Hit-or-Miss Love-Hate Relationship

Dear Ross Dress For Less,

I appreciate the fact that you strive to provide bargain-shoppers or "poor people", like myself with fashions that are 20%-60% lower than dept store prices. I can appreciate your "no-frills" marketing/advertising scheme, and that you pass the savings on to me, the consumer.

But let me tell you that I HATE the fact that your shelves are always a mess and stuff is always on the aisle floors, and I HATE feeling like I have to rummage through bins sometimes to get the latest and greatest deal. Face it, your store is not always that clean. Your cashiers are not always that friendly, let alone "put together". Some of them need to learn basic hygiene. Your dressing rooms are often a mess, and usually smell like some nasty ol' attic with a dirty diaper lurking in the corner. And I don't even want to know what the brown smears on the wall back there are.

That being said, I do want to thank you for the time when I found my Double Dang bra size there for only $3.50!!! Also, I recently scuffed up my favorite brown heels, and NEEDED some new ones. After scouring several shelves at several stores, you came through for me once again. Though it wasn't a stacked heel, they were the perfect height and the most perfect shade of brown. AND - they were only $9.99! You came through for me and for that I am forever grateful.

I regret to inform you that you will not make my top ten list of favorite stores to shop in until the other areas of much-needed improvement have been picked up and polished. Nonetheless I will never forget this thing you have done for me, and I am happy to send fellow bargain hunters and "po' folk" your way.

Thriftily Yours,
The Mindless Banterer

A Potpourri of Blog

There's been some stuff I was gonna post about, and then either forgot or didn't get around to for whatever reason. So, here's a little of this and a little of that...a little potpourri of blog, if you will.

Our state is still like the 4th HIGHEST in fuel prices. That being said, I realize that the area in which I live is still among the highest in our state. So, while everyone else in the area was paying $1.99 for gas... Here is what I paid:

Here is what I paid to fill my gas-guzzler completely full! Much better than the $80-$84 I had been paying! I was so excited! Then, last night as I drove by I saw that it was down to $1.89...whoo-hoo!

In other news...

Despite the fact that I had a horrible Sinus infection, I had promised the kids I would take them to the Family Christmas Gift Show down at the expo center. They each had their money and were anxious to buy each other gifts. Yes. It was THIS crowded!
LittleDuckling was TIRED of "shopping" until he found himself this sweet little treat!

There were also free performances. We had a good view of "backstage" too!

This little dancer DID NOT want to go on!
They begged. They pleaded. There were hugs and tears. But in the end...
She stood there and watched her dance company perform without her. Poor little thing.

By the time we got home late Saturday night, I was tired and my sinus "cold" was upgraded to a mild "infection". Not to mention the fact that I broke out in to a case of zits! One on my forehead, one right above my lip, one on my neck (gross) and one in the middle of my back! (eww... "bacne"...double gross). Warning: The following picture may be frightening for some viewers!

Me - in all of my "sinus infection" glory. Look away! I'm Hideous!

And finally...saving the best for last...

My son's friend's mom heard how we had NEVER been to Disneyland (a shame, I know!) So, they are taking us in January! Whoo-Hoo!!! How cool are they? We are so totally psyched! So psyched, in fact that I didn't even mind sharing the above Ever-So-Scary picture of me.

Really Random Thoughts

Ok - so have you ever seen one of those digital marquees? Y'know the ones... The black screen with the red words that scroll across? That is how I describe my thoughts some days. Thoughts go across my mind and a second later another different, totally random thought will enter and "scroll across".

Most times I just sort of keep these things to myself, for fear of sounding psychotic. Nonetheless, here is one example of when I didn't.

One day last week... Big-D & I were watching the game on TV...

I suddenly blurt out, "If I died, would you attend my funeral?"
He looks at me a little strangely and says, "Well, I would for sure call your parents."
I replied, "Well - for the record, I would want you to attend my funeral."
"I'd attend your funeral." He states, again looking a little weirded out.

"If you died, would you want me to attend your funeral?" I ask.
"Once I am dead - I don't care what anyone does with my body or who attends my funeral."
"Well," I declare. "I will attend your funeral."
"Sounds good," he says. I think he wasn't really sure what to say.

"So, do you think that Dogs & Cats understand each other when they growl and hiss at each other?" I ask.
"Ummm," Big-D stammers. "I dunno?"
"Just wondered."

"But if I did die, you would miss me right?" I question.
"Of course I'd miss you," Big-D responds.
"Good," I reply. "Cuz I'd miss you."

2 minutes pass

"You're not going to die are you?" Big-D asks.
"Eventually," I say. "But not anytime soon...unless I get hit by a bus or something. I mean I guess it's outta my hands at this point."

Answers & Winner

Here are the answers from yesterday's "Errors In Advertising Post".

1) The word Equipment in misspelled.

2) The word should be "than" not "then". Unless they were trying to explain that the Pilgrims are worth more, and then it is time to eat our Turkey Dinner. hmmm. And although "pilgrim" is acceptable when speaking about someone who has made a journey or pilgrimage, the dictionary points out that it should be capitalized when referring to the group of early American Settlers.

3) Should read "Accepting" not "excepting". It should also be Valentine's Day.

4) Physicians is misspelled. Though perhaps the "Doctrs" don't care. tee hee.

5) Improper use of quotations (unless they are trying to warn the public that the "meat" in these hotdogs is something other than meat - ugh)

6) Heath Insurance? If I am paying Heath's insurance for him, then I AM paying too much! Should be "health". Also Insurance no isurance. Qualified not qualifiend. Your area not yourareae. Thousands not thosands. Accuracy not accurancy. Savings instead of saving.

7) Improper placement of apostrophe. "You're" not "Your'e"

Bonus: Microdermabrasion is one word. An alternate acceptable answer would be microderm abrasion.

The winner of the Blockbuster Card is Rhondalue!!! (Could it have anything to do with the fact that she "entered" 4 times?) Email me your contact info and I will get it to you. emmapanti@gmail.com

My Brain - Have You Seen It?

Preface: A few weeks ago I scored tickets to the John Mayer concert (yummy). He was only coming to Salt Lake City for ONE NIGHT! So, I knew I HAD to go. The problem was that it was going to be on a Monday night and I have three kids at home and had no idea what time I would be back. I am a good problem solver, especially if I want something bad enough. So, I quickly contacted all willing able-bodied neighbors and secured overnight lodging for my younger ones. It was settled - I was going to rock out with my dream-boat, luscious-lipped, hot-haired, lover-boy singin' artist John Mayer!!!
___________________________________
For Sale: One Brain. Slightly used. Occasional Brain Farts. Needs to be recharged. Otherwise in good condition.

Wanted: Functional Brain. Will pay top dollar. Prefer human, but will consider chimpanzee if in excellent condition.

So, lately I am thinking, "Where is my head?" I mean it used to be attached, but what is happening? Perhaps my brain is on the fritz. Or maybe one too many brain farts.

I may be on to something here. Let's examine the following behavioral case studies.

Case-Study #1: The Derelict Duckling

On Sunday LittleDuckling (Kadin) asked me if his first day of school was on Monday. I told him, "No. Your first day of school is a week from Monday." I was certain that the first day of his year-round school was not until AFTER the 24th - which is our Statehood Holiday, and school is closed. So yesterday morning, I am getting ready for work, and scurrying around so as not to be late. I walk out the door around 8:30 am and notice several cars parked up and down our street. "What on earth is this all about?" Then I notice anxious parents walking with giddy children, who are sporting new backpacks and shiny lunchboxes.

"Crap! Today is the first day of school!"

I run back into the house and down to LittleDuckling's room, where he is still sound asleep - which I am not surprised. Because being the laid-back mother that I am I let him stay up way too late playing video games the night before, since it was still "summer". I mean, it wasn't like it was a school night or anything!

"Ahhh - Screw it!" I thought. "Let him sleep." Besides, I didn't think he would care, since it has always been a chore to get him off to school in the past. Besides, the first day is just the orientation for the parents (boring) and learning the classroom rules - which he won't remember anyway due to his ADHD. I head off to work, leaving LittleDuckling sound asleep, in the care of his older teenage brother.

Around 9:30 am, LittleDuckling wakes up and sees all of the cars parked up and down the street. Amazingly he figures out exactly what is happening and calls me at work in a panic. He is half-yelling and half-sobbing telling me that he is late for his very first day of 5th grade! I tell him to calm down. He retorts that this is an important day and he cannot miss! I tell him to go ahead and eat and get ready and I will see if I can leave work to pick him up and take him to school. Ten minutes later he calls me back and says that he has eaten, brushed his teeth, put clean clothes on and washed his face, and can he please, please, please run to school right now??? He doesn't want to wait. Since we live just around the corner, and he is in 5th grade, I tell him that will be fine, but to check in with the office since he is late. You must realize that LittleDuckling is little for his age. So, I was sitting at my desk at work, feeling like a horrible mother, picturing LittleDuckling with his over-sized backpack and little runt legs, running to school. Sad. And yet for some reason, I couldn't help but laugh. Then I began to laugh even harder when I started to picture him "checking in" with the office, late and unaccompanied on the first day of school. I can just picture the two secretaries now, looking at each other, shaking their heads, making that "tisk, tisk" sound, and one word coming to mind: Neglect!

Case Study #2: Poor Little Fellar

As if the above Case Study isn't bad enough... Yesterday afternoon, while sitting at my desk working, my phone rings. It is Dr. Fellar's office calling to advise me that I have missed FunnyMan's ortho appt 2 Weeks Prior!!! "2 Weeks ago?" I ask. "Is that so?" I flip my planner back a few weeks, and sure enough...missed the appointment. I rescheduled for 8 am tomorrow morning. Ugh!

Not wanting to have to reschedule other appointments to an 8 am time slot, I decide to peruse my planner in search of other missed appointments. Which brings me to ...

Case Study #3: Eye Was Afraid of That

I realized that not only had I forgotten the 1st Day of School AND FunnyMan's Ortho appt., I had also forgot my very OWN appointment 10 days ago with the eye doctor. I don't know when I will be able to get in again, so it looks like I'll be wearing these disposable contacts another 8 weeks or so - don't think that is what they exactly meant by "extended wear".

Wiktionary:
brain fart (plural brain farts) (idiomatic, informal) A lapse in the thought process; an inability to think or remember something clearly.

Yep. This sounds like the symptoms of my current disorder. Next question is, "What Causes this Condition?"

Knowing how excited I was about the John Mayer (yum) concert, I thought for a moment that perhaps that had distracted me. Could be part of the problem. I know my brain does work - cuz I remembered almost all the lyrics from the concert last night!

I mean I live and die by my planner - how could I have forgotten these important things??? BossMan pointed out that I have to Open my Planner and actually look at it in order to know what is going on. Good One, BossMan. Wasn't quite sure how that all worked.

I suppose he is partially right. I just haven't looked in my planner lately. I have been using my Outlook a lot more. The problem is that I forget to carry the information from my planner over to my Outlook. BossMan was on a roll. He suggested I get a new phone - one that will sync into my Outlook. He was a little too sarcastic, however, when he threw in the fact that I always seem to have my phone with me, and therefore would probably never miss an appointment again. Probably true, BossMan. Now - if I could just get that little raise...

So, tonight as I am out and about with PartyChic, and I am telling her about my missing mind, and I start to make a phone call about my plans for tomorrow. PartyChic quickly reminds me that I already have another obligation for the same time. Dang it! I do some fast talking and rearrange my schedule so I can do both. Whew! That was a close call.

I suppose at this point I am feeling what Mark Twain put into words...

“Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.”

If someone finds it, please give me a call...