Put Your Hands Where I Can See Them

About a week ago I was at Big-D's house hanging out, when his older brother called. I thought it would be sort of funny to "distract" him a little -- ok - a lot. Afterwards Big-D chided that I was terrible and that he could hardly get through the conversation while maintaining his composure. "Good," I smiled mischievously. "Mission accomplished."

So, earlier tonight, I was back at Big-D's, "hanging out". My cell phone chimes, and I can tell it's NurseMom. Thinking it may be important, I retrieve the call. Immediately Big-D decides that turnabout is fair play. He begins to "distract me". Realizing what is happening, I begin to laugh. Now this laughter is not one of light giggling, simple chortling, or even a hearty guffaw. No - this is the silent wheezing punctuated by explosions of short breaths; the sort of laughter that makes my nostrils flutter and tears flow freely from my eyes.

In between gasps of air, I attempt to tell NurseMom to "please hold" so I can get a grasp and regain control. However, at this point NurseMom is laughing hard as well, making it near impossible to speak at all. I make this attempt at least two more times, to no avail.

NurseMom has more self-discipline than I do, as she was able to quickly stabilize. She informs me for the reason of her call, at which time I am ill-equipped to handle. Finally in a last-ditch attempt to get through to me, she tells me to "keep my hands where she can see them"!

Whoa! Who said that??? NurseMom said that??? NURSEMOM SAY WHAT???

At hearing her "Motherly Words of Wisdom" I almost lose all control, practically wetting myself. I am so hysterical, that really the only choice NurseMom has is to tell me to "have fun" and she will talk to me later. She hangs up.

"Not so easy, is it?" teases Big-D. He then asks me to recount the dialogue. I give him the 411 and it is all he can do to appear nonchalant. At this point I wasn't quite sure who was more in shock - him or I. I mean, NurseMom isn't supposed to know about this sort of thing. She is supposed to be living in a bubble, in a state of oblivion, believing that all children tell their parents the truth, and that no one ever even kisses until they are married! Y'know! All the "Shiny, Happy People" crap.

Nonetheless, the nebulous cloud of Nirvana had burst, and things were suddenly clear to me that things were suddenly clear to her. Smooth move, Mindless Banterer.

I tell Big-D that it will only be a matter of minutes before Ruthykins calls. After all, she lives only 5 minutes from NurseMom; she is bound to know, and all bets are counting on sooner than later.

Ten minutes later Ruthykins calls, as if on cue. She states, "Mom says to call - that you're about to pee your pants." At this juncture, I cannot help but start the wheezing fits of merriment and mirth all over again. "I guess she was right?" Ruthykins adds. I manage to spit out an "I can't talk right now" and I hang up. I tell Big-D that the whole family will know about this tomorrow - and they won't even have to read the blog to do so. (Dang-it!)

"Well - Chances are," Big-D points out, "they won't be surprised."

HaHaHa! Very Funny!