New Beginnings

As we round the bend into a new calendar year, many of us take the opportunity to reflect on the things we've accomplished this past year and the things we look forward to achieving in this new year.

Last year when the clock moved us forward from 2010 to 2011, I had a few goals I wanted to pursue.

At that time, it was 7 months post the "Big-D & Emma Finale" and I hadn't really moved forward other than a handful of dates here or there.  I decided I needed to do something for myself; something to fill my spiritual cup.  I learned about a Wednesday night religion class in the area, geared towards Single Adults ages 31-45.  After each class was a little mix & mingle.  I started attending the class in January, but was too timid to stay for the social hour.  (Yes, it's true, I do get timid and shy at times.)  They would also organize other activities on other nights, including dinner groups, day trips, movie nights, game nights, etc.  I didn't go to any of those in the beginning.  To make a long story short, it took me 3 months to attend one of the other activities and before I really started to open up and get to know people.  I love that there are people who understand my situation because theirs is similar in one way or another.  I have met people with struggles and trials far worse than my own, and that has made me more appreciative of my own blessings.  I didn't go with the intent to "find" my future spouse; I went with the frame of mind that I need that mid-week spiritual boost, to help get me through the rest of my busy week of work and school.  Meeting a great guy would just be the icing on the cake.  I am now 17 months post the final Big-D chapter of my life.  This past year I have made many new friends and I feel like I have a real social life, in spite of my school schedule.  I am glad that I resolved to join the religion class and know that I have grown much because of it.

I really wanted to pursue this dream of writing, and decided that 2011 was the year to really hunker down and get serious with it.  I took three writing classes this past year and 2 of the 3 professors really helped guide me in the right direction and I feel like I am well on my way with my current manuscript.  It's about half finished and I have felt good about the process and where it's headed, and getting a sample chapter published in the college's literary publication was thrilling.

I've had a few other goals this past year, which are ones that carry over from year to year.  They include things like making time to read scriptures with the kids, planning a family vacation, and finding ways to improve my health.  I did all of those this past year, and feel great about that.  (Even though I took the month of December OFF from the gym!)  :)

My biggest goal this past year, which sort of goes back to the first thing I mentioned was to open myself up to people and to learn to love people more genuinely.  I have to say, that this has been the biggest blessing in my life.  I feel like because I am making a conscious effort to know people, I have a better appreciation for their circumstance and an ability to be more accepting.  True, some people I get to know and think, "Wow.  I could not honestly stand to be around you for more than 5 minutes."  Ha!  But overall, even if I meet people and they do not become my new BFF, I feel like it somehow adds to this overall sense of genuinely loving mankind.  It has made me a bit more sensitive to others and not as cynical.   I feel like this experience is preparing me for something better - like God is preparing me for something far greater than I know now, or that I can even comprehend at this moment. I definitely have more room to grow, which brings me to my new list for 2012 - a year for new beginnings.

1) Continue regular scripture study and prayer with the kidlets
2) Continue attending fitness boot camp 3 x's per week
3) Cook more, eat out less
4) Continue to work on my writing
5) Continue working towards my degree
6) Plan a family vacation (any ideas?)
7) Keep an open mind and open heart towards others in an effort to become more Christlike

I may add a few more if something else comes to mind, but I feel that's a good start.

I've Decided...

...I am going to be famous.

Not like international rock-star fame, or anything like that.  But, I've decided that I am going to become known, because I am a writer and I am going to get published.

I don't care how many rejections I get or how long it takes, I NEED to get published -- and not, like, SELF-Published.  Like for REAL published. And I will make money from writing and from getting published and people will want to buy my book.

When I was a kid, I was used to getting what I wanted.  And I don't mean things like a new bike, name-brand jeans, a pony or more candy.  I wasn't spoiled like that.  I mean, if I wanted something bad enough, I didn't let things stand in my way.

When we moved too far to go to our piano teacher, I continued by teaching myself.  By the time I got to high school I competed in piano, and even won the talent award in the Junior Miss pageant with a piece I arranged.

When I was a freshman in high school, I decided I didn't want to stay in Indiana the rest of my life; I wanted to see the world.  As soon as my dad had told me that there was a church school in Hawaii, I applied.  The first response I received was that I applied too early for early acceptance, but to keep my GPA up and reapply the following year.  As a sophomore, I reapplied.  I received early acceptance by the time I finished my sophomore year, conditional upon my maintaining a 3.65 GPA, which I did the rest of high school.  BYU-Hawaii was the only school I applied for and that is where I went.  It never occurred to me I might not get in.

There were other things too.  I auditioned for show-choir in high school and then the Indiana All-State choir,  and in college I auditioned for concert choir and I made the cut each time. The year I auditioned for a major role in the school musical, I got it.

In any job I've ever had I have always been promoted; even as a teenager at the drug store. It was my responsibility to walk the floor, make sure everyone had their breaks and then close the store at night, secure the safe and set the alarm.  I was 16 years old - and I loved it.

Drive and Passion.  That is what I used to have, and that is what I am determined to have again.

Mark my words...  I will be famous one day.  I have to, because -- I've already decided.

The Push I Needed

I've known for years that "someday" I would go back to school... or at least I hoped. But then life got busy and I felt too old. I thought perhaps I missed my chance. Then after the Divorce I felt like I should look into school. And yet, at the same time, it seemed like something unattainable, out of reach. Plus, when I had looked into it before, too many years had passed and the local universities wouldn't accept my credits from the first go-round. That meant I would have to start completely over.

Then one of my sisters went back to school. I was jealous and bitter so happy for her. Then another one started taking a few classes. I felt left out excited for her and begrudged congratulated her! But then-- when the third one started taking a class, it was the straw that broke the camel's back I knew it was something I had to do too!

I spent nearly all of 2008 talking about "going back to school". I wondered if I could manage the homework while being a single mom. I worried about the expenses. I feared how long it would take, especially if I would have to go part-time. My friends said it was a good idea. Big-D encouraged me and told me I wasn't too old at all. My mom reminded me that she was older than dirt forty years old when she graduated from college.

I thought about that and I realized that my mother has been doing a job she enjoys and which she is good at for 15+ years. I reminded myself that I will be older than dirt forty in about 5 years and did I really want to be doing the job I am doing *now* for 15 more? Oh HELL-O No!

Nevertheless, I still only "thought" about going back to school. I wasn't sure where to even begin. Fast forward to May. If you remember, this is about the time I started talking to Eric, from back home. I was telling him about the idea of me going back to school. He said, "That sounds great! Where would you go?" I replied, "Probably just the community college. I think they might take most of my former credits." I added, "I would just finish my associates and then transfer to get my degree somewhere else." He then asked, "How much longer do you have to go?" I hesitated, "I am not really sure. Since I'd be going part time, my guess would be about four more years." Then he said, "Well, that doesn't sound too bad!" I sort of shrugged it off. "Yeah, I guess. I don't know... I haven't even applied yet." Then came the pivotal question, "Well what's stopping you??"

Just.Like.That.

It was as if time stood still for just a moment as those words reverberated in my head. What WAS stopping me? That single question set in motion the unraveling thread leading me down this path.

That question was a slap to reality a provocation, staring me in the face...taunting me. It was a question I couldn't ignore. What was stopping me? That's It! No more excuses. I have always been able to accomplish pretty much anything I have set out to accomplish. So, what was stopping me now? I had to call a spade a spade...And this Ace of Spades, my friends, was called FEAR.

As a person of Faith, I know that Fear and the Holy Spirit cannot dwell in the same place. I knew then that I needed to fear not; that I needed to take Fear head-on and replace it with Faith.

I CAN do Hard things... my mother even told me so :)

That very night I looked online and tried to figure things out. So much to do. So little time, and I would probably be too late anyway. Oh well, I thought. I will just "look and see" for next year. Wait! What's this? There is still time to apply for financial aid? The Community College is still accepting applications for Fall 2009? Couldn't be! But it was...

Well, I thought. I guess I could apply and all. I mean, I am sure that there isn't any money left, and I probably won't get in anyway. WRONG!

Apparently EVERYONE gets in to community college... who knew? ;)

And apparently there WAS money left. In fact with my piss-poor impoverished small income, I qualified for enough money that I would be able to go this year solely on grants... No Loans!!!

The rest seemed like a whirl-wind. Placement Testing. Applications. Transcripts Transfer Request. Enrolling in Classes. Getting Books...

I can't believe that here I am six months later, with my "thought" turned into "action". I love that everyone was so encouraging and supportive. I love that Eric gave me the kick in the pants push that I needed.

I sat through a training seminar for a few years back. I remember the speaker saying, "Power comes from telling the truth." She was right. I had to answer that question truthfully. I had to face my fears and "cowboy up", so to speak. And once again, thankfully, my faith prevailed. Not to say that fear and doubt still don't find a way to sneak in sometimes... but hey - I've got straight A's, so I must be doing something right! :)

My Bucket List

If you've seen the movie, "The Bucket List" you'll understand this post. For those who haven't, here's a very brief synopsis. These 2 guys share a hospital room. While there they decide to leave and do all the things they have ever wanted to do before they die according to their bucket list - aka, before they kick the "bucket". With the New Year here, and everyone making resolutions (they probably won't keep), it got me thinking about things I want to accomplish at some point in my life.

Here is my Bucket List (so far):

• Finish College
• Teach High School Choir (I know, corny. But it's my dream job - truly.)
• Write a book (don't know what about yet - any ideas?)
• Organize local non-profit youth choir
• Own my own music studio
• Build my own home
• Have financial freedom
• Marry the Man of My Dreams
• Learn to play the guitar (like really play, really good)

What's on your bucket list?