Dude...What's with the Truck?

All right. So, I'm trying to move on. Friends are telling me, that part of moving on after any sort of "break-up" is getting back out-there. Whaah! I don't wanna get back out there. "Out There" is a scary place. I just want what I had. I want the comfy sweater that reminds me of cozy days snuggled up in my favorite chair at the beach house, reading my favorite book while on vacation. All right... we never had a beach house. But you get the idea.

Some of you bloggy-followers who've been with me since the beginning know that when I first was "out there" I was "out there" and then some. Ahhh...the good ol' days of HatDude & me. We made such a great team. But HatDude found DanceTeacherGirl, and they are still together, and yes, they have just selected a ring. [pausing to give the appropriate "awww"] So back in "HatDude Days", I had on average three dates per week. It was like a roller coaster ride. It was thrilling. The anticipation was enough to get my adrenaline going. I loved dating. I loved all of it.

But now?... ah... not so much. It's sort of like this. Think of the best dish your mother or grandmother ever made. Bring that dish to the forefront of your mind. Are you thinking of it? Ok. Good. Now... can you taste it? What is the dish? What does it taste like? Do I have you drooling yet? So, think of that particular dish, and then imagine someone else trying to cook the same exact dish, but they don't quite get the recipe right. It tastes wrong. Sure, it might look good, but once you put that bite in your mouth, you wanna go find a plant in the corner to spit it in.

That is what dating is like for me now. I already know what I want. And sometimes, these other prospects look good. Then you go out, and it's like, "can I just stuff you in a plant?"

Internet Dating is the way to go, everyone tells me. It worked the last time, so why not try it again right? So, I join this other site, different from the one I was on before. I put in my criteria. And right on my profile it clearly states the type of guy I am looking for. I logged on a lot in the first few days. But lately, not so much. I just get sick and tired of looking at the "fakes". Now comes the part of this post wherein I share with you my observations of these men in cyberspace.

USERNAMES: I know I've mentioned this before, but why do guys tend to lean towards false advertising? Do they think I am stupid? W8TING4U ... I saw his pic. He can just keep waiting. MANOFYOURDREAMS... don't think so. DRIVEUWILD. No thanks. And here's a weird one... EATSROCKS. I don't get it. Why would he say he eats rocks? Is this some new lingo I don't know about? The one that really takes the cake is PoopOgre. What the Freak? Here's my observation with the usernames... Normal Guys will incorporate their real name or their occupation as part of their username. For Example, LukeH or John34 or DrBob. These men are normal, most likely.

PROFILE PICTURES: Why, pray tell, do most men pose with their truck? The truck ends up taking up most of the frame that I can't even tell what the guy looks like. Here's my observations with the pics. Only the guys who know they are ugly pose with the truck. They are hoping you will love the truck so much that you won't care what they look like. Wrong! If you expect me to kiss you, I gotta be able to look at you without throwing up.

AGE DIFFERENCES: Ok, I am not one to give too much thought into age differences, so long as they are only 1 or 2 years younger and no more than about 6 years older. That's not a fast rule...just a generalization. That being said, WHY are there 26 year-old men looking at my profile? I don't know what it is about 26 year olds, but I get "veiwed" by 26 year-olds more than by any other age group. Then there is the other end of the spectrum. There are 50 year-olds and 60 year-olds looking at my profile too. Ick! Once a 58 year old man sent me a message and wanted to know if I would go to dinner with him. I thanked him but declined, stating my rule about age. He replied, "I never think about age. Why should it bother you?" I replied, "Because the age gap between me and the person I am dating has got to be smaller than the age gap of that between me and my teenage son or me and my father. And since you are OLDER than my dad...you're out." He responded with, "I still don't see a problem. I have daughters your age." [eww] I replied, "The fact that you admitted that, presents an even bigger problem. No thanks."

Anyway - so there you have it. I want to date. I want to have a relationship. I want to get married. I just don't want what's currently on the "market". If I start collecting cats... please, someone, initiate some sort of intervention or something.

I want the sweater. Can't I please have the sweater back? I miss you, sweater...