Author's Note: You don't HAVE to do this... but it makes a much better story if you read it with a British accent... I'm just sayin'...
Once there was this FAB-U-LOUS princess named Princess Talks-A-Lot. She found herself at a time in her life in which she was not yet betrothed. Such a glorious rite had already been bestowed upon all of her beautiful Princess friends in the kingdom.
Princess Talks-A-Lot wanted to be married and live happily ever after like all of her friends and often dreamed of such a thing. She was warned by the King and others that perhaps it was her incessant chatter, unbridled humor, and somewhat unruly behavior that stood in the way of finding her destiny. The Queen admonished her to become more sweet and demure like those princesses that had gone before her.
Princess Talks-A-Lot felt within her heart that one day her Prince would come. However, 'twas not in her true form to sit around and wait for such matters to occur. Thus, Princess Talks-A-Lot decided to do whatever she could within her powers to increase her appeal to the eligible princes of the land.
She carefully took 100 strokes to her long locks each morning and each night to enhance the shine of the hairs which her head beheld. She consumed only foods and drink that were healthy and pleasing to the body. She held her chin and shoulders well with posture as she walked, keeping her stride within the bounds of her stature. She spoke warmly with those whom she knew and smiled at those with whom she did not. She held her tongue and used caution as not to over-speak as the King had previously suggested.
Though try as she might, Princess Talks-A-Lot continued through her days without so much as one likely suitor.
Princess Talks-A-Lot began to spend more time at the wishing well, eventually spilling more tears than wishes themselves.
Finally one blessed day a knock came upon the door. Princess Talks-A-Lot opened the door to find a wee little man with an over-sized head, two horns and a tail.
"Art thou a man or a beast?" inquired the princess.
"It mattereth not," replied the creature in a rather squeaky voice. "For either way I am yours."
And with that, the little troll puckered his lips in hopes of realizing his own shame-filled dreams. The princess was shocked and suddenly noticed that standing behind the little troll was a line of about twenty more trolls awaiting their chance to fulfill their own similar filthy dreams.
"What the Bloomin' Freak?" cried the princess.
"Well, don't get your knickers in a twist," cried the troll. "I heard about your wish and-"
"No!" the princess exclaimed, slamming the door.
The princess ran to her room, flung herself upon her bed amidst a million fluffy pillows and cried tears upon them until the tears would come no more. She then remembered the words of her Great-Great-Grand-Mama. "When life done give ya lemons, squeeze out everything ya can and then go find new ones, cuz those ones ain't no good no more." (Great-Great-Grand-Mama married into the family.)
Princess Talks-A-Lot knew then what she had to do. She picked herself up, dusted herself off, and approached her gigantic walk-in closet with determination and what little bit of pride she had left.
The princess took one look at herself in the full-length mirror and asked, "Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, is it even worth trying at all?"
To which the mirror replied, "Not with those puffy eyes and smeared mascara! Good Grief, Woman! Have you gone mad?"
Princess Talks-A-Lot shed her princess attire and dug in the back of her wardrobe before finding the hunting ensemble worn by her Great-Great-Grand-Papa at the onset of Foxhunting season each year. Princess Talks-A-Lot then took her Great-Great-Grand-Papa's Vintage 12 Gauge (for protection from fire-breathing dragons, of course) and decided that she had to make her own destiny. She had to seek out, search for and seize her own prince.
Princess Talks-A-Lot decided that she couldn't care less about what the King said. She was a chatter-box and she was self-accepting of it. And if per chance some Prince would love her and care about her, then he wouldn't care less about her gregarious nature and in part even love her because of it; perhaps even be gobsmacked over it!
With that, Princess Talks-A-Lot set off on her journey to find her Prince so that together they could find out what comes after the "happily ever after" part. And she knew that it would not be easy. And she knew that patience would be hard to come by. And sadly, she even knew that it might never happen before the cock would crow and her human heart expire.
Nonetheless, she would never give up and she would probably never, ever stop talking.
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