Friday, August 29, 2008

Breaker, Breaker. BigMouthBrenda Here.

Howdy folks! It's BigMouthBrenda here, fillin' in for that sweet single mama, the Mindless Bartender. Or is it the Musing Mind? Well, now dag-gummit! I can't remember that fancy schmancy name she done gone and give herself. Anywho, I ain't take no offense to bein' called BigMouthBrenda. Fact is, I been called that since I uz a young'un. My daddy said I got tongue enough for ten rows of teeth. Hearin' that name is as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party.

Well shoot, looky here. I just seen the name of this here blog at the top of the page. This aint my first rodeo, ya know... I'm just sayin' they done got all fancy on me here, since I took that 'pewter bloggin' course down at the public li-bary last year. Wee-Doggies! That was a hoot!

Aw right, back to this here blog for the Mindless Banterer. As y'all know, she done took off with those three young'uns an' went to visit her precious mama. She asked me to watch over this here li'l blog o' hers, like it's her baby or somethin. I agreed, seeing as she gots the cable an' all, not to mention a more softer couch. She told me I best make new friends and introduce myself to all y'all. Now we've howdied, but we ain't shook yet, so here goes.

I'm BigMouthBrenda, a retired trucker. You heard me, a trucker! Y'all remember that movie with PeeWee and Large Marge??? Well, who y'all think that character's based on? You got that right. Me! Even right down to my favorite red-flannel truckin shirt. Now don't be skeered. I'm as harmless as they come. Now that we met, let's git on with it... I got all the nitty gritty details of their trip so far. An' I gather with wut she done told me over the phone this mornin', she's itchin' for me to post this. So plant yer butt down an' hold on tight, cuz this is gooder than grits.

Thursday

6pm - Mindless Banterer and 3 young'uns decide to pack up an' git on the road a day early. Tries to hog-tie me down an' give me wunna those church-lovin' hugs. I slap her on the back and tell her to git on with it already. But she's slicker than a harpooned hippo on a banana tree, and done give me the blasted hug anyways. Bless her pea-peckin' heart. Aw shucks, I had myself a little tear.

8pm - Arrived at Wendover. Now don't go gettin' all crazy - she's not wunna those Big Hat, No Cattle type of gals. She aint done no gamblin! Just the Young'uns (and dog) makin' pee-pees. Back on the road in no time.

10pm - Or there abouts, anyway - Reached Elko. Had themselves another wee at the Stop-n-Go!

Just 'fore Midnight - arrived at Winney-mucca. Mindless Banterer attempts to check-in for the night. However, NightClerkNellie - well, let's just say, the engine's runnin' but they aint nobody drivin'. I mean, just cuz a chickens got wings, don't mean it can fly. Finally she checks in for the night.

Friday
9am - Done got a good night sleep. Then gone and had themselves one of them fancy cont'nental breakfasts an' all. Then, on the road again.

Should reach mama's house 'round lunch time I reckon. I'm sure she'll be cacklin like a hen then. I best git my nap in now while I can. And by the way y'all... I know I aint no Mindless Banterer or nuthin, but I sure hope I'm a doin her blog justice. She says not to worry. An' if y'all don't like whatcha readin, then you's can go an'.... dag-gummit, what did she say? Well, lemme put it to ya like this...Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya!

Ya'll come back now, y'hear?

8 comments:

Mel and Byde said...

You're hysterical!!! :) Have fun!

Ashley said...

Hehe! Sounds about like some folks down here!

greenolive said...

I like BigMouthBrenda. She's a hoot!

kanaboke said...

oooooh BigMouthBrenda you are hilarious!! your just the kind o' friend I thought Da Banterer might have lookin' out for her BSpot!

Puphigirl said...

"Wesley, git momma's pryin' bar so we's can git to the li-bary and rent us up some movies." (Lisa Simpson day-dreaming what life would be like if she married Ralph)

Puphigirl said...

It was a night like this. Twas the worst accident I ever saw. It sounded like a garbage truck falling off the empire state building. And when they pulled the body from the burning, twisted wreck, it looked like this! Mwaahahahha!

Ruthykins said...

spafford!

Blog Stalker said...

Great Job BIG MOUTH BRENDA! Park yer truck out front anytime. You got this here blogging thang down pat! Look forward to the next post!