Thursday, September 24, 2009

Why... I NEVER!!!

I just do NOT do this... And, if ANYONE tells you otherwise, I will deny it until the day I die, cuz they are probably just lying anyway!!!

Men do it All.The.Time!!! In fact it is practically EXPECTED!!! They Pass Gas, Leave Air Biscuits, Let Her Rip, Rip One, Break Wind, Cut One, Cut the Cheese!, or better yet, Cut The Cheese Without The Crackers!

Yes... MEN F-A-R-T!!!

Women, on the other hand... well, they DON'T do it all the time.

And if, per chance they get a slight, little rumbly in their tumbly, well, then... they Puff, Poot, Toot, Fluff, and possibly *maybe*, occasionally Squeak. They may even have a burp that went astray... but they certainly NEVER, EVER, EVER F-A-R-T!!!!!

I'm just saying...

and once, if by chance there *might* have been a slight incident like a year ago, in which one slipped past in front of a certain someone, then I am certain I would have started to cry and I am even more certain that I would have sworn said certain someone to secrecy and placed him under oath and covenant to never speak of such dreadful circumstance again, and I just know that bringing up such incident would be like pouring salt in the wound and reduce me to tears all over again... thus, it is easier to Just.Not.Do.It. to begin with... which I didn't... ever!!!

Oh... this reminds me.... Once Harriet Olsen was "sick" and had to stay in bed. They finally got the Doc to come and take a look at her... He told her she had "The Vapors." She was MORTIFIED, as I would be too! HAHAHA!

17 comments:

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

I live in a house full of males....so all that testosterone has worn off and I can fart if I want to! LOL

tadonn! said...

I may have pulled a practical joke that was not so nice... I once told all the new people that I worked with, that a colleague had a tooting issue. I told them SHE did not want others to know about it... So if they "caught wind" of something it was just her and not to say anything. Well it was an easy out for my male "proclivities" and I never told this friend until after I left that job. When I did tell her it was over the phone and far enough away so that I would not get hit. She was mortified!(we r still friends) Still laughing about the burp that went astray! Thanks not so usual girl for making me smile! Or was that gas?

S Club Mama said...

LOL I'm trying to teach Tristan that if he farts he needs to say excuse me...he doesn't get it.

I love Little House on the Prairie. lol

Alice in Wonderland said...

Well, we have a saying here..."Better out than in!". If you've got to go, then you've got to go!
If I were ever in that situation, I would just look at the person standing next to me, and look at them as if they had "dropped" something! I'm very good at giving "looks"! LOL!!!

erasundar said...

Um, this is not "Not Me Monday" is it? ;)

Susie said...

I didn't pass gas in front of my husband until we were married and he claims I started on our honeymoon but I will go to the grave denying that one:-)

okeydokeyifine said...

Women also do not SWEAT, They GLISTEN. I know a lot of women that Glisten like pigs....

purplehaze said...

Why is it that men fart so much anyway I don't get it! LOL yeah nursemom glisten like a pig is more like it! Or when they say women don't sweat they glow, year right!

Ashley said...

I don't fart, either. My husband insists I must but he is mistaken. A lady never farts. Haha!

Ruthykins said...

i'm not touchin' this one

Puphigirl said...

I am surprised that you're are using the term fart, because once I said it at your house and I got told "We don't use that word at our house."

Holli and Billy said...

Billy always says how grateful he is that he doesn't have to hold in his toots anymore since we are married. He said that when we were dating as soon as the door was closed behind me from dropping me off, he would let them fly. Boys are stinky. Now Hailey thinks it is funny to make toots... I hope she grows out of that one!!

The Blonde Duck said...

Come to the Pond, dear. We accept gas in all forms in all creatures.

ann said...

it's ALL good!! hehe

greenolive said...

this post stinks

Kaye Butler said...

Hate to break it to ya, but TEENAGE girls fart worse than 38 year old husbands with 38 years of fart experience.

You left out, are those wires burning?, dang, who dun that, i ate eggs tonight, its your cooking honey, i ate mcdonalds, just trying to keep the romance going...

Tulsi said...

Luckily I have never really had gas. Perhaps something is wrong with me, but I have my kids convinced that when you become a mom, you don't need to anymore. They believe me, except that Brie is a mom and she is as bad as her dad. So is her little sister, and most definitely Brie's baby.