Age

"Age doesn't matter" is a phrase one often hears in the world of dating.  And I suppose that's true for the most part, assuming you're not trying to pull a Mary Kay Letourneau.  Also, the words "barely legal" shouldn't excite you; seriously.

As far as dating goes, I do have some age preferences, although the only hard-fast rule regarding age is that the dude must be closer to my age than that of my [currently] 17-year old son or my [currently] 60 year-old father.  The only exception to that rule being Sting.  For a man my father's age he is HAWT!  Mmmmm...  now that's some eye-candy I wouldn't mind taking home with me! haha.

En-Nee-hoo...

I don't know why, but age seems to be a big deal to me.  When I turned 30, it wasn't a big deal - but 32 was a hard year for me.  Then 34 was a difficult one, and in my head, I haven't really aged past that.  That's the year I really did stop counting.  Now, when someone asks me my age, I have to stop and do the math.

My age this past berfday has also bugged me.  I try not to dwell on my age or let it define me, per se, it's just the closer I get to 40, the worse I feel about it.  I want to be on the other side of 30, thank you very much.

In trying to determine why I feel this way, the only thing I can come up with is that when I got divorced, it was  starting a new chapter in my life - a fresh start.  I felt young and vibrant and full of energy.  I had options and truth be told -- I kinda like having options, having somewhat of a do-over.

I think about having another baby All.The.Time.  Let's face it though, I'm no Spring Chicken.  The closer I get to 40, the closer I get to the reality that it probably won't happen.  Which is fine...  it's not like I HAVE to have another baby.  It's just something I think about - a LOT.  I would love to be married again, and there is something about wanting to give a child to the person you love... I digress.  The other part about dating at my age is the closer I get to 40, the dating pool of men starts to change.  I had a great conversation with a man in his early 40's back in October; and he was sekseh too.  Then he mentioned something about his new baby granddaughter.

~CHOKES~  What did he just say???  GRANDDAUGHTER?  Ohhhh... no. No.En.No.  I am soooo not ready to be a Nana.  Uh-uh!  I would say I ran the other way, but I only had to walk, since he WAS a grandpa and all! haha!

I hate that I feel like my age is passing me by.  Even though I am "active" with my kids, with school, with work, and in my social life.  Trust me, there isn't a lack of trying on my part.

I'm not sure blogging about this helps at all...  but that's the runaway train in my brain this morning.  The runaway train of age; I see it coming and yet, there's nooooo stopping it.  Perhaps that is what I really hate about it... the fact I can't control it.

Happy Life Day!

Picked up my daughter from school yesterday. She got in the car and asked, "So... any special plans for your birthday?"

"Ugh," I replied.

"Mom!" she scolded. "Birthdays are NOT about celebrating how OLD you are! They are for celebrating the day you were given life; a celebration of your existence on earth!

So, there you have it, folks. Words of Wisdom from my 10 year old. They really are valuable words, aren't they? That being said... it's true. Today IS my birthday...or perhaps I should say Lifeday? Or even Existenseday. Hmmm... yes, Existenceday. Methinks I like that very much!

Happy Existenseday to me!

Baby Steps to FREEDOM!

I remember these milestones... and each little bit of freedom they gave me.

"Ahh... he can crawl and get his own blankie! Yippee - I can keep scrap-booking!"

"Ahh... he can walk over and pick up his own toys! Yee-Haw! I can stay on the computer!"

"Ahh... he figured out how to work the remote by himself! I can finally PEE in PRIVATE as he watches HIS show!"

"Ahh... he can 'do' the potty all by himself! No more "throw-up-in-my-mouth events!""

"Ahh... he is tall enough to reach his own snacks! Woo-hoo! My movie's still on anyway!"

"Ahh... he is in school 3 hours a day! What-to-do with my new FREE time!?!?!?!"

"Ahh... he is in school for 6 hours a day! Oh My Word! I can take an UN-Interrupted Soak in the tub!"

"Ahh... he is old enough to stay home by himself for a few hours! Grocery shopping never SEEMED so glamorous!"

"Ahh... he is old enough to watch over the younger siblings! Can you say Girls Night Out???"

"Ahh... he is old enough to do his own laundry! I could go for a walk or a run or to the gym!"

"Ahh... he is old enough to drive himself and/or siblings places! I think I've died and gone to heaven!"

This is where I am at now. Well, all right, not exactly HEAVEN, per se. But it is nice having an extra driver. Especially because I have more classes and earlier classes this semester. I don't have to rely on other people as much. FunnyMan can chauffeur kids to and from home, school, their dad's house, etc.

I know, I know. They say before you know it they'll be grown and gone, and you'll wish YOU were the one getting his cereal, folding his laundry and dropping him off at school. Well, I say, don't ruin this moment of freedom for me. I am thoroughly enjoying it :)

What a Hag!

"Who is that?" I asked recently, after studying a woman whom looked slightly familiar in my neighborhood.

Her hair seemed to be thinning on top, her boobs had definitely started sagging, the excess flab under her upper arm had that after-effect-eternal-wave-thing going on, her tummy as like a belly skirt that even Santa would be jealous of, and she sort of hunched over a little, shuffling along like her back had just given way to that sackful-of-lifetime she's been carrying around all these years.

"She's hideous," I muttered under my breath. It was like a trainwreck. I hated looking at the horror, but then again, I couldn't look away. Then, pulling the end of my sleeve over my palm, I cleared away the breath-fog I had just created in the mirror. "Oh, it's just you," I sighed to myself.

It's true. I'm halfway to 70 and my old rickety body is sure letting me know. I threw my back out last week and was in so much pain I cried. It was my lower back (hello - the entire support system) and it killed!!! I did get in to see the chiropractor in the afternoon on the first day of said pain. I think I was the only one there NOT sporting purple hair or a cane.

Then a few more days of the good-ol' heat & ice rotation routine a few physical exercises and by day 4 I was feeling better.

Is it me - or does anyone else out there ever feel old? What, if anything, makes you feel old?