Monday, May 4, 2009

Not Me Monday

This past week I did NOT have a follow-up with my neurologist. She did NOT tell me that my sleep results came back and that the sleep Dr. wants me off the Ambien and Xanax, cuz he does NOT think they are adding to an already mild-but-nonetheless-present sleep apnea. And the Neurologist did NOT disagree, as she feels I need the Xanax to "shut my mind off" so I can at least get to sleep. His alternative solution was NOT to tell me to lose 70 freakin pounds "the sooner the better"! She did NOT totally think he was rude about it and matter-of-fact about it and she certainly did NOT tell me that I should try for a smaller goal up front. I did NOT start to cry and state that I had already recently begun my own diet/exercise program and that I was NOT already trying to lose the weight, and that him telling me this did NOT make me feel like crap. It wouldn't have mattered if he would have said for me to lose 300 pounds, because it did NOT feel like he just placed a mountain in front of me. The neuro did NOT advise me to get a second opinion and she certainly did NOT call him "one of those doctors that reads sleep machines and slaps oxygen on people all day long."

This past week I also did NOT go eat Sezchuan Shrimp at the Mandarin with three girl friends and I was NOT happy as it was NOT one of their more healthy selections as well as it did NOT totally taste yumm-o!

I did NOT bake 2 yummy cakes for my co-worker's birthday, as the coworker who usually bakes the cakes was NOT already busy baking "naughty cakes" for an upcoming Bachelorette party. I did NOT make a German Nutella Almond Torte and a Swiss Chocolate Torte cake. They were NOT big hits and we did NOT scarf down Every.Last.Stinkin'.Crumb.

On Thursday I did NOT attend LittleDuckling's 5th grade Patriotic Music Program and I certainly did NOT get all teary-eyed as they sang the Star Spangled Banner.

After the music program, I did NOT run over to Desperate Housewife's and fill in as the Bunko-Sub for the night. I did NOT make a statement regarding S-E-X just as the room happened to get quiet and everyone was NOT wondering what the heck I was talking about.

I did NOT clean my house and it was NOT good therapy for me as I did NOT cry tears over Big-D (again).

I did NOT have 14 little girls over to my house on Saturday for PrettyPrettyPrincess's birthday party which was NOT almost four months late, as her birthday is NOT in January. She did NOT have an Arts & Crafts party in which I did NOT have them paint wooden picture frames, decorate notebooks and make paper pinwheels. It was NOT so totally fun. And FunnyMan's best friend's sister did NOT make an awesome cake for the party either!

My oldest son did NOT have enough nerve to ask me if he could have a party later that night and I did NOT say 'no' because I was NOT physically exhausted. He did NOT pull the Puppy-Dog pouty look, thereby NOT making me feel guilty. As an alternative, I did NOT suggest that we kidnap several of his friends and take them on an "adventure". I did NOT then pick up 8 of his friends and take them to Wal-Mart, and I certainly did NOT give them scavenger hunt lists containing items like Pickled Pigs Feet, Liver Cheese, Pull-Ups, Hack-Saw, and an Enema, among other things. They were NOT put into 2 teams, and given 25 minutes to find the items and take pics with their camera phones, and I certainly did NOT shop for a birthday gift while I was there.

After the scavenger hunt, we did NOT go through the McDonalds Drive-Thru wherein I did NOT order 10 ice cream cones while speaking in a British Accent. And I certainly did NOT chastise the poor lad at the drive-thru window after catching him rolling his eyes and muttering "women" about his coworkers. And of course I did NOT do all of this while maintaining the British accent causing the kids to bust up laughing.

After taking all of the teens home, I did NOT go putt-putt golfing with my friend TravMan and we certainly did NOT make fun of the group ahead of us who had to take a group photo at Every.Freakin.Hole. Nope. NOT me!

So...what did you NOT do this past week?

12 comments:

Susie said...

Too funny! I love to read what you haven't done:-)

The Willeyes said...

These are becoming my favorite posts :)

Ruthykins said...

i'm really glad to see that you did NOT have the kids find an enema, as i do NOT think that is really gross.

erasundar said...

I love the not Walmart scavenger hunt. I've got to not try it sometime.

RhondaLue said...

I did NOT laugh hysterically at your NOt me monday post. I did NOT notice that we both speak in an English accent to make the kids laugh/humiliate them, whatev. I do NOT think you are amazing because of all you do.

We did NOT also do a scavenger hunt in walmart with my beehives a couple years ago. I did NOT put DEPENDS and THE BIGGEST GRANNY PANTIES YOU CAN FIND on the list. And I certainly didn't tell them they had to get a picture of several girls INSIDE one of the legs of the panties. Nope, not me!

Blue Castle said...

Whew. That was a lot of things you did NOT do. :) Doctors should be required to take sensitivity training because they can be so rude. I'm sorry he was so mean. Er, I'm sorry he was NOT mean. :)

Debbi said...

rightey-oh, then. I luv thaht you used ah British Ahccent. Thaht is simply mah-velous, dahling, just mahvelous!

Sorry about the crying. And the Dr. And the crying again about Big D. Hugs on those ones.

Cute scavenger hunt, though!

Cassie the Sassie Lassie said...

I did NOT spend time with my mom, and did NOT enjoy every minute of it. I also did NOT go to church, and did NOT enjoy my sunday school lesson. I did NOT go see my grandmother yesterday for family home evening, and I did NOT eat a chocolate chip cookie and a snickerdoodle.

Puphigirl said...

My kids totally did NOT have fun at Pretty Pretty Princess's party. I did NOT have my in-laws visiting me this weekend, and I did NOT binge on a Stuffed French Toast with Strawberries at IHOP.

Jennifer Rae said...

I have NOT been convincing my self NOT to fall for this guy. I am glad we have this kind of self control.

Julie said...

I did NOT want to sell the 2 year old today because she did NOT skip her nap. Which then did NOT cause me to have a total melt down and NOT slam my door and I did NOT yell at my husband for his NOT stupid questions that he had NOT already asked me 3 times in the past 2 days. Later I did NOT go shopping and try to NOT blow off some steam only to really NOT not feel better. Grrrrr...This has NOT been theraputic at all.

Kaye Butler said...

I did NOT take the 14 year old driving in the rain. She did NOT let go of the wheel and talk about what happens if Jesus comes back while she's driving. She did NOT tell me "I've got this!"

I did NOT have to wrestle the 150 pound lab to the ground to save the 2 pound kitten from being squished. He did NOT smell like he rolled in his own poop. He was NOT all muddy and shedding his winter coat. I did NOT come up for air covered with mud, dog fur, and that awful smell while the kids stood whimpering (doing nothing to help me) about the cat might get squished. I did NOT have to pick his fat but up and carry him to his dog pin. His eyes were NOT about to pop out of his head with excitement ovber the new kitten....