Someone Should Teach them to READ

The other day I had to go straight from work to school. Problem. I really had to pee. Second problem. I had already left work. Third problem. The drive to campus is at least 20 minutes, and the luxury of time is not on my side when one has a bladder as small as a bird, such as I. Not to mention the potential problem if I had not stopped and had gotten into any sort of accident, or heaven forbid a coughing fit on the way to class. The chances of NOT peeing my pants??? Well, let's just say they were slim to none; especially as I have had Bronchitis since around Christmas, and the Doctor predicts another 3 weeks or so of the intense coughing fits.

However, my house is in between work and the freeway entrance. Problem solved! Swing by the house and tinkle! Easy-peasy, right? But, once I am home, I decide my skirt and stockings are not as comfy, nor as warm as my jeans.

So imagine if you will, me -- doing the "pee dance" while running around shedding both the skirt and the stockings. (FYI -- the pee dance is a real thing. If you don't believe me, check it out {HERE}, {HERE}, or {HERE}).

Then just as I race to the bathroom, the door bells rings. Not once, but twice. I let out a "You gotta be kidding me!", thinking it was one of my kids or something. I mean, who rings twice, consecutively like "Ding-Dong, Ding-Dong"?? I race to the door and peep through the peep hole (Best Invention EVER!) and see that it is the Dish Network guy with a clipboard.

As I ignore his ringing, I run to the restroom, muttering under my breath things like, "I don't have time for you, Dish Man! Can't you see my "No Soliciting" sign? Let me guess -- you're gonna try and tell me you're NOT selling me anything, but you just want to *INFORM* me about the services in my area... sorta like the stunt the Siding Dudes tried to pull last week."

By the time I had finished my business and scurried to my car to leave, the Dishman had left too. But seriously... I am soooo tired of "sales" people trying to tell me they are NOT trying to sell me something. I mean, really? What is the point of them coming then? I know it wasn't a service call since I do not even have dish!

I did tell the guys from a few weeks ago (who were just letting me know they were offering FREE quotes on siding) that as much as I wasn't concerned about siding, I surely didn't want to waste my time listening to a spiel about something they WEREN'T trying to sell me.

They were sort of caught off guard. The one looked at the other like, "Well, now what?" I wasn't rude or anything. I was very polite in fact. But when they just stood there with the deer-in-the-headlights look, I took it as my cue to continue; try an educate them, if you will.

"Not only are you NOT going to win my business by trying to sell me something while pretending NOT to sell me something, but you also insult my intelligence if you think that I am going to believe that you are out here outta the goodness of your heart. {{insert chuckle here}} (Light chuckles seem to help me not feel so mean, hehe.) You're certainly not working for free. So clearly the only reason you'd be at my door at nearly 8:30 in the evening when my door is obviously marked "no soliciting" {{points to sign}} is because you are desperate for a sale."

Again, they continued with the deer-in-the-headlights look. I think one may have even dropped his jaw at this point. And finally, I simply smiled and said, "Good night, gentlemen." and shut the door.

I felt empowered, because I didn't have the exhaustion of trying to argue with a salesperson. It totally bugs me that they are not adhering to the sign. I mean, seriously... unless you are a friend, family, neighbor, the census taker, the pizza delivery guy (with a free pizza!) or someone in a volunteer search party looking for a body that someone may have stuffed in my basement while I was at work (which actually happened -- the search party part, not that someone put a dead body in my basement part), then please do not come a knocking at my door.

Maybe I oughta get one of these signs...