My Brain - Have You Seen It?

Preface: A few weeks ago I scored tickets to the John Mayer concert (yummy). He was only coming to Salt Lake City for ONE NIGHT! So, I knew I HAD to go. The problem was that it was going to be on a Monday night and I have three kids at home and had no idea what time I would be back. I am a good problem solver, especially if I want something bad enough. So, I quickly contacted all willing able-bodied neighbors and secured overnight lodging for my younger ones. It was settled - I was going to rock out with my dream-boat, luscious-lipped, hot-haired, lover-boy singin' artist John Mayer!!!
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For Sale: One Brain. Slightly used. Occasional Brain Farts. Needs to be recharged. Otherwise in good condition.

Wanted: Functional Brain. Will pay top dollar. Prefer human, but will consider chimpanzee if in excellent condition.

So, lately I am thinking, "Where is my head?" I mean it used to be attached, but what is happening? Perhaps my brain is on the fritz. Or maybe one too many brain farts.

I may be on to something here. Let's examine the following behavioral case studies.

Case-Study #1: The Derelict Duckling

On Sunday LittleDuckling (Kadin) asked me if his first day of school was on Monday. I told him, "No. Your first day of school is a week from Monday." I was certain that the first day of his year-round school was not until AFTER the 24th - which is our Statehood Holiday, and school is closed. So yesterday morning, I am getting ready for work, and scurrying around so as not to be late. I walk out the door around 8:30 am and notice several cars parked up and down our street. "What on earth is this all about?" Then I notice anxious parents walking with giddy children, who are sporting new backpacks and shiny lunchboxes.

"Crap! Today is the first day of school!"

I run back into the house and down to LittleDuckling's room, where he is still sound asleep - which I am not surprised. Because being the laid-back mother that I am I let him stay up way too late playing video games the night before, since it was still "summer". I mean, it wasn't like it was a school night or anything!

"Ahhh - Screw it!" I thought. "Let him sleep." Besides, I didn't think he would care, since it has always been a chore to get him off to school in the past. Besides, the first day is just the orientation for the parents (boring) and learning the classroom rules - which he won't remember anyway due to his ADHD. I head off to work, leaving LittleDuckling sound asleep, in the care of his older teenage brother.

Around 9:30 am, LittleDuckling wakes up and sees all of the cars parked up and down the street. Amazingly he figures out exactly what is happening and calls me at work in a panic. He is half-yelling and half-sobbing telling me that he is late for his very first day of 5th grade! I tell him to calm down. He retorts that this is an important day and he cannot miss! I tell him to go ahead and eat and get ready and I will see if I can leave work to pick him up and take him to school. Ten minutes later he calls me back and says that he has eaten, brushed his teeth, put clean clothes on and washed his face, and can he please, please, please run to school right now??? He doesn't want to wait. Since we live just around the corner, and he is in 5th grade, I tell him that will be fine, but to check in with the office since he is late. You must realize that LittleDuckling is little for his age. So, I was sitting at my desk at work, feeling like a horrible mother, picturing LittleDuckling with his over-sized backpack and little runt legs, running to school. Sad. And yet for some reason, I couldn't help but laugh. Then I began to laugh even harder when I started to picture him "checking in" with the office, late and unaccompanied on the first day of school. I can just picture the two secretaries now, looking at each other, shaking their heads, making that "tisk, tisk" sound, and one word coming to mind: Neglect!

Case Study #2: Poor Little Fellar

As if the above Case Study isn't bad enough... Yesterday afternoon, while sitting at my desk working, my phone rings. It is Dr. Fellar's office calling to advise me that I have missed FunnyMan's ortho appt 2 Weeks Prior!!! "2 Weeks ago?" I ask. "Is that so?" I flip my planner back a few weeks, and sure enough...missed the appointment. I rescheduled for 8 am tomorrow morning. Ugh!

Not wanting to have to reschedule other appointments to an 8 am time slot, I decide to peruse my planner in search of other missed appointments. Which brings me to ...

Case Study #3: Eye Was Afraid of That

I realized that not only had I forgotten the 1st Day of School AND FunnyMan's Ortho appt., I had also forgot my very OWN appointment 10 days ago with the eye doctor. I don't know when I will be able to get in again, so it looks like I'll be wearing these disposable contacts another 8 weeks or so - don't think that is what they exactly meant by "extended wear".

Wiktionary:
brain fart (plural brain farts) (idiomatic, informal) A lapse in the thought process; an inability to think or remember something clearly.

Yep. This sounds like the symptoms of my current disorder. Next question is, "What Causes this Condition?"

Knowing how excited I was about the John Mayer (yum) concert, I thought for a moment that perhaps that had distracted me. Could be part of the problem. I know my brain does work - cuz I remembered almost all the lyrics from the concert last night!

I mean I live and die by my planner - how could I have forgotten these important things??? BossMan pointed out that I have to Open my Planner and actually look at it in order to know what is going on. Good One, BossMan. Wasn't quite sure how that all worked.

I suppose he is partially right. I just haven't looked in my planner lately. I have been using my Outlook a lot more. The problem is that I forget to carry the information from my planner over to my Outlook. BossMan was on a roll. He suggested I get a new phone - one that will sync into my Outlook. He was a little too sarcastic, however, when he threw in the fact that I always seem to have my phone with me, and therefore would probably never miss an appointment again. Probably true, BossMan. Now - if I could just get that little raise...

So, tonight as I am out and about with PartyChic, and I am telling her about my missing mind, and I start to make a phone call about my plans for tomorrow. PartyChic quickly reminds me that I already have another obligation for the same time. Dang it! I do some fast talking and rearrange my schedule so I can do both. Whew! That was a close call.

I suppose at this point I am feeling what Mark Twain put into words...

“Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.”

If someone finds it, please give me a call...