Monday, January 16, 2012
As far as dating goes, I do have some age preferences, although the only hard-fast rule regarding age is that the dude must be closer to my age than that of my [currently] 17-year old son or my [currently] 60 year-old father. The only exception to that rule being Sting. For a man my father's age he is HAWT! Mmmmm... now that's some eye-candy I wouldn't mind taking home with me! haha.
I don't know why, but age seems to be a big deal to me. When I turned 30, it wasn't a big deal - but 32 was a hard year for me. Then 34 was a difficult one, and in my head, I haven't really aged past that. That's the year I really did stop counting. Now, when someone asks me my age, I have to stop and do the math.
My age this past berfday has also bugged me. I try not to dwell on my age or let it define me, per se, it's just the closer I get to 40, the worse I feel about it. I want to be on the other side of 30, thank you very much.
In trying to determine why I feel this way, the only thing I can come up with is that when I got divorced, it was starting a new chapter in my life - a fresh start. I felt young and vibrant and full of energy. I had options and truth be told -- I kinda like having options, having somewhat of a do-over.
I think about having another baby All.The.Time. Let's face it though, I'm no Spring Chicken. The closer I get to 40, the closer I get to the reality that it probably won't happen. Which is fine... it's not like I HAVE to have another baby. It's just something I think about - a LOT. I would love to be married again, and there is something about wanting to give a child to the person you love... I digress. The other part about dating at my age is the closer I get to 40, the dating pool of men starts to change. I had a great conversation with a man in his early 40's back in October; and he was sekseh too. Then he mentioned something about his new baby granddaughter.
~CHOKES~ What did he just say??? GRANDDAUGHTER? Ohhhh... no. No.En.No. I am soooo not ready to be a Nana. Uh-uh! I would say I ran the other way, but I only had to walk, since he WAS a grandpa and all! haha!
I hate that I feel like my age is passing me by. Even though I am "active" with my kids, with school, with work, and in my social life. Trust me, there isn't a lack of trying on my part.
I'm not sure blogging about this helps at all... but that's the runaway train in my brain this morning. The runaway train of age; I see it coming and yet, there's nooooo stopping it. Perhaps that is what I really hate about it... the fact I can't control it.