Thursday, April 16, 2009

Online Dating

First, just want to send out some bloggy love and hugs to HatDude who recently lost his father. For my earlier followers, you'll remember him as my "wingman" as I re-entered the singles scene. Love you HatDude! Our warm thoughts, prayers, and hearts go out to you and your family.

Secondly, some of you have asked about my latest "dating" adventures. I haven't really been in the mood for dating since the pieces of my heart are still underneath Big-D's door mat, but I have had a few experiences - all blog worthy. Today - I will pay tribute to the world wide web of online dating.

Why is it that all men online seem to have "hazel eyes and enjoy the outdoors and long walks on the beach." I mentioned this to my friend, Travman and he in turn told me that all women online tend to "feel inspired" to contact him and therefore "know it's meant to be" and that "he's the one". Gag!

I told him about a date I had with a guy that had a bloody nose. The blood started to pool around the aperture of his nose during dinner, and the entire time the guy was speaking I could not look at him because the blood-pool was totally grossing me out. I was like, "gee - can't he feel that???" So, finally I say, with a slight wave of the hand, "Hey, I think you might have yourself a bloody nose there." To which the guy WIPED his nose with his HAND, rupturing the blood-pool and getting it ALL OVER his hands. I was totally grossed out. "Clean-Up on Aisle Five." Anyway, we compared our dating horror stories and he had me totally cracking up. I can hardly talk to him without wheezing.

I just happened to be talking on the phone with Travman while I was logged onto an LDS dating site and an IM window popped up. Some dude wanted to chat with me. Usually their picture is in the upper right corner of the chat box so you can see with whom you are talking. But this dude had a web cam! I thought that was sort of creepy. Even more so, he had shoulder-length blonde hair, which he obviously loved as he kept running his fingers through it.

I tell Travman, "This dude wants to chat with me and he totally thinks he rocks." I tell him about the hair. Travman replies, "Cool. This is gonna be fun!"

Hair Dude: Hi
Me: Hey
Hair Dude: So watcha up to?
Me: Just window shopping [to which the guy giggles and makes a strange face - remember - i can see him on webcam]
Hair Dude: lol. So, have you seen the movie Church Ball?

I tell Travman, "He just asked if I saw the movie Church Ball?"
Travman: "Oh my gosh. He is going to tell you he was in it!"

Me: Nope.
Hair Dude: Well, I was the guy that bumped the main character in the first fifteen minutes of the movie... and yes, that hair is natural.
Me: Nice.

I tell Travman, "Boy, did you call that one or what?" I repeat everything to Travman that Hair Dude says. Together we come up with my responses, and of course we are both laughing hysterically.

Me: So, have you ever seen the movie, "Singles Ward"?
Hair Dude: Yes! Were you in it?
Me; Nope. I'm living it!
Hair Dude: lol! You are funny!
Me: It's how I roll.
Hair Dude: [giggles, continues to run fingers through hair, now adding sort of a flip-move-thingy]

Me: Do you take [the Church Magazine] The New Era?
Hair Dude: Yes.
Me: I was Miss June. (there isn't such a thing. It's a religious magazine for youth)
Hair Dude: Really? Cool! I'll have to check it out! [thinks I am serious]
Me: Yeah, I am wearing my Relief Society apron, mixing a batch of cookies and baking bread. The caption reads, "Feast Upon the Words."
Hair Dude: That's so cool. [still not getting it's a joke]

Hair Dude: Well, I had better get going. I should have done my prayers and scriptures an hour ago. (is he trying to impress me?)
Me: Well, then you better get to it.
Hair Dude: Can I trust you with my #?
Me: Trust me to do what? Not sell it on eBay?
Hair Dude: ROFL! xxx-xxx-xxxx [he actually gives me his number, which I do NOT write down]
Me: Ok. Bye.
Hair Dude: Bye.

Travman and I laughed and laughed over that one. Then the next day at work I get the following text out of the blue from Travman:

"Have you seen the movie Marley & Me? I was the guy that threw the bone in the first fifteen minutes of the movie. The hair was all natural. Oh, and I have hazel eyes and love the outdoors."

To which I respond, "Totally funny! Now I feel inspired to text you." which then prompts the following Texts:

Travman: And the Heavens Opened

Me: And lo, and angel came upon me and sayeth, Texteth thou Travman. And I did Text. And he did reply, and his bosom swelled with Joy.

We both chuckle a little - well, me - a lot! And then he makes a reference about how we are both going to Hell for that one. To which I reply, "Save me a seat - right next to the furnace!"


Ruthykins said...

if your gonna go to hell, just make sure you get on the bus that our brother is driving.

Megan said...

LMAO! Hilarious. I love it! =D

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh-that im convo is great!

And the bloody nose? DISGUSTING!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing. I needed a good laugh this morning. :)

ann said...

Ok i might be reaching here....but what about Travman??!!!??!!!??? He sounds g-r-e-a-t! am I reaching to high?

The bloody nose well I would have left! Good for you for being the nice girl!

Kaye Butler said...

I was thinking the same thing Ann was thinking...great minds and all.

I was reading Blogstalker...I so remember the Courtship of Eddie's Father! I Love Lucy is my absolute fav. I even call my van the Lucy Van.

BTW, after all this time, I still chuckle when I see "that ain't no etch-a-sketch..." above the comment thingy

Cindy said...

You are too much :)

Betty said...

hahahahaha! Funny!

Adam Wills said...

Well seeing as I am a guy you met on an online dating site, I am totally offended. I'm never ever talking to you again, since it may be posted on your lame blog. I hate you and I hate amish people too.

Ashley said...

Okay, I repeat above sentiments: give us the scoop on Travman. He sounds perfect!

EmmaP said...

Aww... Adam... No worries. You only make it on here if you are weird!!! Hehehe! And I *know* you were totally kidding. Besides, doesn't this make us tied?

greenolive said...

Now I have to watch Church Ball.

RhondaLue said...

I've asked before and I'll ask it again (since 3 other people asked too!) who is Trav? and um is his hilarious self single?

RhondaLue said...

p.s. church ball hair dude and bloody nose guy sound so funnY! ha ha ha

Tulsi said...

You are so quick witted. I wish I was. I love the Miss June., That totally kills me.

EmmaP said...

Travman ... single? yes. great friend? yes. super funny? definintely... that is the scoop on Travman

Jennifer Rae said...

SO true that all men love the outdoors and want to be active. Come on having kids keep you active.

Vickie said...

Ewe, bloody nose at dinner. That would get me to stop my overeating:)

Great online conversation.

"The Queen in Residence" said...

We are all going to have so much fun in hell together. It is where the really cool people are gonna be.

I married my single best guy friend and we are still together 14 years later..... I think there is a possibility there...?

Susie said...

That is funny! I am glad that I am not dating anymore...I would be way to mean.

Blue Castle said...

I laughed so hard. Seriously, where do these guys come from? Your friend - Travman - is a hoot too, but in a good way. :)

Anonymous said...

Bahahahaha! That is awsome! I met my hubby online and boy do I have stories to tell you...