Thursday, November 19, 2009

Six Friends Moms [Apparently] Need...

I read this article the last time I was waiting for a child at the dentist. It was in Parenting, and it was called 6 Friends Every Mom Needs (click here for full article) . Apparently these are six friends I **need**...

The author, Patricia Curtis writes, "No matter how old our kids are, we moms need our confidantes. These six are lifesavers -- but before you freak out, thinking, "I don't even have six friends," don't worry: One woman might fill several roles, making you one lucky gal."

Without Further adieu...

1) The Mom in the Same Boat
Why you need her:
She gets it. For example, one single mom said, "When my married mom friends want to get together, they don't understand why I can't immediately agree. I have to find a babysitter," one mom says. "They just don't get it. But Erin does. We always have the kids with us when we get together, and even though it's hectic, it's more relaxed because we don't have to worry about finding, paying, and rushing home to relieve a sitter."
How to keep her: Whether the two of you are stay-at-home moms, working moms, or single moms, try to get some one-on-one time without the kids. Yes, you're busy with work, the kids, errands, the house, and other craziness, but the more time away from Chuck E. Cheese, the better. Make a date: You both deserve it -- and probably for the exact same reasons!

2) The No-Kids Pal
Why you need her: For adult conversation -- and so you can act like you're still cool. It's so hard to get together with other moms because someone's kid always has to nap or go to school or has some other commitment, and we can never easily agree on a time or place to meet...With my friends who don't have kids yet, that's not an issue...They're a respite from all the mom chatter... My single or non-mom friends are testament that there is life outside of 'cookies versus cupcakes.'"
How to keep her: Take time to find out what's new with her, and be honest with yourself about her reaction to your kid talk. She may eat up your cute stories -- or she may not be so fascinated...Compromise is key, even if your pal adores your kids.

3) The Been-There, Done-That Mom
Why you need her: She gets you through your "I don't know what I'm supposed to do next" moments. "And even though she's my older, wiser parenting friend, she's also a kid at heart, just like me, so when I'm around her, I get the best of both worlds: wisdom but also a wild side."
How to keep her: The good news is that she probably loves giving advice as much as you love getting it. "Motherhood can seem like a thankless job, so it's great to be recognized and be able to share what you've learned," says Kovarick.

4) The I'll-Do-Anything-For-You Buddy
Why you need her
: She'll help you with your garage sale, drive the kids to soccer, and bring over lasagna when you're dealing with a crisis.

How to keep her: Friendships don't come with vows, like marriages do... It helps to remind your friends that you care. "So many friendships fall apart because one friend feels neglected," says Paul. So return the favor. Maybe you don't have the time to drop everything, as she always seems to, but make an effort. When she's going through a tough time instead of cooking the family a homemade meal, as she might, drop off a pizza or a gift certificate for her favorite Chinese takeout.

5) The Slightly Glam Girlfriend
Why you need her:
For inspiration (it is possible to be a fashionable mom), advice (how does she get out the door looking so great?), and a wardrobe you can borrow.

How to keep her: You admire your friend's got-it-togetherness, so tell her, says Kovarick. She surely works hard at it and will appreciate the compliment. Watch out for your own jealousy or embarrassment, though. Most of us feel that way sometimes, but if she's a real friend, she's not trying to make you feel bad about your relative lack of style or organization.

6) The Brutally Honest Pal
Why you need her: We all need to hear the truth sometimes. It can sting, true, even if you asked for your friend's opinion. But if she cares enough to tell you not just what you want to hear, then she's a keeper. The trick is distinguishing between someone who's just bossy and someone who actually puts thought about you into her opinions. You'll know the difference (one clue: If she only ever criticizes your choices, she's not helping).
How to keep her: It may take a day or two for you to digest what she's told you, but once you have done so, call your friend and thank her for being honest -- even if you don't agree, says Kovarick. We don't have to be exactly like our friends -- as long as we look out for each other

So, in reading this, I am relieved to find that I have **several** friends that fit these molds. Can you guess where you fit in? Oh, and for the record, I do feel lucky in that some of my friends fit more than one mold!


greenolive said...

I am definately number 1 to most of my friends, 3 to a few of my friends, and 4 to my best friends. I wish I was 5 but I'll leave that up to somebody else.

Ronnica said...

I never like these articles that say what we "need" but I do think there is wisdom in having friends that are in the same situation as you, some that aren't there yet, and some who've been there.

The Willeyes said...

I'm not sure where you figure I fit in, but I hope I fit somewhere you need and that I'm good at it :)

Puphigirl said...

I am probably friend #1 & 3 to some people. I hope that I am friend #4 to one person because she is that to me. I have friend #2 with my classmates. But I don't think I have all 6 in my life, I need to think about that.

RhondaLue said...

I don't want any brutally honest friends. LIE TO ME, OK?!

But I am the friend that people call on for mothering/women's medical advice. (I've just had about everything woman thing go wrong so i'm a great sounding board)

And I absolutely NEED a friend that "gets" my life. I only have a couple of those. For the most part I don't think Jane Q. Public gets me. Thank goodness for those couple of people!

I love the been there, done that friends. The slightly older, wiser friends I can ask for advice.

I also have a single friend, my same age, never married, no kids. It may seem we have nothing in common (we're on total opposite political lines as well!) but we love each other and we grew up together so apparently that's enough. Interesting how that works huh?

great post!

Susie said...

I love this list ! My older daughter and I went through a similiar list in just talking about friends in general. You also need the friend who gets you out to party! Blowing off steam is key!

Ruthykins said...

i probably have all of these types. i definately know who's in my same boat, i have one person who's the been there done that who is also the type to drop everything to help me. i have a brutally honest one. i have one with no kids. and most of these friends are more put together than me. however, the people i am thinking of are family members. i think a seventh type that i need is the non family member friend.

Tulsi said...

Sad. I don't have all of those.