Not Me Monday

It's Monday, so it's time to share all of the things that I did NOT do or say this past week that did NOT keep me extremely busy.

Desperate Housewife did NOT have a birthday and therefore, a few of us gals here on HYSTeria lane did NOT go to Dinner. After the waiter took our drink order, PartyGirl did NOT mention how great he smelled. A conversation then did NOT ensue about what type of cologne he could possibly be wearing. YummyMummy & I did NOT look at each other and shrug as we were NOT seated on the inside of the booth and therefore denied premium smelling pleasure. As the waiter then returned with our food, and asked, "Is there anything else you girls need?" I did NOT say, "Actually yes. These ladies say you smell really good, and I can't tell, so..." Then I did NOT stand up and wave him over to me so I could get a whiff. The waiter then did NOT say, "Well, as long as I can get a hug out of it." Then the waiter and I did NOT hug. The waiter then did NOT flirt during the rest of dinner, and after a few conversations with him it was NOT apparent he was just looking for a "hook-up" and did NOT slip me his number and ask me what I was planning on doing in an hour and a half! Nope... he certainly did NOT. Oh - and he was NOT like 26 years old!!! We did NOT laugh about it the entire way home!

On Wednesday Big-D did NOT pick me up as well as his old High School Buddy & his wife and we did NOT go to the Corps Encore show. On the way, the wife did NOT start asking me tons of questions (like how Big-D & I met, etc.) which did NOT make me a little nervous, cuz I wasn't sure what Big-D had told them beforehand... I mean, was I his "date", a "friend", a "former girlfriend that is currently obsessed?" Once we got there and found our seats, Big-D whispers to me that he is going to use the restroom before the show starts. Apparently I flashed him a look of sheer terror, cuz then he did NOT chuckle and say, "Come with?" I did NOT nod. As we walked out, he did NOT take my hand and laughing say, "What's wrong? Nervous?" I did NOT reply, "Well she was asking me all sorts of questions!" He was NOT surprised that I, of all people, would actually be a little nervous around ANYONE. He did NOT squeeze my hand, assuring me that everything was fine. We did NOT have a great time and I did NOT enjoy watching the various corps from around the country compete. And afterwards, on the way back to the car, I did NOT imitate one especially flamboyant colorguard dancer in the parking lot, which was NOT complete with a Demi-plié followed by a side leap, a smidge of sashaying and over-the-top facial expressions... nope, I certainly did NOT, and they did NOT laugh.

Saturday morning I did NOT attend my concealed-carry-weapons class in order to obtain my permit. It was NOT a great class taught by current sergeants from a certain city police force. And they did NOT actually have donuts and coffee there for refreshments! I was NOT told to arrive early so I could fill out my paperwork and get fingerprinted, etc. The sergeant that was taking my fingerprints did NOT ask me how I was. I did NOT respond "tired". He then did NOT ask why I wanted a gun permit or a gun. I did NOT tell him my reasons and add, "Plus, I think it's a little sexy." To which he did NOT perk his ears just a little. He then did NOT reply, as he was still fingerprinting me, "Oh, and here I thought you came just to hold my hand." I did NOT feel myself blush for the second time in one week. He then did NOT make me giggle and blush a little more as he took my picture for the permit and after the class did NOT ask if I was gonna get a pink gun. He was NOT shocked and totally impressed when I replied, "No," and proceeded to tell him about the various guns I had been looking at. He did NOT realize who he was dealing with. Nope, he certainly did NOT...hehehe...

Saturday evening was NOT the annual church pool party. I did NOT take my kids, the Friend-Girl, and another boy. PrettyPrettyPrincess did NOT take it upon herself to give me updates on the behavior of FunnyMan and the FriendGirl, as to whether or not they were holding hands or hugging, etc. It was NOT great as I did NOT sit in my chair in the shade and read a book and talk to the other non-swimming-mamas. I simply do NOT have a policy wherein I refrain from wearing my swimsuit in public, in front of people I know. Afterwards I did NOT take the kids (including the FriendGirl and the other boy) to Sonic for some late-night grub. FunnyMan did NOT ask me in front of everyone if I admit to being a "flirt". I did NOT admit to anything... nope, NOT me.

So, what did you NOT do this past week?