Stumps

So, last week we had a horrible wind storm.  The 70 mph winds they predicted actually came in between 80-112 mph last Thursday.   Category 2 Hurricane-like winds.  Not everyone in the valley got hit hard, but Davis County did, and especially South Davis County, where I live.

We were without power and heat, and unlike some of my neighbors who went without for 55 hours, I was only out of power from 6:30 am Thursday morning until 10:30 pm Thursday night. And while I was "lucky" that a tree didn't fall on my house (sadly, like many other neighbors), a lot of branches came down and I lost several shingles off my already needing-replaced roof.  (Now, if I could just get the landlord to call me back!)

The superintendent of the school district didn't see a particular reason to cancel school (he's a "stump").  Even though driving conditions were dangerous (flying debris, heavy winds) and that meant tons of inexperienced teenage drivers were on the road.  It also mean that students were sitting in dark, cold classrooms, with already wet hair because they couldn't blow dry it that morning. Finally, a neighboring city in South Davis declared a state of emergency and THEY made the executive decision to shut down all of their schools in that city.  Finally, the schools in my town decided to follow suite.  I heard one mother say that up at her daughter's school, the fire alarm went off and the kids had to stand outside in the freezing, harsh winds (with wet hair, mind you) for 45 minutes until a fire truck could be pulled from other tragedies (like downed power lines, overturned gas trucks on the freeway, etc.) to come and clear the school.  Finally THAT principal decided, enough was enough and he was shutting his school down.  In the meantime, the school district switchboard was lit up with steaming mad parents demanding the district close.  Nevertheless, the emergency weather line continued to play with the same message, "Today is December 1st. At this time there are no weather-related issues.  Davis School District is open and all schools are in session."  I think it must boil down to politics and money?  Who knows?  I certainly didn't understand.  The district got so many complaints, they proactively closed school for Friday, which was good, because there were still several schools without power/heat and many also had broken glass to contend with.

So -- after my kids were retrieved from their schools (after their principals decided to override the district's decision), I farmed them out to warm places and I drove up to another office to work because my clients still expected their money and their home sales to close on time.  :)    During my dangerous and extremely slow drive (took me 90 minutes to drive 15 miles) I saw down power lines, over-turned semi after over-turned semi, a twisted up trampoline flying through the air and landing in a field of cows, a mobile home sliced in half by the chain link fence it landed on, lawn chairs and trash bins rolling with ease like they were merely tumbleweeds and the trash from inside tossed all over the place.  Lights were out at nearly every intersection and I witnessed some very impatient drivers taking risks causing fender-benders all over town.

Needless to say, the kidlets stayed farmed out for the night to be sure to have something to eat and to sleep in warm beds and I found a place for myself.  I am not kidding when I say a long hot bath never felt so good.

The next three days in our town was spent cleaning up the after-math, especially because there were threats of another imminent wind storm.   I was cold and sore and tired, but soooo grateful for the help from the local scouts and their leaders who came and lent a hand Saturday afternoon.  Just as they left some more friends showed up to help me get the back tree mess manageable.

In all of the chaos, I felt gratitude and joy in how the community came together to help each other out.  Churches were canceled on Sunday and many others conducted abbreviated services so that the community could work together to clean up before the next possible storm (fear was that the lying branches and debris would damage more homes, posing more health threats).  The National Guard was deployed to help with the clean up as well and I still saw several of their trucks and soldiers around town this morning.

Sunday, a boy from church - who was also one of the local scouts that was assisting in the clean-up made a comment.  He said (paraphrasing):

We went to help [a neighbor] remove a fallen pine tree from her back yard.  But it was so big, we had to cut it down into chunks small enough to roll between the gate out to the front of the house, so it could then be hauled away.  As my leader and I were rolling one of the big stumps he said to me something I will never forget.  He said, "You can't stop rolling.  Even if you hit a rough patch or a bump, you have to roll on through.  Because once you stop, it is much harder to get it started again."  I have thought about that all night and thought how that applies in life too.  When we hit rough patches or bumps in our lives, we have to just keep on going.  Because if we stop, it will be harder to pick ourselves up again and get going.

Smart kid, huh?  Not only did his message bring tears to my eyes because such profound words from such a young man touched my heart, but because I realized that these boys are learning more than service and hard work; they are learning life lessons -- they are building character.  These boys will never forget the after math of that storm, nor will they ever forget the service they rendered and they are better for it.

Moral:  Just keep on rolling along!

Some teenagers in my neighborhood went around town during and after the storm capturing footage...

Things... and Stuff

I have been really up and down lately. And I'd like to tell you all about it. But it's just that it's a bit too personal, and I might just cry, and stuff. On the other hand... I feel like I need to share -- talk about it, y'know?

OMGosh -- Fine! I'll spill...

Basically it started out with this person and me, of course. And we got together and did some things and then some other stuff. Then after a while we decided not to do some things and stuff. But then it was like they said this and I said that. And then I was way irritated over this and that and more things and stuff, while at the same time loving all of the things and stuff.

So -- now I am just not sure what to do next. Y'know? And the whole reason I really don't wanna share is pretty much because most people think I just really don't know what I am doing or what I am getting myself into, or that I am a fool. And in some ways a lot of these things and stuff has proved them right. And I really don't want to have to accept that either, cuz that's sort of embarrassing, right? I mean who wants to accept that perhaps they are just a little crazy, or desperate or heaven forbid, WRONG and whatnot. Besides, I guess deep down I feel that while sometimes things and stuff can back us into a corner, or make us do other things and stuff we wouldn't normally do, I just don't wanna have any more regrets, y'know? But by the same token, sometimes there are just certain things that are so totally worth every risk. I mean - as with a lot of stuff, right?

And I know that I said I was gonna like fall off the grid for a while... but seriously? We all know that I am a bloggy-comment-whore and really, like can't stay away for like too long. Cuz mostly, you guys like totally rock and help me get through my crap and stuff while I deal with these things... and stuff... like, y'know? Totally...

Boy, I'm sure glad I'm getting all of this stuff and whatnot off my chest. I feel a little better already. I am sure whatever stuff I decide to do next about all of that other stuff will work out, and I'll be ok, eventually -- maybe even a little better, a little stronger for it. Even though the road may be a little bumpy, and things might seem a little hard to handle sometimes... I mean, I really don't know what I am going to do or what's gonna happen next. I guess most of the things and stuff are outta my hands at this point. I wish like I could see the end from the beginning sometimes, and know more about how all of this stuff is gonna play out.

Wow... you DO get me. Thanks for listening! I know I can always count on you! Mwah!

Inner Strength

One's perception of "inner strength" is relative, depending on one's background, life-style and experiences.

For example my Grandmother, Velma Louise Lawson Griffith, felt that being a "strong woman" meant having a strong hand with her children. It meant not showing emotion in public. It meant never having to apologize even when she knew she was wrong. It meant working hard and never complaining. Anything other than this, was what Grandma Griffith viewed as signs of weakness. She wanted to be a strong woman. I think this was common of her generation. Perhaps it stems from being a child of the Depression Era. Have you noticed that these people never smiled in their photographs? I remember an old black & white photo of some of my ancestors; all of them bearing stoic expressions. Definitely a product of the Depression; even the photo is depressing. No one looks happy.

My mother was a Baby Boomer. For clarification, Baby Boomers are those born between 1946 - 1963. Then women discovered "the pill" and our nation began to see a sharp decline in births. My mother was born in the midst of this. She can remember when she was "allowed" to wear pants to school. Girls wearing pants to school? Women taking birth control pills? What's next?Shaving legs? Going to college? Working outside the home? That's exactly what happened. Feminism was unleashed with a vengeance. Women of this generation were said to be "strong".

It's true that I come from a long line of "strong women", and I feel this pressure to be strong myself. I was raised to have my own opinions. I was raised to think for myself, and to have enough confidence in myself to stand up for the things I believe in. In this respect, I feel I am just as strong as my mother, and her mother, and her mother's mother. But the inner strength I desire, or sometimes need, goes well beyond that.

Some days it takes all my inner strength to get up out of bed, or to do the laundry, or even cook dinner. It takes all my inner strength to put a smile on my face and go to work in the morning or to church on Sundays; to face the world. It's not depression. I've been there before, and that can be dark. This is more...exhaustion, maybe? I suppose some would call it laziness or lack of motivation. Perhaps those words are more befitting. Or maybe it's because I look at my life today and realize I am in a place I never imagined I would be. Maybe I'm just feeling overwhelmed by it all.

Sometimes, when someone tells me that I am a strong person, I want to scream, "I don't feel strong!" I watched the "Emma Smith: My Story" movie last week. It was sort of apropos to the way I had been feeling. The motif was all about Inner Strength. The quote that sticks out in my mind most is "We don't just have strength, we have to find it." I had to remind myself that only I can determine my own happiness. If I lack motivation, I have to be the one to find it. If I feel weak, it is up to me to find strength.

I also like that quote because it says we have to find strength. The notion that we have to find it, indicates that it is lost, which in turn indicates we had it to begin with. God sent each of us here to earth with an innate sense of strength. However, it is through our mortal experiences in which we become chiseled down and lose that strength.

Now that I have reminded myself of this, I have to ask, "What am I doing to find strength?" The answer is all of a sudden very clear. I am already doing it. I am doing things each and every day to find strength. Strength comes through prayer, it comes through scripture study. Strength comes by way of others, through the tender mercies of the Lord. I know that I am meant to live where I live, have the friends I have, the church calling I have, the job I have and the family I have so that I can find strength. These are all tender mercies. The Lord has placed these people and these things in my life to remind me that I am not alone, and that I was not meant to do it alone. When I have no more strength to give, I can rely on the strength of others. This is the Lord's way of telling me he loves me, and that I am a child of God. And it is having this knowledge above all else, the knowledge that He loves me, that continues to give me strength.

Finding strength, I have come to learn, is a process. It's the whole, "one step at a time", "precept upon precept" process. When we learn that we are strong in one area of our life, we can move on to something else. It's not so much that we are strong in all things all the time, but more so that we continue to find strength in the little things and build upon those.

The point is we keep trying. We learn from our mistakes, we learn from our experiences, then we make a choice. And often the choices we make are more about the choices we leave behind.

And sometimes, just making the decision to choose is enough strength in and of itself - even if that choice is simply going back to bed.