Friday, April 30, 2010

Conspiracy Theories, Butt Floss & Nitrous

So, any of you long-time or diligent followers know that about a month ago it was discovered that I had my VERY.FIRST.CAVITY!!! Ugh.

The problem ?
I have a very small mouth (do NOT say what you're thinking!). And the peeps at the Dentist office ALWAYS have a hard time getting the verrrrrrry back teeth, because there just isn't room to work. On top of that, my gums and teeth are uber sensitive. They are better since using the prescription toothpaste last year, but still. And FINALLY -- and don't laugh -- I have a {{wee bit}} of Anxiety. I know, big shocker, eh?

The old solution? To clean my teeth using the Numitz gel AND Nitrous to help me relax.

The new problem? Well, last month when I went in for my cleaning, even with the gel and Nitrous, I was still ultra jumpy. I could not STAND the Cancer Screening and the FLOSSING! Oh.My.Gosh!

The new solution?
They suggested that when I came back yesterday for my FIRST-EVER-FILLING, they would deep-clean the teeth on the numbed half. Then, I would come back next week, for them to numb me up with Novocaine so they could "Deep-Clean" the other side. Since my cavity was in the very back, hiding in between 2 molars, this would prove to be a very difficult task. What.A.Process. But, I didn't want ANY MORE cavities, so I said okay.

The process:
So, they give me the gas, and I start to relax, and they come in the with Novocaine and get the cavity all taken care of. Then they move me to another area for the cleaning. Now, I am SURE it is in my notes - they are only supposed to do half of a cleaning today, on the numbed side. However, this hygienist is not my usual one. She's much younger. So, young that I wasn't sure she was really out of high school yet. I was just hoping she'd be gentle.

She puts the gas mask back on me and tells me to relax and she is going to start "with the numb side first." I was like, "hey wait -- you mean that's the ONLY side you're doing today, right?" But I couldn't talk. I was still too numb, AND "sleepy". So, instead, I curl my toes and arched my back a little, getting all tensed up thinking about the not-so-numb-part. Well as soon as she approaches enemy territory she puts the numbing gel on. Then she waits another minute and puts MORE numbing gel on.

At this point, I am thinking to myself, "What is she thinking? Two doses of the gel is gonna work?" I feel a few pokes as she's doing the Cancer Screening, and I am all, "Weird... it sort of hurts, and yet I am too relaxed to care." And then, my head started spinning a little more slowly than it had been and I was ready for a long winter's nap. Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhhh **slow-mo voice** I was high on the Nitrous.

Then the following thoughts came to my mind:

She is going to try to do it all today. She doesn't want to give this up. She must be getting a commission. She doesn't want to lose the commission. It's all a conspiracy. Plus, she wants to prove to the older hygienist that she can do it. That's it -- she must have turned up the Nitrous. She figured the more I am out-of-it, the less I care. Should I be mad? Hmmm. Can't think. Oh, I see, now she is doing this code thing with her finger. The other hygienist would always say "Open" when she wanted me to open my mouth. But this one just touches my chin with her finger and that is the code for me to open. It's all part of the conspiracy. She's probably even feeling sorry for me, thinking I deserve to get high while at the Dentist office. Aww... she's doing me a favor! **fighting tears**... what a sweetheart. Well, good for her! I hope she CAN get it all done today. It really would save me money and time. I just can't believe that I am so not caring one bit about whatever it is she is doing. Dr. Corry looks like he lost weight. He just seems skinny. And he always wears full scrubs. Never a dental lab coat. Full scrubs with his expensive running shoes. I like it. What's that -- Floss? Wow... it doesn't even really hurt. I can feel the floss going up and down between each tooth... like giving my teeth "floss wedgies"... Oh! Floss is like the G-String for teeth! OOH! Maybe that's why they call G-Strings "Butt-Floss!" Oh.My.Gosh... I think I am really high.

The Result?
She was able to get it all done yesterday and canceled my time slot for next week. I guess that was the problem. The previous ladies never had me out far enough. I definitely do **not** like the migraine I usually get after coming down off the Nitrous though.

Oh - and by the way - when I showed up at the Dentist office, I realized I had TWO DIFFERENT SHOES ON!!! Not exactly easy to hide when you're propping your legs up on the chair! Oh well, I gave them all a good laugh!


Puphigirl said...

I've had the nitrous, I feel fuzzy and relaxed, maybe drowsy even, but never loopy or high. Maybe they don't give me a high dose.

dorneys said...

2 different shoes ~ i love it :) I went to the dentist monday to get one filled. I nearly passed out. Got dizzy and shaky. Must be old age :)

RhondaLue said...

100% awesomeness. LOL! Thanks for starting my day with a great laugh!

Alice in Wonderland said...

Lol! I loved this, not in a bad way, of course, but I can just imagine you in the Dentist chair!
And wearing two different shoes too....well, that is something that I have never done!
I hate the thought of anyone putting their fingers in my mouth, so I am always extra careful about my teeth. I just had a check-up....and I don't have to go back for nine months!

Tulsi said...

I have teeth that have to be deep cleaned after I've been numbed up, too. I had anxiety just reading this!

Susie said...

Too funny!!