Rewind 2+ years ago. HatDude & I were each other's consultant. We applied the Principles of Prospecting (click Here), sending out 25 new messages a week to potential prospects in the hopes to gain 1 or 2 new "appointments" per week. Anyway, it was a blast and my social calendar was always full. Then it slowed down as the Big-D-ster entered my world. And now??? Well... not so much confidence anymore.
Rejection, in any form, can have that effect. Even if you know it wasn't anything you did or didn't do. Even if logically you know you have a lot to offer... rejection/break-ups can really leave you feeling...
Vulnerable. Lacking. Inadequate. Lonely. Wondering. Aching. Missing. Unsettled.
I have a great support network... my friends, my family, my coworkers, my fellow bloggers... They -- YOU -- are an awesome support system. I've had lots of encouragement recently to get back up, dust myself off, and get back in the game. So, I thought... ok! I will!
Except, it feels sort of like a chore now. I feel the proverbial dragging of feet. I think I fear rejection all over again. When something seems right and good, I become completely invested, which means I give my heart completely over... which in turn means, if I get hurt, it hurts bad. And yet I know that anything worth while is worth the risk. I know that I am the one writing my story. I am the one in control of my happiness; my destiny. Still doesn't make it less scary though. All it takes is one "Thanks, but No Thanks" to make you wanna pack it all up and hide under a rock.
Anyway -- so in an attempt to overcome my fears, I get back on the horse, so to speak, and start slowly this time. "Window Shopping" if you will. While I was on a Christian/LDS site, some dude (very hot, listed Florida as hometown) sends me an IM. Let me sum it all up for you... It went down like this.
Dude: Hey.
Me: Hey... from Florida, eh? (Already a "red flag". Florida? 1am his time. He must be after one thing)
Dude: Yup. How are you?
Me: (being cautious) Tired.
Dude: What are you doing that makes you so tired?
Me: Work. Homework. Kids. What about you?
Dude: I'm in bed...
(oh no, I think to myself. Fasten your seatbelts, here we go!)
Me: Pu-LEASE do not tell me you are one of THOSE guys.
Dude: One of what guys?
Me: The ones that have "cravings" in the middle of the night so they peruse the "who's online" list and try to start up a convo with any/all of them in hopes to get a cyber booty call.
Dude: I C
[pause]
Me:....???
Dude: Well, I *do* have a bit of a panty fettish.
Me: And, the cat's outta the bag.
Dude: Whaddya mean? It's just a fettish...
Me: You and just about every other guy...
Dude: No! I'm Different!
Me: Uh-huh...
Dude: Does that bother you?
Me: I don't know you, so I can't say whether or not any of your so-called fettishes or quirks or habits bother me. But what does irritate me is when some dude will get on this site, pretending to be an upstanding, worthy church member, saying that they live the standards, etc. and then in an instant, start to talk dirty instead of having a real conversaation.
Dude: Oh... sorry. So... what kind of panties do you wear?
Me: See... like that. Well, Mr. Florida. Good luck in your search... but this shop is not open for that sort of business.
Dude: Will do...
Then - I blocked him before seeing the rest of his response.
Talk about STU-PID!!! I mean, is THIS my only option??? Oh no... 'fraid not! there's more! I did receive NINE emails within a 15 minute time frame from some other dude that sort of had a creepy scrunched up face, complete with uni-brow and left messages like, "It's not gonna get better than this! I want to be yours and I want you to be mine! Let's go out! XOXOXOXOX!"... followed by his phone #. Ummm... can you say Cyber Stalker? Yep. There's another one to block! Check. Too bad there isn't an emoticon for "just threw up in my mouth"... My friend PartyGirl says something like this should work... :{p}
So in summary, the good-looking one is a perv and the creepy looking one is a creep. NOT helping in the confidence department one bit! I don't wanna be a magnet for THAT! Maybe I am really just not ready for this.
Oh well... what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right???
