Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Skinny on Jeans

What's all the rage with skinny jeans? I truly don't get it. I hated skinny jeans in the 80's and I hate them now too. Just my opinion, but I don't think they are flattering to anyone. And I am sorry to say this, but the only people who look good in Skinny Jeans are Skinny Girls! And even then I still think the other jeans are still more flattering on skinny women. I think that skinny jeans "cut" people off at the ankles and it somehow makes them look ill-proportioned, whereas jeans with a slight flare accentuate the long legs. (Skinny jeans on left, Boot cut on right).
Seriously folks... I know I just said this, but I feel it can't be said enough. Skinny Jeans only look good on Skinny Girls.

I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, but if you are plus-size, you should avoid skinny jeans. I really don't say that to be mean or catty. And no, I am not some skinny girl trying to put anyone else down. Trust me, I am NOT someone who could get away with the wearin' o' the skinny jeans either.

Myth: If they make it in my size, it must look good on me.

Do you see how these "skinny" jeans only accentuate the not-so-skinny parts of these plus-sized women? Hips and thighs look way bigger. And even if they are comfortable, they look "squeezed in". That is just the design of the jeans. So, if you're a plus size, skinny jeans will actually make you look MORE plus than you probably are. Also, I restate my whole thing with the cutting off at the ankles, not to mention that the crotch of the jeans are not in the right place, so it just makes the widest part look that much wider. These are NOT flattering jeans.

Now, onto some more flattering plus-size jeans...
Ok, the one on the far left are "flared" and the other two are simply "boot cut". Either way, these are all better options than the skinny jeans. They elongate the legs and actually make the body look thinner.

Now, I know you are all waiting for me to go there, so let's go. Skinny Jeans on Men...

One word: NO!

Skinny jeans for men should be outlawed. First of all, the only reason they MAKE skinny jeans for guys is because tons of guys started wearing girls jeans about 5 years ago. The trend continued and clothing manufacturers decided to cash in on this and start makin' 'em skinny for the boys. Even if guys are super skinny, WHY do they want to wearing skinny jeans? Do they LIKE looking like they have skinny girl bodies? Sorry, Zac Efron. As cute as I think you are, I think skinny jeans sort girlify you.

I actually think that when guys wear skinny jeans they sort of look like gnomes or elves...
Not to mention the fact, that from behind it looks like they've dropped a deuce in their pants. I mean, who wants to walk around looking like a diaper butt?

Speaking of "Diaper Butt", let's also clarify that baggy "gangsta" jeans halfway down your tookus is not a good look either. Just makes you look short and squatty. Why would a real man wanna look all short and squatty and like he pooped his pants?
Let's take a look at some of what I like to call "manly-man" jeans...
MmmHmm... may we see some more please???
Verrrrry nice. Now how about a few more of you turn around???
Aww... ya see that? NO Diaper-Butt! Just pure manly-man jeans! Ohhhh yeahhhhh...

So, let's review a little, shall we? WHO looks good in skinny jeans? Say it with me... SKINNY GIRLS. If they make it in my size does that automatically mean it's gonna look good? NO!

Good, you're catching on! Now get out there and dress your best self!

(Seriously, go on now... I gotta get back to my men here... tee hee)
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR - It is not the intent of the author to offend or harm any readers. Please note the views expressed herein are my own and do not necessarily represent the views of other followers to this blog. If you so happen to disagree with this post I invite you to write your own post about it on your blog. Negative comments to this post will be removed at the sole discretion of the author of this blog. Oh yeah... and Objects in mirror may be larger than they appear... especially if wearing skinny jeans! :)


Ruthykins said...

nice post. so glad someone is speaking out against all these ugly trends.

Rob said...

Thank you for doing a great service to all mankind. I'll see if I can get hold of the Noble Peace Prize people. This post seriously made me giggle, and thank god that my girlfriend picks out my clothes for me. If left to my own devices I might accidentally find myself in skinny jeans and a pirate shirt. Thank you for the laugh.

I really liked that cookie said...

Entertaining, educating and hotties... I do love this blog <3

Susie said...

I completey agree! Skinny jeans leaves nothing to the imagination and jeans really should leave lots of room:-)

Holli and Billy said...

I totally agree! We went to Kohl's a while ago and we (my sis in law and I) talked Billy into trying on skinny jeans. I don't think I have EVER laughed or cried so hard in my life! HILARIOUS!!!!! (And I have photos to prove it. Or blackmail...)

Charlotte said...

I agree completely! Also, leggings (and jeggings) are NOT pants.

While most of my jeans are boot-cut of some sort, I have been on the hunt for the elusive straight-leg jean. Not skinny, not flared or boot-cut, just straight. Flare leg jeans do not look good with heels, which is always what I want to wear if I'm dressing up just a bit.

Venom said...

My daughter is a former model, and even SHE cannot make skinny jeans look good. Conclusion: skinny jeans look good on exactly no one.

I found you from Robblogger - I like what I see here but I do have to admit the mormon book reading thing makes me worry that my blog would be far too offensive for you.

Hopefully you'll have time one day to check out VSL and I'll keep reading here and everything will work out peachy.

ann said...


RhondaLue said...

you said it! Yes, skinny jeans should be outlawed! They do look okay on skinny girls and I don't mean size 8' have to be like a 3 or below to look good in them. And I don't advocate being a 3 or below (though I certainly wouldn't complain if I WAS)

Great post! :)

Cassie the Sassie Lassie said...


My whole family whole-heartedly agrees! They look bad on just about anybody, really... sometimes even skinny girls! And don't get me started with the 'ripped-jean' look! (That's is EXTREMELY stupid!)

Don't like 'em on guys or girls, and I HATE baggy jeans.... sheesh.

Debbi said...


We were supposed to be sisters irl! No, SERIOUSLY! I friggen HATE skinny jeans. Tried some on for shiz and giggles the other day, nearly wanted to puke and cry at the same time.

and on boys?! uggg. how I loathe the 80s.


Puphigirl said...

I HATE skinny jeans on guys especially when the butt is baggy and saggy. I agree, it looks like they've crapped their pants.

Oh, and thanks for the eye candy at the end of your post. Um, I need some more please.

Frostbite.Phoenix said...

LOL Awesome =D

The Willeyes said...

Amen!! Love it, I can't stand this new trend....and jeggings...seriously! Enough already :)

Anonymous said...

I was just googling whether this would be a good idea for me because all those crazy skinny jeans and jeggings are STILL in. When will it be over? Don't they know we are Americans over here? Skinny jeans, who are they kidding?? Lol. Thanks for answering my question- I'm going to continue going with my gut and leaving those terrible jeans for the smaller gals!

Mr. Stallion said...

I wear them, and yes they are comfortable because they stretch. Having a 30” waist, and muscular legs, they fit just fine and they stretch where they need to stretch.
Now, I’ve tried on earlier skinny jeans, and I could not even get them past my calves, but since manufacturers have started putting elastic or stretch material in them, they are even more comfortable than slim, or straight leg jeans. Yes, I can run, climb, and even bend in what’s now called Spray on jeans.
Also, I hate that when I buy jeans and put on a belt, they bunch up in the small of my back. Then when I sit, I get that bunch of material poking in my back.
In the summertime, regular jeans become hot, and they stick to you, but the spray on jeans breathe, let air through, and though they are skin tight, they move with me, without restricting my movement.
Now for the adult aspect, and mature minds, kids leave the room; yes I have room for my male anatomy, however, it’s not a good idea to wear boxers, as the extra material only acts as an insulator, especially when it bunches up, common sense will tell you that.
Now, what one thinks about me, I really don’t care, and masculinity dictates that real men wear whatever they want, without caring what others think.
Yes, I look good and fashionable in them, and I agree, that you have to have the physique to wear them, whether man or woman.
Yes, I love when women wear them, the problem I have is that females seem to think they know everything about somebody else by what they wear, and that’s just not right. I love some women just like the next man, but if they want to let their ignorance get the best of them, then that’s on them.
My clothes don’t make me who I am, as that is my responsibility.

Mr. Stallion said...

Only hoodlums wear their pants like that, yes it looks awful.

Mr. Stallion said...

I have a question: you can either answer honestly and be honest with yourself, or you can lie to yourself. But you’re not hurting anybody but yourself.
Those of you who are against skinnies, are you upset because you can’t fit them properly, either you can’t find your size, or they don’t look like the image you see on models, or others who wear them? Or do you have a legitimate reason beyond your control for hating them ie: you’re missing a leg, you’re confined to a wheelchair, or you have a tumor.
Guys: are you hating them because you fear your masculinity will be jeopardized, or you’re ashamed of your own body, keeping in mind that skinnies are unforgiving.
If you want to take it a step further consider the spray ons, or extreme fit, such as the ones I mostly wear. Like denim leggings, but technically jeans, same material, but with 2%-3% elastase, normal sized pockets, and zippers?