Quite the Conundrum

So, Hat Dude fires off an SOS text. My emergency response time was near perfect. He begins to explain his crisis as I begin to assess the situation. "Wait, wait," I tell him. "I need like a white board so I can diagram the facts."

Here is what I surmised. Hat Dude is approaching his quest for a soul mate with Full Throttle; a race against time, if you will. Based on complex theorems and empirical data, Hat Dude determines that in order to accomplish his objective in an expediential manner, he needs to, on average achieve a minimum of 3 dates per weekend. And 60% of those encounters needs to occur with a new prospect.

So, Hat Dude went out with Hair Stylist Girl last weekend and likes her well enough to go out again (even though we determined she may be a little "high-maintenance"). Hat Dude is also interested in EMT Girl, Teacher Chic, and Utes Girl. He already went out with Red Head Girl, and though she wants to go out with him again, he is not interested. He nails down Friday Lunch with EMT Girl. I approve. Hair Stylist Girl wants to see him, but he doesn't want to commit to her until he has times mapped out with Teacher Chic and Utes Girl. (Do you see why I needed the white board?)

As Hat Dude is dictating, I am charting. Hair Stylist Girl cannot do daytime Saturday because of school. The same is true for Red Head Girl. Teacher Chic and Utes Girl cannot be midday dates, he informs me. Too special - need to be evening dates. Red Head Girl wants to go hiking with him Saturday afternoon, around 4pm.

I tell Hat Dude that will not work. That is cutting it too close to his evening with one of the others. Plus, I remind him that it will be hot outside and he will be sweaty and going to a second date covered in first-date sweat is disgusting. He agrees. I convince him he needs to blow off Red Head Girl; he is not interested in her anyway. Besides, I tell him, he went out with her two weeks prior and they went to Benihana's and he shelled out a fortune when he didn't even like her. I tell him that was a "two-for".....she doesn't get a second date. He is wondering what to tell her. I advise him that he can always just not call, and then afterwards give her some bull-crap excuse like he was out of town and then got really, really sick (see "To Call or Not To Call"). He laughs in response and says, "Awesome", knowing that I was calling him on his crap.

Hat Dude really likes Teacher Chic, and I approve. I mean, how can you not like her? She teaches Special Education and loves her job. However, Teacher Chic is having difficulty determining an available time for him in her schedule. The problem lies therein if she cannot go Friday, he then needs to fill that spot. He considers filling it with either Hair Stylist Girl or Utes Girl. We determine that since he has already went out with Hair Stylist Girl, he will have to put her off until Sunday evening. He needs to fill his Primetime Spots with Teacher Chic and Utes Girl. Though, if all else fails, the Hair Stylist Girl is a good alternate. He agrees. I give him some specific goals:
1) Get commitment from Teacher Chic
2) Nail down time with Utes Girl
3) Fill in the "blanks" with Hair Stylist Girl
4) Keep prospecting, to fill any open spots as they occur.

As our Sales Meeting -- Oops, I mean "coaching session" draws to a close, Hat Dude is feeling much better. He now has some clear-cut objectives. I tell him, "In the future, please run all prospects through me first to avoid potential scheduling conflicts. Seriously, it is a good thing you met me. I don't know how you managed pre-Emma days." "You make a good point, Em," he replies. "Yeah, yeah," I say. "I hear that all the time..."

Finally, after solving all of Hat Dude's problems of the world, he listens to my ventures with Fire Dude, In-Flight Dude, & Secret Agent Guy. He gives me great advice in return and a few "at-a-girls".

I was chilling at Desperate Housewife's, while holding this conference call with Hat Dude. She laughs at Hat Dude's Dating Diagram and can't believe that we consult each other on our dating endeavors - as if we are business partners or something. Well, I don't really know how to explain it. Except to say that Hat Dude and I really do have a vested interest in each other; he's like my BFF in my circle of singles. We care about what happens and we each want the other to be happy. It's really cool, actually.

That's how we roll, I tell her.