn out exactly as *I* would have liked and it still hurts. A.Lot. However, I know that I will get through this.


And truly, though I am an over-sharer, I do not like to be seen as weak. I HATE when others feel sorry for me... That is the LAST thing I want. Ergo, when I *DO* decide to confide about my feelings of inadequacy or panic, I will usually do it with an individual whom I feel I can trust, who perhaps has even gone through something similar. I try not to put the most private things on here - via the blogosphere. (I know... this leaves you all wondering with what I HAVE posted, what could possibly be left, right? Trust me... there is plenty!)

I have always been a glass-is-half-full kind of gal and I seriously try to look for the bright side of things and am always looking for creative ways to make life fun and enjoyable.

Thanks to all of my wonderful bloggy-family and friends for coming on my journey with me and sticking around!


8 comments:

Alice in Wonderland said...

Emma, I have written many comments on your pages, and you do not seem the type of person to wallow! To me, you have always been a humorist, and I have often laughed at you and your thoughts! Please believe me when I say that you really brighten my day, and I look forward to your next post!

Susie said...

I am glad that you are feeling good! We all think that you are awesome and I am glad that you agree:-)

okeydokeyifine said...

so did you get your LT fixed?

Betty said...

I´m glad to read this today. I haven´t really had time to catch up on your posts lately, but it sounds like you were going through some stuff. But it´s good to know you´re ok. Keep your spirits up and have a good school year!

greenolive said...

I too am happy that you're happy. I think self-reflection is a great thing and don't worry, I could never pity you. You're too amazing to be pitied.

pinkelephant said...

Yo, smiley witch.

You are living your life to the fullest. I respect you in many ways. As long as you know you are strong, everything is okay anyway! Love you.

erasundar said...

I have nothing but admiration for your strength! You're a trouper and you handle everything with grace, style and humor. I admire that. If you ever want to chat, I'm here.

Megan said...

I knew what you were going for. It's great and I love reading your thoughts! You are very strong and someone to look up to! =)