Monday, January 16, 2012

Age

"Age doesn't matter" is a phrase one often hears in the world of dating.  And I suppose that's true for the most part, assuming you're not trying to pull a Mary Kay Letourneau.  Also, the words "barely legal" shouldn't excite you; seriously.

As far as dating goes, I do have some age preferences, although the only hard-fast rule regarding age is that the dude must be closer to my age than that of my [currently] 17-year old son or my [currently] 60 year-old father.  The only exception to that rule being Sting.  For a man my father's age he is HAWT!  Mmmmm...  now that's some eye-candy I wouldn't mind taking home with me! haha.

En-Nee-hoo...

I don't know why, but age seems to be a big deal to me.  When I turned 30, it wasn't a big deal - but 32 was a hard year for me.  Then 34 was a difficult one, and in my head, I haven't really aged past that.  That's the year I really did stop counting.  Now, when someone asks me my age, I have to stop and do the math.

My age this past berfday has also bugged me.  I try not to dwell on my age or let it define me, per se, it's just the closer I get to 40, the worse I feel about it.  I want to be on the other side of 30, thank you very much.

In trying to determine why I feel this way, the only thing I can come up with is that when I got divorced, it was  starting a new chapter in my life - a fresh start.  I felt young and vibrant and full of energy.  I had options and truth be told -- I kinda like having options, having somewhat of a do-over.

I think about having another baby All.The.Time.  Let's face it though, I'm no Spring Chicken.  The closer I get to 40, the closer I get to the reality that it probably won't happen.  Which is fine...  it's not like I HAVE to have another baby.  It's just something I think about - a LOT.  I would love to be married again, and there is something about wanting to give a child to the person you love... I digress.  The other part about dating at my age is the closer I get to 40, the dating pool of men starts to change.  I had a great conversation with a man in his early 40's back in October; and he was sekseh too.  Then he mentioned something about his new baby granddaughter.

~CHOKES~  What did he just say???  GRANDDAUGHTER?  Ohhhh... no. No.En.No.  I am soooo not ready to be a Nana.  Uh-uh!  I would say I ran the other way, but I only had to walk, since he WAS a grandpa and all! haha!

I hate that I feel like my age is passing me by.  Even though I am "active" with my kids, with school, with work, and in my social life.  Trust me, there isn't a lack of trying on my part.

I'm not sure blogging about this helps at all...  but that's the runaway train in my brain this morning.  The runaway train of age; I see it coming and yet, there's nooooo stopping it.  Perhaps that is what I really hate about it... the fact I can't control it.

5 comments:

KiennaP said...

Um.. mom.. Sting?? Gag me with a spoon!!!! I didn't expect to read about some "hawt" guy that's the same age as grandad. Oh, mom...

Anyway, I didn't even know you were that age! I honestly thought you were 32 or 24 or something.

No, but seriously mom, "Eye candy??" ..... oh brother...

Puphigirl said...

Eye candy is my favorite kind of candy.

Venom said...

Getting hung up on the numbers blocks you seeing how awesome life can be in the moment.

okeydokeyifine said...

Sting? get real. I agree with Kienna and am gagging. Now... Al Borlen on the other hand...

RhondaLue said...

never was a fan of sting but I'm going to google him right now so I can see... brb...

HE. IS. GORGEOUS!!!! i don't know what they're talking about-total hottie! for realsies!

Anyway, I'm 38 now and not liking it. I've decided to make some changes so that I might like it by the time I'm 40 but I'm not sure. I think more than the number is the concern of "what do I have to show for myself?" Of course I have my family, and kids for sure are a LOT to show for the years of hard work but....the kids leave. And it's hitting me pretty hard lately that I need to think about what I'm going to be left with (myself) when they do.

I guess I have no advice or anything but I understand what you mean and feel that too, even though I'm not dating.