The Unfortunate Fortune Cookie Fallacy

As a child, I waited with great anticipation for the waiter to bring out the fortune cookies after dinner at a Chinese Restaurant. Probably the fact that my family ate out only once or twice a year added to the excitement of this enigmatic little confection. All 9 of us would in turn, carefully read our fortunes aloud, always hoping for the best one.

In Jr. High, we'd play the "and then you die" fortune cookie game. You know, you read your fortune and end by saying, and then you die. For example, "A vacation by sea is in store for you"..."and then you die". See? Fun, isn't it?

By the time I got to high school, of course the game had changed to "In Bed." One I remember getting was , "A promotion is coming soon"..."in bed". Again, funny.

I must admit that over the years, the excitement surrounding this event has somewhat dwindled. Sure, I still get a chuckle once in a while over "and then you die" or "in bed". However, I think that overall, I have just become disappointed in the Fortune Cookie Industry. Within the last year, I have really started to notice how lame the fortunes have become. In fact, most of those little slips of paper in the cookies are not even fortunes at all. I became so extremely irritated with this entire ordeal, the fallacy of the fortune cookie, I began to save my "fortunes" just to prove a point. Here are just a few that I have received.

"By helping someone else today, you may also be helping yourself." This is NOT a fortune cookie. Granted it is quite clever when you add "in bed", however still not a Fortune. I would say this is more of a Wisdom Cookie.

"Remember yesterday, but live for today." Again, not a Fortune Cookie. I would have to say that calling this an Advice Cookie would be more appropriate.

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." This is witty, though not a fortune. This would be called a Comical Cookie.

"You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy." An Affirmation Cookie. Thanks, but I already know that.

"You are surrounded by those who want to take your money." I am not exactly sure what to think of that one, except that it is a Misfortune Cookie.

So there you have it; the unfortunate fortune cookie fallacy. I contemplated writing to the various Fortune Cookie companies. However, I don't know if they would really understand. After all, I did get a fortune once that said, "Behind an able man, there are always other able men." Hmmm...not even sure where to begin with that one. Besides, if I did complain, they may write back and say, "No Flied Lice for You!" We couldn't have that, could we?

My friends think it is a little crazy for me to obsess over something as small as the fortune cookie. Hey - all I'm saying is let's call a spade a spade. I challenge you to take a closer look at that little slip of paper the next time you crack open your fortune cookie.

So, after all of the hubbub over the quagmire of the fortune cookie, I come downstairs to the computer to blog about it and sitting on the desk is, lo and behold a fortune cookie still in its wrapper. I was talking to Hat Dude, explaining the entire Fallacy of the Fortune Cookie when I began to crack open said cookie. I gasped, before revealing to Hat Dude that for once in my life I was wrong. (I know, only once...what can I say?) Hat Dude eagerly awaits the wafer's exposé.

"A four-wheeled adventure will soon bring you happiness."

Now that my friends, is a fortune. And one, I might add, that actually has me a little excited.